


We Gripped Each Other Tight

by Heaven_And_Hell



Series: Demon Dean in the Dungeon [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (lots of kissing), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angel True Forms, Angel Wings, Angel/Demon Relationship, Angel/Demon Sex, Angst, Astroglide: The Official Lubricant of the Supernatural Fandom, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BDSM, Barebacking, Biting, Blood, Blood Drinking, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Bondage and Discipline, Bonding, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Bottom Dean, Bottom Dean Winchester, Bunker Sex, Caring Castiel, Caring Dean, Cas has a demon kink, Castiel (Supernatural)'s Loss of Grace, Castiel (Supernatural)'s Trenchcoat, Castiel Gives Oral Sex, Castiel Has Sex, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel in the Bunker, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Castiel/Dean Winchester BDSM, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time, Castiel/Dean Winchester Smut, Castiel/Dean Winchester in the Bunker, Chair Bondage, Chair Sex, Chastity Device, Cock Cages, Come Marking, Come Swallowing, Consent Issues, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean Gives Oral Sex, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean is a Sweetheart, Deepthroating, Demon Dean, Demon Dean Being an Asshole, Demon Dean Winchester, Demon Sex, Demon True Forms, Denial, Dom Castiel, Dom Castiel/Sub Dean Winchester, Dom/sub, Dominance, Dubious Consent, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Face-Fucking, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, French Kissing, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Frottage, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Handcuffs, Heart-to-Heart, Horns, Horny Castiel, Horny Dean, Horny Dean Winchester, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Light Sadism, Loss of Control, Loss of Grace, Loss of Identity, Loss of Virginity, Love, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Masturbation, Men of Letters Bunker, Music, Neck Kissing, Non-Consensual Bondage, Non-Consensual Touching, Not Safe Sane and Consensual, Pictures, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Restraints, Righteous Man Dean, Rough Kissing, Rough Oral Sex, Sam Is a Good Friend, Sam Ships It, Sexual Assault, Sexual Violence, Smut, Sub Dean, Submission, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean, Switch Dean Winchester, Tail Sex, Tails, Temptation, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Top Dean, Top Dean Winchester, Triggers, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Video, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Wing Kink, Wings, probably sacrilegious to many religions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 04:48:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 101
Words: 96,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10236248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heaven_And_Hell/pseuds/Heaven_And_Hell
Summary: The sequel to "Snips and Snails and Demon Tails." Cas tells Dean about their first meeting in Hell and the mission to save Dean's soul (yet again) begins in earnest... but things don't go according to plan.WARNING: The first story was fluffy. This one definitely has some fluff in it, but it getsmuchmuchdarker.PHOTOS in Chapters: 1, 7, 16, 27-30, 32, 38, 42-43, 49, 53-55, 61-62, 65, 67-72, 75, 81, 82, 85LINKS (mostly to MUSIC VIDEOS) in Chapters: 24, 29, 32, 34, 41, 43-45, 51, 54-60, 66-68, 70, 71, 75, 77-86, 91, 96,





	1. Chapter 1

_“So,” Dean turns back to Cas, squeezing him tight, “tell me about the first time we met.”_

Cas looks into Dean’s expectant green eyes and his face becomes serious, as he considers. “I can show you, if you wish.”

“You mean like you did,” Dean scratches the back of his head nervously, “with Purgatory?”

“Yes. I never offered before, because even memories of the tortures of Hell are painful to humans. But now…”

Dean remembers how casually Cas made Sam remember his time in Lucifer’s cage, which almost destroyed him. The anger he feels takes a back seat to the fear and sense of danger coursing through his body. His eyes flick black and he drops his arms and tail quickly, backing away from Cas, “No, no, that’s ok. Just tell me.”

Cas shugs, then his eyes unfocus as he remembers. “I was part of a battalion sent to rescue you. I’d become separated from my brothers and sisters in an ambush and was getting ready to look for survivors, when I saw you.” He pauses and looks at Dean, picking his words carefully, “You were torturing a soul on a rack.” Dean looks down, looking upset, even with black eyes, and nodding. Cas continues, “Alastair was shouting orders on how you should proceed. And while I did sense your pleasure in what you were doing… I also felt your pain. We were too late,” the two briefly lock eyes before Cas looks down in sadness and regret.

  
  


“He’d already broken you,” Cas says, quietly, still looking at the floor. “And, thus, the First Seal,” he adds, not looking up. “We’d failed our mission.” Dean coughs, very uncomfortable, but before he can say anything, Cas looks back up and continues. “Neither of you had noticed me, yet, but I knew he would soon. I had to act quickly. I flew behind you and gripped you tight.” Cas smiles wide and looks at Dean with loving eyes, “And then something surprising happened.”

“What?” Dean asks, confused, but starting to smile a bit from Cas' smile.

Cas walks over to him and lays a gentle hand on the side of his face, “You gripped me back,” he smiles wide, showing his teeth, as he strokes Dean’s cheek with his thumb.

Dean smiles back, a bit bashful. “Yeah?” His expression and something about how his eyelashes frame his black eyes make him look innocent. Cas removes his hand and nods happily. He walks a few paces, then turns back towards Dean as he leans against the side of the chair.

“I was prepared to subdue you. But you didn’t fight. You wrapped your tail around our left legs and held on tight,” Cas grins, his eyes shining with tears.

Dean huffs a little laugh and looks down, then he looks back at Cas, smiling.

“It was beautiful, Dean. You’re beautiful,” he declares.

“What, why?” Dean stammers, embarrassed and seemingly unaware his eyes have shifted back to green, again. “What’s so special about…”

Cas cuts him off, rushing to him and gathering his hands in his. “Don’t you see, Dean? You clung to me simply _because_ I was an angel of the Lord.”

“Ye… yeah, so?” Dean asks, confused and a little uncomfortable.

Cas smiles, but he’s almost crying, “In that moment, your soul decided to come back to the light.”

“Oh,” Dean says quietly and looks down, still smiling bashfully.

Cas touches his cheek, his fingers sliding to Dean’s chin. He lifts it gently with his index finger and waits for Dean to make eye-contact to continue, “You were longing to be righteous, again. That moment, that decision to pursue what’s good and right -- despite the struggle, despite the pain and suffering… that’s what it’s all about, Dean.” Cas explains joyfully, tears running down his face. Dean’s lip wobbles and a few tears fall from his eyes, as well. He’s too touched and overwhelmed to speak, so he just looks down and nods again, trying to keep his emotions in check. Cas slowly pulls him into an embrace and says into his ear, “You can come back, again, Dean.”

A strangled sob comes out of Dean’s throat as he tries and fails to not cry. He pulls Cas to him, his tail looping once around Cas’ ankle, as well. “You… you really think so?” he just manages to get out.

“I know so,” Cas says confidently, squeezing him tighter. Dean whimpers and buries his face in Cas’ neck. Cas smiles and comfortingly strokes the back of Dean’s head, causing Dean to pull him even tighter.

Dean looks at Cas and says, “Ok, ok." Then his human eyes get hazy as he says, "Save me, again, Cas,” just before his lips meet his angel’s.


	2. Chapter 2

_Dean looks at Cas and says, “Ok, ok." Then his human eyes get hazy as he says, "Save me, again, Cas,” just before his lips meet his angel’s._  


They kiss close-mouthed and gentle, at first, Cas’ hand resting on the back of Dean’s head. As they get more heated, Dean’s tail squeezes Cas’ ankle tight and the tip slides under his pants’ leg, inching its way up his calf. Cas starts laughing, gently pushing Dean on the shoulders to break their kiss. “What?!” Dean responds, confused and a bit angry.  


Cas looks down at his ankle, then back up at Dean, eyes and lips smiling.  


Dean laughs. “So what, man, let it do its thing,” he says, shrugging it off, as he moves in to resume kissing.  


Cas moves back to avoid his lips and says, “I think that’s a good sign.”  


“Damn right it’s a good sign. It’ll be even better, if you let me get to where I was goin,”  


“No, I mean, you did that before, too,” Cas explains.  


Dean sighs loudly and rolls his eyes in annoyance, “ _Of course_ I did.” Then he straightens up, surprised, “Wait, I was putting the moves on you _in Hell?!_ ”  


Cas laughs, “No, I doubt you were even aware of what you were doing.”  


“Then what?”  


“A great deal of gratitude was emanating from your soul, Dean. I think you were… trying to thank me? Repay me for rescuing you?”  


“Oh,” Dean looks down, amorous mood gone.  


“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” Cas says quietly.  


“No, no, it’s ok. I get it," Dean sighs. "I know what I am,” he says a bit dejectedly. After a moment, he asks “So I was all,” he imitates a woman’s voice, “‘Oh, my hero! Take me, now!’”  


Cas leans forward in Dean’s arms, laughing. “I wouldn’t put it so crass,” he says, straightening up. He looks into Dean’s searching green eyes and says in an awed voice, “You were so open to me, Dean. Your whole being,” he starts running a hand down Dean’s chest, “was opening to me like a flower to sunlight.” Then he looks back into Dean’s eyes, “It was beautiful.” Dean smiles back, bashful and blushing a bit. “A _little_ wanton, perhaps, but lovely, too.” Cas adds as an afterthought.  


Dean laughs, “Ok, _now_ I’m getting embarrassed.”  


“Sorry.”  


“It’s ok,” Dean replies, nuzzling Cas’ face gently with his own. Then he moves back a bit and asks, “Why is that a good sign?”  


“You’re behaving the same way you did when I rescued you before. It shows you haven’t changed much. Your soul was darker then and you still found your way back to your humanity and purpose. You still found your way back home. And you will, again,” Cas explains.  


“Oh,” Dean says, letting go of Cas and walking away. He paces a little, then sits cross-legged on the floor.  


“Dean, what’s wrong?”  


Dean grimaces and pats the floor next to him. Cas walks over and sits down.  


Dean puts his hands out in front of himself like he’s going to use them to gesture as he speaks, but they collapse into weak fists and he lets them fall. “I… don’t know how to say it,” he blurts out. He glances at Cas, then back at the floor, looking angry and frustrated, his tail roiling behind him. He reaches his arm back angrily and grabs his tail, sliding it around his legs and holding it just before the tip. “This fuckin thing,” he mumbles to himself, annoyed. Cas waits. Dean sighs and says, “This is gonna be all jumbled, cause I… cause it is.” He glances at Cas who nods. He closes his eyes and sighs heavy, again. After a moment he asks, “So you knew?” without opening his eyes.  


Cas looks confused, “Knew what?”  


“Knew what?” Dean spits, letting go of his tail and spinning to face Cas, exasperated, “Knew how I felt about you.”  


“Oh,” Cas nods slowly in understanding. He can tell Dean’s upset, so he tries to tread carefully, “I knew how you felt when I rescued your soul from Hell, Dean. But… you... didn’t know me, then.” Cas isn’t sure if he should say any more.  


A look of recognition comes over Dean’s face, softening his features and tone. “Yeah, yeah… but, you had to know, right? You said you could see inside of me. You could see how I felt about you… after we got to know each other better, right?”  


Cas looks down and nods.  


Dean gets to his feet, angry again, “So why didn’t you do anything about it?” he almost yells.  


Cas, getting angry, too, is on his feet in an instant. He gets closer to Dean and asks, “What would you have had me do about it?!”  


Frustrated, Dean responds, “I… I dunno. Make a move on me or something.”  


Cas’ glares at Dean and challenges, “And what would you have done if I’d ‘made a move on you’ while you were still human, Dean? Huh?”  


“I’d have… I’d have…” Dean stumbles over his train wreck of thought. “I’d have made out with you…” he almost yells, then takes a breath and quietly admits, “and, yeah… depending on when it was, I might’ve bolted if you tried to bang me.” Cas looks at him with conviction. “Or gone through with it and then _totally_ freaked,” Dean adds, mostly to himself, his eyes getting wider. He looks at Cas guiltily, his shoulders starting to slump, “And then avoided you like the plague.”  


“And when you couldn’t, cause I’m an angel, and we had important work to do, you would’ve been an insufferable ass.” Cas spits.  


“Yeah,” Dean concedes, nodding his head while thinking, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”  


“I know I am,” Cas declares, his arms crossed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's the chapter where we start losing the fluffiness.

_“And when you couldn’t, cause I’m an angel, and we had important work to do, you would’ve been an insufferable ass.” Cas spits._  


_“Yeah,” Dean concedes, nodding his head while thinking, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”_  


_“I know I am,” Cas declares, his arms crossed._

Cas is almost fuming, staring straight ahead in thought, eyes narrow and intense, so he doesn’t notice when Dean sits back down on the floor. Dean gives a frustrated sigh, running his fingers through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts. “Cas,” he says apologetically. Cas looks down at him and Dean reaches over and tugs on the bottom of his trench coat, “Sit.” Cas’ face remains hard, his jaw clenched, so Dean tilts his head and adds, “Please?” Cas’ face softens a bit and he huffs an aggravated breath out his nostrils, then sits down cross-legged, in front of Dean. “I’m _tryin_ to explain,” Dean implores and the desperate tone of his voice causes Cas’ irritation to wane.  


“I know I wouldn’t have been able to handle it… if we were together before,” Dean starts. The admission and the implication that they’re ‘together’ now or will be soon, causes Cas to become receptive to Dean’s words. Dean notices and slides a little closer, putting his hands on Cas’ legs, in a conversational manner. “I know how I felt about you really bothered me, but now… I don’t know why,” Dean smiles wide, showing his teeth. Then his brow furrows as he continues, “I mean, I remember it tearing me up inside! I wanted to be with you…” his eyes get hazy and voice softer as his eyes linger on Cas’ body, “Do things with you….” Then he shakes his head quickly and continues, “but I just couldn’t get my head out of my own ass long enough to do anything about it!” Cas looks at him with an amused smirk. “It was torture, man!” Dean almost shouts, with joking exaggeration, and Cas huffs a little laugh.  


“But now,” Dean’s eyes flick black as he smiles seductively. Cas sits up straighter, getting ready to back away, but Dean pulls him closer by his leg and crawls on top of him, “ _now_ I can do everything I always wanted to,” he explains, before claiming Cas' lips. Cas freezes for a moment, then gives in to Dean’s attentions – not really participating, but letting Dean kiss him – until he starts enjoying the feel of Dean’s lips against his own, his tongue. Suddenly, Dean groans in frustration and backs off, leaning over Cas with his hands on the floor. Breathing hard, his angry black eyes and horns almost make him look like a bull ready to charge, or some other sort of agitated animal. His face twitches in what almost appears to be pain and he grunts, “No, damn it!” and pushes himself back and away from Cas. “I wanted to tell you this!” he says, clearly in discomfort.  


Cas makes a move to get closer to Dean, to see what’s wrong, but Dean holds his hand out to tell him no, scooting back on his ass. He closes his eyes and exhales hard through his nose as he keeps backing up. He inadvertently backs into the edge of the devil’s trap and Cas sees orange embers glow briefly in his skin, where it made contact. _“Sonofabitch!”_ Dean exclaims, shaking his hand from the sting, as the embers disappear. He looks at Cas, briefly, with his black eyes before he closes them. “Just stay over there for a while,” Dean says with his eyes closed. He almost looks like he’s meditating, sitting up straight, with his legs crossed and his eyes closed. His breathing slows and when he opens his eyes, again, they’re green.  


“Ok,” Dean exhales, relieved. “I want to tell you this,” he says, eyeing Cas.  


“What is it, Dean?” Cas asks, concerned, with questioning eyes.  


“Just like I could never make a move on you, before. There’s other stuff I can do now that… I shouldn’t be able to.”  


Cas’ brows furrow in confusion.  


Dean quickly rolls his eyes and continues trying to explain, “Like… I’d never fuck a guy in the ass before, cause the thought of shit grossed me out.” He purposely doesn’t look at Cas and keeps his eyes on the floor. “But now, I don’t give a shit. It’s just stuff. Like dirt or whatever. But…” Dean starts breathing harder and Cas can sense his distress. “Like… I could rip somebody’s arm off in the same way,” he looks at Cas with scared and upset eyes. “The blood and everything… wouldn’t faze me. It’s just stuff. I could hold a disembodied arm in my hand with the same amount of emotion as if it were a shotgun or something,” he explains with a concerned look on his face. Cas’ features relax with understanding and he gives the barest of serious nods. “I could kill Sam,” Dean starts confidently, but then his voice gets quieter with awe, “and not even feel bad about it.” He looks back at Cas, “In fact, I’d barely feel anything at all.” Dean breathes harder as he declares, “That’s not right, Cas!” and searches his angel's eyes for an explanation.


	4. Chapter 4

_“I could kill Sam,” Dean starts confidently, but then his voice gets quieter with awe, “and not even feel bad about it.” He looks back at Cas, “In fact, I’d barely feel anything at all.” Dean breathes harder as he declares, “That’s not right, Cas!” and searches his angel's eyes for an explanation._  


_‘That definitely isn’t right,’_ Cas thinks, his eyes narrowing with concern. “You don’t think you’d feel anything?” he asks carefully.  


Dean’s eyes fall and after a moment, while still looking down, he admits in a monotone voice, “No, I’d enjoy it.”  


Cas gives a little nod, even though Dean isn’t looking at him. The confession, while disturbing, is actually reassuring. Demons of all kinds, no matter how powerful, all enjoy causing pain – it’s just part of what makes them what they are. If Dean would’ve felt nothing at all… that would fall outside of Cas’ vast realm of experience and been a great cause for alarm. A being that kills indiscriminately, without emotion, is a far more terrifying prospect than one who enjoys it. At least with enjoyment, there are reasons and emotions that can be manipulated.  


When Dean looks up and locks eyes with him, Cas is even more relieved to see the pain showing through Dean’s green human eyes. Once again, Cas is reminded of their first meeting, by the mix of pleasure and pain Dean’s soul is experiencing over his demonic transformation. Cas moves to sit closer, much to Dean’s surprise. Dean puts his knees up and wraps his arms around them, shifting uncomfortably. Cas finds it endearing and a little half-smile slides onto his face. Cas sits next to Dean, silently, waiting to see if he wants to say more and trying to decide which tack he wants to take. When Dean glances at him awkwardly, Cas decides to go the 'fellowship route.'  


“I understand, Dean,” Cas says in a deep, reassuring tone, holding his gaze steady.  


“You do?”  


“Of course. Falling, becoming human, and losing my grace has taught me much,” Cas gives a wide, toothy grin that reminds Dean of ‘sex-guru Cas’ from the future. It’s a little unnerving, yet strangely comforting, too. “For eons, I didn’t feel emotions… as much as I do, now. We were told angels are incapable of feeling them at all, but that was a lie,” Cas’ gaze goes to the non-existent horizon, as he muses. “I definitely felt pleasure and satisfaction smiting some of my enemies,” he continues. “But for a long time, it was similar to what you describe, Dean,” Cas glances at his friend. “Everything I was doing, the actions I was performing, the battles I was fighting… there was little emotional connection. I was just manipulating ‘things.’ Even human beings were simply vessels to be used to get the job done,” Cas looks at Dean and quirks his mouth a little in apology.  


Dean nods, understanding, “Yeah, the other angels were definitely on board with that point of view. To them, we were just chess pieces to be pushed around.”  


“Exactly.”  


Dean grabs Cas’ arm and says, “But you weren’t like that, Cas. Sure, you were kind of a dick when we first… when you first came down here. But even then, you were different from them.”  


They smile at each other and Cas explains, “That’s the other side. The part of me that was always disobeying and getting into trouble,” he grins. “The part of me they always said was broken or wrong,” Cas says a bit somberly. Dean looks pissed, hearing that, but Cas puts his hand up like it’s ok and continues, “The part of me that’s always loved poetry and been in awe of Our Father’s animal creations.”  


“Like the bees?” Dean laughs.  


“Like the bees,” Cas nods, “and the fish.”  


“The fish?” Dean asks, confused.  


Cas’ eyes flit from Dean’s to the floor a few times, before he gets an embarrassed smile on his face. “I might have tried to teach poetry to fish, at one time,” he confesses sheepishly. They both sputter with laughter.  


Dean’s smiling so wide, he’s got crinkles around his eyes, “Only you, Cas! Only you would even _think_ of doing that!” he laughs, letting himself fall against Cas' side. When Cas doesn’t object, Dean scoots his butt closer and leans more securely against his best friend.


	5. Chapter 5

_Cas’ eyes flit from Dean’s to the floor a few times, before he gets an embarrassed smile on his face. “I might have tried to teach poetry to fish, at one time,” he confesses sheepishly. They both sputter with laughter._  


_Dean’s smiling so wide, he’s got crinkles around his eyes, “Only you, Cas! Only you would even think of doing that!” he laughs, letting himself fall against Cas’ side. When Cas doesn’t object, Dean scoots his butt closer and leans more securely against his best friend._  


They sit together in comfortable silence, neither of them moving, and enjoy this feeling of camaraderie. After a while, Dean tries to nuzzle the top of his head against Cas, but ends up gently rubbing him with his horns, instead. Cas hates that it turns him on. Dean sighs contentedly as he nuzzles, “I missed ya, buddy.” Cas turns and smiles in reply, his blue eyes all the more beautiful sporting large, black, lust-blown pupils. Dean almost gasps at the sight, but quickly turns his body away, throwing his right hand out to the floor to support himself. He’s suddenly very aware of everywhere his body is still touching Cas. He stares at the floor, breathing heavy.  


“Dean?” Cas asks.  


Dean doesn’t move or look back as he says, “You’re trying to get me to ‘Hulk out’ on you, again, aren’t you?”  


Cas laughs and replies, “No, I wasn’t.” But then his voice takes on a deeper, sultrier tone as he says, “Why do you ask?” while sliding his palm firmly up Dean’s back, til his fingers curl over his shoulder, “Are you close?” Dean shudders and breathes harder, trying desperately to maintain his composure, but he can feel himself growing in his jeans. Cas _slowly_ slides his other hand up Dean’s chest til it meets the first, completing the embrace. Dean moans and turns his head to meet Cas’ eyes, almost hyperventilating. Surprised to see Dean’s eyes are still green, Cas smiles wider, then playfully feigns concern, pouting out his lip, “You’re breathing awfully heavy, Dean, are you sure you’re alright?”  


“Son of a bitch,” Dean manages to laugh out, fondly. Cas’ mouth spreads into a toothy, mischievous grin and he laughs in Dean’s face. “Oh, that’s it!” Dean declares, turning swiftly and knocking Cas off balance. They roll to the ground and when they stop, with Dean on top, he kisses Cas hard into the floor. Cas groans loudly and Dean stops, concerned he’s actually hurt him. Just as he’s about to ask, Cas shoots him a fierce look and with a quick and skillful movement of his leg, he flips Dean onto his back. As Cas slinks up Dean’s body, he smiles down smugly at Dean’s shocked face, then kisses him back just as rough, his stubble grinding into Dean’s flesh. 

After a bit, Dean breaks the kiss, panting out, “Holy shit, Cas!" with unfocused green eyes.  


Cas smiles down at him, amused, “Dean… we don’t have to breathe.”  


“I _knew_ angels didn’t need to breathe!” Dean says triumphantly, starting to come back to himself.  


Cas laughs and briefly touches the tip of his nose to Dean’s, “Demons don’t, either, silly,” his blue eyes dreamy and half-lidded.  


Dean’s eyebrows go up as he silently says, ‘Oh.’ Cas lunges for his lips and they kiss deeply for a few minutes – until Dean eventually breaks free, frantically gulping in air. “I can’t do it, Cas! I feel like I’m drowning!” he gasps, panicked.  


Cas chuckles, then soothes, “Shhhh, shhhh, it’s ok,” rubbing Dean’s arm. “You won’t die… you’re _already_ dead,” he adds matter-of-factly.  


“Not helping!” Dean responds, annoyed.  


Cas chuckles again, fondly. “When you feel like you can’t take it anymore and need to breathe, just… keep going. You’ll be alright.”  


“Ok. Ok,” Dean nods while taking a breath. “Let’s try this again.”  


“It helps if you’re not breathing when you start,” Cas informs him, coming closer. Dean nods his head, but puts his hand on Cas’ chest, telling him to wait. As Dean stops breathing, he becomes very still, his eyes glancing around casually for a bit as he gives himself time to adjust. Then he looks at Cas and nods, moving in for a kiss. They start slow, but gradually become more passionate. After a while, Cas can tell Dean’s starting to get panicky, cause his movements become a bit frantic and distracted. Cas wraps both his hands around the back of Dean’s head, preventing him from breaking free. Dean grabs the front of Cas’ dress shirt and starts tugging it til he’s beating Cas’ chest with his fist. Cas deliberately kisses him slow and deep, to help calm him and Dean’s grip starts to loosen, his fingers splaying out across Cas’ pec as they continue the kiss uninterrupted. Dean hooks a leg around Cas’ ass and they start rolling their semis together, slowly and sensually. Dean slides an arm up under the trench, around Cas’ waist, and grabs hold, the tips of his fingers grazing Cas' belt. The hand he had on Cas’ chest threads up through the back of his hair, causing black tufts to stick out between his fingers as Dean thrusts up into his angel – their lips still locked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut is coming! I'm sorry it's taken a while!


	6. Chapter 6

_They start slow, but gradually become more passionate. After a while, Cas can tell Dean’s starting to get panicky, cause his movements become a bit frantic and distracted. Cas wraps both his hands around the back of Dean’s head, preventing him from breaking free. Dean grabs the front of Cas’ dress shirt and starts tugging it til he’s beating Cas’ chest with his fist. Cas deliberately kisses him slow and deep, to help calm him and Dean’s grip starts to loosen, his fingers splaying out across Cas’ pec as they continue the kiss uninterrupted. Dean hooks a leg around Cas’ ass and they start rolling their semis together, slowly and sensually. Dean slides an arm up under the trench, around Cas’ waist, and grabs hold, the tips of his fingers grazing Cas' belt. The hand he had on Cas’ chest threads up through the back of his hair, causing black tufts to stick out between his fingers as Dean thrusts up into his angel – their lips still locked._  


Cas slides down and starts sucking on Dean’s neck. Dean inhales and says proudly, “You… you broke it, that time,” as he swirls his fingers through Cas’ hair. He feels Cas nod against his neck and chuckles from the ticklish sensation and cause Cas isn’t stopping. Dean lets out a little moan of pleasure and says, “At first, I thought I couldn’t swallow, but then, _ohh,_ I realized I was doin it wrong. It’s even easier without breathing.” He listens for Cas’ response, but is only met with the faint sounds of Cas’ lips and stubble against his neck. “You have to breathe to make noise,” Dean says. When Cas still doesn’t respond, Dean pulls his head back by his hair and nods into his face, “I like the noises, Cas.” Cas looks into Dean’s human eyes and laughs. “That’s better,” Dean jokes, letting go of his hair. Dean just barely catches a sly look in one of Cas’ eyes as he dives back in, latching onto Dean’s neck with his teeth. _“OhFuckYeah,”_ Dean groans in approval, thrusting harder and faster, his tail jerking to make short, quick waves. He can feel Cas getting harder with him. He rakes his fingers down the back of Cas’ scalp hard, as the angel sucks a hickey onto his neck.  


Cas lets go and looks at Dean with hazy blue eyes, “Dean,” he says in a deep, gravelly voice, “I’m wet.”  


“What?!” Dean laughs, his tail falling motionless. Cas’ eyes are hazy with desire, but he’s staring at Dean earnestly. “Guys don’t say that, Cas. Only girls do.”  


“But I am,” Cas insists, unperturbed. He lifts his body up some and runs his hand up the crotch of his dress pants.  


Seeing Cas stroke his obvious boner pushes Dean’s lust over the edge. His eyes flick black and his tail moves to rub the inside of Cas’ leg. He pushes Cas back into a sitting position, saying, “I got a better idea for this not breathing thing.” Cas nods dumbly and lets Dean guide his movements. “You ever get a blow job?” Cas looks confused and Dean rephrases, “Anyone ever suck your dick, Cas?”  


“N… no,” Cas fumbles a bit, nervous as Dean slides his belt off him.  


Dean gets a mischievous smirk on his face and his tail swings back behind him as he declares, “Then I’m about to rock your world, baby,” winking at Cas with one of his black eyes. Quickly undoing Cas’ pants, he sees he is indeed wet – from the pre-cum dampening his shorts. Cas slides his legs down, between Dean’s, giving him better access. When Dean’s warm hand slides into his boxers, gently gripping his dick, Cas gasps and puts his hands back on the floor to support himself, as Dean slips him free from the material. Dean groans at the sight of Cas’ leaking cock and without thinking, instantly leans forward on his forearms with his ass high in the air and licks some pre-cum off the head, sideways -- making Cas shiver and moan. The sights and sounds and _tastes_ of Cas, combined with his strong, flaring, demonic urges, makes Dean feel he’s going to lose control of himself. He breathes hard and throws his head to the side to glare at the floor. He’s on his hands and knees over Cas' legs, kneeling in front of his cock like he’s fucking worshiping it, and trying to stop himself from doing more. His own dick is painfully hard and he realizes without embarrassment that he’s thrusting into the air. There’s no room for embarrassment; he has to get control of himself. He slows his hips til they stop, but then feels his tail coiled tightly down his leg, squeezing hard, then releasing, over and over again. It’s painful, like some sort of twisted, blood-pressure cuff gone awry and though he tries to get control of it, it’s too overwhelming and he can’t. Feeling the last of his control slipping away, Dean groans out Cas’ name for help.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the wording a little of what I wrote last, to try to clarify their positions, so be sure to read the italicized text at the top of this chapter. I HATE HATE HATE to stop there (I'm sorry!), but I have a doctor's appointment I need to get to. I'll be back with more, right after that. ;)

_Dean gets a mischievous smirk on his face and his tail swings back behind him as he declares, “Then I’m about to rock your world, baby,” and winks at Cas with one of his black eyes. Quickly undoing Cas’ pants, he sees he is indeed wet – from the pre-cum dampening his shorts. Cas slides his legs down, between Dean’s, giving him better access. When Dean’s warm hand slides into his boxers, gently gripping his dick, Cas gasps and puts his hands back on the floor to support himself as Dean slips him free from the material. Dean groans at the sight of Cas’ leaking cock and without thinking, quickly leans forward on his forearms with his ass high in the air and licks some pre-cum off the head, sideways – making Cas shiver and moan. The sights and sounds and tastes of Cas, combined with his strong, flaring, demonic urges, makes Dean feel he’s going to lose control of himself. He breathes hard, turning his head to the side to glare at the floor. He’s on his hands and knees over Cas’ legs, kneeling in front of his cock like he’s fucking worshiping it, and trying to stop himself from doing more. His own dick is painfully hard and he realizes without embarrassment that he’s thrusting into the air. There’s no room for embarrassment, now; he has to get control of himself. He slows his hips til they stop, but then feels his tail coiled tightly down his leg, squeezing hard, then releasing, over and over again. It’s painful, like some sort of twisted, blood-pressure cuff gone awry and though he tries to get control of it, it’s too overwhelming and he can’t. Feeling the last of his control slipping away, Dean groans out Cas’ name for help. _  
__

Cas is _also_ too overwhelmed with physical sensation to notice Dean’s distress. When Dean’s hot, wet tongue swiped across the head of his dick, it was the most pleasurable thing Cas had _ever_ felt. When Dean turned his head, Cas was treated to a good view of his narrow black horns, gracefully curving up and back over his hair, increasing his desire. He’s quivering under Dean’s body, fighting to stay in control, himself. Cas tries to swallow, but it’s difficult -- his tongue is dry and sticks to the roof of his mouth a bit. “Dean,” Cas’ voice croaks out, low and hoarse, _“please,”_ he implores, as he inches his dick closer.

Cas' plea causes Dean's willpower to snap. Groaning, he paws the floor hard as his tail loosens, unwinding and sliding from his leg. He looks back up Cas’ body; the sight making his struggle forgotten. Cas’ cock is right in front of him – the flesh hard and beautiful, glistening with streaks of pre-cum alongside the prominent veins – and twitching slightly in anticipation. Dean swiftly snakes around and licks a long, winding path up the underside of Cas’ dick, from base to tip. Cas moans brokenly and shakes, thrusting a little. Dean licks his lips and smiles smugly at his little angel’s pleading eyes. Cas is helpless and gorgeous before him. More beads of pre-cum burble from Cas' cock, slicking it anew. Dean swoops down and scoops them up, dragging his bottom lip up to the head, and relishing in Cas' salty, musky taste. Cas silently throws his hand out to Dean’s head; slipping back against the floor. Dean mouths gentle kisses around Cas’ shaft with his plump lips, making Cas groan out a stream of garbled non-words. Dean slides his palms up along the back of Cas’ ass cheeks, til his fingers hook around his waistbands and he pulls Cas’ pants and boxers down with one rough yank. They lock eyes, Dean’s black and amused, Cas’ shocked and blue. Dean licks his lips, then wraps them over his teeth. Getting them both into position, he slides all of Cas into his mouth and throat, while staring him in the eyes. Groaning, Cas’ head falls back against the floor in bliss. Dean moves Cas’ hand from the back of his head, guiding his fingers to wrap around the base of one of his horns. Cas sits up a bit, staring at Dean in open-mouthed awe, as Dean grabs his other hand and does the same. He briefly smiles around Cas’ cock, then looks more serious as he gives a little nod. Understanding, Cas nods back, and an amazed little moan escapes his lips as Dean finally begins to suck.

_Here's a little reminder of what I based Dean's horns on -- though his are shorter and smaller/thinner, obviously._

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Dean sucks hard enough around the base of Cas’ cock to hollow his cheeks, causing Cas to briefly squeeze his horns tight in response. As he slides closer to the head, Dean lessens the suction, teasingly. He lets his tongue trail lazily along the underside of Cas’ dick, languorously swishing from side to side. His tail is curved up behind his back, where Cas can see it, and he sways it in the same sinuous manner as his tongue. The sight, along with the matching, hypnotic touch along his dick is too much and Cas closes his eyes. Dean unzips his jeans and pulls himself out, trying to stroke his dick with the tip of his tail – but it’s too complicated to figure out while giving Cas head. He pulls off for a minute, eagerly licking across Cas’ balls, as he takes his own dick in hand. Cas tugs on his horns, not liking the interruption and letting Dean know he wants him to get back to work. Dean huffs a little laugh and decides to forgo trying to jack himself with his tail, in favor of getting Cas off. He slides his tongue stiffly down the underside of Cas’ head and length, running the tip along a vein as he takes him back into his mouth. Cas is a grunting, writhing mess beneath him. Really sucking in earnest, now, Dean jerks himself with his hand, while sliding up and down Cas’ cock; his pace quickening as his enjoyment grows. Cas pulls himself up by Dean’s horns and starts thrusting into his mouth and throat, using the horns as leverage. Surprised and a bit scared by the loss of control, Dean lets go of his dick and puts his hand on the floor. He tries to pull his head back, but Cas won’t let him. For a second, Dean almost panics, but he stops breathing and goes with it. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Cas grunts harshly as he gets closer to his climax. Dean’s thrusting his hips into nothing as Cas pulls his face into his public hair and balls, over and over, again. Dean feels Cas’ sack tighten and continues to suck and rub the tip of his tongue firmly against the underside of Cas’ dick as cum fills his mouth and throat. Swallowing Cas’ releases, tasting him and hearing him groan and pant above, drives Dean close to the edge. As Cas’ grip loosens, Dean shakes his head free and quickly pushes himself up Cas’ body, knocking his surprised lover onto his back. He kisses Cas deeply, while ripping the angel’s shirt open with his hands and tail. When he pulls back, Dean sees Cas’ bewildered expression and buttons bouncing away from them on the floor. 

“I’m close,” Dean huffs, gripping his dick and stroking it quickly as he thrusts. Cas stares into his green eyes and nods, breathing heavily. “Nnngh, wanna cum on you, Cas,” Dean manages to get out. The angel’s eyes close as he groans in approval. “Wanna cum all over you,” Dean breathes out as he starts to spurt onto Cas’ chest. Cas moans just before Dean claims his mouth in wet, sloppy kisses – while coming on his stomach and chest. 

As they come down together, lying on the floor next to each other, they both start laughing. Dean rises up on one arm and smirks, “Sorry about your shirt.” 

Cas laughs and says, “I can fix it.” He gives Dean a toothy grin, then holds his hand over his chest and uses his grace to put it back together. 

Dean looks at Cas’ clothed chest and says, “You cleaned yourself up, first, right?” They look at each other and snicker. 

“Yes, I did.” 

“Good. You don’t, um, you don’t need to wait to go again, do you?” Dean asks with a raised eyebrow. Cas huffs a laugh and shakes his head ‘no.’ “Awesome. Me either,” he smiles, leaning down and kissing Cas gently a few times. He sits up and says, “Go get my mattress.” 

“What?” Cas laughs. 

“Come on, the floor is hard and cold. You know you want to,” Dean grins, bouncing his eyebrows. Cas tries to hold back his smile, but he can’t. He sits up and pulls on his boxers and pants. Dean puts himself away and notices the stains on his shirt and pants from earlier. “Hey,” he says as they both stand, “how bout fixing me up, too?” 

Cas looks at the white stains on Dean’s black t-shirt and a big grin spreads across his face. “No.” 

“What?!” Dean yelps, shocked. 

Still smiling, Cas says, “I like seeing the evidence of what I do to you.” 

Dean laughs in surprise, his eyebrows high, “You pervy little angel, you!” Cas huffs a little laugh of his own and starts walking for the door. Dean instantly gets nervous and blurts out, “Uh, you’re goin for the mattress, right?” Cas turns around and nods, with a little grin. “Hey Cas,” Dean makes his eyes flick black, “get some lube, too,” he smiles. 

Cas looks serious for a moment and replies, “What do you want to use as lubrication?” 

Dean’s a little startled by Cas’ response, for several reasons. First, he’s a little surprised Cas knew what he meant. Second, ‘what do you want to use’ makes him wonder what Cas _thinks_ he wants to use, which sends a list of odd items through his mind, including a stick of butter and motor oil. But most shocking is what appears to be Cas’ casual, unquestioning consent to ‘sex sex’ with him. Dean stands there for a minute, dumbfounded, blinking his black eyes, before fumbling, “Uh, there’s a bottle of clear stuff in my nightstand. Get that.” Cas nods and turns away, but Dean adds, “And tell Sam to get outta here, too.” Cas turns back around and gives Dean an incredulous look. Dean replies, aggravated, “At least for a few days. Come on!” 

The corner of Cas’ mouth raises a little at that, but his voice is serious as he walks back over, “Dean, I’m not going to ask Sam to leave his home just because we’re having sex in it. That’s stupid!” 

Dean flashes a little smirk, before expression becomes serious. As he looks down, his eyes shift back to green, “It’s not just that,” he says, quietly, “It’s what I told you, before, too.” He looks up, willing Cas to understand. 

“About killing him?” Cas says quietly. 

“Yeah," Dean adds slowly, "and my… not always being in complete control of myself.” 

Cas nods somberly, then asks, “Do you want to kill him, Dean?” 

“What? No, I just want to be free of him. Get away from him. It’s my turn to live my life, ya know?” Dean replies, looking flustered. Cas just raises an eyebrow in question. “Ok, yeah, if he tries to stop me from doin something or pisses me off, I might kill him. I just… I… don’t feel the same way about him, anymore, Cas.” Dean looks confused and upset and can’t maintain eye-contact. “It’s for his own good if he goes. For good. Or… ” Dean’s voice takes on a decisive tone, “Or… you keep me somewhere else, if he wants the bunker.” Cas narrows his brows and Dean admits quietly, “Cause I… I know. I know I probably shouldn’t be out on the loose,” he shifts his eyes to black, again, “like this,” looking at Cas sincerely. Cas’ eyebrows go up in amazement and Dean adds, “Well, you notice I haven’t asked you once to let me out of this damn trap, right?! The cuffs are different, but… I know it’s probably better if... I’m contained,” he sighs with solemn acceptance. “But, you know I won’t stay in here forever, Cas. I can’t… and I won’t.” 

“Dean,” Cas begins, but Dean cuts him off, abruptly, grabbing his shoulders. 

“No, Cas, listen! You know what you gotta do when I go… when I… when I’m not _me_ anymore, right!?” Dean’s human eyes bore into Cas’; pleading, yet intense – revealing his determination, and a little fear and apology. Cas sighs deeply, his breath shuddering a bit, and his eyes tear up as he closes them and puts his head down, nodding solemnly. “Ok,” Dean sighs sadly in relief, loosening his grip, “Ok.” Then his eyebrows screw up in anguish as he just manages to whisper out, “Thanks, buddy,” without crying. Cas slides in and hugs him gently. After melting into it for a moment, Dean coughs back the tears and quickly backs away. He coughs again to regain his composure. “So how about, uh, you know? Gettin my mattress... so we can have our last hurrah?” he asks, raising an eyebrow and quirking half of his mouth to the side, in honest question. 

Cas looks almost broken, staring back at him, blankly. The angel blinks slowly a few times, then nods absent-mindedly, silently making his way towards the door. After moving the file shelves out of the way, Cas quickly turns back, saying with renewed vigor, “But, Dean, you can fight it! Cain did for centuries!” 

Dean stands there dejectedly; shoulders slumped, and replies, “Cas, I _have_ been fighting it, man. You know that! And look how that’s turned out. I’ve already killed a bunch of people,” he laughs sadly. “How many more gotta die by my hand? I tried to be good, I really did. You know what I was doing with Crowley?” Cas shakes his head and Dean huffs a self-depreciating laugh, “I was basically trying to pretend I’m not a demon. We’ve been hitting up bars and singing karaoke and doin stupid shit.” Cas looks at him like he doesn’t believe him. “For real! I was hanging out with him… like I used to do with Sam. Except with none of the drama or responsibilities. But… it’s not the same; _I’m_ not the same… obviously.” Dean walks over to the chair he was cuffed in earlier. He hesitates for a second, before sitting down and saying sadly, “I can feel I’m different from them, now,” looking at the floor and moving his tail in very slow waves. 

Cas’ face is confused for a second and he asks, “Humans?” 

“Yeah,” Dean nods, looking up. “I don’t belong, anymore, Cas. I can try to fake it; Hell, I did try. But,” he huffs a breath, “I’m not human anymore… I accept that, now." Then he states as fact, “I’m a predator of them, now.” Cas gives a little nod of understanding, but before he can speak, Dean adds, “And Cas?” his face taking on a strange expression, “It’s starting to feel good, now." His tone of voice becomes more emphatic, "Like, _really fucking good._ ” Dean’s face slips into a cold smirk, with wild, glittering green eyes. “I’m really starting to like it.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning - Rape/Non-con(sent)/Dub-con(sent)**
> 
> All clothes stay on and it's not horrible, but I don't want to trigger anyone.

_Cas gives a little nod of understanding, but before he can speak, Dean adds, “And Cas?” his face taking on a strange expression, “It’s starting to feel good, now." His tone of voice becomes more emphatic, "Like, really fucking good.” Dean’s face slips into a cold smirk, with wild, glittering green eyes. “I’m really starting to like it.”_

Cas unconsciously gives a brief nod, thinking. Dean’s growing enjoyment of his transformation isn’t surprising – he enjoyed torturing and ripping souls apart in Hell, too. Though, even then, it still anguished a part of his own soul. Cas hopes Dean’s apparent acceptance of his incarceration is actually coming from the humanity that remains within his soul and not some demonic ploy. Cas stays outside the devil’s trap and asks, “Dean, why didn’t you leave your body, when you had the chance?”  


Dean scrunches his eyebrows a little in confusion, asking, “What? Smoke out? Why would I do that?”  


Cas pulls the chair from the table in the corner, over to the edge of the trap and sits facing Dean. “To escape. To be free,” he replies.  


“I was free. Didn’t need to.”  


“Yes, but you _had_ to know it’d make it that much easier for us to find you, staying in your own body,” Cas explains.  


Dean looks at the floor, the muscles of his jaw and brow working, as he considers. He sighs and looks back up, “I don’t know, man. I guess a part of me wanted you to find me.” He smiles a little, but when he glances back down and sees the edge of the trap, he adds a bit angrily, gesturing with his head, “Why you over there, now, huh? Am I starting to scare you?”  


Despite the note of hurt in Dean’s voice, Cas grins wide with the relief that his earlier hope – that Dean wanted to be found – was correct. “No,” Cas says quietly, getting up and dragging the chair aside.  


“Then get over here, baby,” Dean smirks, patting the thighs of his spread legs. His seductive composure falters some when Cas doesn’t hesitate to comply. The angel walks over and climbs onto Dean’s lap, facing him – his knees straddling Dean’s quickly closed thighs and resting on either side of the seat of the chair. He turns a bit, here and there, to flare the bottom of his trench coat out around them. “I didn’t think you’d do it,” Dean laughs, surprised and pleased.  


Cas casually rests his arms on Dean’s shoulders, smiling. The action seems to make Dean bashful, cause he looks away, with a little smile. “Dean?” He looks back at Cas. “Were you afraid to leave your body?”  


Dean looks away, making a little noise, almost a groan, as he slides his hands into Cas’ coat and around his torso, pulling the angel to himself. He looks up and says, “I can’t fool you, can I?” Cas gets a little smirk on his face and shakes his head. Dean looks away, snuggling his face into Cas’ chest. “The other thing, too, though,” he adds, hugging his angel. Cas hums in approval and runs his fingers through the back of Dean’s hair. “I thought you were going to start interrogating me,” Dean admits, face still pressed against Cas’ body.  


Cas says, “I thought you wanted me to get your mattress?”  


Dean pulls back quickly, black eyes looking into Cas’ blue as his hands slide down to the angel’s hips, “Eager, huh?” he smiles. Cas gives a nonchalant little shrug with one shoulder. His coolness pisses Dean off a little, so he pushes Cas’ hips down and grinds against his ass. Startled, Cas gasps and grips Dean’s shoulders, a little moan escaping his lips when he feels Dean getting hard. “Don’t you want this, Cas?” Dean says, a bit angry. Cas tries to respond, but he’s surprised and overwhelmed by sensation, so he just holds on. “Don’t you want _me,_ Cas?” Dean adds, angrier and starting to thrust with his now fully-hard dick. Cas is getting hard, himself, and moans again, moving so the head of Dean’s dick can run along his taint and the cleft of his ass, easier. “Yeah, that’s it,” Dean praises softly, “Feels good, huh?” Cas’ blue eyes are dreamy as he nods back, slowly. “Gonna make you feel so good, baby,” Dean murmurs, his movements becoming gentler. When Cas closes his eyes with a hint of a smile, Dean smirks to himself and slides his hands down to cup Cas’ ass.  


“Ohh!” Cas groans deeply, as he jumps up a little. He looks Dean intently in the eyes, but his voice is distracted as he says in a lighter tone, “What?”  


Dean starts kneading Cas’ ass cheeks as he thrusts, overstimulating the angel, “You gonna give yourself to me, Cas?” Groaning and gripping Dean tighter, Cas’ eyes flutter a bit, but he doesn’t say anything. “Cas!” Dean almost shouts. The angel looks back, his gaze steadier, but his expression a little confused. “You gonna give this ass to me?” Dean asks, massaging Cas’ cheeks harder and pushing the head of his dick firmly against Cas’ taint, til it slips roughly between his cheeks, even with the fabric in the way.  


Cas yelps, but he slides into the feeling.  


“That’s it,” Dean croons approvingly, “Wanna ride my cock, Cas?” Cas lets out a long groan, trying desperately to salvage some of his self-control. Dean can tell he’s winning, though. He thrusts harder, slipping out of Cas’ crack, leaving just the fabric of Cas’ boxers behind – sort of like a non-tight wedgie. Dean can see the twinge of disappointment on Cas’ face at that and he smirks to himself. “Caaass,” Dean almost sings, tauntingly. Blue eyes flick up with some anger in them. Dean thrusts hard with each word, “You? Want? My? Dick?”  


Still looking into Dean’s black eyes, Cas squirms a bit with each thrust, but he’s moving his body into Dean's, not away. Cas huffs out a defeated sigh, then almost growls, “Yes.” Dean squeezes Cas’ ass tight and his body lurches forward, unexpectedly, as he cums from Cas’ admission. Still twitching a bit, Dean starts kissing Cas deeply, his hand blindly moving to Cas’ erection. Dean decides to leave Cas’ clothes on and finishes him off, over top of his pants, while kissing him gently and lovingly.  


Both spent and fatigued, Dean rests his forehead against Cas’. When blue eyes look into his green, Dean huffs, “Cas, go get my stuff, man. We’re gonna need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you think you know what's coming, yeah, you're probably right.


	10. Chapter 10

_Both spent and fatigued, Dean rests his forehead against Cas’. When blue eyes look into his green, Dean huffs, “Cas, go get my stuff, man. We’re gonna need it.”_  


Cas closes his eyes, exhaling slowly, and doesn’t move. Confused, Dean pulls back, forcing Cas to look at him, and the look Cas gives him when he does makes him wish he hadn’t. Cas’ eyelids are slanting in that sad way of his, but, luckily, his eyes themselves aren’t giving the full ‘kicked puppy’ expression. They do show sadness and confusion, though, behind a glaze of thought. Cas robotically slides back to his feet and says softly, “I don’t think I liked that, Dean.”  


As he turns to go, Dean gets up and reaches for his hand, saying, _“Caaas,”_ in that ‘come on, don’t be like that’ way of his. But Cas' hand balls into a fist and he abruptly jerks it away, hitting it against the side of his trench, which flares out almost angrily, as he quickly walks out of the devil’s trap without looking back. “Cas!” Dean shouts, alarmed, and he scrambles after, trying to stop him, but he’s not fast enough. He runs into the edge of the devil’s trap and staggers back groaning, hands to his face. He looks up, black eyes over a glowing arc of embers from mid-cheek to mid-cheek, spanning the bridge of his nose. “Cas!” Dean shouts, again, naked desperation in his voice, but all Dean sees is the back of Cas’ trench as the file room door slams shut behind him. When he hears Cas lock the door, again, he yells halfheartedly, “I’m sorry!” Silence his only reply, Dean hangs his head, trying not to cry.  


After locking the door, Cas falls back against it. Realizing he hasn’t cleaned himself up, he absent-mindedly does so with his grace. There are too many emotions within him at the moment, all fighting for control, that they sort of bleed out into numbness. He runs his hands down his body, smoothing his clothes back into place to make himself presentable. He sighs tiredly, then starts walking down the hall, making his way towards the whiskey in the library.


	11. Chapter 11

_After locking the door, Cas falls back against it. Realizing he hasn’t cleaned himself up, he absent-mindedly does so with his grace. There are too many emotions within him at the moment, all fighting for control, that they sort of bleed out into numbness. He runs his hands down his body, smoothing his clothes back into place to make himself presentable. He sighs tiredly, then starts walking down the hall, making his way towards the whiskey in the library._

As Cas enters the library, he sees Sam glance up from his laptop and quickly get up to meet him. Excited, Sam rushes over, his eyes scrunched up in embarrassment as he frenetically blurts out, “Ok, I don’t want to know, well, maybe I do – but for informational purposes  _only!”_  Cas glances at Sam, continuing his way to the booze, with Sam walking alongside him. “Did, heh, did you and Dean… uh, you know?” Subconsciously, Sam holds both his index fingers out and moves them randomly, without thought. Cas’ brows furrow in confusion. “Have… sex?” Sam clarifies, raising his eyebrows so awkwardly, he almost appears in pain.

Already pouring himself a glass, Cas replies in a gravelly voice without looking up, “Yes, and it’s exhausting.”

Sam puts his hands to his forehead in shock, running his fingers through his hair as he quickly says, “Ok, I don’t need to know the details, Cas. Please only give me ‘Need to Know’ info  _only,_  please.”

Taking a slug of his drink before heading back to the table with the bottle, Cas points out, “You said ‘only’ twice.”

“That’s cause I really mean it,” Sam smiles, shutting the lid of his laptop as they settle into seats across from each other. Cas takes another sip, then stares at his glass thoughtfully. “So, no working up to it or anything, just ‘Wham, bam, thank you, man?’” Sam laughs, still in disbelief.

Cas smiles a bit bashfully and admits, “I… it just sort of happened.” Sam’s still staring at him with strangely happy eyes and parted mouth, so Cas continues, “I mean, I planned on it, of course, when I went in there… but  _not like that,”_  Cas shakes his head at the memories.

Sam shoves wondering what “not like that” means out of his mind and focuses on the mission. “I'm sorry, but what even  _is_  your plan, Cas? All I know is it involves Stockholm Syndrome and banging my brother. How is that supposed to cure him?” he questions, his worry making him sound a bit angry.

Not in the mood to deal with yet another Winchester’s shit, Cas’ eyes are incensed as he snaps back, “It’s _not_ supposed to cure him, it’s supposed to  _control_  him until we can  _find_  a cure! So, _how’s that going, Sam?”_

Sensing Cas’ pain underneath his angry tone, Sam explains apologetically, “Cas, we’ve already looked through everything we can find, man. All I’ve got is that cleansing exorcism I almost cured Crowley with.” Cas’ eyes become pained with the mention of the ritual, but he doesn’t speak. “He’s the King of Hell and it was working on him!” Sam continues excitedly. “I think it has a good chance of working on Dean, too, Cas! I think we should try it.”

Cas is starting to despair Sam is right – "The Cure of Sanctified Blood" is the only thing any of them have found, so far, that might possibly work. But if it doesn’t work, it could _destroy_ Dean – not just kill him where he could be resurrected, again – but completely wipe him from all existence. “No,” Cas says firmly, “No, it’s too risky, Sam. There has to be something else.”

“But... what if there’s not, Cas?” Sam says gently, with saddened eyes.

“Only as our very last resort,” Cas acquiesces, his eyes begging Sam to understand and agree. Sam’s mouth straightens out and he nods solemnly.

Trying to sound as non-confrontational as possible, Sam says, “Well, you said you’d have a better idea once you saw him. Then you saw him and said everything would be ok. So…”

Finishing his glass and putting it on the table, Cas laments, “I thought my experiences with Meg and April were enough to prepare me.” Sam’s eyebrows fly up at the mention of Meg, but he keeps his questions to himself, for now, and lets Cas continue. “But I was wrong. So very  _very_  wrong,” Cas laughs jadedly, slowly shaking his head. “I was _completely_ unprepared for how much more intense and emotional sex is, when you’re having it with someone you love deeply.” That admission shoots a pang through Sam’s heart, causing instant puppy-dog eyes. He quickly puts his hand on Cas’, without speaking, gaining him a little appreciative smile in return. Cas continues, “I thought being an angel would blunt it, this time, but this…  _this.”_  Cas shakes his head, at a loss to explain, “I’m feeling so much, now, I can’t even identify all the emotions.” He sighs and looks to Sam for help.

“Cas… you  _really_  need to be careful in there, man,” Sam cautions, his voice deep to stress the importance of his words.

“I’m fairly certain I can overpower him, if need be,” Cas reassures.

“That’s not what I meant, though you  _do, always,_  need to keep that in mind.” Cas narrows his brows in confusion and Sam declares, “Don’t let your guard down with him, ok? I’ve watched him my whole life and while Dean can be a  _really_  charming bastard – he can also be a total dick. And  _that_  was when he was human.” Cas grimaces and nods in understanding, looking down sadly. Sam says the next part slowly and apologetically, like he really doesn’t really want to, but feels he must,  _“Just…_ don’t give your heart to him.” When Cas looks back, his eyes panicked and sad, Sam throws his hands up and quickly adds, “Completely! Don’t give it to him, completely!” The additional word takes some of the alarm out of Cas’ eyes. Sam puts one of his hands up on the table, palm flat and facing himself, then puts the other right up against it, in the same way. As he talks, he draws one hand closer to himself. “Always keep part of yourself back from him. It’s what I’ve had to do over the years.” Cas looks pained by Sam's admission, but then nods in acceptance. Sam adds earnestly, “I just really don’t want to see him break your heart and then throw it back in your face.”

Cas’ face becomes serious with the gravity of Sam’s words. “Thank you, Sam. You’re a good friend,” he says sincerely, nodding with unfocused, thinking eyes. “Thank you for that reminder.”

“Anytime,” Sam responds, giving a little apologetic smile and nod. After a moment, he asks, “So… why the whiskey?” gesturing at Cas’ empty glass.

Without moving his body, which is slouched back in his chair, Cas looks down at his glass, then at Sam, then down, again. “You said you didn’t want details.”

Sam winces and says, “Well, did something go wrong or is this just to blunt your emotions?”

Cas sits up straight, pouring himself another glass. "Both," he says and glances at Sam, “Do you want one?”

“Yeah, sure, ok,” Sam nods, getting up to get himself a glass.


	12. Chapter 12

_“Anytime,” Sam responds, giving a little apologetic smile and nod. After a moment, he asks, “So… why the whiskey?” gesturing at Cas’ empty glass. _  
__

_Without moving his body, which is slouched back in his chair, Cas looks down at his glass, then at Sam, then down, again. “You said you didn’t want details.”_  


_Sam winces and says, “Well, did something go wrong or is this just to blunt your emotions?”_  


_Cas sits up straight, pouring himself another glass. "Both," he glances at Sam and asks, “Do you want one?”_  


_“Yeah, sure, ok,” Sam nods, getting up to get himself a glass._  


As Sam walks away, Cas explains, “When I first went in there, I was relieved by the condition of Dean’s soul. He appeared to only be in the beginning stages of demonic transformation and was still showing an amazing amount of human emotion.” Cas pauses to take a sip.  


“Well that sounds great. So what happened?” Sam asks, filling his glass.  


Cas gives a little sigh and takes a larger sip of whiskey before responding, “He’s slipping further away and becoming aggressive, again. We went such a long time in there together without him becoming violent that I foolishly hoped he was improving.” He looks at Sam, “When I tested his willpower, earlier, he still had a surprising amount of control over himself.” Cas grimaces.  


“And now, not so much?” Sam surmises.  


“No,” Cas sighs sadly, taking a sip. “Now he’s starting to enjoy his decline and…” Cas sighs again, deeply.  


“What?”  


“He got the drop on me and I lost control,” Cas admits.  


Concerned by images of Cas losing his shit and beating Dean, Sam quickly asks, “What did you do?”  


Cas groans and glances at Sam furtively, considering whether to share this information with him or not. He takes another sip of his drink and says, “It’s more like what I didn’t do.” Sam’s confused face stares back at him. Cas grimaces and grudgingly confesses, “I’ve wanted to be with Dean for so long, that…” he looks away, “my willpower’s slipping. The physical and emotional sensations are far more overwhelming than I’d imagined they'd be.”  


Still looking away, Cas hears Sam say sympathetically, “Cas, if you’re not up to it…”  


“No, Sam,” Cas cuts him off forcefully, his angry and determined eyes quickly flicking back, “It was a momentary slip-up. It won’t happen again.” Sam gives him a conceding smile and Cas sighs disappointedly, “It’s just this whole thing is supposed to be about control and I already lost mine, once.”  


“Well,” Sam concludes, “You just gotta take the bull by the horns and get it back.” Cas’ mouth wobbles a bit and looks odd as he tries to hold back a smile. Confused, Sam laughs, “What?”  


“That phrase,” Cas’ amused smile breaks through, “maybe… maybe don’t use it around me, anymore.”  


“What, ‘bull by the horns?’” Sam asks with narrowed eyebrows.  


Cas snort laughs and says, “Yes,” his eyes still twinkling with his smirk.  


_“Whhyyy?”_ Sam asks apprehensively.  


Cas laughs and explains, “I’m sure that’s a detail you don’t want to know.”  


Sam laughs freely in surprise, then again when some images of Dean and Cas fly through his mind. “You’re right,” he chuckles heartily, shaking his head back and forth, “I don’t wanna know.” Cas grins and nods back, causing them both to laugh, again.  


The rest of the night is spent sketching out some preliminary plans, interspersed with drunken stories and laughter. Cas will meet with Crowley in the morning, after getting some much needed rest; while Sam’s task is to locate Cain. Cas hopes they can gather some useful info from both – but if not, Metatron might know more. Having a clearer sense of direction to move in, their moods are buoyed with a shared sense of relief and renewed hope. Cas and Sam call it a night; Sam walking off to his room, while Cas falls asleep in Dean’s bed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's sort of fitting Crowley makes his appearance in Chapter 13, lol.

_The rest of the night is spent sketching out some preliminary plans, interspersed with drunken stories and laughter. Cas will meet with Crowley in the morning, after getting some much needed rest; while Sam’s task is to locate Cain. Cas hopes they can gather some useful info from both – but if not, Metatron might know more. Having a clearer sense of direction to move in, their moods are buoyed with a shared sense of relief and renewed hope. Cas and Sam call it a night; Sam walking off to his room, while Cas falls asleep in Dean’s bed._  


Waking up with a slight hangover, Cas realizes he needs to be more conservative with his stolen grace in the future. He sits up and his eyes slowly glance around Dean’s room. Getting a bit sad, he decides it’s time to go, until he remembers Dean mentioning the ‘bottle of clear stuff’ in his nightstand. Cas gets a smirk on his face and decides to investigate. “Astroglide?” he says, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion, “What does sex have to do with stars?” When he notices what’s next to the bottle, Cas’ eyebrows start going up slowly, more lines appearing on his forehead as they rise. Along with lube, Dean also has a small, baby blue dildo in his drawer. Cas picks it up and examines it, turning it over in his hands gently. It’s not very thick and it’s shorter than an average-sized penis. Before Cas can think of reasons why that might be, he realizes the color is the same as his eyes. He huffs a small laugh, closing his eyes and smiling happily. After a moment, his smile turns into a mischievous smirk.  


~*~*~*~

“Are we out of wormwood?” Cas asks, walking into the library.  


“We might be, why?” Sam responds.  


“Because I’m going to summon Crowley,” Cas replies, looking at Sam like it’s obvious.  


Sam closes his eyes with a little smile and says, “Here, just call him,” while taking out his phone. Cas walks over to the table, waiting while Sam dials ‘666,’ then takes the phone.  


“Moose! Still alive, I see,” Crowley teases in a pleased voice.  


“No, Crowley, it’s me,” Cas responds deeply.  


“Castiel, my my my, to _what_ do I owe the pleasure?” Crowley replies and Cas swears he can hear his smirk in his voice.  


“We need to talk,” Cas replies, “Will you meet me?”  


“We are talking. Why can’t we do this over the phone?” Crowley responds matter-of-factly. Cas lets out a long, aggravated sigh, but before he’s even finished, Crowley’s voice comes over the line, “Fine! I’m outside; open up.” Cas looks surprised, then hangs up and makes his way to the bunker door.  


~*~*~*~

Cas opens the door and Crowley tries to walk inside, but Cas pushes him back steadily with one hand. He notices Crowley craning his neck to peer inside the bunker, before he looks at him and snarks, “Goodness, Feathers, I just _gave_ you a recharge! What could you _possibly_ be expending that much grace on?”  


“Outside,” Cas says simply, continuing to push the smirking demon back. Crowley relents and they have their chat outside the locked door.  


“How’s Dean?” Crowley asks, “Less killy without the First Blade?”  


Cas’ eyes narrow, “Where did you end up putting it?”  


“Not telling you, pumpkin,” Crowley replies, tilting his head to the side in a little ‘so there’ gesture. Cas looks pissed and Crowley blurts in exasperation, “Look, if I tell you, he _will_ end up finding out! You know this!”  


Cas quirks his mouth to the side, conceding that’s probably true. “He can’t get to it?” he asks.  


“No, it’s safe. Trust me, the First Blade isn’t your problem, darling – Dean is. So how is he?” Crowley responds.  


Cas sighs. Even though his hatred of Crowley runs deep, it appears he’s actually missing Dean and concerned about him, so Cas reveals, “He was doing better, initially. But he’s starting to become aggressive, again – even without the blade.”  


Crowley pushes his bottom lip out and his eyes unfocus, making him look a bit sad. Then he quickly tilts his head to the side like a shrug and says in a chipper voice, “So, anything else?”  


Cas nods and says, “I wanted to ask you about the Cure of Sanctified Blood.”  


Crowley asks confusedly, “The what now?”  


Cas rolls his eyes and sighs. “The demon curing ritual Sam performed on you.”  


“Oh, yes, _that_ whole jolly experience! What of it?” Crowley asks angrily.  


“Did…” Cas’ face reflects his concern, “Did it hurt?”  


Crowley does a double-take, then realizes he’s asking for Dean, not displaying some sort of newfound, oddly uncharacteristic concern for him. “Only my pride,” the demon admits with a small sincere smile. “Why, you gonna try it on our boy?”  


Breaking eye-contact, Cas replies, “I haven’t decided, yet.”  


“It might work,” Crowley muses. Cas looks up and Crowley continues, “Or it might obliterate him from all of creation or…”  


“Enough!” Cas interrupts, throwing his hand up, “I know… the Mark may effect the cure in unknown ways.” They just look at each other for a moment and then Cas says, “Dean’s stronger than he should be for this stage of his transformation…”  


Before Cas can ask if that’s due to the Mark, Crowley cuts in, his voice growing angrier until he’s yelling, “Yes, I noticed that, too – when he knocked me to the ground in front of my two underlings!” Crowley misses Cas’ little smile as he continues ranting, “I’m sure _that_ got around Hell in _record_ time!” Looking back to Cas, Crowley replies calmly, “Well, he’s your problem, now. I’m done with it.”  


Sensing Crowley’s about to leave, Cas puts his hand on him and says, “Wait.”  


“What?” Crowley asks in a froggy voice, a little alarmed.  


Cas looks at him with squinty eyes, “Did you really sing karaoke?”  


Offended, Crowley huffs, “Did I? _NO!_ I have more self-respect than that! _That_ was a sad, pathetic attempt by your boytoy to recapture his teen dreams of being a rock star. I just suffered through his yowlings.” Suddenly, Crowley’s voice takes on a calm, musing tone, “Maybe it is cosmic, ya know, the way everyone leaves him? I bet even _you’ll_ get sick of him, once he drives you batty enough. Might even land you back in the nuthouse, Cas.” A sly smile creeps onto Crowley’s face as he glances at the angel. Cas glares back, his eyes starting to glow blue with grace, when Crowley suddenly disappears.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna focus less on the "finding a cure for Dean" plot _**details** ,_ cause I don't really care about them and it's delaying the porn. ;) I wanted to just write "Sam and Cas discuss computer and magic ways to find blah blah blah... Cas walks off to fuck Dean." ;) So if that part of the plot (finding Cain & talking to Metatron, etc.) doesn't make much sense... I don't care. ;)

Sam hears the bunker door slam and lock, again. Cas angrily storms into the library and when Sam looks up, he says, “Well that was a waste of time.”  


“Why am I not surprised?” Sam responds, looking back to his laptop.  


Cas stands next to him and glances at the numbers and commands quickly scrolling on the bottom of the screen. “Did you get a location on Cain, yet?”  


Looking discouraged, Sam admits, “I’ve been running our standard ‘demon signs’ algorithm, but without something specific to Cain to help narrow it, I’m afraid it might not be much help at all.”  


“You’d probably have better luck with a tracking spell,” Cas advises.  


Sam sits up straighter and asks excitedly, “Wait, can Cain be tracked through the blade?” Shifting some of his notes around, Sam says, “The blade and the Mark are connected by magic, right?” Cas nods. “So if we had the blade, maybe we could use it along with some sort of tracking spell to find Cain.” Sam misinterprets Cas' 'tired and thoughtful' expression for confusion and clarifies, “Through the Mark! Dean said the blade would call out to him. Maybe it works the other way, too? The Mark might call out to the blade and if we could hear that call somehow…”  


Cas finishes Sam’s sentence, “We could follow it to Cain.”  


“Right! I mean, it might not be a call, per say, but the Mark and blade are tethered together by magic. So if we can detect the thread of magic that binds them somehow…”  


Cas starts nodding quickly, encouraged, “That might be it, Sam. Keep working on that. I’m going to go and see Dean.”  


“You going to do your ‘Fifty Shades of Cas’ thing, now?” Sam asks, when Cas is halfway to the bedroom hallway. Cas turns back with a confused look on his face. “I thought Metatron gave you pop culture knowledge of, like, _everything?”_  


“He did, but when someone makes a reference, I have to sift through _everything_ in order to find what they’re referring to. It’s easier if you just say what you mean, Sam.” Cas explains.  


Sam makes a face like ‘fair enough’ and asks, “Uh, should I go get my noise-cancelling headphones?”  


Tired, Cas responds, “Are you asking if we’re going to have sex, again?”  


Sam looks a little uncomfortable as he says, “Yes.”  


“Well, _he_ is. I don’t know about me,” Cas responds.  


Sam’s brows narrow in confusion for a second, before he jumps to his feet and says, “You know what?” He quickly walks past Cas, saying, “I’m just gonna go get my headphones.” Cas shrugs and continues on his way to Dean’s room.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop: 50 Shades of Cas. All aboard! Woo woo! ;)


	15. Chapter 15

Sitting in his chair, his arms on his knees and staring at the floor, Dean hears the file room door unlock and he looks up. When he sees Cas enter the room, he quickly gets up and makes his way to the edge of the trap, saying sincerely, “Cas, I’m sorry about before, man. I lost control. I shouldn’t have done that to you.” Cas closes and locks the door, then walks up to Dean, while staying on the outside of the devil’s trap.  


Stone-faced, Cas replies simply, “You’re right; you shouldn’t have.”  


A bit worried by Cas’ unemotional demeanor, Dean nervously scratches the back of his neck while eyeing the angel. He looks down, then back up and asks, “Are you still pissed at me?”  


Cas’ mouth and eyes soften a little at that, but he’s still holding his poker face. “You’re going to be punished when you misbehave, Dean.”  


Dean’s eyebrows narrow in confusion and his green eyes peer intensely into Cas’, trying to figure out what his angel is on about, “O-kay…”  


“And you’ll be rewarded for good behavior,” Cas continues.  


“O-kay…” Dean says in the same unsure tone as before. Cas turns and walks a few paces towards the door, allowing himself to smile once his back is turned. He reaches into his coat and pulls out the bottle of lube. As he turns back towards Dean, he tosses it at him. Dean catches it and does a double-take when he sees what it is. “Lube?!” he says, holding up the bottle and pointing to it, while looking at Cas. Suddenly, his face breaks into an understanding smile. He nods and smirks back, “Ohhh, this is for my ‘rewards,’ right?” Without answering, Cas reaches into his trench and pulls out Dean’s baby blue toy. Dean’s face is shocked for a millisecond, then he laughs and says, “You know what that is?”  


Insulted, Cas drops his hands and the act for a minute, as he responds coolly, “Dean, I’ve existed since before the dawn of man. Masturbation is _hardly_ a new activity.” Unexpectedly, he tosses it to Dean, while saying dismissively, “Yes, I know what it is.” Tilting his head to the side in his cute, confused way, Cas confesses, “I don’t understand why it’s so small, though.”  


“It’s a starter one,” Dean explains, laughing a little with embarrassment as he turns it around in his hands, “You have to work your way up.” Cas nods and Dean abruptly flings it over his shoulder – it bounces off the trap’s invisible ‘wall’ behind him and comes to rest on the floor. “I don’t need that, anymore, though – now I got the real thing,” he smirks, licking his lips and eyeing Cas up and down hungrily.  


Wanting to confirm his suspicions, Cas raises his eyebrows and tilts his head towards Dean, asking, “You would use that on yourself… while thinking of me?”  


Dean gives a bashful little smile and his eye-contact falters a bit as he admits, “Yeah, pretending it was you, yeah,” in a quiet voice.  


Cas nods and says calmly, “Show me.”  


“What?!” Dean sputters nervously, his expression confused and alarmed.  


“Pleasure yourself with your toy, Dean,” Cas instructs in a cool and commanding tone, while strolling over to sit in the chair near the table. “While thinking of me, like you used to do,” he continues, unzipping his pants, “while I watch.”  


Stunned, Dean stands there for a moment, blinking his green eyes in open-mouthed awe, before a ripple of desire courses through his body, causing him to shudder. “Holy shit, Cas,” he breathes out in amazement, “you really are a perv, aren’t you?”  


Cas’ mouth slowly curls into a creepy grin as he gives one of his ‘sex-guru’ perv laughs, “You have no idea.”  


Dean's eyes get a bit wider as he laughs, “Ohhh shit.” He's a little scared, but aroused, too. “Ok… ok,” he glances around distractedly, “I’m game. Hey, uh… heh, if I’m good," he smirks, bouncing his eyebrows, "do I get the real thing?”  


Cas’ mouth shows a hint of a smile as he replies, “We shall see.”  


Dean claps his hands and rubs them together quickly as he says, “Ohhh, man. Alright.” He excitedly walks over to the chair in the center of the trap and starts taking off his boots. “Hey, uh, why…” he says while taking off his black t-shirt (the red button down having been discarded on the floor before Cas even arrived), “are you rewarding me?” He unzips his jeans and starts shucking them off. “Shouldn’t I be punished for…” he pauses and looks at Cas sadly, “losing control and bein an asshole to you, before?”  


“This is your punishment, Dean,” Cas replies simply.  


Confused, Dean (in just his Jockeys and socks) stands up straight and asks, “What?”  


“I think you’ll find ‘performing’ for me will be a bit more difficult and humiliating than you imagine,” Cas explains.  


Dean’s shoulders slump causing him to look a little shorter. His tail wilts as he glances around the floor of the trap and realizes Cas is probably right. He looks back at the fully clothed angel, feeling a little exposed, and shrugs, “I can do it,” he flicks his eyes black and curls his tail up a bit, “if I let the demon part of me out to play.”  


“Is that the _only_ way you can do it, Dean?” Cas asks.  


Dean’s eyes quickly turn back to green and, feeling a little bashful, he subconsciously shifts his legs a tiny bit closer together and puts a hand in front of his body, covering himself a bit. “I dunno…” he says as he looks at the floor, smiling.  


“If you can do it without losing control… I’ll reward you,” Cas promises with a smile.  


“But sometimes it just happens no matter _how_ hard I try to fight it, Cas! When I get really turned on…”  


“Dean,” Cas cuts him off with an authoritative tone. Dean stops talking, his eyes looking to Cas. “You want this ass?”  


Dean laughs and smirks, “You know I do.”  


“Then you’re going to have to work for it.”  


Nodding and smiling as his green eyes grow hazy with desire, Dean simply replies, “Ok... alright.”  


Cas returns his smile, then reclines in his chair and says, “You may begin.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There **is** smut in this chapter; it just takes the boys a little while to get going.

_Cas returns his smile, then reclines in his chair and says, “You may begin.”_

Dean chuckles and nods to himself, looking down, then glances at the floor behind him. He looks back to Cas and says, “So, no mattress, huh?” Cas silently shakes his head back and forth. Dean quirks his mouth, pushing out his bottom lip as he tries to figure out how he’s going to do this. He folds his jeans and puts them on the seat of his chair, then grabs his black t-shirt and tosses it on top without folding it. As he bends over to pick things up off the floor, Cas gets a good view of his (unfortunately still clothed) backside; the black material of his briefs stretching out nicely across his rounded ass-cheeks. He scoots his boots closer to the chair, basically straightening up his space so he has room to work. He picks up Cas’ belt from earlier, laying it over the back of his chair. Then he casually snatches up his red button-down from the floor, on his way over to retrieve his toy. He brushes the dildo off with his hand, as he walks back towards Cas. He looks up and says, “You know how long it took me to work up the nerve to buy this fuckin thing?” as he holds it in his hands. Cas briefly shakes his head. “Years!” Dean laughs.

“Years?” Cas asks surprised, his eyebrows narrowing in confusion.

“Yeah,” Dean laughs, “I was so freaked out about it. And I didn’t want Sam to find out, either.” Dean looks thoughtful and a little sad for a moment, then shrugs and says with renewed vigor, “Ok, so how we doin this?”

“I figured you’d lie on the floor before me,” Cas replies.

Dean nods and squats down, spreading his red shirt out on the floor to sit on. “This is already dirty,” he says.

“Here,” Cas says. Dean glances over and sees Cas taking off his trench coat. As Dean stands, Cas sorta loops it in his hands, loosely folding it, and tosses it to him.

Dean catches it and the hand he’s holding onto it with slowly falls down by his legs as he says, “Your coat?” Cas raises his eyebrows and shrugs a bit, like ‘why not.’ Dean huffs a little laugh, then looks down, smiling thoughtfully. “Huh, that’s funny,” he says quietly to himself and turns away.

“Hmm?” Cas responds, settling back into his seat, now in just his dark blue suit.

Dean’s green eyes look up as he’s spreading the coat out on the floor with the inside facing up. “Nah, it’s just I rarely see you without the coat. You look like Jimmy, now, but you don’t.” Cas narrows his eyes in confusion and Dean laughs, “Yeah, like that.”

“What?” Cas says, his voice higher-pitched in confusion.

Dean slides around so his ass is situated inside the coat, his knees bent in triangles so the soles of his feet are on the ground. “You use his body differently than he does… did.” Dean can see Cas is thinking about it and he puts his arms around his knees and leans forward on his legs, getting comfortable as he elaborates, “You have different mannerisms and expressions and talk different. Not just tone of voice, but inflections and the words you use and stuff.” Dean’s eyes get a little wider and he continues in a ‘well, that’s obvious and I’m an idiot’ tone voice, “But – that’s cause you’re you and he… was him.” Cas smiles a little and Dean adds sincerely, “I didn’t like it when I couldn’t see you through his eyes, anymore. That ‘eyes are the windows to the soul’ thing is true. I knew you weren’t in there, anymore, then, and I was worried cause we didn’t know what’d happened to you or if you’d ever be back.” Saddened by the memory, Dean looks down, but Cas can’t help giving a wide, closed-mouth smile at Dean’s touching words. Feeling awkward, Dean coughs and says, “Speaking of eyes, you’re not gonna make me look at you while I’m doin this, are you?”

Cas furrows his brow and says, “How else will I know if you’re staying in control?”

Dean’s green eyes look a little panicked and his tail loosely loops once around his ankle, as a sort of self-soothing measure, as he replies, “Well, I can’t be staring right at you. I gotta… lemme keep em closed… at least, until I get into it, ok?”

Dean’s been hesitating far more than Cas had expected and he finds his shyness adorable. Trying very hard not to smile, he concedes with a nod, “That will be fine.”

“Ok,” Dean smiles, quickly pulling off his underwear and placing them next to him on Cas’ coat. Cas slowly leans back in his chair to watch. Dean lays the dildo on top of his underwear, then puts the bottle of lube and his red shirt close by, on the floor next to the trench. Then he leans forward, resting his hands on his socks, as he considers how he should start.

“Are you going to keep your socks on?” Cas asks, matter-of-factly.

Dean shoots Cas an incredulous look, “Yeah, man! It’s cold in here! My ass is already freezing!” They smile at each other and laugh – then Dean’s smile falls away and his eyes become serious. He nods and quietly says, “Ok.”

He starts to lie down on his side like he’s going to go to sleep, then quickly turns and grabs his red shirt, smooshing it into a ball and tucking it under his head as a makeshift pillow. He gives Cas a small, shy smile, then closes his green eyes. “Ok, so,” he says, laying his right hand palm down on top of his leg, above his soft cock. “I imagine bein on the road, on a case, sleepin in my motel bed, and Sammy’s out for some reason. He’s ok, but he’ll be gone for the night.” Cas sits up at attention, he thought Dean was just going to tell him – and show him – what he wanted him to do to him, not share fantasies he’s already had about him, with him. This is so much more intimate than Cas was expecting. _“Still so open to me,”_ he thinks to himself. Dean starts lightly rubbing his hand slowly along his skin as he talks, starting at his hip and thigh and sliding to his stomach and chest. “And I’m asleep,” he grins, eyes still closed, “and dreaming of you.” Dean’s breathing increases a bit and he continues, “And you appear in the room and,” Dean shifts his legs a little, so his knees are bent and runs his hand over his skin a little faster. His hand slides up his chest, over one of his hardening nipples, “and you kneel next to the bed and,” the fingers of Dean’s left hand stroke up his left thigh a little. His voice takes on a more serene, dreamy quality as he says, “you… kiss me awake… slow and… sweet, at first.” Dean licks his lips and slides his calves together slowly, feeling some of his blood heading south, though he’s not showing, yet. His breathing getting deeper, he says, “you don’t… you don’t… use tongue til I’m awake…” he starts rolling his hips a little, “and I can kiss you back.” Dean’s voice switches to an informative tone as he quickly adds, “Which I do, right away.”

Cas gives a deep little chuckle, glad for the reprieve, cause this is turning him on more than he would’ve imagined. Dean’s willingness to share this with him, his words and voice and seeing him touch his beautiful body, have already given Cas a semi. When Dean opens his eyes at Cas’ laugh, he sees Cas staring at him intensely and breathing a bit deep. Dean smiles as his green eyes trail up Cas’ legs to see the bit of a bulge at his crotch. Dean sits up, his left leg folded under himself and his right folded over to the side. Cas sits up a little straighter and when Dean continues telling him his fantasy while looking at him, Cas’ eyelids tilt for a moment in that sad way of his, almost as if he’s begging for mercy.

“You push me back on the bed,” Dean continues, his green eyes getting hazy and closing a bit, “and… and get on top of me.” Dean slides up to his knees, facing Cas head on, and starts rolling his hips a little, as he starts getting hard. Cas’ eyes get more intense and he licks his lips, his right hand moving to palm his erection through his boxers. “You… grind up on me,” Dean starts gently stroking his cock with his left hand, getting harder, “while you’re... kissing me… deep.” Dean’s breathing hard enough now that it’s becoming difficult for him to keep talking while he’s ‘performing.’ He stops talking for a minute and just slowly and gently thrusts into his hand a bit, while staring at Cas.

Feeling like he doesn’t have any saliva left, Cas swallows roughly and feels his Adam’s apple catch on his shirt collar, the stubble pushing back into his throat like little needles. He loosens his tie, then undoes the first button of his shirt and slides the tie off his neck slowly, letting it drop to the floor next to his chair. Cas was just trying to make himself more comfortable, but Dean’s got a thing for men in suits and Cas’ throat and stubble, and it drives him wild. He closes his eyes and starts thrusting hard into his hand, feeling his self-control starting to slip. The things he could do to Cas with that tie. He decides not to think about that and opens his eyes, staring at Cas, as he fights off the urge to lose control.

Dean is staring at him so intently, now, that Cas has to look some place other than his beautiful green eyes. Without really even being conscious of it, Cas’ hand slips into his boxers; his fingers sliding loosely around the base of his fully hard cock. Cas starts to cast his gaze up from Dean’s intense eyes and determined straight brows, but he catches sight of his horns arching up in his peripheral vision and quickly looks down, instead. Dean’s mouth is set, making it appear almost a straight line, but his lips are still luscious and a lovely shade of pink. Cas starts to weaken, realizing it’s been a while since he’s tasted them, remembering what they feel like against his own. And what they feel like around his cock. Cas pulls himself out, starting to stroke and thrust his hips a little. His eyes trail down Dean’s body: his broad shoulders and wide pecs, hard pink nipples, and abs going down. He knows that if he focuses on Dean’s dick and how he’s pleasuring himself, that he won’t be able to last much longer. “Dean,” Cas intones deeply, his gaze flitting up to grass green eyes with large, hungry pupils.

Cas stares at Dean with open, nakedly yearning eyes. Dean locks eyes with him and starts nodding; the rhythm of their thrusts starting to sync. Once they’re thrusting together, their speed and force increase. Dean’s the first to falter; his eyes trailing down to look down at Cas’ lips. _“That top lip,”_ Dean thinks, _“unusual, but feels so good when we kiss. I bet it would feel good on my… oh, yep, we’re done here!”_ The thought of what Cas sucking his dick might feel like drives Dean over the edge and he’s spurting onto the invisible edge of the devil’s trap, his cum appearing to slide down a solid, glass-like nothing and onto the floor below. His amazement is overshadowed by fear, at the terrifying realization of how close the head of his dick is to the edge of the trap. He backs up a little, as best he can while still cumming; experiencing alternating feelings of physical satisfaction and gleeful wonder at this weird sight.

Cas was almost ready to cum, too, but his escalating arousal at seeing Dean release in front of him was quickly jarred by the unexpected behavior _of_ that release. It takes Cas a moment to recover from his pace from the shock, and he has to stroke himself even harder to catch up. The childlike amusement on Dean’s face helps, though – Cas is a sucker for his innocent side. As Dean leans down to examine how his jizz has pooled around the inside border of the trap, Cas cums and the first few drops fly far enough to hit Dean on the cheek. “Aw, dude!” Dean says disapprovingly, quickly scrubbing them off. Cas’ deep little laugh is cut short by his next load, thankfully landing only on the floor, a bit of his chair, and his pants. Breathing easier, Cas sinks back into his chair, slouching far into the seat and looking wrecked. “Doin ok, there, Champ?” Dean jokes, still naked (except for his socks) and warily poking his finger into the goo on the floor.

Cas huffs a tiny laugh and after putting himself away, he says in a very deep, gravelly voice, “Ok… so besides throwing things to you… we now know… I can do _that.”_ They look at each other and snigger. Dean quickly wipes his finger on the floor, then reaches over and grabs his red shirt, wiping it again on that, before cleaning off the front of his body. Cas slides out of his chair and onto the floor, not even bothering to stand up, then walks on all fours over to Dean – playfully grabbing him around the waist and flipping them, so they're lying spooned together on the floor.

Dean laughed when Cas flipped him, but when he turns around and sees Cas’ eyes closed, he asks with concern, “Cas, are you ok, man?”

“Tired. Sleep now, sex later,” he responds, keeping his eyes closed.

A little perplexed by Cas’ behavior, Dean asks honestly, “Can I put my clothes back on, now?”

Cas huffs a laugh and says, “You can do whatever you want, as long as you come back over here and let me hold you,” with his eyes still closed.

Cas' words touch Dean's heart and he smiles bashfully, feeling a hint of a blush warm his cheeks. “Ok,” he says quietly, then crawls over and grabs his underwear. He stands up and puts them on, then looks down at what appears to be a sleeping Cas. He inspects the trench for jizz and seeing some near the bottom, makes sure that side stays down towards their feet, as he drags it over in front of Cas. Confused and annoyed blue eyes peer at him from under a narrow brow. “The floor is cold,” Dean shrugs, then lies down on the trench and snuggles his body back into Cas'.

“Mmmmm,” Cas hums in contentment as he hugs Dean closer with one arm. He puts his clothed legs flush against the backs of Dean's, to keep him warmer.

After trying to figure out where to put his arms, Dean mirrors Cas’ position and folds one under his head as a pillow, and lays the other on top of Cas’, his hand awkwardly cupping the angel’s loose fist. Still not comfortable, Dean wraps the end of his tail twice around Cas’ ankle. Feeling happy and secure at last, Dean _finally_ hums in agreement, as they drift off to sleep, together.


	17. Chapter 17

_“Mmmmm,” Cas hums in contentment as he hugs Dean closer with one arm. He puts his clothed legs flush against the backs of Dean's, to keep him warmer._

_After trying to figure out where to put his arms, Dean mirrors Cas’ position and folds one under his head as a pillow, and lays the other on top of Cas’, his hand awkwardly cupping the angel’s loose fist. Still not comfortable, Dean wraps the end of his tail twice around Cas’ ankle. Feeling happy and secure at last, Dean finally hums in agreement, as they drift off to sleep, together._

As a demon, Dean no longer requires sleep and he awakens before Cas – but continues to lie comfortably in his embrace. He lovingly runs his palm down Cas’ shirt sleeve, feeling safe and secure in his man’s arms. Realizing he just thought of Cas as _‘my man,’_ Dean’s body jerks a little in response. He gently slides Cas’ arm off his body and sits up, turning to look at him. The lines of Cas’ brow and all the little wrinkles around his eyes smooth out and disappear in sleep, making him look wonderfully serene. Dean casts a fond smile down at the sleeping angel and almost runs his hand down along his stubbly cheek – but stops himself for fear of waking him. His eyes move to Cas’ pouty upper lip and Dean smirks; the desire to kiss his lover awake is very tempting… “ _but he needs his rest,”_ he thinks. Dean’s brows narrow in concern as he wonders, _“But why is he so tired?” _His eyes scanning Cas’ body, Dean spies a hint of glowing grace near his shoulder. Wordlessly, and with growing apprehension, Dean slowly leans over to look at the remains of Cas’ wings -- and sees the light is noticeably dimmer than before and with less ‘sparkles’ throughout it. He pushes Cas’ arm firmly and barks, “Hey, wake up!” Cas slowly opens his eyes to see Dean leaning over him; his flared nostrils, knit brows, and tail flicking back and forth quickly behind him make him appear angry, but his wide green eyes reveal he's actually alarmed. “What the Hell is wrong with your grace?” he demands.

Cas quickly assesses the situation: he’s allowed himself to fall asleep, inside the trap, unprotected, with Dean – who’s now staring at him looking pissed and worried. Amazingly, given his more emotional state, Cas manages to conceal his alarm and play it off. He feigns annoyance as he says dismissively, “I told you, I don’t have mine, anymore – Metatron used it for the spell.”

Still looking angry, Dean nods curtly, spitting, “Yeah, and you got grace from some other angels to replace it. But, what does that even mean, Cas!? How does that work?!” Concern takes the hard edge off Dean’s voice, as he puts a hand on Cas’ shoulder and squeezes, saying, “It’s almost gone, isn’t it?”

Purposely avoiding Dean’s eyes, Cas roughly sits up, trying to brush off this conversation by saying, “I’ll be fine,” in a disinterested tone of voice.

Dean leans into his line of sight; searching eyes under raised eyebrows, causing a few worry lines to crease his brow. “What happens when it’s gone, Cas?” he asks quietly, “Do you become human, again?”

Hesitating for just a brief moment because he doesn’t want to lie to Dean, Cas replies sadly, “Yes.”

Detecting Cas’ distress, Dean asks, “And… you’re not ok with that?”

Cas sighs and looks down, saying, “Of course I’d rather remain an angel,” he looks up at Dean, “even a lesser-powered one.” His eyes flit away uncomfortably as he utters in a deeper tone, laced with veiled dark humor, “It’s better than being dead.”

“Well, yeah!” Dean agrees, his voice enthusiastic with growing hope. He puts his hand to Cas’ chest, fingers splayed and pressing firmly, and asks as confirmation, “You will be ok, though?”

“I’ll be fine,” Cas replies, again. He hates lying to Dean, but he feels it’s the wisest course of action, at this time. Plus, he doesn’t want to think about his impending demise. He has to hang on until they can rid Dean of the Mark. Cas cannot and will not allow himself to cease to exist before that mission is complete. He must protect the world from the dangerous threat Dean is becoming… and he has to save the man he truly loves.

Dean’s face breaks into a toothy, relieved smile, his green eyes glittering as he says, “You were scaring me there, for a minute! I know being human sucks, but… you know… _better than the alternative.”_ Cas nods back sadly, with Dean believing the angel is just bummed over his impending transformation. Fearing his demise is closer than he’d realized, Cas decides he wants to be with Dean, now, while there’s still time. He’d never forgive himself if he missed his one and only chance, gambling they’d have more time, later. Before he can talk himself out of it, Cas unexpectedly reaches forward and grabs Dean; his left hand slipping up to cup the base of his skull. Gripping firmly, with his thumb behind Dean’s ear, Cas pulls him roughly into a deep, hard, and passionate kiss. After a bit, they break, Dean huffing out in amazement, “Whoa.”

Cas smiles smugly into Dean’s surprised face, pleased with himself. Suddenly, fearing he's overstepped his bounds, Cas' demeanor completely changes and he becomes thoughtful and shy. With yearning eyes, Cas has a hard time saying, “Can I?... Will you?” Dean gives him an amused and confused look in reply; his brows narrow, but lips and eyes smiling. Cas runs the tips of the fingers gently down Dean’s face, starting at his cheeks, and Dean briefly closes his eyes. Cas is barely touching him, like he’s precious and will break like glass. Light blue eyes pleading, Cas continues lightly and desperately trailing his fingertips down Dean’s chin and throat to his body and asks breathlessly, “Will you give yourself to me, now?”

A bunch of thoughts fly through Dean’s mind, but the look in Cas’ eyes has him nodding without thought and he answers simply and sincerely, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm **not** gonna kill Cas. Don't worry -- he will be ok.


	18. Chapter 18

_Light blue eyes pleading, Cas continues lightly and desperately trailing his fingertips down Dean’s chin and throat to his body and asks breathlessly, “Will you give yourself to me, now?”_

_A bunch of thoughts fly through Dean’s mind, but the look in Cas’ eyes has him nodding without thought and he answers simply and sincerely, “Yes.”_

They kiss again – gently but passionately, as their hands tentatively slide over each others’ bodies. Dean slides his hands into Cas’ suit jacket, around his upper arms, and pushes a little – letting Cas know he wants him to lower his arms, so he can slip it off. Without either of them breaking the kiss, Cas complies and Dean slides it off, letting it fall to the floor behind. The angel’s fingers skim over the skin of Dean’s chest and back, sliding down towards his ass. Dean jumps a little in response, breaking the kiss and saying, “Wait.” Cas looks at him questioningly and Dean replies, “Slower… I’m gettin too excited.” Cas nods back and they resume kissing, Cas moving one of his hands to Dean’s neck and the other around his rib to his back. Dean starts undoing the buttons of Cas’ dress shirt and Cas breaks the kiss to help; quickly sliding it off. Dean chuckles, his green eyes and full lips smiling at Cas’ eagerness as he discards his shirt to the floor. Now both shirtless, Dean has a thought and asks hesitatingly, “Can I… can I touch….” Cas looks at him quizzically and Dean falters, searching for the right words, “your… your wings?” Cas looks down, but Dean can still see his open eyes as a pleased smile comes onto his face. He looks back up and gives a brief nod, his smile becoming wider. Dean smiles wide in return; relieved he didn’t upset Cas or say the wrong thing.

Dean lightly and briefly puts his hands on Cas’ waist, then scoots up and glances around Cas’ left shoulder. “Here,” Dean says, as he maneuvers around til he’s behind Cas, facing his back. He unconsciously places his hands on the small of Cas’ back, causing the angel to arch up and push out his ass. Huffing a little laugh, Dean quickly removes his hands, saying, “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Cas says, turning and grabbing one of Dean’s hands and placing it on his hip.

“Okay,” Dean replies, copying Cas’ stance and shuffling closer on his knees – til one of his knees is between Cas’ legs and one of Cas’ legs is between his own. He puts his other hand to Cas’ other hip, leaving space between them as he gazes at the remains of the angel’s wings in front of him. The blue-white translucence of the light is faint within the outline of the structure and the ‘sparkles’ are swirling slower than before. Dean’s awed and saddened, again, by the sight and he slides his left hand to Cas’ stomach and his right to the small of his back, as he leans closer and asks, “How do you want me to do this?”

“Just touch them, Dean! Whatever you do will probably feel good,” Cas grouses immediately.

Dean snorts a laugh at how worked up his little angel is getting. “Ok,” he says and slides the hand he has on the small of Cas’ back, fingers pointing up, up along his spine, between his shoulder blades.

 _“Oh, yes,”_ Cas whispers, arching his back into the touch and breathing a little deeper. Cas’ obvious enjoyment and arousal flares Dean’s own desire and his fears of accidentally hurting the angel drop by the wayside. He places both his palms on Cas’ lower back, on either side of his spine, and slides them firmly up his back – his right hand rubbing over a little nub between Cas’ right shoulder blade and spine on its way up to his shoulder, and his left stopping its ascent awkwardly wrapping loosely around the ‘broken rose cane’ that was probably once the main ‘bone’ of Cas’ left wing. Cas had let out a moan as Dean moved his hands and now he shudders a bit in his grasp. Dean’s trying to get used to the feeling of what remains of Cas’ left wing in his hand – the nature of the grace and the little ‘spines’ covering the main projection making it difficult for him to get a good hold on it. With dreamy eyes, Cas glances over his left shoulder at Dean and says deeply, “More.”


	19. Chapter 19

_Cas had let out a moan as Dean moved his hands and now he shudders a bit in his grasp. Dean’s trying to get used to the feeling of what remains of Cas’ left wing in his hand – the nature of the grace and the little ‘spines’ covering the main projection making it difficult for him to get a good hold on it. With dreamy eyes, Cas glances over his left shoulder at Dean and says deeply, “More.”_

Dean nods and shuffles even closer, so his chubby is against Cas’ ass, and slides his right hand around to Cas’ stomach; gently pressing the angel back into himself. Moaning quietly, Cas hangs his head and rolls his shoulders forward, shuddering a bit in pleasure. Dean rubs his left thumb along the main ‘bone,’ in between the projections as best he can, and Cas moans enthusiastically, thrusting his ass back into Dean. The ‘wing’ doesn’t feel very solid; more like the resistance one gets from moving air – similar to the pushback one gets from, say, trying to move their hand against the airflow of a powerful restroom hand-dryer or pushing two opposing magnets towards each other. Dean’s tail and horns feel similar, but more ‘solid’ or denser in some way. Also, the grace feels like it has a bit of an electrical charge to it; stronger than the prickles from static cling, but _much_ less painful than the shocking sensation of touching a live wire or light socket. Dean’s non-human attributes don’t feel like that – his feel smoother, slinkier, and strangely soothing; flowing continuously like water – as opposed to the broken-up, random little pulsing sensations Cas’ grace is giving out. Consequently, it’s taking Dean a minute to wrap his head around this and figure out what he can do. Cas’ voice startles Dean out of the little trance he’s slipped into while touching and studying his wing, “Dean, please, don’t stop.”

“It’s weird; my hand feels like it’s falling asleep,” he responds, still marveling at the strangeness.

“That’s normal. It’s ok; please continue.” Dean laughs a little at Cas’ terse insistence and runs the tip of his index finger along the bottom of the ‘bone,’ firmer and with more skill than before. Cas moans loudly and wantonly, throwing his upper body forward to land with his hands on the floor, shaking and almost panting.

Surprised, Dean leans forward and asks the back of Cas’ head, “Am I getting you off like this?”

Cas doesn’t move, and still breathing heavily, he admits, “Yes.”

Amused, Dean smiles until he notices the ‘bone’ has shifted position; now it’s angling straighter back from Cas’ back, rather than more to the side. And Dean’s not sure if it’s his imagination (or ego?), but the light even appears to be glowing a little brighter. “It moved!” he remarks in surprise.

“I got excited,” Cas admits sheepishly, as he stands back up on his knees, resuming his previous position against Dean.

“Did you, did you... cum?” Dean asks.

“No,” Cas says over his left shoulder, as he slides Dean’s left hand into his boxers and to his very hard cock, “but I’m close.”

“Oh fuck, oh, fuck,” Dean breathes out as he grips the base of Cas’ cock and starts to stroke, while sliding his right arm up and around Cas’ chest, pulling the angel closer to him. Dean’s dick isn’t as rock solid as Cas’, but he’s plenty hard and close to cumming as he thrusts against Cas’ ass. Cas’ ‘wing’ keeps rubbing against the outer edge of Dean’s bicep as he thrusts, and soon Cas lets out a high-pitched moan that almost turns into a wail, as he ejaculates. “Fuck, Cas!” Dean almost yells, and he starts roughly pulling down Cas’ pants and boxers, without even wiping the cum off his hand. Cas quickly leans forward on his hands and slides his legs back to let Dean practically rip them off down his legs. When they get caught up on his dress shoes, Dean gives up on them; backing up and gripping the base of his dick, trying to delay his climax. _“Cas, please,”_ he practically whimpers, shuddering as pre-cum drips from the head of his now exposed dick.

Cas looks back at Dean, then crawls over to him, leaving his pants and underwear in the haphazard state they’re in. Dean’s green eyes are narrowed and desperate as he glances at Cas, but they open wide in shock as Cas wordlessly goes down on him, taking most of his dick into his mouth. Seeing that pink, pouty top lip slide down his cock was more than enough, but Cas looking up at him with those gorgeous light blue eyes at the same time just wasn’t fair; Dean’s starting to cum before he even lets go of the base of his dick – that just adds to his release. Cas’ unwavering gaze as he bobs up and down on his cock, swallowing him down, is just too fucking much – Dean whines, slipping onto his ass, then leaning back against the cold stone floor, as Cas finishes him off. Dean’s actually got tears in his eyes from how intense his orgasm was – the extreme pleasure and relief causing him to soar high with endorphins. Being in a fuzzy, happy, floaty place, he’s startled when Cas starts climbing up his body, to lie on top of him. Nearly face-to-face, Cas says with a smile, “That… _did not go as planned.”_

Dean laughs, “No, it did not.”

“But it was good.”

“Oh yeah,” Dean agrees, nodding with a smile. They both huff out tired laughs and Cas lays his head on Dean’s chest. Dean goes to affectionately rub the back of Cas’ head, but he still has some cum on that hand. He holds both his hands up and registers the feeling of his briefs pulled down uncomfortably and Cas’ boxers and pants partially on his legs. “Let’s get cleaned up, huh?” Dean asks Cas’ hair.

“I don’t think I can move,” Cas replies, half-joking. They both laugh, then lie there a bit longer, silently, before Dean starts squirming.

Cas backs up off Dean, but before he can stand, Dean warns, “Don’t use your grace for this, anymore,” pointing at him.

“For what?” Cas asks, his eyes a bit worried, cause he’s unsure if Dean’s referring to sex or the clean up afterwards.

“Cleaning,” Dean says like it’s obvious, as he puts himself back into his underwear, “We got a washing machine and stuff – use that.”

“Oh… ok,” Cas replies, doing the same, then pulling his pant legs up and free from his shoes. After zipping up and buttoning his pants, he walks over to Dean’s chair and retrieves his belt, slipping it into the loops. “I forgot this, last time,” he laughs.

Noticing Cas doesn’t seem as fatigued as earlier, despite just having sex, Dean asks, “How you feelin? Ok?”

Holding his dress shirt in one hand, Cas pauses and turns his head to the side in consideration, then smiles back while nodding, “Yeah, a bit better.” His smile gets wider, showing his teeth, and his eyes become scandalous as he says, “You touching my wings… uh, ‘wing’… that felt  _amazing.”_

Dean gives him a smug smirk, nodding with proud eyes, “Liked that, huh?”

 _“Ohhhh_ yeah,” Cas affirms in a deep rumbly voice, rolling his blissed-out eyes in emphasis.

 


	20. Chapter 20

_Noticing Cas doesn’t seem as fatigued as earlier, despite just having sex, Dean asks, “How you feelin? Ok?”_

_Holding his dress shirt in one hand, Cas pauses and turns his head to the side in consideration, then smiles back while nodding, “Yeah, a bit better.” His smile gets wider, showing his teeth, and his eyes become scandalous as he says, “You touching my wings… uh, ‘wing’… that felt amazing.”_

_Dean gives him a smug smirk, nodding with proud eyes, “Liked that, huh?”_

_“Ohhhh yeah,” Cas affirms in a deep rumbly voice, rolling his blissed-out eyes in emphasis._

Dean laughs and replies, “Yeah, _I noticed.”_ Suddenly remembering how Cas’ ‘wing’ moved and seemed to glow brighter – Dean jumps up and walks over to him, putting a hand on the angel’s bicep to still him - when Cas keeps turning to face him, as he’s trying to see his back. The ‘wing’ is back in its previous position, but Dean thinks the glow does appear to be a little brighter.

“What?” Cas asks, glancing over his shoulder, a little concerned by Dean’s unexpected examination.

“I think your grace… does that look brighter to you?” Dean replies, looking to Cas’ ‘wing,’ then back to Cas' eyes, as his tail slowly waves from side-to-side behind him.

Cas turns his head and peers at the remains of his left wing. Then he looks at Dean and says honestly, “Looks the same, to me.”

Frustrated, Dean narrows his brows, as his eyes return to the ‘wing’ in question. He puts a bent finger to his lip and his tail whips back and forth a little faster as he tries to determine if he’s imagining it or not. When one of the little ‘sparkles’ makes its way past his line of sight – his tail and hand quickly drop, and his green eyes go wide with delight as he exclaims, “Yeah, the little sparkles are movin faster, now!”

Dean’s hopeful, happy, triumphant smile is met with Cas’ raised eyebrows and amused smirk. “Little ‘sparkles’?” he asks.

“Shut up, you know what I mean,” Dean admonishes as Cas’ gaze returns to the grace. “I need you to explain this shit to me,” Dean declares, putting a hand on Cas’ arm. Cas looks back at him with an open face; eyebrows raised, waiting for Dean’s questions. “Ok,” Dean backs up and looks at his chair, then glances over at Cas’ chair, on the outside of the trap. He takes Cas’ dress shirt from his hand and says, “Go get that,” motioning to Cas’ chair with his horns, “and bring it over here.” Cas pushes out his bottom lip and gives a little shrug, then walks over to his chair. When Cas retrieves his tie from the floor, Dean notices, glancing back as he’s picking up his clothes from his chair. “No, leave that over there,” he says off-handedly.

“What? Why?” Cas asks, slowly turning, his head tilted in confusion and the tie dangling from his hand.

“Just… _trust me._ It’s better out there,” Dean says gruffly, without looking back, throwing their clothes on the floor next to his chair. Cas grimaces and his eyes go back and forth quickly in wonder and annoyance. He exhales and tosses his tie on the table, then picks up his armless chair and carries it into the trap. Dean turns back and sees him holding it, then puts his hand on Cas’ right shoulder and says, “Here, put it here,” while guiding Cas in front of his chair. “Have ‘em facing each other,” he explains. Cas sighs, his patience just about run out at being ordered around by Dean, and he puts the chair down roughly. He’s just about to ask Dean what they’re doing, when Dean says, “Ok, sit in your chair facing the back,” then settles into his own chair with spread legs. Cas casts a wary glance down at him, remembering Dean’s previous aggression in that chair, but Dean looks up at him with clear green eyes and gestures with his extended hand, saying, “Come on, please?” Hoping Dean might touch his wings again, Cas wordlessly complies.

Apprehensive, Cas sits down, straddling the seat of his chair and folding his arms along the top of the backrest, to lean against it. Dean leans forward and grabs the front legs of Cas’ chair, pulling it and the angel back, until the seats of both chairs are touching between his spread legs. Cas jumps forward a bit from the action, but Dean strokes his side reassuringly and says, “Relax, I’m not gonna hurt ya.” Cas eases a little at Dean’s touch and glances over his left shoulder at him. “I just wanna know how some of this stuff works,” Dean explains.

Visibly relaxing, Cas replies, “Oh… what do you want to know?”

Pleased, Dean asks excitedly, “Ok, so…" his eyes moving to Cas' 'wing,' "why did this move, before?” A smirk grows on Dean’s face as his eyes return to Cas' face.

Cas grins and chuckles, then turns his head away, looking down. “I told you,” he says quietly and bashfully, furtively glancing back up at Dean, “I got excited.”

“So… you got an ‘angel boner’ or something?”

Cas laughs and smiles a little more, trying to explain, “I… I flared my wings out,” and looks down again. When he looks back up, Dean has a quizzical look on his face. Cas sighs and says, “I was… fanning my feathers out…” he's clearly embarrassed, though Dean doesn’t understand why. Nervous, Cas starts rambling in an informational tone, “...they aren’t actually feathers, of course, but that’s what humans call them and they do resemble them…”

“But _why_   were you doin all that?” Dean cuts him off.

Cas’ eyes go hazy as he confesses, “It felt so good, Dean. You… felt… I… I wanted you to touch _more_ of me… to give me _more.”_ Cas’ eyes are smoldering desire as he stares back at Dean, breathing deeply.

Cas’ naked arousal instantly fans Dean’s own flame and he swallows thickly, his green eyes locked on his angel as he nods in understanding. Slowly, he leans forward, putting his hands on Cas’ waist, then presses a kiss to the skin of Cas' back. The angel shivers a little and melts into his touch. Dean hesitates for a moment, wanting to ask Cas more questions, but wanting to please his lover, as well. He randomly trails his fingers up-and-down Cas’ back as he tries to decide what to do. His fingers slide back up and find the bump near Cas' right shoulder blade. Cas’ physical body doesn’t appear abnormal in any way – there's no visible lump there – and Dean doesn’t see any grace there, either. But his fingers slide up and over _something_ and he can feel the electric-like sensation of grace in that area, too. Rubbing his thumb over it slowly, he asks, “Cas… what is this?”

“That’s what remains of my right wing,” he replies.

Dean’s heart drops with the admission, though he’d figured as much. He can’t tell Cas’ mood by the tone of his voice and the angel isn’t looking back at him, anymore, either. Cautiously, Dean asks, “I… don’t… see anything there. Why… can I feel it?”

Still not looking back, Cas replies, “It broke down to the level of the musculature of… my back. There’s nothing left of it... to extend past the skin of this body.”

Feeling like a total dick for asking about it, Dean quietly says, “I’m sorry, Cas.” The angel's shoulders slump and he nods a little in acknowledgement. Dean’s still confused as to why he can feel it, if it doesn’t breach the surface of the skin… but he’s not going to ask, now. Leaning forward, he gently kisses where he can feel the grace.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning - Rape/Non-con(sent)/Dub-con(sent)**

_“That’s what remains of my right wing,” he replies._

_Dean’s heart drops with the admission, though he’d figured as much. He can’t tell Cas’ mood by the tone of his voice and the angel isn’t looking back at him, anymore, either. Cautiously, Dean asks, “I… don’t… see anything there. Why… can I feel it?”_

_Still not looking back, Cas replies, “It broke down to the level of the musculature of… my back. There’s nothing left of it... to extend… past the skin of this body.”_

_Feeling like a total dick for asking about it, Dean quietly says, “I’m sorry, Cas.” The angel's shoulders slump and he nods a little in acknowledgement. Dean’s still confused as to why he can feel it, if it doesn’t breach the surface of the skin… but he’s not going to ask, now. Leaning forward, he gently kisses where he can feel the grace._

Cas shudders and moans lowly – and while there is apparent sexual arousal, there are shades of comfort and relief in his voice, as well. Glad he can soothe his love after probably upsetting him, Dean rubs his cheek against Cas’ shoulder in response. He wraps his arms around Cas’ middle and pulls him closer to himself in a slow hug. Cas lets his arms drop, as Dean slides him back on his seat, and leans into the embrace; the remains of his left ‘wing’ gently pressing against Dean’s chest and bicep. Dean nuzzles his nose into the back of Cas’ hair, behind his ear, and the angel hums in contentment, as he places his arms over Dean’s. “I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean says quietly, again.

Cas sighs a bit sadly, missing his wings, but not wanting Dean to pity him, either. Sensing Cas’ changing mood, Dean keeps holding Cas around his belly, but leans his upper body back to try kissing Cas’ left ‘wing.’ He’s hesitant because of the little projections and his wordless staring has Cas fearing Dean’s seeing him as broken, now. Dean kisses the flesh near where the ‘wing’ emerges and Cas groans in relief, his fingers stroking the tops of Dean’s hands in gratitude. Since there are less ‘spines’ on top, Dean moves his face closer, trying to find a spot to kiss. Cas tenses again in his arms, so he quickly presses his pillowly lips against the top - ‘spines’ be damned. Cas lets out a little gasp and shivers. Glad it didn’t hurt his lips and pleased with Cas’ reaction, Dean starts to ask, “Is this…”

But Cas cuts him off, whispering, _“please, don’t, stop,”_ as he continues shaking in Dean’s arms. Spurred on, Dean places kisses down the main ‘bone,’ as best he can. He can’t get all of his lips right up against it like he wants to, because of the ‘spines,’ but he doesn’t want to deny Cas what he _can_ do – he’ll work on technique, later. Cas is letting out little moans and shuddering from his ministrations and Dean smiles wide with a mischievous thought. Picking the path before he attempts it, he sticks the tip of his tongue out and licks a path along the main ‘bone,’ basically slaloming his tongue around the ‘spines.' Cas practically screams in startled bliss – and before Dean knows what’s happening, his stinging face is pressed against Cas’ back, further down than before, as Cas (who is now on his lap) is grinding his ass back up against his dick.

 ** _“OHHhhh!”_  ** Dean groans loudly, shuddering as his eyes flick black. _“Cas! Baby! Please!”_   he yells, as he grips Cas tight around the waist, trying to get control of everything he’s feeling, while still figuring out what’s going on. His tongue is a bit numb from licking Cas’ grace and his face feels similar; though there are definitely points of sharper pain along his lips, cheek, and chin. He sits up straighter, sliding his face up the skin of Cas’ back, and realizes he’s practically locked his arms around the angel; the fingers of each of his hands gripping the opposing wrist tight. Cas’ hands are gripping the armrests of Dean’s chair, the knees of his spread legs around the outside of Dean's knees, and his feet and shins hooking up against the backs of Dean’s calves. _And he’s still thrusting his ass back and up against Dean’s dick._ Dean laughs as his self-control starts to slip, finding Cas’ out of control behavior delightful. He’s fighting against slipping a hand into Cas’ boxers and around his dick, while still keeping a firm grasp on the angel – his fingers alternating how tight they’re gripping his wrists; trying to decide whether or not to let go. Cas has got him _very_   hard and as he’s focusing on keeping his wrists locked together, his tail subconsciously slithers up and around Cas’ left leg, spiraling as it climbs like a vine.

 _“OH!_ Dean? What?!” Cas yelps, as he feels Dean’s tail slide up under his pants leg, his thrusting hips slowing in startled confusion. The lessening of the pleasure to his dick breaks Dean’s control over his hands, and he does what he was trying not to. His left hand slides into Cas’ pants and around his cock, starting to stroke him, as his tail inches further up, squeezing Cas’ leg tight, while he continues gripping the angel around his waist with his right arm.

 _ **“Gonna get ya, now, baby,”**_   Dean laughs, nearly all his self-control gone. Cas quickly looks back at Dean and his blue eyes go wide when he sees his black eyes and smirk. Cas tries to get off Dean’s lap and stand up, but he can’t break free from his grasp. _“Where ya goin, sweetheart? The fun’s just starting,”_ he teases, starting to thrust against Cas’ ass, while simultaneously pulling the angel in towards himself.

“Oh, Dean, no!” Cas pants out, as he struggles to escape. His efforts only turn Dean on more and he thrusts harder – causing Cas to moan out in pleasure he wishes he didn’t feel.

 _“That’s it, sweetheart,”_   Dean croons, “You make such pretty noises for me, Cas.”

“Please, Dean,” Cas begs, squirming, as Dean’s pumping of his cock and dick against his ass and taint bring him close to orgasm.

“Please, _what,_ Cas?” Dean asks, slowing his stimulation of the angel as he talks, “What do you want? You want me to let you go? Or do you want me inside you?” When Cas shudders and hesitates to reply cause he actually _isn’t_   totally sure what he wants at that moment, Dean says, “I guess it’s ‘Door Number Two!’” and laughs. Cas starts to struggle, again, and Dean adds in a quieter, more sincere voice, “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll get you off, first,” then gently kisses the side of Cas’ neck.

Wondering and hoping this is part of ‘his Dean’ breaking through, Cas pleads, “Dean, please, don’t. You don’t want to do this.”

 _“Ah, but ya see, Cas,"_  Dean breathes deeply, _" **I do,”**_ then sucks on the end of one of Cas' ‘spines' as he jacks him hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I feel dirty._ Ah, I'll get over it. There's more in the next chapter.
> 
> Since "slaloming" is such a weird-ass looking word, I don't want anyone to think it's a typo. It's what skiers do when they whoosh in-and-out of the flags down a course, alternating sides. _Right?_ Cause I'm **so** not a skier, lol.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning -- Rape/Non-Con(sent)/Dub-Con(sent)**   
>  **This chapter is worse than the previous one, FYI.**

_"Please, what, Cas?” Dean asks, slowing his stimulation of the angel as he talks, “What do you want? You want me to let you go? Or do you want me inside you?” When Cas shudders and hesitates to reply cause he actually isn’t  totally sure what he wants at that moment, Dean says, “I guess it’s ‘Door Number Two!’” and laughs. Cas starts to struggle, again, and Dean adds in a quieter, more sincere voice, “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll get you off, first,” then gently kisses the side of Cas’ neck._

_Wondering and hoping this is part of ‘his Dean’ breaking through, Cas pleads, “Dean, please, don’t. You don’t want to do this.”_

_“Ah, but ya see, Cas," Dean breathes deeply, " **I do,”** then sucks on the end of one of Cas' ‘spines' as he jacks him hard._

All the stimulation: his naked grace inside Dean’s hot, wet, soft mouth, being sucked and licked; Dean’s fist pumping his cock roughly, with his hand twisting just so; Dean’s hard dick thrusting against the cleft of his ass, taint, and back of his balls; Dean’s tail wrapped tight around his left leg, squeezing like a python, the tip tickling his inner thigh – is _far too much_ for Castiel and he lurches forward in Dean’s grasp, as he cums harder than he ever has, while practically screaming. Still spurting, the sensations still too much, he can’t absorb them all at once and his focus flits from one to another, as his body seizes with another release. The combination of sensations is the most intense physical pleasure Cas has ever known, but his thoughts and emotions are a horrible, jumbled mess. This isn’t ‘his Dean’ doing this to him, he thinks; it’s the darker, more evil part of his demonic nature. Cas’ thoughts are interrupted when his body shudders yet again, expelling his last load, which dribbles down his spent dick. Still shaking with ‘after-shocks,’ Cas feels Dean’s lips pressing soft kisses along the back of his neck and his thrusting lessens to more of a fast, enthusiastic roll – though his dick is still harder than ever. _“That’s it, baby,”_ Dean’s voice soothes as Cas shudders, _“I gotcha; it’s ok.”_

 _“Dean…”_ Cas responds in a weak, sad voice – too exhausted in every way to say or do more, as he nearly goes limp in Dean’s hold.

 _“It’s ok, baby,”_ Dean whispers, his tail releasing its grip and sliding on down, _“I got you.”_ The flat, triangular tip of his tail strokes Cas’ leg lovingly, in almost a caress, as it slides out from under his pants leg. Dean wipes his wet left hand on Cas’ now quite-stained pants, along the inner thigh – then groans, as if in pain, as he pulls Cas back into his crotch, starting to thrust harder, again. Dean grunts, _“oh, Cas, fuck,”_ as the pace of his thrusts increase, the head of his cock pounding hard against Cas’ clothed, but still oversensitive lower body. Cas wants to help ‘his Dean’ regain control, but he’s still too wrecked himself – and Dean’s thrusts are making him hard, again. All Cas can do for the moment is hold on and moan. When Dean breathes out in a high-pitched, pained whine, _“oh… I… I can’t…”_ Cas isn’t sure if he’s talking to him – or to himself.

He doesn’t have to wonder long, as Dean suddenly throws him roughly to the floor, chuckling darkly behind him. Cas lands on his hands and knees, his legs weak and wobbly beneath him. Cas starts to get up, but Dean reaches down and grabs him firmly by the back of his belt, saying in a strong sure voice, “You ain’t goin _nowhere.”_

Cas’ eyes briefly go wide in panic from being grabbed, but when he hears Dean’s words and tone of voice, his eyes become fierce and his mouth tight with anger. While he still has some grace he can use to defend himself – he’s saving it in case they can’t save Dean and he has to smite him. He waits til he's hauled to his feet by the back of his belt, then quickly turns and sucker-punches the demon; this isn’t his lover or beloved, best friend or brother, anymore – he’s a threat. When Dean’s momentarily stunned from the punch, Cas rips himself out of his grasp and backs up to square off against him.

 _“OH!_ You wanna fight, huh?” Dean laughs, when he turns back and sees Cas with his fists up, face pissed. His body language relaxed, Dean says with relish, _“Good,_ it’s been a while,” and lunges at Cas, his hands grabbing him around the waist as they both go down. When they hit the floor, Cas realizes escape might be the wisest course of action, at this time. He tries to quickly crawl past the painted boundary of the devil’s trap to safety, but Dean grabs him by his belt, drags him back, and sits on his lower legs. When Cas feels Dean slip his right hand into his boxers, rubbing his ass – he momentarily freezes in shock and fear.

“Dean, what are you doing?” he blurts out in a startled voice, glancing back as he tries to crawl out of the demon’s hold.

“Whaddya think I’m doin?” Dean replies, looking at the angel like ‘that’s a stupid question,’ while kneading his right ass check. Cas resumes trying to claw his way out of Dean’s hold, but the demon has either gotten stronger or he was holding back before – and his words come back to haunt Cas, when he realizes he _isn’t_ going anywhere. Dean slides his right hand out of Cas’ pants and places the bottle of lube in it with his tail, while the fingers of his left hand stay wrapped tightly around Cas’ belt. Dean opens the pop-top of the bottle one-handedly, tilts it, and expertly squirts some of the lube into his right hand, _with_ his right hand – in a different time and place; it might be a little impressive.

His anxiety over being trapped and nearly powerless causes Cas’ breathing to increase. “No, Dean, no,” he tries to reason with him; to talk him out of what he’s planning to do. Cas is running out of options, here.

“Soon you’ll be saying, _‘Yes, Dean, yes,’”_ the demon smirks back, as he carefully slides his cupped hand into Cas boxers, applying the lube onto and into the angel’s hole. As Dean’s finger breaches Cas’ ass, the angel yelps and unconsciously thrusts his ass back upon it. He’s startled by the new and unusual sensation, but doesn’t find it unpleasant. _“Fuck, Cas, relax, relax,”_ Dean grits out, as he works more lube into the hole with his finger. At first, the angel stilled merely to observe the sensation, but as Dean works, the feeling becomes more pleasurable and Cas’ muscles start to relax, as a few little moans escape his lips. _“That’s it, baby,”_ Dean encourages approvingly, _“That’s it,”_ and Cas feels himself starting to get hard, again. “This is gonna feel so good, Cas; you’re gonna love it,” he promises, as he slips another finger in, rubbing and stroking the angel’s walls as he spreads the lube. When he starts scissoring his fingers, all Cas’ thoughts of escape or resistance are momentarily forgotten. Dean removes his fingers to get more lube and Cas lets out a little disappointed whine. “I know, I know,” Dean chuckles, as he drizzles more lube onto his hand, holding the bottle upside-down with his tail. He slicks his dick up, then shudders… slowly releasing his grip on Cas’ belt.

Dean sits there for a moment with closed eyes, before grimacing and groaning painfully. Cas turns to look at him; unwittingly discovering Dean’s no longer holding onto his belt. “Dean?” Cas asks, hopeful.

His black eyes open under furrowed brows, and Dean looks and sounds confused, as he asks in a gentle voice, “You want… do you want this?”

“Dean?!” Cas asks excitedly, pulling his legs as he tries to sit up. Dean gets off Cas’ legs and sits back on the floor without a second thought. Still looking out of it, Cas asks, “Is that _you?_ Are you alright?” as he scoots around to face him better.

“You want me, right, Cas?” Dean asks, his voice quiet and sincere. When Cas hesitates because he doesn’t know what to say, it sparks something in Dean. His face twitches a little by his cheek, one of his black eyes almost closing as he groans deeply. Suddenly, he throws both his hands down hard to the stone floor; palms down, fingers spread. Breathing hard as he slowly raises his head to look at Cas, he says simply and quietly, “Go.” When Cas’ brows start to lower in confusion, Dean’s upper lip starts to curl into a sneer and he yells angrily, _“GO!”_ Startled, Cas scoots back and starts scrambling to his feet, but before he can get both feet on the ground, Dean unexpectedly pushes him hard, knocking him out of the devil’s trap while yelling, “OUT!”

Cas staggers backward over the trap’s boundary line, tripping a bit and nearly losing his balance, but he catches himself. He starts angrily stalking back towards the trap, at a speed showing he intends to walk right back over the line, as he yells, “Dean!”

Panicked and pissed – and with his boner still awkwardly sticking out of his underwear – Dean throws his hands out to his sides in frustration, as he bellows -- in an unexpected, loud and deep demonic voice --  ** _“NO! OUT!”_**   His expression briefly registers his shock, fear, and confusion at the terrifying voice – but is quickly replaced with his previous, angry-looking knit brows. Cas was startled into stopping and he stands outside the trap, his lips slightly parted, as he eyes Dean with confusion, awe, and concern. Dean slides his legs back to lay face-down on the floor, his black eyes not leaving Cas’. **“Stay. Out.”** he warns in the same demonic voice as before, though not as loud or angry, this time. He turns his head and briefly lays his cheek on the floor, before looking back to Cas with an unreadable expression on his face – grinding, then thrusting against the cold stone floor. He looks away, again, closing his eyes and grunting and groaning in his demonic voice, as his fingers claw at the stones of the floor, while he thrusts harder and more violently; his tail twitching and flailing about him in tortured patterns, as it rolls along the backs of his legs and skims along the floor.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning - Rape/Non-con(sent)/Dub-con(sent)**  
>  **This is Cas' 'rape shower' scene.** I... don't know why I did it. I try to make my stories pretty realistic, but this got very uncomfortably realistic. Like, I want to vomit right now. But I didn't want to gloss over it, for some reason. So, yeah, ya might want to skip this chapter if you think it might bother you. Cas is alone in the bathroom  & his memories aren't graphically described (just referred to), but I relate some of the horribleness he's feeling over the attack.

_Cas staggers backward over the trap’s boundary line, tripping a bit and nearly losing his balance, but he catches himself. He starts angrily stalking back towards the trap, at a speed showing he intends to walk right back over the line, as he yells, “Dean!”_

_Panicked and pissed – and with his boner still awkwardly sticking out of his underwear – Dean throws his hands out to his sides in frustration, as he bellows -- in an unexpected, loud and deep demonic voice -- **“NO! OUT!”**   His expression briefly registers his shock, fear, and confusion at the terrifying voice – but is quickly replaced with his previous, angry-looking knit brows. Cas was startled into stopping and he stands outside the trap, his lips slightly parted, as he eyes Dean with confusion, awe, and concern. Dean slides his legs back to lay face-down on the floor, his black eyes not leaving Cas’.  **“Stay. Out.”**  he warns in the same demonic voice as before, though not as loud or angry, this time. He turns his head and briefly lays his cheek on the floor, before looking back to Cas with an unreadable expression on his face – grinding, then thrusting against the cold stone floor. He looks away, again, closing his eyes and grunting and groaning in his demonic voice, as his fingers claw at the stones of the floor, while he thrusts harder and more violently; his tail twitching and flailing about him in tortured patterns, as it rolls along the backs of his legs and skims along the floor._

Confused and frightened, and – as his traitorous dick informs him – also aroused by Dean’s display, Cas’ instincts tell him to flee. He nearly trips over his own feet, again, as he awkwardly backs out of the dungeon; his eyes never leaving Dean’s nearly naked, writhing form. Cas’ fingers mindlessly undo the lock, then open and shut the door, without using any grace to lock it behind him, as he wanders down the hall in a daze. Moving on auto-pilot; too many thoughts and emotions swirling within him for any one to take precedence, Cas makes his way to Dean’s room, but stops and backs out of the open doorway, when he realizes what he’s doing. Still numb, he shuffles on down to the communal bathroom, then finally starts coming to his senses.

When Cas catches a glimpse of himself in one of the mirrors, his heart and stomach both sink and he tries to look away, but only succeeds in keeping his gaze off his face. The shoulders of his bare torso are slumped in defeat, his navy dress pants rumpled and stained with semen, and his fucking leather belt is still fastened securely around his waist, the metal buckle almost laughing at him in ridicule; mocking him. In a fit of rage, Cas quickly undoes the belt, whipping it out of the loops, and throwing it hard, as far away from himself as possible. The unexpected sound of the buckle breaking tile makes Cas flinch and instantly feel like crying. Instead, breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself and ward off the tears, he slowly makes his way to one of the stalls, so he can sit down to think. Before he can, however, the whirl of competing emotions growing inside him makes him nauseous, and he falls to his knees in front of the toilet, heaving liquid from his mouth. He gags and wretches, again, before being able to breathe free.

Feeling a bit better, Cas stares at the liquid in the bowl, wondering how he has anything to vomit up at all. He hadn’t used his grace to remove the whiskey from his system from the night before, but his body should have absorbed the alcohol by now. He’s just about to get concerned, when he remembers he had a cup of coffee, earlier, in an attempt to stave off his fatigue. Focusing on the here-and-now, rather than letting his mind fully slip back into remembering recent events, is helping Cas feel better. Moving his face away from the toilet to sit back on his knees more, the squishy wetness of his boxers, pants, and body makes Cas want to hurl, again. He fights off the feeling and stands, making his way over to the showers.

Going emotionally numb, again, he mindlessly slips off his clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor. He’s barely even thinking, just trying to take care of what he has to do. He pulls the curtain closed, then takes the bar of soap in hand, turning the handle of the shower. Once the water hits him, everything else seems to hit him at once, too – his emotions cascade like a waterfall; threatening to overwhelm him. He leans back against the side wall of the shower, tears flowing now, as he slides almost all the way down to the tile floor. Not wanting to sit his ass down on the floor and trying to get a hold of himself, he coughs and forces himself back up, pausing to cry some more, while leaning against the wall. Exhaling deeply, he moves back under the water and tries to clean his body the best he can, without getting too emotional. Washing his face, scrubbing it, then moving to his arms and shoulders is actually making him feel a lot better. But when it’s time to wash lower, his soapy hand pauses its glide across his stomach, as memories threaten to take over. He stands there, breathing deeply for a moment, then gets pissed and has the urge to slam his fists up against the tiles of the wall, breaking them – but keeps his hands still and continues to breathe deep. He quickly washes his penis and balls, without looking down and purposely keeping his mind blank, as he stares straight ahead at the tiled wall in front of him.

When Cas sweeps a soapy hand over the curve of his right ass cheek, the memory of Dean doing the same hits him hard – and he hates himself for it, but he enjoys the memory of the feeling. Cas’ hand stills as he tries to figure out his emotions. He’s not really upset, right now. His hand falls from his cheek at that realization and his confusion. Shouldn’t this be upsetting him more than anything, right now, he wonders. He soaps up his hand, again, and slides it over the same spot. It feels good and he’s starting to get a little aroused. More curious than disturbed by the reaction, he starts trying to figure out why he feels that way, when the nausea comes back. He decides to stop thinking about it and quickly washes his behind with a few, quick sweeps of his hand, while fighting off the sick sensation. It lessens as Cas briefly washes his thighs and lets the soap run down to get his lower legs. He’s done with this shower, now. He briefly rinses his whole body, turning this way and that, then goes off in search of a towel so quickly he almost forgets to turn the water off.

He quickly finds a little table stacked with folded towels, grabs one and wraps it around himself. When he glances at the little mound of his clothes on the floor, he makes a little disgusted face and grabs another towel. He walks over and throws that towel on top of his clothes, then flips everything over, gathering his clothes (even his shoes) into a little bundle without having to touch any of them. He sighs when he remembers his dress shirt, tie, suit jacket, and trench are still in the dungeon – all of them in the trap with Dean, except for his tie. He stands up slowly with unfocused eyes as he remembers Dean telling him to leave his tie outside of the trap. He turns towards the door for a second, with the bundle in his hands, then turns back, thinking.

Dean was trying to protect him… from himself. And when he shoved him out of the trap – he was trying to get Cas to safety, wasn’t he? Cas’ dark eyebrows lower and his eyes get more intense, moving a little from side-to-side quickly as he ponders, while standing there barefoot in a green towel. He’d originally thought Dean was angry with him, because he hesitated to answer him, when he seemed to get control of himself and asked if Cas wanted him. He thought Dean was saying ‘Go’ because he thought Cas was rejecting him and hurt by it, thus dismissing him. But that wasn’t the case, was it? Cas looks back at the door, as he considers going back to the dungeon to talk to Dean. His clothes are in there, anyway. As well as Dean’s, which also need a washing. Cas grimaces, knowing he’s probably going to go back in there and knowing he probably shouldn’t. He’s going to make _yet another_ mistake, he knows it. He sighs deeply and hangs his head. Well, whatever he decides to do, he has to get dressed, first. Having discarded the clothes he stole as a human, Cas realizes he’ll have to wear some of Dean’s – since Sam’s are too big for his body. Cas rolls his eyes and wonders if Dean has anything that _won’t_ make him look like a lumberjack, as he walks off down the hall to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to dial back the angst & get some more fluff into this, asap -- cause I need it, too, y'all.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **The trap in my story is different than the one on the show.**_ On the show, it looks like it's made up of the stones of the floor itself, which is awesome, but wouldn't they need at least one movable stone to get a demon out? Like one stone could slide in  & be pulled out? Well, anyway...
> 
>  **The devil's trap in my story is just painted on the ground.** And I'm thinking it was done with some sort of liquid paint, cause I'm not sure if you could scuff spray paint. So, something kinda like acrylic or tempra paint... _but not that easily scrape-able..._ so like house paint? Bust out a can of paint & brush? Idk. None of them would actually be stupid enough to use that kind of paint on the show (they've used spray paint a lot, though), so I kinda have to toss them the ['idiot ball'](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/IdiotBall) to make this plausible, lol. ;)
> 
> There won't be any more horribleness for awhile, y'all. I think I finally got my dominoes set up correctly for the next few chapters. Time to push 'em & see if they fall right. ;)

_Dean was trying to protect him… from himself. And when he shoved him out of the trap – he was trying to get Cas to safety, wasn’t he? Cas’ dark eyebrows lower and his eyes get more intense, moving a little from side-to-side quickly as he ponders, while standing there barefoot in a green towel. He’d originally thought Dean was angry with him, because he hesitated to answer him, when he seemed to get control of himself and asked if Cas wanted him. He thought Dean was saying ‘Go’ because he thought Cas was rejecting him and hurt by it, thus dismissing him. But that wasn’t the case, was it? Cas looks back at the door, as he considers going back to the dungeon to talk to Dean. His clothes are in there, anyway. As well as Dean’s, which also need a washing. Cas grimaces, knowing he’s probably going to go back in there and knowing he probably shouldn’t. He’s going to make yet another mistake, he knows it. He sighs deeply and hangs his head. Well, whatever he decides to do, he has to get dressed, first. Having discarded the clothes he stole as a human, Cas realizes he’ll have to wear some of Dean’s – since Sam’s are too big for his body. Cas rolls his eyes and wonders if Dean has anything that won’t make him look like a lumberjack, as he walks off down the hall to his room._

Not long after Cas fled the dungeon, the demon began ejaculating between his stomach and the hard stone floor; the angel’s fear perversely heightening his arousal and pushing him to climax faster. Still thrusting between spurts, he sordidly enjoys the physical sensation of his hot wet body sliding against the cold unyielding floor. Finally spent, Dean opens his black eyes to look for Cas, just in case his growing demonic powers were wrong, when they told him the angel had fled. The empty room proving him right, the demon’s lips curve into a pleased little half-smile; he’s getting better at this. As his eyes scan the room, he notices something different in his peripheral vision and his eyes zero in on it. The florescent red paint of the trap’s wide boundary line is now scuffed, revealing some of the floor underneath. Dean slithers forward a little on his stomach, to get a better look. Yes – there are now three wide, crescent-shaped scuffs on the line – one of which breaks the inner edge. The scuffs (unfortunately) do not completely cut across the _entire_ boundary line to break the trap, but the first breaks through the start and the next scuff isconnected to the first in a brief spot. The third scuff, closer to the outer edge of the boundary line, is separate, however. The demon’s half-smile turns into a little smirk as he decides to see if this effects the strength of the trap. He slowly extends a finger to the edge and hisses _"Shit!"_  at the burn… but it _does_ hurt _less_ than before. Realizing the angel must’ve scraped the paint with his dress shoes, when he shoved him across the line -- Dean grins wide; his white teeth showing between full pink lips, as his shiny black eyes gaze longingly at the file room door and he breathes, “Cas…”

~*~*~*~

At first pleased at remembering Dean has ‘Fed clothes,’ Cas decides against wearing them when he sees the belt loops of the dress pants. He sighs and drops them where he found them, realizing it’s a better strategy to select clothing that’s not easily grabbed – or is easier to maneuver out of, in case he is… again. So; no belt. Cas pushes his bottom lip out in chagrin, remembering the _most recent times_ ‘he’s screwed up.’ Perhaps his usual attire isn’t appropriate… but he’s not wearing any fucking plaid. Since the only other pants Dean seems to own are jeans; that’s what his pants are going to have to be. Perhaps that’s good, because it’s more difficult to get a grip on denim? Weighing the pros and cons of button-downs vs. t-shirts; he decides against a dress shirt because of the long sleeves. Short-sleeve button-down it is, then: but what color? The light blue is nice, but doesn’t project a powerful or strong enough image. Red is a strong color, but too confrontational, and Dean’s red shirt is lying soiled in the dungeon, anyway. Cas doesn’t want to wear the army green shirt – that one is just too much _Dean’s_ for comfort. The angel doesn’t even notice he rubs the fabric of the green shirt a bit fondly as he thumbs on to the next. Dark blue: not weak… serious, mysterious, considered masculine by many in Western society, color of the evening sky -- **_yes._** Dean apparently only owns two pairs of shoes – his boots in the dungeon and some dress shoes for his Fed outfit. Cas doesn’t think dress shoes will look quite right with the jeans and dark blue button-down, but they will have to do. Holding the sole of Dean’s dress shoe flat against the sole of his foot, Cas realizes he and Dean don’t have the same size feet. Cas' dress shoes came with his vessel, so they fit well. The angel fishes them and his dress socks out of the bundled towel and puts them on -- then stands and evaluates himself in the mirror. _Not too bad_ , he thinks. Miles better than he looked in the bathroom mirror, earlier, anyway. Cas sighs, hanging his head and absent-mindedly rubbing his fingers roughly through his hair, almost as if he’s trying to brush the memory away – and unintentionally giving himself some pretty hot bedhead, in the process. Cas grabs the towel he used to dry himself off with from Dean’s bed and is just about to gather up the bundled towel containing his soiled clothing, when Sam spots him as he’s walking down the hall and ducks in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Odd place to end a chapter, I know. But I left y'all hanging with sadness for awhile, so... here's this while I write some more. Oh and buckle up, cause stuff is about to get _crazy,_ y'all. (But in a good way!)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, maybe there is a bit more horrible to go through. I'm sorry.  
> Cas tells Sam what happened, so **Rape/Non-Con(sent)/Dub-Con(sent) warning** again.  
>  But... Sam to the rescue! _Kinda... sorta..._

_Cas grabs the towel he used to dry himself off with from Dean’s bed and is just about to gather up the bundled towel containing his soiled clothing, when Sam spots him as he’s walking down the hall and ducks in._

Since it’s been approximately six hours since Sam’s last seen him, he excitedly flings a barrage of questions at Cas, as he walks through the door; “Hey, you’re finally out! So, how’d it go? How’s Dean?”

Quickly trying to conceal his embarrassingly soiled clothes and also not wanting to talk about how this session _had _ started out so well – until ‘he blew it and let them all down, again’ – Cas’ demeanor becomes evasive and awkward. Trying to figure out what to say, the angel hesitates and cradles the bundled towels in his arms.

“What’s that?” Sam asks, pointing and looking at the towels. Before Cas can think of a reply, Sam looks up and squints his eyes when he notices Cas' damp hair, “Did you take a shower?”

 _ **Could you ask any more horrible questions?**  _ Cas thinks, staring at the younger Winchester with narrow eyes, before simply replying, “Yes.”

“O-kay.” Sam hesitates for a moment, then says, “So?”

“So?” Cas asks, not knowing which of Sam’s questions he wants answered first.

Sam huffs a little laugh and asks, “So, how’s Dean doing? How did your ’50 Shades of Cas’ thing go?” As Cas is trying to decide what to say; whether to tell him what happened or not – Sam quickly adds, wincing, “With as few details as possible, please. ‘Need to know info only,’ remember.”

 _Ok, I won’t tell him._ “Of course,” Cas responds in his accepting and understanding tone. He turns and sits on the bed, mindlessly putting the towels next to him, then sighs; wondering how to begin.

 _“Not good?”_   Sam asks in a low concerned voice, slowly sitting on the bench facing the bed.

Cas is apprehensive. He doesn’t want Sam to know the extent of ‘his failure,’ fearing his plans may be further disrupted or Sam might ban him from seeing Dean altogether. But he has to say something. Cas looks up to see Sam’s expectant eyes and he rambles, “Dean was doing very well at the start. He responded to… his punishment well.” Sam continues to stare and Cas adds, “He was able to control himself better and for a longer period of time than before."

“Well… that sounds good, but you don’t look happy. Did something go wrong?” Cas looks down; feeling embarrassed, sad, and ashamed, and sighs deeply. _“Cas, what is it?”_   Sam asks, worried. Cas can’t think of what to say; his emotions are getting the better of him. He doesn’t want to lie to Sam, but he doesn’t know what to do. When Sam senses his distress and puts his hand lightly on Cas’ knee in support, the angel flinches a bit. They look up at each other and Sam sees tears in Cas’ eyes, making his anxiety shoot through the roof. “Cas, _what happened?!”_   Sam almost shouts.

Unable to look Sam in the eyes, Cas shakes his head from side-to-side, while looking down at the mattress and laments, “I messed up, again, Sam! I’m so sorry!” He throws his hands down listlessly and glances up.

Starting to fear that his brother’s dead… or, well… no longer existing, Sam yells - the fear and dread evident in his voice, “What did you _do ,_ Cas?! What happened to Dean? _Is he ok?”_

Feeling a bit threatened and wanting to calm Sam down, Cas blurts out, “I… I fell asleep in the trap with him. I shouldn’t have gone in there. But, it was ok for a while, but…”

“But what?”

A few tears streak down Cas’ face and in a weak, wavering voice he admits, “He… he lost control, again… and,” the angel sighs, regaining a bit of his composure and continuing in a steadier voice, “he... attacked me, again.” Cas looks up at Sam sadly, his light blue eyes shining with tears.

Sam’s demeanor instantly changes to concern for Cas, “What did he do, Cas?” he asks much quieter.

The angel gestures helplessly with his hand for a few seconds, staring at the bed, and at a loss for words. When he does speak, though, his voice  _almost_  sounds normal -- though he doesn’t look up, “He… he… he _violated me.”_

“What?” Sam says quietly, kneeling down next to the bed at the news. His hand reaches forward towards Cas, but he thinks better of it and stops short, putting it on the mattress, instead. _“Are you… did… did he?”_ Sam flounders for a bit, then his voice grows louder and more intense with concern as he quickly says, “Cas, tell me exactly what he did, okay? Body parts and everything, I don’t care.”

Looking panicked, horrified, and ashamed, Cas quickly looks away then back at Sam a few times, without speaking. The fear, sadness, and caring concern on Sam’s face compels him to speak, though, “I… _I don’t know if I can do that, Sam,”_ he admits in a low, gravelly voice.

“Okay… ok,” Sam says nodding earnestly; quietly accepting and understanding. He gives a long sigh and hangs his head, looking down at the floor, “Cas… I gotta ask, okay, man? Just so… just so I know we’re talkin about the same thing, here, okay?” he says apologetically, while still looking down. “Did he…” Sam sighs then forces himself to ask the rest of the question, “penetrate you?” The younger Winchester doesn’t look up, he just listens for Cas’ response.

Cas gives a long sigh, still looking at the bed and not quite sure what to say. _“Uh… well,”_   he fumbles, then gives a brief sigh and says, _“Yes…_ digitally.”

Sam’s head shoots up to face him, quickly and hopefully asking, “But _not?”_

“No,” Cas confirms, now looking at Sam, whose face starts to look relieved. “But… _he was going to,”_  Cas grudgingly admits.

Sam’s eyes are fierce when they flick back at Cas, “He was?”

“Yes.”

And now Sam looks pissed. He rubs his hand slowly and firmly across his mouth; his eyes intense, but distant. He quickly stands and looks ahead at nothing, slowly shaking his head and pushing out his bottom lip in disbelief. “That son of a bitch,” he says quietly to himself, his anger rising. He looks at Cas and yells, _“That son of a bitch!”_ and quickly turns, stalking out of the room, one of his long arms swinging out to his side in emotion, as he speed-walks down the hallway towards the dungeon.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna start gettin good, now, y'all! ;D

_And now Sam looks pissed. He rubs his hand slowly and firmly across his mouth; his eyes intense, but distant. He quickly stands and looks ahead at nothing, slowly shaking his head and pushing out his bottom lip in disbelief. “That son of a bitch,” he says quietly to himself, his anger rising. He looks at Cas and yells, “That son of a bitch!” and quickly turns, stalking out of the room, one of his long arms swinging out to his side in emotion, as he speed-walks down the hallway towards the dungeon._

Cas gets off the bed, following him, shouting, “Sam. Sam! Where are you going?”

 _“Where do you think?”_   Sam responds in a seething voice, not looking back or breaking the quicker stride his long legs give him.

Cas’ blue eyes widen in alarm, his voice panicked as he shouts, “NO! Sam! Wait! NO! _He will kill you!_ **STOP!”** while scrambling behind; not able to teleport to catch up, because of his missing wings.

Turning the corner, Cas just sees the back of Sam's shirt disappearing through the open file room/dungeon door and breaks into a sprint. Inside, Dean’s casually standing in the trap, looking away and down at the floor, as Sam rushes him at full speed. The demon turns his head just before Sam gets to him, saying in a mock pleasant greeting, “Well, hiya,” Sam lands a punch to the demon’s face so hard, that Dean falls back into the chair before he can quietly groan ‘Sammy.’ Sam quickly slams one of the demon-proof handcuffs shut on Dean’s wrist – when he grabs the armrests to push himself back up – and Sam winds up to punch him, again – when Cas yanks Sam back out of the trap by his arm; getting between the brothers. Dean stands to fight back, one wrist cuffed to the chair behind him – but Cas glares down at him, eyes glowing blue with grace – and it makes the demon pause long enough for Cas to shove him down, quickly locking the other handcuff with his grace. When Dean looks to that wrist, surprised, Cas also snaps the ankle cuffs shut with his grace, while the demon is distracted. _“What. the. **Fuck?!”**_ Dean yells, briefly looking at Cas, then on angrily to Sam, while pulling hard at his restraints.

 _“What the fuck?!”_   Sam spits back, charging back into the trap, but Cas puts his arm out across Sam’s chest and shakes his head with a serious face; wordlessly warning him not to get in the demon’s face. Sam heeds the warning and stands to the side and a little behind Cas, yelling at Dean, while throwing his arms out; gesturing wildly as he rants, _“What the…?_   That’s what I should be asking _you!_ _I can’t believe you, Dean!_   I can’t believe you would do _that!_  To **_CAS!_** Of all people! After everything he’s done for us?! For _you?!_   All the times he’s been there!” Even with completely black eyes, Sam can tell Dean just rolled his at him. “And… **_AND –_ **_you fucking love him!”_   Sam declares. That snaps Dean’s attention back and Cas stands a little straighter, looking from Sam to Dean, as Sam continues shouting, “Not just wanna fuck him. Not just ‘best friends’ or _‘buddies,’_ like you always say!” Sam points to Cas with each word, while yelling at the bound Dean, “You. **_Love._** Him! And _this_ is what you do!? _This?!?_ How could you, Dean?! **How?!”**

The demon quirks his lips in a dismissive ‘whatever’ expression, quickly glancing away and back, then says in a ‘gimmie a break’ tone of voice, _“What?!_ He _liked it!”_

That causes Cas to lose his shit and he starts punching the bound demon in the face – hard and repeatedly – while snarling, “You fucker! _I trusted you!”_

The demon smiles back smugly, a little blood trickling from the corner of his mouth, “Well _that_   was your _first_ mistake.”

Cas’ anger gives way to a feeling of helpless sadness and he turns away, wandering out of the trap slowly, his arms hanging by his sides. Sam’s face turns from Dean to Cas, and he walks over to try to say something to comfort the angel. Before he can, though, Dean shouts, “Hey, Cas?” reclaiming angel's attention. When Cas looks back to him, Dean licks the blood from the side of his mouth, seductively, as it’s healing, and smirks, “I’ve got some _more fun_ planned for you, sweetheart,” then winks at him with a jet black eye. Cas looks disgusted, causing the demon to chuckle as the angel strides out of the room. Sam watches Cas go, then slowly turns his head, giving Dean a disgusted and disbelieving look. The younger (yet taller) brother makes to leave, but thinks better of it and punches the demon one last time, hard in the face, before stalking out of the dungeon and slamming the door.

Once alone, black eyes stealthily look down at the boundary line of the devil’s trap – and Dean smiles wide when he sees his brother and lover appear to have made enough additional scuffs and marks through the paint to go completely through the line to break the trap. He’d hoped riling them up would do the trick. His smile grows wider, showing his teeth, as he casually and triumphantly settles back into his chair; pleased with himself. _Now_   all he has to do is bide his time and get out of these cuffs... again.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, things are gonna get weird... and by 'weird,' I mean _awesome!_
> 
> **Disclaimer: Don't try this at home. There are so many violations of BDSM practices/rules/etiquette (whatever you want to call it) in this story that it's crazy, lol. This is UNSAFE, INSANE, & NON-CONSENSUAL... so, yeah.**
> 
> **ALSO \-- I know next to nothing about cock cages, but there are incredibly serious risks in using them ('fractured penis' among them - don't Google that). I'm gonna gloss over that  & the use of it in my story will NOT be true to real life, ok? Just wanna make that clear.**
> 
> **WARNING: Photo of an adult nature at end of chapter (no nudity).**

Sam emerges from the file room to see Cas standing dejectedly in the hallway, facing away from him, but not far off. Cas’ posture makes him look defeated; his shoulders deeply slumped as he stares at the ground with bowed head. Sam’s glad Cas’ isn’t wearing his trench coat for once – the way it hangs down low by his legs often makes him appear even sadder, when he’s upset like this. His anger dispersing at seeing the angel, Sam walks up behind him and puts an arm around his shoulder. Cas doesn’t flinch this time, but when he slowly looks up with those heartbroken eyes, his eyebrows and eyelids slanting in that despairing, yet questioning way, it almost crushes Sam. “He’s right,” Cas says sadly and quietly.

 _“What?_   Cas, that’s not Dean anymore,” Sam starts.

“Doesn’t matter, Sam,” the angel continues in a despondent voice, “Dean or demon, he’s still right.” Cas looks down, fighting off the tears, then says in a higher-pitched, apologetic voice, “Father help me, I _did_   like some of it.” A tiny whimper of pain escapes Cas’ lips at his ashamed confession. A few tears trail down his face as he looks back up to Sam and declares with hints of anger in his sad voice, “And _now,_ because of my _weakness_ and **_foolishness_** and ridiculous pride… _we’re losing him._ **_And it’s all my fault, Sam!”_**   Cas starts crying harder, as he continues, _“I’m so very sorry, Sam! I’ve failed you both; let you both down, yet again!”_

 ** _“ NO!”_**  Sam declares firmly, but not harshly, pointing to Cas, “Do **_NOT_** start with that _self-blaming_ _bullshit!_   Don’t **_do_** that shit to yourself, Cas! This is **_NOT_** your fault!”

Cas’ expression changes to a mix of confusion and anger, but there’s a tiny hint of hope in his eyes. Before he can protest, Sam preemptively cuts him off, saying, “ ** _NO!_**   Look, it’s common for,” Sam coughs uncomfortably, “victims to blame themselves – but it’s bullshit! Trust me… _I know.”_ Cas’ protest dies in his throat as he considers _all_   the abuse Lucifer must have put Sam through – not just in the cage, but when he served as his vessel, as well. Sam sees Cas is getting it and adds softly, “We all make mistakes, Cas. But that doesn’t mean you deserved anything De… **_he_** did to you.” A few more tears fall from Cas’ grateful and somewhat relieved eyes, as a tentative little smile tries to work its way onto his lips. Sam gives him a sort of ‘half hug’ with the arm he has around his shoulders, in response. “Come on,” he says gently, “let’s go sit and talk.” Cas forces a little smile and they walk off down the hallway together, Sam’s arm still around the angel’s shoulders.

Once seated, Sam says emphatically, “Cas, that _wasn’t_ the real Dean. I know I said he can be a dick and he _can_ , but Dean would never _ever_ do that to you – or anyone else. Even if he was super wasted or whatever. I… _I just kinda lost it when you told me._ The _real _ Dean would be horrified by just the suggestion...” Sam’s words visibly reassure the angel, so he continues. _“I hate that I know this,_ but with the motels and car and all…” Sam absent-mindedly twirls his finger in the air, “When Dean has sex, he’s either being goofy and making it fun for everybody or he’s really…” Sam gags a little, “ _su_ _per sensual and sweet_ about it.” Cas smiles wide, both at the comforting words and cause Sam is rolling his tongue out of his large mouth, like he’s tasted something bad. “That felt gross to say, _bleh.”_ Cas huffs a laugh.

“Thank you, Sam. That _does_ make me feel better. I needed to hear that,” Cas says sincerely, his eyes shining with relief. Sam nods and Cas admits, “Sam, _I need the **real** Dean back.”_

“You and me both,” Sam smiles.

~*~*~*~

Sam and Cas continue talking the rest of the day and into the night; Sam showing Cas sexual assault sites and information that helped him, filling each other in on their respective progress, discussing shared experiences and feelings, researching online and old school, and planning their next moves. Sam informs the angel he’s found a tracking spell he thinks will work and managed to convince Crowley to let him borrow the blade to use with it to track Cain. Crowley had four conditions before agreeing to retrieve the blade for Sam: Dean does _NOT even get near_   the blade, they do the spell _far away_   from the Bunker, they kill Cain with the blade after they get the info they want from him, and they ultimately give the weapon back to Crowley. Cas reveals he wants to try the Cure of Sanctified Blood/’cleansing exorcism’ on Cain, to see if it would be successful on Dean. Sam’s 100% on board with that – he doesn’t want to risk his brother’s ultimate destruction, either, if it isn’t necessary.

~*~*~*~

At one point in their conversation, Cas wants to give up on his ‘Stockholm Syndrome/BDSM’ plan for controlling Dean until they can find a cure for him, thinking it was a stupid idea. But Sam surprises him, arguing he thinks it **_is _** a good idea and that Cas should continue – but only if he wants to and feels he can.

Cas considers whether he thinks he’s capable of continuing with his original plan or not. Looking away with distant eyes, he gives a little laugh and says, “I should put him in a humbler.”

“A what?” Sam blurts out, without thinking.

Cas looks at him and smirks, “In the Middle Ages…”

Sam quickly throws his hand up, interrupting, “Nevermind! _Don’t wanna know.”_   And they both laugh.

“Why do _you_ think it’s a good idea for me to continue?” Cas asks sincerely.

Sam closes his eyes and exhales slowly, then explains, “Well, just keeping him locked up probably isn’t as effective as keeping him locked up _and occupied._ ‘Idle hands’ and all. So the Stockholm thing was to get him to bond even more _‘profoundly’_ with you than before, right? While still keeping him on lockdown?” Cas laughs and nods. “Or, if he escaped, to get him to come back to you because of the ‘trauma bonds.’” Cas gives Sam a look and he responds, “I researched while you were in there the first time.” Cas smiles and Sam continues, “I knew some of it already, of course, but, anyway… So part of this is about controlling his needs; being the _only one_   that fulfills his needs. Since demons don’t need food or water or sleep or even to use the restroom, what other needs does he have that you can exploit?”

“Well, as I hoped, he still desires connections with other beings, including sex… and violence.” Cas says.

“Right,” Sam replies, “so that’s what you can use to control him. And… I just realized I screwed up your plan by going in there, didn’t I?”

“Well... yes. Ideally, I should be the only other being he interacts with, so the bond is stronger – which is one reason I told you to stay out of the dungeon. But we did _get him back in the chair!”_   They both laugh, but then Cas becomes serious and says firmly, “But you _do **need**_   to stay out of there, for your own safety, Sam. He told me to send you away because he’s afraid he may kill you.” Sam nods sadly in understanding.

“Well, if I can’t go in there…”

“I have to,” Cas says.

“But only if you want to, Cas. If you’re up to it and think you can,” Sam quickly reassures.

“I… think I would like to continue, yes. But I have to be more careful and protect myself more,” Cas responds. Sam nods and the angel becomes awkward as he asks, “Sam, there are places that sell… male chastity devices, correct?”

 _“What?!”_   Sam yelps, then becomes speechless.

“I will continue to do everything in my power to help Dean, but I will not place myself at risk of… at risk, again,” Cas declares resolutely. Sam is still staring at him, incredulously. “Is there a business we could purchase such devices from?

“Uh, a sex shop?” Cas shrugs because he doesn’t know, but that sounds likely. “Uh… yeah, probably,” Sam replies, doing a local search on his laptop. _“What_  are you referring to, exactly?” he asks, wincing.

“I’m not sure if humans use them, anymore,” Cas says with shifty eyes, “but in the past, some had devices that prevented men from obtaining erections and so forth.”

Sam huffs a little approving laugh, “I think I know what you’re talking about… and that’s probably not a bad idea, if you do plan to keep going in there with him. Lock him _all the way down,”_ Sam chuckles.

“Ideally, yes,” Cas confirms.

Before Sam turns the computer around for Cas to see, he says emphatically, “Ok, _the only reason_ I know about these things is because some popped up when I was doing a search on ‘Lucifer’s Cage,’ ok? We clear on that?” Cas gives him a baffled look, but nods anyway. _“Ok,”_ Sam turns the laptop around, saying, “is this the kind of thing you’re talking about?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: "Adult photo" at end of this chapter, repeated at the beginning of the next chapter. (no nudity)**


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: Photo of an adult nature at beginning of chapter (no nudity).**  
>  *  
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_“I’m not sure if humans use them, anymore,” Cas says with shifty eyes, “but in the past, some had devices that prevented men from obtaining erections and so forth.”_

_Sam huffs a little approving laugh, “I think I know what you’re talking about… and that’s probably not a bad idea, if you do plan to keep going in there with him. Lock him all the way down,” Sam chuckles._

_“Ideally, yes,” Cas confirms._

_Before Sam turns the computer around for Cas to see, he says emphatically, “Ok, the only reason I know about these things is because some popped up when I was doing a search on ‘Lucifer’s Cage,’ ok? We clear on that?” Cas gives him a baffled look, but nods anyway. “Ok,” Sam turns the laptop around, saying, “is this the kind of thing you’re talking about?”_

 

  

Cas squints at the screen, “Yes... but there is another type that compresses the flaccid member even more, into an almost spherical shape…”

 ** _“WHOA, WHAT?!”_**   Cas shoots Sam another confused glance, at his outburst. “NO! **_NO WAY!_** _HELL NO!_ …Uh, I was just starting to think this was funny, but… **_no._** I can’t let you go that far, Cas. That’s just… **_wow._** Dean might be a demonic asshole right now, but he’s still my brother,” Sam says unequivocally.

Cas pushes out his bottom lip and shrugs his eyebrows, like ‘fair enough,’ then points to the screen, saying, “Would you object to my obtaining and using a device _of this type_  on your brother?”

Sam looks back to the screen, his face serious and considering… at first. Then, trying to hold in a laugh, he says quickly, “Yeah, ok, you can do that,” and does laugh. His demeanor changes and he says, “But, seriously, though, is this… will that be enough protection for you? I mean… _couldn’t he still… ya know?”_

“He could _try it,_ but if it sexually aroused him enough, he would soon be in quite a bit of pain,” Cas explains. “Besides, I don’t plan on releasing him from the chair again, until I have _much better control over him.”_

Starting to understand how a cock cage works, Sam’s eyes grow wide and his face alarmed, as he asks, “Cas… you… um… _he couldn’t break his dick in this thing, could he?!_ Like _permanent_ damage?”

“Injury is possible,” Cas replies, “but with his demonic healing and my grace, it shouldn’t be a problem – _and_ it will teach him to control himself, quickly.”

Sam looks very concerned and asks quietly, “Would… would it heal up ok? Not, like, all twisted and deformed and stuff?”

“He would be fine,” Cas sincerely reassures, _“I wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise.”_ When Sam is still staring at him with a pained, worried, and unsure expression, Cas adds a bit testily, “I rebuilt his  entire body from the ground-up when I resurrected him from Hell, Sam! Repairing _one small part_ is not a problem.”

The side of Sam’s mouth curls up a bit and he huffs a tiny laugh at that ‘one _small_ part’ comment. “I dunno, Cas. Man to man – that’s a cruel thing to do to another dude.”

“He’s not a _‘dude’_ anymore, Sam! He’s a demon whose aggression and violent tendencies are growing out of control. What do you think would happen if he escaped again, _hmmm?_   If he left the bunker… and was among humans and could do as he pleased?” Sam’s face becomes alarmed and Cas continues, “I’m an _angel_ and he overpowered me and…”

 _“Yeah, yeah… ok, I get it,”_ Sam concedes quietly. _“Just_ – just don’t break his junk, ok?” Sam eyes Cas carefully. Cas closes his eyes and nods solemnly, as a sort of promise. “I can understand if you want to rip his dick off and throw it through the wall,” Sam says, causing Cas to laugh, “but – **_DON'T_** , ok?”

“I solemnly swear not to rip your brother’s penis off,” Cas says in a serious tone and they both laugh.

“Ok, good,” Sam says, “Let me sleep on it, though, before you do anything, alright?”

“As you wish.”

“Well, with that, I’m gonna turn in. Dealing with Crowley always takes it out of me,” Sam says.

“Wait, Crowley _was here,_ again?” Cas asks.

“Yeah, we _were_  just talking on the phone, but then he got all pissy and popped back over, so I went out and talked to him,” Sam reveals. “I’m glad the Bunker’s warding can keep even _‘The King of Hell’_ out. It would suck if he could just pop in-and-out all the time, unannounced,” Sam admits.

“Agreed,” Cas nods whole-heartedly, his distaste for Crowley evident in his voice.

Sam claps his hands in front of himself and says, “Alright, well, I’ll see ya bright and early, then. You might want to stay out of the dungeon… until I’m up or whatever.” Cas looks at Sam and he explains, “You don’t need him to upset you any more, tonight, right?”

“Well, I was going to wash our clothes, so I’ll need to go in there to retrieve them.” Cas admits.

“Ok, you want me to hang out in the hallway while you do that or something?” Sam asks.

“No, no, I’ll be fine,” Cas assures.

“Ok, goodnight,” Sam says, walking off down the hall to his bedroom, but glancing back at Cas a few times, thoughtfully, on his way.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a fluffy chapter came out of nowhere, lol. :)

_Sam claps his hands in front of himself and says, “Alright, well, I’ll see ya bright and early, then. You might want to stay out of the dungeon… until I’m up or whatever.” Cas looks at Sam and he explains, “You don’t need him to upset you any more, tonight, right?”_

_“Well, I was going to wash our clothes, so I’ll need to go in there to retrieve them.” Cas admits._

_“Ok, you want me to hang out in the hallway while you do that or something?” Sam asks._

_“No, no, I’ll be fine,” Cas assures._

_“Ok, goodnight,” Sam says, walking off down the hall to his bedroom, but glancing back at Cas a few times, thoughtfully, on his way._

Cas goes and gets the towels and his soiled clothes from Dean’s bedroom, then makes his way to the dungeon to collect the rest of their clothing. Steeling himself to see the demon again, Cas leans with his head and right arm against the file room door for a moment, holding the towels in his left, then takes a few steadying breaths before entering. Once inside, he sees Dean locked in his chair; head hung down in front of himself, looking down, with his thin black horns curving up and back over his hair. He’s clad in only his thick white socks and black Jockey shorts, stained with white dried semen – which is also starting to flake from his stomach. Hearing the door close, Dean raises his head and looks at the angel with black eyes, asking simply; without any venom in his voice, “What are you doin, Cas? You here to kill me, now?”

The angel smirks and huffs a little laugh, walking into the dungeon, “No,” he replies as he places the towels on the table. “I just came to get our clothes to wash,” he explains.

“Oh,” the demon nods, a little relieved, and looks down. When he looks back to the angel, a little smile comes to his lips as he says, “You look good in my clothes.”

Cas looks down at himself, then says, “Thanks,” with a little smile. Dean checks out the angel’s ass, in his own jeans, as Cas walks into the trap and bends over, picking their clothes up from the floor beside Dean’s chair.

 _“Yeah,_ not bad _at all,”_ the demon smirks. Cas’ eyes go to the dried semen on the floor, then back to Dean – who quickly looks away, in seeming embarrassment. _That’s curious_ , Cas thinks, _is he ashamed?_ The angel pulls his trench coat up from the floor and Dean says, “No. Leave it.”

Bundling it into his arms with the other clothes, Cas walks over to face Dean and asks, “Why?”

Unable to look Cas in the eye, the demon looks down to the floor and gives a half-hearted shrug. “I dunno. I just want it here,” he admits. Cas’ lips move into a little smile of amusement and wonder at Dean’s mood and behavior.

Cas looks to Dean’s dirty belly and underwear. “Do you want to keep wearing those?” he asks, pointing to Dean’s briefs.

Dean looks at them and smirks a little in embarrassment, looking up and saying, “Well, they are pretty dirty, but it’s cold in here, so… I dunno.” Cas nods and smiles, placing the clothes on his chair and kneeling in front of Dean’s. The demon seems to get flustered when Cas’ hands move to his waistband, “What… what are you doing?” he asks nervously, trying to squirm away a little in his chair.

Cas laughs and looks up into Dean’s black eyes, “You have more of these. I’m just going to get rid of them, ok?”

“Uh… ok?” Dean responds awkwardly, confused.

The angel moves one of his hands to also grip the waistband in the back, then rips the underwear in half down the seams, effortlessly peeling them off of the surprised, chuckling demon. Cas balls the underwear up in his left fist and gathers up the clothes from his chair, again. He walks over to the table and also retrieves the towels and tie, then heads for the file room door.

“Are you just gonna leave me in here like this?” Dean asks.

Facing the door, Cas smiles to himself, but doesn’t reply. He opens the door and walks out, leaving it wide open. When he gets to the laundry room, the angel puts the laundry on top of the dryer and tosses Dean’s destroyed undies into the garbage can next to it. He goes to the bathroom and quickly gets a bar of soap, washcloth, and hand towel. He walks to the kitchen and fills a large bowl with water, then carries everything back to the dungeon.

When Dean sees Cas coming back into the room, his eyebrows go up in surprise and he asks, “What’s all this?”

Cas smiles, placing the bowl of water on his chair and throwing the soap and washcloth into it. He kneels in front of Dean, again, and explains, “I’m going to clean you up.”

Dean almost looks saddened by his words and asks quietly, _“Why?”_

Cas huffs a little laugh and smiles serenely as he soaps up the washcloth, but doesn’t say anything in reply. Starting at Dean’s upper abs, as Cas places the washcloth to Dean’s skin, he makes a little noise, almost a whimper, but doesn’t move. Cas washes the mess off Dean’s stomach, periodically rinsing the washcloth in the bowl or getting more soap, while Dean watches in wonder, letting out a little whimper, now and then, as his emotions get the better of him. He sweeps his tail around and sort of pets Cas, running the end of it lightly and quickly down his lower back a few times, as a sort of thank you. Cas looks up and smiles. Dean’s face looks pained as he whispers brokenly, _“I’m sorry,”_ and whimpers again, screwing his black eyes up as he tries not to cry.

Cas looks down and sighs. For a second, a flash of anger makes him consider taking the bowl and throwing the water into Dean’s face, but he closes his eyes and takes another calming breath. “I know,” Cas responds in an unemotional voice, without looking up. Dean slowly drags his tail away a bit and nods sadly. Really not wanting to talk about it at the moment, but _needing_ to know, Cas looks up at Dean and asks, “Why did you push me out of the trap?”

Dean’s eyebrows go up and he almost cries, but holds the tears back. “Because I was going to… hurt you…” he struggles to get out in a quiet, high-pitched voice. A few tears fall from his black eyes, streaking down his face and he adds, “More than I already did,” before more tears fall.

Cas’ eyes fill with tears and he nods absent-mindedly, as his heart feels like it’s about to break. “You,” he coughs when his voice sounds strange, “You were trying to protect me?” His face turned away, eyes squeezed shut in anguish, Dean just nods as more tears escape his closed lids. A tear falls from each of Cas’ full eyes as he blinks and he nods again, trying to fight off the flood of tears threatening to come. “Ok,” he croaks out, awkwardly and absent-mindedly patting Dean’s thigh with a rigid palm. After a moment, Cas starts lightly wiping down Dean’s dick with the washcloth, which causes the demon to flinch and jump back a little in his chair. “Sorry,” Cas says, “is this ok?” Dean nods mutely; still awed Cas would do this for him, especially after what he did to him. He just watches Cas work, dumbstruck. When Cas gently lifts his balls to wipe underneath them, Dean laughs and squirms a little in his seat.

Cas looks to his face and laughs, “What?”

“Tickles,” Dean laughs a little. They smile at each other and laugh a little.

“Ok,” Cas says and takes the hand towel, summarily wiping Dean down.

Dean’s staring down at him in awe, again, then almost cries as he says, _“I’m sorry, Cas.”_

Cas quickly stands and tosses the hand towel over his arm, then picks up the bowl with the washcloth and soap in it. “I know,” he says, before walking out of the room. He dumps the water in the kitchen sink, leaving the bowl and soap there, then takes the washcloth and hand towel and adds them to the laundry on top of the dryer. Searching through a closet, Cas finds what he was looking for. Sam sees him walking down the hall carrying a large, plush, black blanket and calls out, “What are you doin with that?”

Having passed Sam’s bedroom door, Cas backs up to stand in front of it and admits, “It’s for Dean,” looking a little embarrassed.

Sam narrows his brows a little and says, confused, “Demons don’t sleep.”

“It’s not for sleep; it’s for comfort,” Cas explains. Sam still looks confused and Cas just says, “It’s cold in the dungeon,” and walks away with the blanket.

When Cas walks back into the dungeon, Dean turns his head a little in confusion when he sees the big blanket, but doesn’t say anything. Cas walks up to him, spreading it out in his hands and asks, “Can you stand?”

“Uh… yeah, I think so,” Dean replies. He can only kinda lean forward, lifting his back, tail, ass, and legs off the chair. He curves his tail around so it goes around the side of his ass and down the outside of his right leg. Cas slides the blanket onto the chair, from over the top of the backrest, so it covers the back and seat – like one does with a beach towel. He threads the blanket between the chair and the back of Dean’s legs, pulling it down a little.

“Sit,” Cas says and Dean does – the blanket now between him and the chair. Cas takes one of the top corners and folds it diagonally across Dean’s chest, tucking it in near his armpit, then does the same with the other corner, Dean smiling at him the whole time. Cas kneels and takes the bottom corners in his hands, then looks up and says, “I’m not sure I can do that with the bottom.”

Dean looks down, moving from side-to-side a little to get a better idea, then suggests, “Maybe you can wrap that whole end around the bottom of me?” He raises his eyebrows and pushes out his bottom lip, like ‘ya think?’

Cas smiles and says, “Get up, again,” and Dean does. Cas pulls the bottom half of the blanket free from behind Dean’s legs, then puts a hand on the blanket near the front of the seat, and sweeps the bottom end over to the side. “Sit again,” Cas says and Dean does, partially sitting on top of Cas’ fingers, causing him to laugh and Cas to give a little smirk. Cas takes the bottom end of the blanket that’s left and wraps it around Dean’s crotch horizontally, threading it between his tail and hip to tuck under his ass – successfully covering Dean’s whole body, except for his legs and tail.

The top of the blanket got out of place during all that maneuvering and Cas pulls it up a little, wrapping it a bit around the bottom of Dean’s face. “There,” Cas says, satisfied with his work. After giving Dean a fond pat to the side of his face, Cas wordlessly turns and starts walking out of the room.

Just before he reaches the door, Dean calls out, “Cas?” The angel turns and the demon says sincerely, _“Thanks.”_ Cas just stares for a moment, almost entranced, then quickly shakes his head to snap himself out of it. He nods silently at Dean, before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone catch the allusion to [Maundy Thursday](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_washing)?


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: _SO MUCH info_ relating to Rape/Non-Con(sent)/Dub-Con(sent)**
> 
> **No actions of that kind take place in this chapter, but Sam reads some pretty horrible shit on his laptop, while researching.**
> 
> (I'm not sure about this chapter, guys. I am going somewhere with this, but do you like the "screenshots from Sam's laptop" format-wise or are the screengrabs annoying bullshit and you'd rather I just explained it in the text of the story itself?)

_The top of the blanket got out of place during all that maneuvering and Cas pulls it up a little, wrapping it a bit around the bottom of Dean’s face. “There,” Cas says, satisfied with his work. After giving Dean a fond pat to the side of his face, Cas wordlessly turns and starts walking out of the room._

__

_Just before he reaches the door, Dean calls out, “Cas?” The angel turns and the demon says sincerely, “Thanks.” Cas just stares for a moment, almost entranced, then quickly shakes his head to snap himself out of it. He nods silently at Dean, before leaving the room and closing the door behind him._

Cas returns to the laundry room, and after investigating the machines and cleaning products near them, he gets a decent idea of how to do laundry. Looking at their clothes and towels as he drops them into the washer together, the angel can’t hold back the waves of feelings and memories that lap over him – some emotions, confusingly, seeming to directly oppose others, yet _all_ still feeling valid. The angel sighs and leans over the washer; his forearms lying on top of the machine’s door and his head hung over them. He closes his eyes and tries to just focus on the physical sensations of the machine’s movements reverberating up into his arms; trying to ward off the exhausting maelstrom of his emotions. Focusing on physical sensations backfires on the angel, though – as he remembers how Dean’s hands feel touching his body, his fingers sliding slowly and gently over his skin, soft thick lips pressing against his own, the feel and taste of his tongue – and Cas unintentionally turns himself on; winding up breathing heavy and with the beginnings of a chubby. Not even knowing what emotion he’s feeling when he realizes that, Cas wants to kick the washer in front of him, but is just too tired. He sighs and decides to finish the laundry later – he needs more sleep.

Making his way to Dean’s bedroom, Cas ditches his shoes, then turns off the nightstand lamp and snuggles under the covers. Drifting off to sleep while inhaling Dean’s human scent from his bedding and feeling the resistance of Dean’s jeans growing firmer against his member as it continues to grow, Cas can’t help yearning to be with him, again – no matter his state of transformation. In fact – and Cas _hates_ himself for it – but sometimes he finds Dean even sexier with his demonic attributes. Cas is haunted by his last sight of Dean; those beautiful black eyes and plump, bitable lips practically begging to be sucked. The angel’s last thoughts before slipping into unconsciousness are spent wondering what it would feel like to slide his hand slowly up Dean’s tail to his ass, firmly grabbing hold of both his cheeks and kissing him deeply.

~*~*~*~

After saying goodnight to Cas in the library, Sam went back later to get his laptop, wanting to do some more research on his own; partially in the hopes he would find some information that would calm some of his fears. The opposite happens. While looking up more information about BDSM, Sam comes across this paragraph:

Being unfamiliar with the word “biastophilia,” Sam looks it up:

Sam’s eyes zero in on “especially a stranger” and Cas’ questions: _“What do you think would happen if he escaped again? If he left the bunker and was among humans and could do as he pleased?”_ come back to haunt him. His dread rising, Sam quickly continues reading. But once he gets to the sentence starting: “Biastophilia is accepted as potentially lethal,” basically meaning a person – or demon, in this case – _would get off on raping a person to death_ and then the entry starts listing horrible ways that might occur – that the rapist/murder would _also get off from_ – Sam quickly scrolls down in disgust and looks away from the screen.

 _There’s no way Dean could get that bad, is there?! _Sam desperately wonders. _But then again,_ Sam thinks, _I never thought he could do something like that to Cas, either._ Sam thinks about how different Dean has become as a demon, than he was as a human: _The poor bastard could never even bring himself to kiss Cas – well, as far as I know – even though it’s obvious he’s attracted to and loves him. To go from that hesitant to that forceful in his desires… no, that’s not Dean anymore; it can’t be. We have to deal with this demon and keep others safe from him._ Sam glances back at his screen and reads from where he randomly stopped scrolling:

The words “anomaly of the sexual motivation system” and “courtship disorder” catch Sam’s eye and make him wonder. “This term is strongly distinguished from sadism,” Sam reads again. _So, wait, is this saying some people don’t do these things because they get off on other people’s pain, but because their sense of love and lust has gone haywire somehow? Like, from being turned into a demon, for example? Is it possible some of Dean is still in there somewhere, but just **seriously** messed up? _ Sam’s eyes flit back to the words “courtship disorder” and he wonders: _Could that **actually** be Dean trying to… “woo” Cas or whatever, but he’s too fucked up to do it the right way and is just trying to force him into it? No, no, I can’t let myself think this way. I’m just grasping at straws here; trying to convince myself things haven’t gotten as bad as they really have. I’m slipping into denial. Fuck._

Sam starts looking up information on prisons and prisoners, trying to find anything that might help them deal with the demon. In an article about “prison sex,” which Sam was browsing to see if it told the strategies or implements ( _Do any of them use something like that thing Cas wants to get? Nah, that’d probably be a human rights violation, right?_ ) prisons use to try to prevent the inmates from raping each other, he came across this:

Right after reading this, Sam saw Cas walk past his door carrying the big black blanket. After his brief convo with the angel, Sam doesn’t like how Cas is basically acting like Dean’s bitch, now. Well, the demon’s bitch, whatever. Sam kinda laughs to himself, thinking if you were to put one of them in the female role; it would actually be Dean – _the real Dean_ – not this asshole demon. _Why couldn’t he just ‘man up’ and make a move on Cas – before he was stupid enough to get himself turned into a fucking demon, in the first place?!_ Sam wonders. _Years! He had fucking years to work up his nerve!_ Sam sighs in frustration, then goes back to reading – rereading the excerpt above, cause he wasn’t done thinking about it when Cas caught his eye. As he rereads the text, he gets a sinking feeling. _Oh shit, what if… what if there **is** still some of ‘our Dean’ left… and this applies to him? But he already liked Cas before we locked him up and he’s totally bi – I don’t give a shit what he says. This doesn’t even address bisexual people; just splits people into either hetero or homosexual – like bisexual people don’t even exist. Whatever, it’s stupid. It’s from the 1940s, duh. Just go back to the “acting on personal needs” and “deprivation” parts. So… what need was he trying to fulfill? Did he just want to get laid and feel good or was he asserting dominance over Cas; trying to scare him into submission and flip the dominance/submission dynamic Cas is trying to use against him? Fuck it, I don’t know. _Sam sighs tiredly. _Cas better get the upper hand, again, cause this shit is out of control._

Browsing some more, Sam chances onto this, in an article titled “Situational Sexual Behavior”:

Sam tries to push away thoughts of how this could apply to his brother – when he was human – and just focus on how it applies to whatever is in their dungeon right now. He focuses on the sentence: “Where consent is lacking in these circumstances, **_sociopathic elements may manifest as a primary motivation.”_** Sam’s brain makes a connection to rape being used as a demoralizing weapon in war and his thoughts drift back to that “biastophilia” entry – someone getting off on raping someone, possibly to death. That _“especially a stranger”_ part pops back into his mind and he sighs, closing the lid to his laptop. “That’s enough for tonight,” he says to himself, getting ready for bed.


	31. Chapter 31

_“Cas? Can you still hear me like this? Are demons even allowed to pray? I didn’t before, because I didn’t… I didn’t…. If you can hear me… I just want you to know I’m really sorry. I’m **so** **sorry** , Cas. I didn’t mean to….”_

The angel’s dreams – well, they’re not actually dreams – the angel’s deeper sub-conscious ‘thought-feeling-impressions’ give way to Dean’s voice, calling to him in his mind. Cas recognizes a few wisps of Dean's hands - and lips - touching his wings -- but they dissipate like smoke from his growing consciousness, as his attention turns towards Dean’s imploring words, instead. 

_“Cas? Could you… would you – if you can even hear me, that is – come on down to the dungeon, so we can talk ...please?”_

Cas opens his eyes in the dark, under the blanket in Dean’s bed, and sighs heavily. He lies there for a moment, considering. While his heart is yearning to go and see Dean, again – he knows that demons love lying and using trickery and deceit to hurt others and gain the upper hand. He’s already let his emotions get the better of him too many times before and really can’t afford to make another mistake. Cas sighs again, then sits up, turning on the nightstand lamp. Grimacing as he slowly slides his shoes back on, Cas **_wants_** to believe he’s going to see _‘his Dean'_   – but he doubts the demon is actually being sincere. He _will_ go talk to him, though, the angel decides, but he must remain on guard. _What did Sam say? Always keep part of yourself back – or was it away – from him?_ Well, he can throw the laundry in the dryer, anyway – it should be done washing by now.

Cas shuffles off to the laundry room and tosses their clothes and towels into the dryer – pausing when he picks up his trench coat; holding it thoughtfully – then tossing it in as well, and turning on the machine. Cautiously and quietly, he makes his way down the hall, not wanting to wake Sam, but also because of his growing trepidation. _This is stupid; it’s obviously a trap,_ Cas thinks, stopping in his tracks. He puts a finger to his lips. _Although, if he’s **not** trying to trick me again… it  _ is _my duty, as an angel of the Lord, to go to him and answer his prayer. Not many demons pray, after all - well, not sincerely, anyway… unless they’re about to be killed and are begging for their lives._ Cas huffs a tiny laugh, thinking of all the demons he’s ended over the years; remembering when he never doubted his orders; his purpose. He was strong, confident, and powerful back then… but perhaps didn’t always do the right thing. Things were so much simpler then. _Free-will and emotions are tricky things,_ the angel muses, _they muddy the waters._ But, then again, things aren’t really as black and white as he once, so foolishly, believed, are they? _Especially down here._ Cas’ thoughts briefly drift to Meg and a fond smile softens his features. _She was coming around… and she might have come all the way back – if Crowley hadn’t murdered her. _Cas’ mouth gets small and hard; clenching his jaw a bit at the thought. _If Meg could turn over a new leaf, then Dean **certainly** can, _ Cas decides -- walking off towards the dungeon much more hopeful than before.

When he reaches the closed file room door, before he can decide whether to leave it open or not, he hears Dean’s voice ask hopefully, _“Cas?”_   The angel smiles and opens the door, leaving it wide open. Dean did say he just wanted to talk, after all; it might be a better idea to leave it open.

Dean looks at him - and although he has demonic attributes - his expression, body language, and demeanor are almost the same as when he was human. The demon's shoulders slump in relief as he says, _"You heard me,”_  and he gives the angel a wide, grateful smile; showing his teeth and crinkling the skin around his shiny black eyes.

“Yes,” Cas replies simply, walking slowly into the dungeon; cautious, but with growing hope.

“I… I didn’t know if you could, anymore,” Dean starts to say.

“Because you’re a demon, now?” Cas finishes his sentence.

 _“Yeah,”_   Dean admits sadly, giving an embarrassed little smile, when he remembers that was part of his prayer.

His voice and attitude are so reminiscent of his living, human self, that Cas has to ask, “Your... eyes?”

 ** _“ Yeaah,”_**  Dean grudgingly admits as he quickly turns his head away - sounding frustrated, sad, and a bit angry. “I… I don’t think I can hide them, anymore,” he confesses. Looking back to the angel, he jokes, “So, no more mingling with the locals, I guess?” He pulls at his cuffs to illustrate the point, “Well, not like that was gonna happen, _anyway._ But, you know.”

Cas’ curiosity piqued, he gently asks, _“Dean, how do you feel?”_

Still looking at the floor, Dean huffs out a loud, self-depreciating laugh and admits -- “Cas, I don’t _**even** fucking know, man._  That’s... kinda... what I wanted to talk to you about.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned, there will be more talking, but also... _other **fun** things._ ;)

_Cas’ curiosity piqued, he gently asks, “Dean, how do you feel?”_

_Still looking at the floor, Dean huffs out a loud, self-depreciating laugh and admits -- “Cas, I don’t **even**  fucking know, man. That’s... kinda... what I wanted to talk to you about.”_

Intending to take a seat in ‘his’ armless chair near Dean’s, Cas starts slowly walking into the devil’s trap, but when Dean sees what he’s doing, he blurts out in a panicked voice, “No! Wait! You… _stay over there,_ Cas!”

Cas stops walking, ending up inside the trap, next to his chair, and in front of Dean’s. “Why?” he asks, as Dean squirms nervously in his seat.

Dean puts his head down and to the side, looking at the floor, then grimaces a bit; crinkles appearing around his black eyes as he squeezes them closed, while fighting off the seductive grin trying to work its way onto his face. With his eyes still shut, he groans out, _“Cause I can’t think good when you’re near me.”_ Cas tilts his head to the side, studying Dean’s face for a moment, then gives a tiny nod and turns to grab his chair. Before he can, however, Dean quickly turns back, looking at him, as his tail curves around Cas’ ass and gently pulls him closer. “No, wait…” Dean breathes in a low voice, urging Cas closer to him with his tail. He smiles up at the curious angel and says, “before you go, kiss me, first,” giving his best seductive grin. Cas smiles back down at him and looks to Dean’s lips. The angel’s blue eyes get hazy for a moment, but then he stands and takes a step back – Dean making no effort to stop him with his tail. The demon’s grin gets wider, showing his teeth, and he says in a pleased, triumphant tone, “You hesitated.” Cas lowers an eyebrow, like ‘so?’ and Dean declares happily, “That means you still love me.”

 ** _“Of course I love you,”_**  

 

 Cas replies, aggravated,

  “Why do you think we’re doing this?”

   
 Upon hearing Cas’ words, Dean is stunned and humbled.

His eyes slide back to green and he blinks a few times, staring ahead blankly and unfocused. To Cas, it was just a statement of fact – and he was going to turn around, grab his chair, then take it outside the trap without a second thought. But when Cas sees Dean’s black eyes shift back to green, he pauses.

 _“Dean?”_ he asks.

Dean looks up, still looking out of it, and asks quietly, _“You do, don’t you?”_ Cas just looks at him, not entirely sure what he’s talking about. _“Love me?”_ Dean clarifies. _“You **do** love me, don’t you, Cas?”_ he asks, confused and awed.

Cas rolls his eyes, but the anger and annoyance he’d normally feel at Dean asking such a stupid question is off-set by his wonder over the way he’s acting. The angel gives a small smile and nod, hope growing in his chest.

“And Sam… _Sam, too._ You’re both,” Dean gives a brief sigh; “you’re both just trying to help me, aren’t you?” Cas huffs a little laugh, smiling and nodding, again. Giving a tiny shake of his head, Dean starts coming back to himself a little and says distractedly, “I’m sorry.”

Cas lowers his brows, but his eyes don’t appear angry. Instead, they reflect his consideration. But then they narrow a little with tired anger and he says matter-of-factly, “You should be.”

Dean pushes out his bottom lip a little and nods while looking at the floor. He moves his tail between him and Cas and sort of pats him on the thigh with the flat side of the tip a few times, saying, “Yeah, you’re right.” Then gently starts pushing him away, while saying quietly and distractedly, “Why don’t… why don’t you go over there, now, huh?”

Huffing a little laugh, Cas grabs his chair and walks out of the trap, putting it down near the table and taking a seat. “How are you feeling, Dean?” Cas asks sincerely.

Dean’s still out of it – his thoughts drifting slowly, making it hard for him to focus, and various emotions are fleeting through him, seemingly at random. But when he looks at Cas sitting there, asking him how he feels, he laughs and seems to come out of his fog a bit. He considers for a moment and replies emphatically, **“Mixed up.”** When Cas just keeps staring at him with raised eyebrows, Dean laughs again and admits, “I was… I was actually thinking about busting out of here… but that wouldn’t be a good idea, would it?”

His face seriously concerned, Cas quickly asks, “Where were you thinking of going?”

“I dunno. Just… out…. Away from here,” Dean admits.

“To do what?”

The question seems to anger Dean and he replies with frustration, “I don’t know. Just – whatever! Whatever I want, ok?! Why does it matter?” When Cas gives him a confused look, Dean laughs and just starts rambling, “You remind me of Spock sometimes, you know that? Most of the angels give off that Vulcan vibe, but with the eyebrows and the hair and now the blue shirt and stuff.” Dean chuckles fondly to himself, “Asking me _‘[How do you feel?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SECu1fR0dWE)’_ and shit.” Suddenly, he blurts out an excited confession, “I… _I wanna watch all the ‘Star Trek’ movies with you, Cas!_ There’s _so much_ I wanna do with you, but there isn’t time. There’s _never_ enough time. Why can’t, why can’t we just live our lives _without all this other crap, huh?!”_ He pauses, then says in a cajoling tone of voice, “Hey, I’ve got an idea: why don’t we go someplace else together, huh?! Just you an’ me, Cas! Whaddya say?”

The angel filters out his own confused concern and senses Dean’s confused thoughts and feelings. He’s acting almost the same as he does when very intoxicated. Cas looks at Dean’s face – raised eyebrows over green human eyes; waiting for a reply – and the angel asks simply, “Where would we go?”

“I dunno,” Dean shrugs, but then excitedly asks, “Hey Cas, can we _teleport into space?_ Like, is that _an actual thing we could do?!_ We don’t need to breathe, right?”

“It’s possible,” Cas admits, “…but I don’t have my wings.”

 _“Oh_ ,” Dean says, disappointed, but then quickly says – with the same childlike glee as before, “Wait! I can zap us around, now!” But his tone changes back to disappointment, again, as he admits, “Well… no… _I don’t know…_ I haven’t actually tried, yet.”

Cas’ lips move into an amused half-grin, “You haven’t teleported since becoming a demon?”

“No way, man! I dunno if I’d do it right!” Dean confesses, his brows narrow as he gives Cas a serious look, “I don’t wanna have a ‘transporter malfunction’ and end up inside a wall or something! That’s kinda scary to think about, ya know?”

Cas huffs a tiny laugh and a wide grin spreads across his face. He’s not sure what’s going on with Dean at the moment, but his innocence is adorable – and he almost seems human, again, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **_I know the Star Trek references_** may feel a bit jarring  & out-of-place, but that's intentional and **I am** tryin to do something with it -- not just tossing it in at random cause I'm a Trekkie... so, gimmie a chance, ok? 
> 
> (Remember when Dean got all excited & referenced Star Trek IV when Cas sent them back to the Wild West to get the phoenix ashes? How fricken adorable was that?) ;)


	33. Chapter 33

_Cas huffs a tiny laugh and a wide grin spreads across his face. He’s not sure what’s going on with Dean at the moment, but his innocence is adorable – and he almost seems human, again, too._

Curious – and believing Dean’s more likely to tell him the truth in his current state – Cas asks, “Why did you want me to leave my coat in here, earlier?”

Dean’s face and mood become serious as he sighs, “Cause that was from before.” When Cas eyes him a bit confused, Dean sighs again and explains, “The last time… we were together, before I… really lost control.” He hangs his head, but keeps looking at Cas with ashamed green eyes. Cas nods a bit solemnly and Dean’s eyebrows screw up in distress as he tries not to cry. In a high-pitched, anguished voice, he says, “Cas… I’m really fucking sorry, man,” then gives in to his tears.

Cas can feel Dean’s regret is real by the pain emanating from his soul. The angel sits there, trying not to cry again, himself, and nods a bit, acceptingly. Starting to get lost in his own thoughts, feelings, and memories, again, the angel is almost startled back to the here-and-now by Dean’s worried voice, “Cas… I don’t want to tell you this, man, but… but I think you need to know.”

The angel looks up and Dean takes a deep breath before he starts confessing, “I…” he looks away, then continues, “I’m getting to the point where I can’t stop myself, anymore.” He looks to Cas, who doesn’t look surprised and continues, “I… was… I probably could’ve really hurt you, ya know?” There’s a little anger in the angel’s eyes, but he says nothing. Dean continues, his eyes alternating between meeting Cas’ and looking away, “I needed to… uh, ‘prepare’ you more… before I, _ya know._ And _I was going to!_ I just, um, I was gonna lube myself up first and then finish with you, but… _then I wasn’t._ Then I didn’t care, anymore. It didn’t matter.” He cautiously looks up at the angel, whose face makes him blurt out in angry exasperation, _“Look, I know it’s wrong and terrible;_ that’s why I’m telling you! I couldn’t fucking stop, ok?! So, I had to get you away from me, so I wouldn’t hurt you!”

Cas grimaces, looking down. He’s still hurt and angry enough that he doesn’t _want_ to understand… but he does. When he looks back up, Dean says, “I know you’re probably going to hate me for this – and you should. But… afterwards, when I couldn’t stop and you ran away…” Dean gives a disgusted little laugh at himself, “I liked that you were afraid of me.” Cas’ eyes get just a touch wider, but in concern, not surprise. He exhales out his nose, his eyes narrowing a bit in anger, but he doesn’t speak. “I’m getting stronger than you now…” Dean starts, but then turns his head to the side, looking down as he tries to fight off a grin, again. When he looks back up, his eyes are still green, but they have that glittering, frighteningly intense quality to them, again, as he says, “You always used to be so much stronger than me, Cas. Your power used to scare me.” His mouth finally does move into a smirk as he says, “But now **I’m the one** people need to be scared of.”


	34. Chapter 34

_“I’m getting stronger than you now…” Dean starts, but then turns his head to the side, looking down as he tries to fight off a grin, again. When he looks back up, his eyes are still green, but they have that glittering, frighteningly intense quality to them, again, as he says, “You always used to be so much stronger than me, Cas. Your power used to scare me.” His mouth finally does move into a smirk as he says, “But now **I’m the one** people need to be scared of.”_

Cas sits up straighter in his chair and Dean keeps talking, “I gotta tell ya, Cas – after a life spent hunting monsters that _can and will_ kill you in all kinds of horrible ways… it feels _damn good_ to not have to worry about that, anymore. To finally _**be**_ the monster others are worried about.” He huffs laugh and smiles wider, admitting – with just a touch of apology in his voice, “That feels **_so fucking good,_** Cas.”

 _“Dean,_ don’t give in to that feeling!” Cas warns, excitedly leaning forward in his chair.

The demon gives him a ‘ _whatever’_ face, then purposely flicks his eyes black and taunts, “Why, am I scaring you, again, little angel?”

Getting pissed, Cas jumps to his feet and gets in the demon’s face, “I’m not scared _of_   you – I’m scared **_for_**   you! I don’t care what happens to me, but I don’t want you to…”

Rolling his eyes, Dean chides, “There you go with that self-sacrifice crap, again! I used to think that was noble, Cas – but now I realize it’s just dumb.”

Cas grabs the blanket around either side of Dean’s neck and shakes him roughly, growling, **_“NO! You listen to me, you fucker!”_** Hearing Cas talk like that shocks even some of the darker parts of Dean and his eyebrows go up in surprise over his shiny black eyes – though his lips are curved into a smile; trying to hold back a laugh. Cas narrows his eyes to near slits and spits, “Remember when I was **_SO SURE_ I was right;** when I went after the souls of Purgatory?!” *****

That gets the demon’s attention and the smile drops from his face, _“Yeah…”_

“And you tried _so hard_ to talk me down; to show me what a **horrible** mistake I was making…” Cas smirks and looks away; bitterly amused. _“Oh,_ but did I listen to you?” he intones meaningfully. “Oh no... **_noooo,_ _because_ _I knew better,”_** the angel lowers his voice, “ _Just like you do now, right, Dean?”_ Cas challenges, his eyes hard and mouth sure.

Dean’s body slumps in Cas’ grip and he pouts his bottom lip out a little, asking, _“Then what am I going to do, Cas?”_

Cas pulls him to his feet by the blanket and yells, **_“KEEP FIGHTING, DAMN IT!”_**   into his face. “Sam and I are doing everything we can to save you, Dean, but none of that matters if you won’t fight to save yourself!” 

Dean nods and his lower lip wobbles. He looks down, nodding. “Okay,” he quietly agrees, looking back up with teary green eyes, “Okay.”

Cas’ hands quickly cradle his face and he asks excitedly, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dean says softly, his plump pink lips curving into a slow smile and his green eyes glistening.

“Yeah,” whispers Cas, just before kissing Dean in grateful relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [* = "Godstiel"](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=Godstiel)


	35. Chapter 35

_“Yeah,” Dean says softly, his plump pink lips curving into a slow smile and his green eyes glistening._

_“Yeah,” whispers Cas, just before kissing Dean in grateful relief._

Their kisses are gentle and _(mostly)_ closed-mouthed; expressing love and happiness, rather than lust. After a minute or two, Dean breathes, _“Aw, Cas, I wish I could touch you.”_ When Cas bends further down, Dean shouts excitedly, _“No, wait!”_ Cas continues what he was going to do – sliding his fingers into Dean’s right, cuffed hand – while looking up at him with a little smile. Dean laughs, rubbing Cas’ fingers, and says, “I was afraid you were gonna unlock the cuffs.”

Cas stands back up, huffing a little laugh, “I won’t be doing that until you have better control over yourself.”

“Good, good,” Dean nods, but he’s quirking his mouth to the side in thought. He sits down, since he can’t completely stand up with the cuffs on, anyway, and stares at the floor in thought.

“What is it?” Cas asks.

Dean sighs and says with serious green eyes, “I know I have to keep fighting it. But, Cas… there might come a time I can’t, anymore. What’s the plan? I dunno… I’m not sure how much longer I can stay ‘me,’ if ya know what I mean.”

Cas puts a finger up – like ‘hold that thought,’ then goes and gets ‘his’ chair, bringing it into the trap near Dean’s. He sits and says, “Sam’s going to do a tracking spell tomorrow to find Cain. We plan to trap and interrogate him… then use the demon-curing ritual on him, to see if it’ll work on you.”

Impressed, Dean pushes his lower lip out and says, “Not bad.” He sits thinking for a moment, then looks at Cas and asks, “Who you got for back-up?”

“It will be Sam and I… and possibly Crowley,” Cas admits.

 _“ Crowley?!_ He’s the one who got me into this mess in the first place! You’re not trusting him, are you?!” Dean shouts.

“Hardly. He won’t be there at all, if I can help it,” Cas replies.

Looking determined, Dean nods and says, “I should go with you.”

“What?!” Cas laughs in disbelief, _“Dean,_ you’re in no shape to be let out of this dungeon, let alone the bunker!”

Grimacing because he knows Cas is right, Dean warns, “But, Cas, Cain is a badass motherfucker! Crowley’s terrified of him. He kills boatloads of demons like it’s nothing! And with the shape you’re in…”

“Dean,” Cas cuts him off, “let us worry about that.”

“No! So… so what? You’re both just going to get killed trying to save me?! Fuck that!” Dean yells angrily.

Getting angry himself, Cas gets up and shuts the file room door, then walks back into the dungeon, asking tersely, “So what do you suggest?”

“Let’s do the demon-curing ritual – right here, right now,” Dean declares.

Cas’ eyes get a bit wider – he’d feared Dean might suggest this. “Without trying it on Cain, first, to see what it will _probably_ do to you?” he asks snippily.

“Yeah! We have everything we need right here. It’ll either work and cure me…”

“Or you could be utterly and completely destroyed with no possibility of resurrection! Or it may return you to the state you were in before becoming a demon, which was a dead human. Or…” Cas shouts angrily.

“I know… we don’t really know what will happen because of the Mark,” Dean admits quietly, “But, Cas… I don’t know if we have time to capture Cain and try it out on him first… that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” He looks at Cas with pleading green eyes, hoping he will accept his explanation.

Cas’ eyes get distant and watery, but his expression is blank for a moment as he considers the truth of Dean’s words. He coughs, trying to regain his composure and looks at Dean with unfocused eyes. In a sad, but nearly monotone voice, he says, “I am also going to purchase something tomorrow I believe will help you control yourself better… while also providing protection for others, if you can’t.”

“So, what? I don’t get a say in this?!” Dean exclaims in disbelief, nearly shaking in his chair with rage. Cas sits down and looks at Dean with serious, considering eyes, trying to figure out what to say. He can’t think of any words and just puts his head down, shaking it from side-to-side sadly. “Oh, well, _that’s just great!”_   Dean declares sarcastically.

He’s just about to go on a tirade, when Cas looks up and says imploringly, “Dean… I can’t… _I won’t_ risk your continued existence if that’s not necessary.”

“But if I….”

“I promised you I would do what needs to be done, if it comes to that. You have my word,” Cas says solemnly. They nod sadly at each other in understanding and Cas looks back to the floor between his feet despondently.


	36. Chapter 36

_“So, what? I don’t get a say in this?!” Dean exclaims in disbelief, nearly shaking in his chair with rage. Cas sits down and looks at Dean with serious, considering eyes, trying to figure out what to say. He can’t think of any words and just puts his head down, shaking it from side-to-side sadly. “Oh, well, that’s just great!” Dean declares sarcastically._

_He’s just about to go on a tirade, when Cas looks up and says imploringly, “Dean… I can’t… I won’t risk your continued existence if that's not necessary.”_

_“But if I….”_

_“I promised you I would do what needs to be done, if it comes to that. You have my word,” Cas says solemnly. They nod sadly at each other in understanding and Cas looks back to the floor between his feet despondently._

Cas is trying to decide if he’s being selfish, rather than smart and cautious, when Dean gives a little cough and asks awkwardly, _“Hey, Cas?”_ The angel looks up, expecting Dean to ask him to wake Sam so they can just do the ritual now, like they probably should. Dean can’t maintain eye-contact as he says carefully, “I… I know I have no right to ask this… and… and you probably don’t want to, now, anyway…” The angel’s brows go up in question and Dean stumbles, “Um… seein how I might not make it through this… and, uh… and even if I do, I’m going to get worse before I get better…” Dean looks back up and when he notices he has Cas’ rapt attention, he holds his gaze and asserts, “Look, this might be our last chance, ok?” Cas’ brows narrow in confusion, but before he can speak, Dean clarifies, “To be together… like _‘together together,’_ ya know?”

“Dean, what,” the angel coughs nervously and tries to calm his quickening heart, “what are you trying to say?”

 _“I want you so bad, Cas, I can’t hardly stand it,”_ Dean confesses, gazing at the angel longingly. Cas has a hard time swallowing and licks his lips, breathing heavier. _“Can we… will you…?”_   Dean fumbles, then laughs when he remembers Cas asking him those very same words, in the same way, not too long ago. Cas gives him a fond, knowing half-smile in return. Dean licks his lips and says sincerely, “I told you I’d give myself to you when you asked me and _I meant it.”_ He wants to say more, but he’s having a hard time finding the words, so he just stares intently into Cas’ eyes, as his breathing gets heavier.

Cas feels like his desire is going to swallow him whole, but he tries to voice his concerns, “But, you… _you’re... all confused right now and…”_

“I know, I know; I’m all fuckin messed up,” Dean quickly admits, nodding. “But I’m just going to get _worse,_ Cas, and lose more and more of myself as time goes on!” he entreats his best friend. The angel’s face reflects his sad acceptance of that probable fact. “Who or **_what_**   I am right now is more the ‘old me’ than the ‘scary new me.’ But… _not for much longer._ So, please, Cas… let me be with you while I’m still mostly ‘me;’ while… while  ** _I’m_** still here, ok?” Dean pleads, his green eyes pained.

Cas’ face breaks into a smile and he’s nodding without conscious thought. But then his face falls and he says with concern, “But, Dean… **_when_**   we save you and you’re human again…”

“Look _,_ I know I’m different, now,” Dean explains, “but I’m glad – cause it took my bullshit hang-ups about being with you away!” The angel smiles again and Dean continues, “I wanted to get to feeling like this, _eventually,_ Cas, but didn’t know if I ever would or could.” Cas looks skeptical and unsure, so Dean retorts, _“Look,_ I bought that damn blue thing when I was still a human, right?!” A big grin curves up Cas’ lips when he realizes that’s true and Dean continues, “Way before the Mark, even! I used it on myself thinking of you.” The angel’s eyes get hazy and Dean confesses ardently, “And Cas… I _only_   thought of you, baby – never anyone else.”


	37. Chapter 37

_Cas looks skeptical and unsure, so Dean retorts, “Look, I bought that damn blue thing when I was still a human, right?!” A big grin curves up Cas’ lips when he realizes that’s true and Dean continues, “Way before the Mark, even! I used it on myself thinking of you.” The angel’s eyes get hazy and Dean confesses ardently, “And Cas… I only thought of you, baby – never anyone else.”_

The rest of the angel’s resolve crumbles and he jumps to his feet, but his legs are shaky from emotion. Almost instantly, Cas sort of tumbles forward onto Dean – his knees landing on the padded seat of Dean’s chair, on either side of his bare right thigh; straddling it. Cas braced himself from his fall by grabbing onto Dean’s shoulders, so now they’re nearly face-to-face. “Well, hi there,” Dean smiles; his hazy green eyes showing more desire than amusement, “Is that a ‘yes?’” Cas’ eyes, on the other hand, look intense – the contrast between his large black pupils and light blue irises gorgeous – as he gives a little nod, leaning forward to kiss the being he loves.

Dean’s arms are along the chair’s arms, his wrists cuffed at the ends, and his socked ankles cuffed to the chair’s front legs. While he normally  _does_  find being restrained exciting, with Cas giving him tender, closed-mouth kisses, he just finds it  _aggravatingly_  frustrating – rather than  _pleasantly_  frustrating. Wanting so badly to gently touch the being  _he_  loves - with more than just his lips - Dean curves his tail around to lovingly pet Cas’ back; running the tip down the angel’s spine in long vertical strokes. When his tail accidentally brushes the base of Cas’ left wing, the angel pushes forward; grinding his crotch against Dean’s naked thigh in earnest, his right knee  _intermittently_   rubbing against Dean’s exposed balls and dick. Cas slides his hands inside the blanket, around the back of Dean’s neck and up the base of his skull; fingers running through his hair, and kisses him deeply.

Being trapped and pleasured, while also being unable to touch the angel on his lap how and as much as he would like, drives Dean crazy. He starts moaning into Cas’ mouth as he starts getting a chubby. The angel breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead against the demon’s and looking into his eyes, as he continues grinding against his bare thigh.  _“Oh… God, Cas!”_   Dean gasps out, his green eyes worried as he stares into the angel’s, “I don’t, I don’t think I can do this… with you on top of me!” Cas raises an eyebrow, but continues to teasingly rub himself along Dean’s leg; growing steadily harder himself, and the demon pants,  _“No…_  no – it’s  _too much, baby!_  I can’t!” and laughs a little. Grimacing and groaning deeply, Dean warns, “ _Cas_ ,  _baby_ … I’m… I’m gonna lose it… if… if you don’t  _get off me!”_

The angel’s blue eyes get wider and he quickly - but awkwardly with his semi - pushes himself back onto his feet to stand before the demon. Dean leans forward – following Cas’ neck slowly with his face, his green eyes hazy, as the angel draws away. Once the angel is on his feet, the demon quickly lunges forward, pulling roughly at his chains in excitement, his tail quickly trying to encircle Cas’ left thigh.  _“Dean!”_  Cas scolds, grabbing the demon’s tail to prevent it from wrapping around his leg.

Dean’s head is down and to the side, and he's looking down as he continues to pull at his cuffs – though not as strongly, now. “I’m sorry, Cas,” he huffs out, sincere green eyes looking back up, “but you gotta… you gotta... get behind me, now.” When Cas just stands there; staring back a bit blankly while holding his slowly roiling tail – Dean groans, shutting his eyes and ripping his tail out and away from Cas’ hands. Looking back up with black eyes and still struggling with his cuffs, Dean breathes out simply,  _“Please.”_


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I included a screenshot of the actual empty chair from the show, to give a better idea of how it's constructed.

_“I’m sorry, Cas,” he huffs out, sincere green eyes looking back up, “but you gotta… you gotta... get behind me, now.” When Cas just stands there; staring back a bit blankly while holding his slowly roiling tail – Dean groans, shutting his eyes and ripping his tail out and away from Cas’ hands. Looking back up with black eyes and still struggling with his cuffs, Dean breathes out simply, “Please.”_

Cas starts to walk around to the back of Dean’s chair, but the demon stops him. “Wait,” Dean says, squirming in his seat and trying to work the blanket loose from his shoulders with the tip of his tail, “Take this off me, first.”

“Okay,” Cas chuckles, flipping the top corners of the blanket over the back of the chair. He leans down more, grabbing the end of the blanket that’s only partially covering Dean’s crotch and lays it to the side, revealing the demon’s hardening dick. Cas breathes deeper, his eyes gliding up to the meet the demon’s, grinning.

His body tense and still, Dean stares back with shiny black eyes, saying with forced calm, **“Get behind me.”** Cas’ eyes get wider, sensing the danger behind Dean’s words, and he quickly stands, making his way behind the demon’s chair. When he grabs the top of the blanket and tugs, Dean stands up a bit to let it slide free. Cas pulls the blanket up and over the top of the chair’s back, then tosses it in a heap on the floor next to him. Dean sits back down – sliding his tail through the space between the chair’s back and seat – and down onto the floor behind him; between Cas’ feet. _“That’s_ better,” he sighs, breathing easier, as the flat triangular tip of his tail reflexively curls in upon itself, then unfurls; relaxing in relief.

The motion catches Cas’ eye and he gives a small smirk. Stooping down, he places the pads of his fingers under the tip of Dean’s tail, then slowly slides them all the way up, along the underside of the length, as he stands. _“Whoa!”_ Dean jumps forward a little, grabbing the armrests of his chair and shivering. “What are you doin, Cas?” he asks nervously, his tail moving side-to-side in small loose waves. Glancing over his shoulder to see the angel’s smirking face does _not_ calm Dean’s nerves. _“Aw shit,”_ he laughs apprehensively. Cas reaches through the opening between the chair’s back and seat, and grabs the demon firmly around the base of his tail. Dean moans loudly and instantly starts pleading in a breathy mantra, _“Don’tLetGoDon’tLetGoDon’tLetGo.”_ Cas gives his 'perv laugh,' chuckling deeply as he slowly slides the demon further back in his seat by his tail. _“OHHH!”_ Dean moans wantonly, then flings his head over his shoulder, his black eyes glistening as he nearly growls, _“Pull it, Cas! **Pull it hard!”**_


	39. Chapter 39

_Cas reaches through the opening between the chair’s back and seat, and grabs the demon firmly around the base of his tail. Dean moans loudly and instantly starts pleading in a breathy mantra, “Don’tLetGoDon’tLetGoDon’tLetGo.” Cas gives his 'perv laugh,' chuckling deeply as he slowly slides the demon further back in his seat by his tail. “OHHH!” Dean moans wantonly, then flings his head over his shoulder, his black eyes glistening as he nearly growls, “Pull it, Cas! Pull it hard!”_

Almost before Dean’s done speaking, Cas yanks the demon’s tail hard enough that the back of his ass slides off the edge of the seat. Dean lets out a high-pitched ecstatic yowl -- as his tail quickly snaps an 'S' shaped wave and the flat side of the tip slaps the floor hard. Hanging his head forward, Dean whimpers and shakes from the new, intense sensations. Already quite hard before this, his lover’s euphoric cries push Cas’ lust into overdrive. He releases Dean’s twitching tail, then sinks to his knees behind the chair, wrapping his right arm around the demon’s chest on the way down.

Undoing his fly with his left hand and pulling himself out, Cas nuzzles the side of Dean’s face, as he gently rubs the head of his dick along the cleft of Dean's ass. As his beloved turns his head, Cas just catches a glimpse of dreamy emerald eyes and Dean’s hard cock leaking below, before soft lips claim his own, kissing him deeply. During their kiss, Cas slides his right hand down and starts stroking Dean’s dick – causing Dean to push his ass back further; the head of Cas’ cock just breaching his rounded cheeks. They both shudder, breaking the kiss, and when they look into each other’s eyes, Dean huffs out, “Lube, now,” while breathing heavy.

Cas nods mutely and slides his hand away, resting his head against the back of the chair for a moment, before getting up. Holding his boner so it doesn’t bob around as he walks, Cas retrieves the bottle of lube from the floor and walks back to his place behind Dean’s chair. As he gets to his knees again, Dean looks at him nervously and admits, “I… I’ve never actually done this, before.”

“Me either,” Cas replies in his deep voice, causing them both to laugh.

“I… I know how it’s supposed to go and all. But, until we… _uh, let’s take it slow, alright?”_   Dean asks with raised worried brows. Cas smiles and nods, his eyes understanding, and Dean adds, “No, really – don’t go crazy back there. I can’t stop both of us,” earning him a hearty chuckle and toothy grin from the angel.

Setting the bottle of lube on the floor, Cas looks up with an open expression and says, “Just tell me what you want me to do.”


	40. Chapter 40

_“I… I know how it’s supposed to go and all. But, until we… uh, let’s take it slow, alright?” Dean asks with raised worried brows. Cas smiles and nods, his eyes understanding, and Dean adds, “No, really – don’t go crazy back there. I can’t stop both of us,” earning him a hearty chuckle and toothy grin from the angel._

_Setting the bottle of lube on the floor, Cas looks up with an open expression and says, “Just tell me what you want me to do.”_

“Okay,” Dean says, visibly relaxing, “the first rule is, ‘The more lube, the better.’”

Cas holds up the half-full bottle of Astroglide so Dean can see and asks, “Will this be sufficient?”

Dean eyeballs the bottle and says in a considering voice, _“Yeah…_ yeah, it should be.” Then huffs a tiny laugh, saying more to himself than Cas, _“Depends on how many times we…_ yeah, it should be fine.” Relieved, Cas gives a wide toothy grin and Dean adds, “Remember, though, you’re a lot bigger than that blue thing.” Cas’ smile gets even wider, showing his gums and Dean awkwardly adds, “I… I might be _tighter,”_   he pauses, scrunching his eyebrows up at his own word choice, “uh, farther in.” When Cas looks a little confused, Dean explains, nervously laughing, “So, uh, don’t just jam yourself all up in there, ok?” Dean had considered just telling Cas to 'be gentle' with him, but nixed it as sounding too girly.

Giving a tiny nod of agreement, Cas looks down, breathing heavier, and declares in a serious desperate tone, “Dean, I… we… _we need to get started.”_ Cas was already quite hard when he went to get the lube, so talking about and imagining what they’re about to do has made him almost rock solid.

Being in pretty much the same situation, Dean instructs – his words becoming slower and breathier the more turned on he gets, “Ok, squirt a good glob of lube onto your hand and… _and…_ _rub it…_ _onto my… ah… between my… cheeks.”_ Remembering how Dean started preparing him, Cas doesn’t need to be told twice. He squirts some lube onto his fingers and puts the fingers of his other hand on Dean’s left ass cheek, pushing a bit to spread his cheeks wider. The angel carefully transfers a nice blob of lube to the outside of Dean’s hole, coating it completely. In his want, Dean’s grown quiet, leaning forward a bit in his chair, his thighs shivering a little – but more from desire than the cold lube. Cas’ fingers are soft and gentle, and Dean’s surprised he can actually _feel_   they’re bigger and wider than a woman’s. The thought makes him want Cas even more and he arches his back a little to push his ass out further.

Spreading the lube, but also wanting to tease a bit, Cas firmly rubs his finger along the outer edge of the ring of Dean’s hole, pushing it along the curve, but far enough away from his entrance that it won’t slip in. Dean moans and quickly moves back, causing the tip of Cas’ finger to _partially_   breach his hole. Removing his hand to get more lube, Cas smiles and says in a deep mischievous voice, “Who’s the eager one, _now , hmmm?”_  The angel chuckles to himself when that earns him a frustrated little moan.

Holding a generous blob of lube on his right fingers, Cas wants to start spreading it into Dean, by pushing it down and into his hole from the top edge… but Dean’s tail is in the way. Not really sure how to move it so he can do what he wants, Cas grasps the base with his left hand; his thumb underneath – causing Dean to shudder and moan hard, his tail flailing loosely and uncoordinatedly; trying desperately to wrap around some part of Cas somehow. The angel raises his eyebrows in surprise and laughs a bit. Curious, he sweeps the pad of his thumb back-and-forth, along the underside of the base of Dean’s tail – eliciting more moans and whimpers and awkward tail-flailing.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm **not** trying to tease y'all with these short little chapters. I'm trying to consistently update every day (often multiple times a day), but it's taking longer to write the sexy bits.
> 
> So, would y'all rather wait a bit longer for updates (like 2 or 3 days) & get longer chapters -- or have less of a wait & continue getting short ones like this? Lemme know, ok? [I aim to please!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuwWvPGul3o)

_Holding a generous blob of lube on his right fingers, Cas wants to start spreading it into Dean, by pushing it down and into his hole from the top edge… but Dean’s tail is in the way. Not really sure how to move it so he can do what he wants, Cas grasps the base with his left hand; his thumb underneath – causing Dean to shudder and moan hard, his tail flailing loosely and uncoordinatedly; trying desperately to wrap around some part of Cas somehow. The angel raises his eyebrows in surprise and laughs a bit. Curious, he sweeps the pad of his thumb back-and-forth, along the underside of the base of Dean’s tail – eliciting more moans and whimpers and awkward tail-flailing._

The angel decides the best way to go about positioning Dean is to grasp him firmly around the base of his tail and use it like the handle of a teapot to sort of lift/roll him forward, so his ass curls up. As soon as Cas does so, he hears Dean whimpering and whispering,  _“Oh, oh – you got me now. Oh, it… it extends… everything!”_

“Hmm?” the angel asks, as he starts rubbing the lube into the top edge of Dean’s tight hole, working gently and slowly, pushing at the furled skin a little at a time, trying to make it give way, and not going fully inside.

Dean’s entire body is quivering as he breathes out in amazement, _“Every… thing… Oh… Cas… it connects… everything!”_  Not really sure what the Hell Dean’s talking about, Cas is enjoying the little moans he’s whimpering out, anyway – as he continues gradually spreading the lube into his easing hole. Suddenly, Dean’s muscles go a bit slack and the end of his tail softly drifts down around the back of Cas’ neck – the tip caressing the side of the angel’s face in loving little strokes.

Giving a toothy grin, Cas looks up and asks, “Starting to feel good?”

 _“Yeah,”_  Dean huffs out dreamily,  _“yeah,”_  he repeats, as his muscles relax a little more. Cas calmly slides the tip of his middle finger down Dean’s crack and into his hole, breaching him fully for the first time. The demon moans and clenches around it a few times, then his muscles relax again.  _“Keep going,”_   he breathes out. Cas gracefully slides the rest of his finger in, the pads of his other fingers gently trailing over the curve of Dean’s ass on the way down. Moaning, Dean clenches harder this time, pleasurable sensations shooting straight up to the head of his very hard dick. He thrusts his hips a bit, his tail gliding down Cas’ back, as the muscles of his hole start to relax, again.  _“Cas, I don’t… I don't think I can make it… til you’re… you’re inside me,”_ the demon informs his lover.

Cas lets go of Dean’s tail and raises up a little, to look him in the face. Dean’s green eyes are honest and he lifts his brows, the inside edges curling up a little in apology, as a few lines crease his forehead. Dean motions his eyes down and Cas’ gaze drifts to the demon’s dick, which is practically drooling thick strings of pre-cum onto his naked thighs. Cas’ eyelids lower slowly as he groans in increased arousal. When the angel looks back up with dreamy eyes, Dean says, “Why don’t you… get me off, first? Then I, then I,” Dean closes his eyes, pleasure bringing a bit of a smile to his lips, “then I’ll…  _open for you_ _better.”_   He opens his eyes, again and Cas nods wordlessly. Dean rubs the tip of his tail against the edge of Cas’ hip a little, in gratitude.

 


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the wait (for a short chapter). Real life events unavoidably delayed my writing. :(

_Dean motions his eyes down and Cas’ gaze drifts to the demon’s dick, which is practically drooling thick strings of pre-cum onto his naked thighs. Cas’ eyelids lower slowly as he groans in increased arousal. When the angel looks back up with dreamy eyes, Dean says, “Why don’t you… get me off, first? Then I, then I,” Dean closes his eyes, pleasure bringing a bit of a smile to his lips, “then I’ll… open for you better.” He opens his eyes, again and Cas nods wordlessly. Dean rubs the tip of his tail against the edge of Cas’ hip a little, in gratitude._

Cas curves his finger up, rubbing the pad of it against the inner wall surrounding Dean's hole - and causing a host of reactions from the demon. Dean quickly clenches several more times; gripping Cas tight with both his ass and tail, as he squeezes his eyes shut – moaning and thrusting his hips forward. Cas is far enough into his own arousal that he won’t last long, either. He slides his left arm through the space between the back of the chair and its seat, grasping Dean firmly around the base of his cock. The demon shudders, breathing quicker, and glances over his shoulder. The angel’s eyes are a heavenly blue as he rises up to claim the lips of his lover.

Putting his chest against the back of the chair, Cas starts stroking Dean’s dick with his left hand –- while the finger of his right pushes more lube deeper inside him. Dean’s tail is wrapped tight around the angel's body; running from under Cas’ left arm, diagonally down his back to curve around his right hip. As Cas simultaneously works both his dick and ass; repeatedly sliding his finger fully into Dean and back – the demon breaks their kiss; moaning, as he alternates thrusting forward and back, the flat triangular tip of his tail frantically skimming over the angel’s body.

Dean grips the arms of his chair tight, breathing faster and deeper between moans, as Cas works him closer to completion. The end of the demon’s tail slides along Cas’ ass; the flat side caressing the bulk of his right ass cheek, as the tip curves down, trailing along the curve underneath. Cas moans low, thrusting _his_ now leaking cock a bit; Dean's sounds and all the pleasurable sensations driving him crazy. He suddenly decides the back of this fucking chair  _needs to go._  Quickly removing his hands from Dean, the angel tries to grab the top edge of the chair's back with his left hand, but his grip slips on the leather from the pre-cum coating his palm. Frustrated and pissed, Cas quickly wipes his hand down the leg of his jeans and gets a better grip -- violently wrenching the back of the chair to the side; snapping the metal bars connecting it to the seat and flinging it to the floor with great prejudice.

Luckily, both bars snapped off pretty cleanly near the bottom of the chair’s seat – or perhaps some screws simply sheared off – either way, Dean’s chair is _now_  just a hassock with arms. The removal of the chair’s back didn’t effect the demon's binds in any way, since the chair’s arms are connected separately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be longer; this one just needed to end here so I could tee up the next.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I said "Hallelujah" to the sixteen loyal fans](https://youtu.be/o2BNpK01eww)

_Quickly removing his hands from Dean, the angel tries to grab the top edge of the chair's back with his left hand, but his grip slips on the leather from the pre-cum coating his palm. Frustrated and pissed, Cas quickly wipes his hand down the leg of his jeans and gets a better grip -- violently wrenching the back of the chair to the side; snapping the metal bars connecting it to the seat and flinging it to the floor with great prejudice._

_Luckily, both bars snapped off pretty cleanly near the bottom of the chair’s seat – or perhaps some screws simply sheared off – either way, Dean’s chair is now  just a hassock with arms. The removal of the chair’s back didn’t effect the demon's binds in any way, since the chair’s arms are connected separately._

Startled by the destruction, Dean scoots forward a bit and slides his tail away from the back of the chair. Wary green eyes glance back to see the intense lust-filled eyes of the angel – who’s quickly advancing on him _._ The next thing Dean knows – Cas’ hard heavy cock is sliding against his back, up his spine, slicking his skin with streaks of hot pre-cum on its way back down – the angel having joined him on his seat, kneeling around and behind him. _“Oh fuck, Cas - yes!”_ Dean breathes in amazement, looping his tail around the angel’s ass and pulling him closer.

The angel is lost in his desire; gripping Dean’s hips tight, he thrusts along his back, while mouthing desperate open-mouthed kisses up the nape of his neck. When Cas’ left hand once again wraps around the demon’s dick and starts to pump, Dean shudders and moans loudly, starting to thrust in time with his lover. Dean tries to wrap his tail around Cas’ thigh – but the angel’s position doesn’t offer any openings he can slip the tip into. Cas is on his knees - but sitting back on his heels; sandwiching the backs of his thighs and calves tightly together. As Cas’ thrusts get more enthusiastic, his cock and balls rub against the base of Dean’s tail, causing the demon to moan and nearly convulse as he ejaculates. Feeling Dean’s body jerk and hearing his breathy sounds pushes Cas over the edge himself. He lets out a low gravelly groan, coating Dean’s back (and part of his hairline) with ropes of hot viscous semen, Dean’s gasp at his first spurt making the angel cum even harder.

Between aftershocks, Dean feels _all_   his muscles relaxing, furthering his readiness for the angel. While Cas’ cumming on his back was hot, in both the literal and figurative sense, it’s quickly grown ice cold and gross. Luckily, Cas takes his shirt off and wipes the demon down, fondly chuckling like a perv. Dean turns, laughing himself, and asks, “Chair pissed ya off, huh?”

Both relatively clean now, Cas drops his shirt to the floor and wraps his arms around Dean’s middle, hugging him back into his bare chest. Feeling the long swath of Cas’ skin against his own, Dean closes his eyes and leans back into the embrace, sighing low with contentment. “It was keeping me from you,” Cas explains simply over Dean’s shoulder.

“We can’t have that,” Dean jokes, his eyes still closed as Cas snuggles and nuzzles him.

“Mmm-mmm,” the angel hums in agreement.

Really not wanting to break up their cuddle-fest, but the cold jizz starting to feel pretty gross on his body, Dean turns his head and asks, “Hey Cas?” The angel’s half-lidded, serene eyes look into his own. “Can you clean up the front of me, too? It’s starting to get _‘bleh,’”_ he explains, sticking out his tongue a little in disgust.

Dean’s goofy face makes Cas chuckle and the angel slides off the back of their seat, saying, “Sure.” He stands and tucks himself back into his boxers, pulling up the loose jeans that have slid partially down his ass. He grabs his shirt from the floor and walks around to kneel before the demon, a soft smile on his lips as he gently wipes Dean’s legs, softening cock, balls, and _‘chair’_   clean.

 _“Thanks, baby,”_  Dean says softly, curving his tail around to tenderly stroke Cas’ bare back. Glancing up at his lover, Cas feels none of the violent threat from before, as Dean gazes down at him with sincere green eyes, his plump pink lips curved into an adorably fond little smile. Cas can see the love in his eyes and it warms his heart. _“Uh…_ ya think you could undo the ankle cuffs?” Dean asks tentatively, raising his eyebrows. Cas’ brows move in question and Dean bounces his once, the side of his mouth curving up into a tempting little half grin, slowly revealing his teeth, “It’ll be better for when we,” and he grins fully with enticing eyes. Cas slowly raises his brows, a little smirk appearing on his face, and he puts a bent finger to his mouth - as his smile continues to grow, showing his teeth - as he considers. “I probably can’t fuck you up with my feet… well, _actually,_ _I probably can_ – **but I won’t ;** I swear!” The angel’s expression gets a bit concerned and Dean quickly adds, “I know I gotta keep the handcuffs on, but with the ankle ones off, I can sit like you; get up on my knees.” The demon bounces his eyebrows again, giving a seductive grin. Realizing how much better that’ll be and remembering this might be their _only_ chance for this, Cas gives an acquiescing half-smile, nodding as he looks down at the ankle cuffs, flinging them open with his grace.

Before Dean can thank him, Cas grabs the top of one of his tall white cotton socks and peels it off, saying, “You’re getting rid of these, though.” Dean snorts a laugh, as Cas quickly rips off the other one, flinging it behind him.

“That really bothers you, huh?” Dean laughs, looking down.

“Yes; it’s odd. You’re completely naked except for these; it’s incongruent and unsettling.” Cas replies matter-of-factly.

Dean chuckles out fondly, _“You’re such a weirdo; I love you,”_   a few happy crinkles radiating out from his shining green eyes. A pure happy little smile comes to Cas’ face, who quickly looks down, slowly glancing back up with just his eyes. “What?” Dean asks, lowering an eyebrow in confusion.

“You said you loved me,” Cas explains, his smile becoming wider and more bashful.

 _“Oh yeah,”_   Dean huffs a small laugh and grins in acknowledgement, “But... _you already knew that, though, right?”_

Cas’ smile and voice become serene, “Yes… _but it’s nice to hear you say it.”_

Dean gives a little nod, smiling like a damned fool. Then his expression changes a bit, as he says, “Yeah, when you said it, earlier,” he smiles down fondly at the angel, again, “it sorta snapped me out of my… _whatever the Hell_   was goin on with me.”

“I’m glad,” Cas says, smiling back demurely.

Unbeknownst to either, during their sweet little exchange, the grace of Cas’ wing starts to glow a bit brighter, as more sparkles work their way in, swirling a little faster.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ["So when will that be?"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQ2DVwSVIIo)   
>  **Now.**

_Unbeknownst to either, during their sweet little exchange, the grace of Cas’ wing starts to glow a bit brighter, as more sparkles work their way in, swirling a little faster._

Gripping the armrests to support himself, Dean lifts his body up, sliding his lower legs back onto the seat, rising up on his knees. His tail swishing slowly behind him, he tilts his head, looking down at the angel with a bit of a smirk on his lips. Eyebrows high over inviting green eyes, Dean asks, _“You gonna get back over here, now, or what?”_   When Cas huffs a little laugh in response, Dean’s lips slide into a full pleased grin. Cas completely undoes both sets of cuffs from the chair's legs and stands with them dangling from his hand. Dean quirks an eyebrow in question, but Cas’ grin just gets wider as he wordlessly walks to the back of the chair. “Whaddya doin?” the demon asks.

“Just in case,” Cas says, cinching one of the cuffs closed around the support bar of the right armrest.

“Oh, ok,” Dean replies, moving his ankle closer, to let Cas put the matching cuff around it.

Being handcuffs, Cas only has to click it twice before it’s _quite_ tight around Dean’s ankle. “Is that ok?” he asks.

Dean jerks his ankle away from the armrest hard, testing it, and says, “Try one more click.” Cas does and Dean yanks more violently, this time. He’s just about to say it’s too tight, he’s losing a _little_ bit of feeling in his foot, when it shifts  _just a bit_ as he pulls – feeling tight and secure, yet comfortable; no nerves or blood vessels being compressed.  _“Perfect,”_   Dean sighs, his tail flowing past the sole of his foot in a slow satisfied wave.

Cas huffs a little laugh, attaching one of the other cuffs to the support bar of the left armrest. Dean spreads his knees, giving himself a wider stance, since his ankles are going to be at the far edges of the seat. When Cas clicks the last cuff closed on his left ankle, Dean jerks that leg hard, then pulls at his handcuffs, then both feet together – giving a hearty laugh of approval when he's sure he can't get free. He casts a sincere grin over his shoulder; all white teeth and twinkling green eyes. Amused, the angel asks, “You really  _do_  enjoy being restrained, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Dean laughs, a little embarrassed. His face quickly gets serious as he says,  _“Sometimes_  it sucks. Like... when I just want to run my hand down your arm  _or whatever.”_   Cas gives a soft smile at that. Not wanting to get too 'chick-flick moment,' Dean jerks his cuffs roughly, laughing, “But,  _yeah,”_ he gives another toothy grin,  _“this is great,”_   bouncing his eyebrows once for emphasis. Cas chuckles low, bordering on his ‘perv laugh,’ but not quite.

The angel glances at the anal dildo on the floor, his eyes looking back up to the demon’s, who gives a quick nod. Cas walks over and picks up the toy, carefully turning it around and brushing it off. When he gets back by Dean’s seat, he grabs his shirt from the floor and the bottle of lube – coating the dildo with lube, then wiping it as clean as he can with his shirt. After tossing his shirt back on the floor, Cas pushes his bottom lip out, saying, “I want to feel more of you, this time.” He quickly sets the bottle of lube down and removes his dress shoes and socks, but still keeps a grip on the dildo. When he starts pulling down his jeans and underwear, Dean quickly faces forward again, breathing deeper and shifting on his seat a little. Once naked, Cas grabs the bottle of lube with his left hand, holding the toy in his right. He slides onto the seat behind Dean; kneeling between the demon’s spread legs, and placing the lube and dildo to the side.

Breathing faster, Dean subconsciously lifts his tail, holding it straight up against his back - til about the level of his shoulder blades, the rest swaying gently side-to-side behind him. Annoyed Dean’s tail is almost in his face, Cas grabs it and starts to throw it over his left shoulder – but Dean quickly flings it forward over  _his own_   shoulder, instead. _"Dude, Cas, every time_  I’ve touched your wings, you’ve  _flipped the fuck out.”_   he scolds. Cas gives an embarrassed little laugh, looking away uncomfortably. Dean tilts his head towards the angel, pursing his lips and asking with serious narrowed eyes, “You think you can keep it together, if my tail is touching your wing?”

Cas sighs unhappily, grudgingly admitting, _“Probably not.”_

“That’s what I thought,” Dean says, pushing his lower lip out in conviction as he nods. He carefully snakes his tail down; avoiding Cas' wing, and curves it around the back of the angel's waist. “How’s this?” he asks. Cas gives a disappointed little shrug and Dean huffs a fond laugh, rubbing the side of Cas' hip with the tip of his tail in consolation. _"Hey,"_ Dean says, waiting for Cas to look at him. When the angel's eyes return to his own, Dean raises his eyebrows and jokes, "You still get to bang me," a smile slowly sneaking onto his face. Cas closes his eyes, putting his head down and chuckling, then looks back with a genuine smile. Dean turns more and gives the angel a quick firm kiss. "Come on,” he bounces his eyebrows once, “let's get this show on the road,” grinning seductively.

Smiling and nodding, Cas squirts some lube onto his right fingers, and asks with high brows and round eyes, “Are you ready?”

_"Born ready, baby,"_ Dean announces with bravado – but when he sees Cas' eyes narrow in annoyance, his brows straightening out, he dials it back, saying quietly and sincerely,  _"Yeah, yeah, I’m ready."_

Cas smirks and grabs Dean’s left hip, quickly slipping a finger, then two, into his hole. “Whoa!” the demon yelps, rolling his hips forward, then back onto Cas’ fingers. As his tail slips around, encircling the angel’s thigh, it brushes past Cas’ balls, eliciting a little moan from the angel. Dean’s muscles are more relaxed than before and when Cas starts scissoring his fingers, spreading more lube as he goes, a few moans escape the demon's lips, as well.

Feeling himself getting a chubby, Cas tries to pick up the pace, sliding his left hand to Dean’s lower stomach and gently pulling him back, as he works a third finger into him. Dean pulls Cas a little closer with his tail and the angel nuzzles the side of his face in response. Dean turns more, locking lips with the angel to kiss him passionately and deeply. Rubbing the three fingers of his right hand repeatedly against Dean’s back wall causes the demon to break the kiss with a frustrated little moan. _Cas isn’t touchin the right spot,_ Dean thinks,  _he’s on the wrong side._ Before he can tell him, though, Cas slides his left hand down to stroke the demon’s hardening cock. Dean moans and pulls at all his cuffs. The frustration causes him to go from just rolling his hips to thrusting, both forward and back. When the angel moves closer, the head of his dick sliding up the left side of the demon’s back, Dean whimpers,  _“Oh, Cas, I need you now!”_

 “What about your toy?” Cas asks in a deep voice, breathing hard, as he trails pre-cum along Dean’s back.

Quickly shaking his head, Dean huffs impatiently, “Don’t want it; I want  _you.”_  Not being as desperately aroused as Dean, Cas looks a bit hesitant – causing Dean to say, in a mock official tone, **_“Castiel – angel of the Lord.”_** Cas’ eyes get bigger at the use of his full name. Dean grins at that and continues, “I give you permission to, _”_  the demon slides his ass back and up, pushing Cas’ fingers deeper inside himself, “ _ohhh,_ to enter my body,” he smirks.  _“Please,”_  he adds quickly, before he can stop himself.

Dean’s eager pleas ramp up Cas’ desire and he nods silently, eyes intense and serious. Dean closes his eyes, exhaling gratefully. As Cas removes his fingers to slick his dick with lube, Dean whines, his tail wrapping even tighter around Cas’ thigh, the tip coming back around to caress and stroke the angel’s balls. Cas shudders and groans, “Not yet,” as he pulls the tip of Dean’s tail away. Holding his dick, near the tip, with his left hand, Cas spreads Dean’s cheeks a little with his right. The demon leans forward, angling his body better. Cas pushes the head of his dick against Dean’s hole, but it’s still  _a little_  too tight and the head of Cas’ dick just rubs around in the lube. The pleasurable sensation makes Dean tense more and Cas says, _“Relax.”_

_“I’m tryin to!”_   Dean nearly shouts over his shoulder.

Smiling a bit, Cas suggests, “Why don’t you try taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly?”

“Ok,” Dean shuffles on his knees a bit; making sure he has a good stance and inadvertently bumping his cleft against the head of Cas’ dick. “Ok,” he repeats after he’s settled – inhaling, then exhaling, slowly. Cas pushes again and just when it doesn’t seem he’s going to make it, Dean’s muscles relax enough to let just the head of Cas’ cock pop inside, before Dean tightens up, again.  _“Oh!”_   Dean exclaims in a low voice, barely getting the word out, as Cas gives a pleased groan. Dean’s unintentionally clenching and releasing around the head of Cas’ cock, but not very hard. When Cas moves his right hand to Dean’s hip, suddenly, Dean’s hole squeezes tight, gripping Cas hard. They both moan, startled in pleasure, and Dean blurts out, “Ya feel that?!”

Cas quickly responds, “Yes -  _do it, again,”_  causing Dean to laugh. Cas slowly slides further into Dean – saying in awe – “I can  _feel_ your laughter.”

_“Oh, fuck, Cas,”_ Dean breathes in amazement, “ _you feel so good, baby,”_   his body pulling the angel in deeper.

Cas shudders and laughs awkwardly, trying not to thrust just yet. “You want me  _to…”_   the angel asks, lightly nudging Dean’s prostate with the head of his dick.

_“Oh, yeah,”_ Dean huffs, shuddering, _“Yeah, Cas, that’s it; right there!”_


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I think there’s something you should know. I think it’s time I told you so.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diYAc7gB-0A) If Demon Dean had sung this as one of his karaoke songs, he could’ve gone into the parking lot & set his old brown leather jacket on fire, afterwards. ;)

_Cas pushes again and just when it doesn’t seem he’s going to make it, Dean’s muscles relax enough to let just the head of Cas’ cock pop inside, before Dean tightens up, again. “Oh!” Dean exclaims in a low voice, barely getting the word out, as Cas gives a pleased groan. Dean’s unintentionally clenching and releasing around the head of Cas’ cock, but not very hard. When Cas moves his right hand to Dean’s hip, suddenly, Dean’s hole squeezes tight, gripping Cas hard. They both moan, startled in pleasure, and Dean blurts out, “Ya feel that?!”_

_Cas quickly responds, “Yes - do it, again,” causing Dean to laugh. Cas slowly slides further into Dean – saying in awe – “I can feel your laughter.”_

_“Oh, fuck, Cas,”_ _Dean breathes in amazement, “you feel so good, baby,” his body pulling the angel in deeper._

_Cas shudders and laughs awkwardly, trying not to thrust just yet. “You want me to…” the angel asks, lightly nudging Dean’s prostate with the head of his dick._

_“Oh, yeah,”_ _Dean huffs, shuddering, “Yeah, Cas, that’s it; right there!”_

Holding onto Dean’s hip, Cas slowly rolls his hips, gently and repeatedly rubbing against Dean’s sensitive spot. Feeling his beloved’s soft wet walls brush past the head of his cock, closing in, then opening for him, causes Cas to groan and shiver in pleasure. He puts his other hand on Dean’s other hip, getting a better grip, and firmly grinds the head of his dick against Dean’s prostate in a circular motion, causing the demon to cry out as he pulls him in deeper. Cas groans, trying desperately not to thrust, as more pre-cum flows from his cock, making Dean’s insides hotter and wetter.

Dean’s tail tightens around Cas’ right thigh and pulls the angel closer to him. Cas breathes faster, the flat triangular tip slipping under his balls, cupping and cradling them. When the thin edges fold over to lightly stroke, he moans, gripping Dean’s hips tighter. With his body closing around Cas’ cock, Dean utters, _“Cas, I can feel you… throbbing… your… your heartbeat,”_ a groan cutting off his words.

In one smooth motion, Cas slides all the way in, wrapping his arms around Dean’s chest; pulling the demon to himself. A short high-pitched moan escapes Dean’s lips and he clenches around Cas’ cock, beginning to rock back onto him as the angel thrusts. Low pleased grunts grumble forth from Cas’ chest and throat, reverberating through Dean’s back, as the angel picks up speed. The top of Cas’ dick rubs along the sensitive underside of Dean’s tail, making the demon whimper and shiver. As pre-cum drips down Dean’s dick, stimulating him further, it causes him to thrust and moan.

Dean’s tail quickly loosens and unwinds from Cas’ body, dragging against the edge of the angel’s balls in the process. Once free, Dean hooks it over Cas’ ass, along the crack, curving back up between his thighs. When the end snakes around the base of Cas’ cock, squeezing it, Cas claws his fingers hard through the skin of Dean’s chest, drawing blood. Dean bites his plump bottom lip, groaning in approval, as the red lines quickly close and heal shut. Dean’s dual stimulation of his dick catapults Cas closer to orgasm; he feels warmth flowing to his swelling balls, as he thrusts rougher and deeper, nearly panting in Dean’s right ear.

Suddenly, Cas grabs one of Dean’s horns and jerks the demon’s head back rough. He lunges, his teeth quickly latching onto the side of Dean’s neck; sucking and biting hard. Dean moans wantonly, his ass clenching hard, as his tail whips off Cas’ dick in record time, the triangular tip slipping between the angel’s cheeks, prodding at his hole; frantically trying to enter him. Cas gasps, jarred out of thrusting, as Dean nearly wails, “Grab it, Cas! I can’t, _I can’t!”_

The reprieve granted from Dean’s _external_ clasping of his dick, gives Cas a moment to catch his breath. Huffing as his heart races, Cas grasps Dean’s tail with one hand, while the other reaches down, trembling, to grab the open bottle of lube. Holding the bottle in his fingers, the angel imitates Dean's actions from before, squirting as much as he can into the palm of his hand. With hooded eyes, Cas carelessly drops the bottle to the floor and lubes up his own ass. “Cas, what are, _what are you doin?”_   Dean asks nervously, apprehensive green eyes glancing back over his shoulder, as his tail struggles to break free. Decently lubed, but tight, the angel leans against the demon’s back, hugging him around the chest with his free arm. Nuzzling Dean’s face lovingly, Cas’ lips brush the edge of his ear, as he whispers, _“Do it,”_   releasing the demon’s tail.

 _“Oh fuck! Holy shit!”_   Dean whimpers worriedly, as his tail - almost of its own volition - worms its way into Cas’ slick hole. **_“OH FUCK, CAS!”_**   Dean wails, the sensations from the extra sensitive tip of his tail penetrating his lover overwhelming him with bliss. The angel gasps, then holds his breath, wrapping his other arm around Dean’s torso and holding tight, as he focuses on his own sensations. When the entire triangular tip succeeds in breaching Cas’ hole with a bit of a 'pop,' the angel’s body jerks, a high-pitched surprised moan coming from his lips, and his pulse quickens in excitement, fear, and arousal. Quickly travelling further inside, Dean loses it when the tip of his tail finds Cas’ prostate and pushes against it. The demon’s heart beats wildly, as he thrusts into his lover, over and over again, uncontrollably.

Cas practically howls, inadvertently thrusting hard into Dean, his heart stuttering as he tries to get a handle on all the pleasurable - yet out of control - sensations he’s feeling. Curling his arms up, Cas grabs hold of the demon’s shoulders, giving him better stability to ride Dean’s ass. The demon is landing glancing blows against his prostate as he shoves his tail deeper inside him, causing Cas to clench hard around it. Dean is doing the same to his dick and Cas is losing the battle. Whining as he holds on for the ride, Cas is a little scared when Dean turns his head and the angel sees his eyes are black.

As a human, Dean’s orgasms would go from his ass, angling up to the head of his dick. The addition of a tail, however, has modified the sensations he feels. Now they start at the tip of his tail, go up along it, and branch into two when they hit the base. Besides the ‘human branch;’ going from his asshole to his taint, balls, and up the shaft to the head of his dick – now there’s also one that sends signals from the base of his tail, up along his spine, to his skull, horns, and brain. Both paths make Dean feel like he’s going outwards, but he wants to go _in._ As his muscles tense and his balls get heavier, Dean turns his head, desperate to kiss the one he loves. The angel seems a bit hesitant to lock lips with him, but eventually relents, letting Dean kiss him strong and sure, as they get closer to the end together.

As Dean kisses him deeply, Cas can feel a few smoky tendrils of the demon’s soul curl into his mouth, reaching out for his grace. If the angel wasn’t so inundated by the strong physical and emotional sensations of his impending orgasm, he’d be alarmed – because Dean shouldn’t be able to do that. Overwhelmed with feelings, however, Cas simply breaks the kiss and moves to avoid the demon’s lips. The tip of Dean’s tail starts frantically searching around inside of him, bringing Cas to the brink. Between open-mouthed kisses to Cas’ neck, Dean whines, _“This isn’t the real you, Cas!_   I want the _real_ you! _All of the real you!”_  his tail probing further into the angel’s body with his words. Cas’ blue eyes stare into Dean’s black ones helplessly, as the angel moans and shudders, his hands gripping tight as he cums inside the one he loves, while saying his name. _“Oh God, I can, oh, **hot,** yes, fuck!”  _ Dean babbles breathily, awed, as his body milks Cas’ dick; urging the angel to cum even more.

Feeling his angel fill him, while crooning his name in that deep sexy voice of his, has the demon right there with him. Dean feels his ass – well, all of his insides, really – squeeze Cas exceptionally hard and they both groan intensely, from the pleasure tinged with pain. As _physical_ gratification works its way through Dean’s balls and cock – a less-satisfied, still searching sensation thrums its way up his spine to his head. Without conscious thought, his lips already on Cas’ neck, Dean opens his mouth and bites down hard, sucking deeply as cum pulses forth from his own cock. Lost in his bliss for a moment, it’s not the taste of blood that alerts Dean something’s wrong, but rather the feeling of liquid flowing over and against his lips. When he opens his eyes and sees little rivulets of blood running down Cas’ neck, it shocks him so much, his eyes instantly snap back to green.

 **“OH SHIT! CAS!”** Dean yelps, the angel’s eyes opening slowly to meet his own. _**“CAS, HEAL YOURSELF, MAN!”**_   the demon cries in panic. The first thing Cas notices, coming out of his euphoric stupor, is the fear in Dean’s green eyes… and then the blood on his lips, down his chin, and onto his throat. The angel’s lips part in surprise, his eyes showing a bit of fear, when the action makes him feel the wet warmth and pain at the side of his neck. Cas quickly wraps a hand around his injury, staring at Dean with wide eyes, as he starts moving away. _“Shit!_ I'm sorry! I didn’t... I didn’t _mean to!”_   Dean stammers, trying not to freak out, as he stares imploringly into Cas’ wary eyes. He quickly slips his tail out of Cas’ body and onto the floor, watching in horror as more red leeches out from under the angel’s fingers. “CAS! HEAL YOURSELF!” Dean yells, his brows narrowing with confusion and concern. When Cas' worried eyes quickly flit away from his own, Dean’s voice becomes gruff as he challenges, “You _**can’t**_   anymore, _can you?!”_

The angel hesitates to answer, not sure whether to share this information with the demon he's currently entwined with.

“Cas! _What the fuck?!_ Can you heal yourself or not?!” Dean yelps, pulling roughly at his restraints. Cas’ eyes narrow, brows lowered, and mouth hard, as he glares back. He gives an irritated groaning sigh, leaning away from the demon. “Ok, this is fuckin’ stupid,” Dean declares, nearly bouncing in his seat with impatience. His worried green eyes look to the file room door and he yells as loud as he can, **“SAM!”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT** : Don’t drink anyone’s blood unless you know without a doubt that they’re disease-free! Waiting for test results isn’t Purgatory; it’s Hell. You need to know if you’re all good, too – if you end up doing two-way blood-play. And _that_ has been your Risk Aware Consensual Kink PSA for today.


	46. Chapter 46

_“CAS! HEAL YOURSELF!” Dean yells, his brows narrowing with confusion and concern. When Cas' worried eyes quickly flit away from his own, Dean’s voice becomes gruff as he challenges, “You **can’t**  anymore, can you?!”_

_The angel hesitates to answer, not sure whether to share this information with the demon he's currently entwined with._

_“Cas! What the fuck?! Can you heal yourself or not?!” Dean yelps, pulling roughly at his restraints. Cas’ eyes narrow, brows lowered, and mouth hard, as he glares back. He gives an irritated groaning sigh, leaning away from the demon. “Ok, this is fuckin’ stupid,” Dean declares, nearly bouncing in his seat with impatience. His worried green eyes look to the file room door and he yells as loud as he can, **“SAM!”**_

A lifetime of conditioning has Sam awake and on his feet, gun in hand, almost as soon as he hears Dean’s panicked voice. But then his eyebrows lower in the dark, as his mind wakes up more. _Wait, Dean’s a demon… why would he be calling me for help?  _Lowering his gun, Sam listens. _He did call for me, right?  _When he hears Dean yell, **_“SAAAM!”_ ** again, he takes off down the hallway, heart racing, even though he’s thinking this is probably a trap.

Alert eyes scanning for the angel, as well as any intruders, Sam carefully makes his way to the dungeon -- hesitating when he reaches the file room door. _“Uh… Cas?”_   he yells awkwardly through the door.

 ** _“Cas is hurt, get in here!”_  ** Dean shouts, quick and gruff, from inside.

Taking a deep breath – and wishing he’d brought Ruby’s knife, instead of his gun – Sam opens the door and goes inside. As he walks in, gun drawn, his eyes are quickly drawn to his brother's naked bloody body. He's cuffed, but struggling, on his chair… er, seat. Sam lowers his gun a bit, but keeps his aim in the demon’s general direction. Quickly glancing to his left, Sam sees a shirtless Cas, also bloody, with his hand wrapped around his neck, sitting on the armless chair, with the black blanket covering his lower body. Sidling over to the injured angel, Sam shouts at Dean angrily, “Did _you_ hurt him?!”

Exasperated, Dean huffs, “Forget me; _help him!”_

Kneeling next to the angel’s chair, Sam tentatively puts his gun on the floor, next to his knee. He starts reaching towards Cas’ hand, but stops, looking the angel in the eyes and asking, “What happened?”

Before Cas can reply, Dean says, “I bit him and he won’t heal himself –- or he can’t, anymore.”

Sam and Cas both cast annoyed glances at the demon. Sam turns back and says, “Lemme see,” pulling on the angel’s hand. Cas releases the pressure on his neck and a few streams of blood quickly streak down to his chest. _“Shit! Ok, ok!”_   Sam breathes excitedly, pushing Cas’ hand back into place.

“Sam,” Cas says in a serious tone of voice, straightening up in his chair, “can you… stop the bleeding?”

Sam’s eyes get a bit wide and he blurts in panicked confusion, “Can’t you?!”

Cas gives an annoyed groan and says in a deep voice, “Just answer the question. Can you?”

The younger Winchester shakes his head, his long hair swaying a bit as he says, “I… I don’t know, Cas. Bites are a bitch because they’re multiple puncture wounds," Sam grimaces and continues apologetically, "and that looks pretty deep.” Sam throws an angry glare over his shoulder, causing Dean to look at the floor.

“What about a hospital?” the angel asks, bringing Sam’s attention back to himself.

“Why don’t you want to heal yourself?” Sam asks.

“He can’t!” the demon interjects.

 ** _“Shut up, Dean!”_**   Sam yells back, glaring at the demon, again. Sam's lips curl up in disgust, his eyes quickly flicking away, as he sees more of his brother’s body than he ever wanted to, covered in more than one bodily fluid.

“Would a hospital…” Cas starts to ask in a gravelly voice, but Sam cuts him off.

“Yeah, but the closest one is a few hours away. Cas, if you **_can_**   heal yourself, you need to do it, now,” Sam declares, staring at the angel with serious eyes.

The angel’s face falls a bit and he sighs deeply, his eyes appearing tired and defeated, as he looks from Sam’s kind and concerned eyes to Dean’s worried green ones and back. He pushes his bottom lip out a little and a bit of blue-white grace shines visibly underneath the hand on his neck. As he’s healing himself, Dean’s eyebrows go up and Sam smiles. Cas takes his hand away, dried blood still clinging to his healed skin; not wanting to waste the grace it would take to dispose of it.

 _“Well why didn’t you just do that to begin with?”_   Dean almost whines, honestly curious. Cas purses his lips as he looks at his beloved, wondering whether to tell him or not. When he sees the relief in Dean’s eyes, he smiles and cinches the blanket tighter around himself. Getting up and dragging the blanket along with him like a long skirt, (and ignoring Sam’s panicked body language) Cas walks over and puts his free hand to the side of Dean’s face.

“I’m alright,” the angel reassures, smiling down at the one he loves. Cas can see tears coming to Dean’s green eyes and the demon’s eyebrows contort in anguish, as he tries to return the smile. Dean gives a couple brief nods and looks down. Cas strokes his hair and cheek gently and lovingly.

 **“Ok, _that’s it!”_**   Sam declares, fed-up. The lovers look at the tall man stooping to snag his gun off the floor. Sam grabs the arm Cas is holding his blanket up with and starts pulling him away from Dean.

The demon’s eyes instantly flick black, brows narrowing, tail flipping behind him, as he almost growls, low in warning, _**“**_ ** _Take your hands off him.”_**

Sam was going to respond flippantly and tell Dean to fuck off. But when he looks back and senses the threat, he gently tugs on Cas’ arm, saying quietly instead, _“Come on, Cas – time to go.”_   The angel’s hand slowly slips from Dean’s face, causing the demon’s eyebrows to curve up in sadness over his shiny black eyes. Cas quickly glances around a little, unsure whether to get his clothes or not, but he lets Sam slowly drag him away. Dean’s lips part a bit in sad confusion as he watches his lover go.

 _ **“NO!”**   _the demon yells angrily, pulling roughly at his restraints, as the man and angel get to the file room door. Sam’s eyebrows go up in alarm and he gently pushes Cas through the door, quickly exiting behind him. _“He’s not yours, Sam!”_   Dean yells after them, as the door closes. Continuing to struggle with his cuffs, the demon huffs,  _“He’s mine.”_


	47. Chapter 47

**_“NO!”_ ** _the demon yells angrily, pulling roughly at his restraints, as the man and angel get to the file room door. Sam’s eyebrows go up and he gently pushes Cas through the door, quickly exiting behind him. “He’s not yours, Sam!” Dean yells after them, as the door closes. Continuing to struggle with his cuffs, the demon huffs, “He’s mine.”_

Watching Cas shuffle pathetically down the hall in just the big black blanket, Sam says, “Cas, wait a minute.” The angel turns around, his light blue eyes apprehensive. “What the Hell is goin on?” Sam asks.

“What do you mean?” Cas replies matter-of-factly.

Sam starts to laugh in disbelief, “Wh… wha... what do I _mean?!”_ He puts his head down, shaking it from side-to-side, then looks back up, gesturing to the angel’s body as he says, “Look at yourself!” Cas pulls the blanket tighter, self-consciously, as his embarrassed eyes quickly flit to the floor. “I go to bed, cause you say you’re just goin in there for a minute and _you’ll be fine,”_ Cas glances up guiltily. “Then you bring him _that_   blanket, cause you don’t want him to get cold,” Sam gives a long sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head again, before continuing. “And I wake up to Dean screaming _for me_  cause **_he hurt you_**  and… and… you want me to fix it, even though _you_ _can_ and…” Sam sighs and says the rest in a confused, imploring tone, _“ What the Hell, man?” _

The angel looks into Sam’s bewildered eyes and quickly turns away, trying to think of what to say. Trying to buy himself some more time – and also not wanting to have a long conversation in the middle of the hallway in just a blanket, Cas says, “Let me get dressed and then I’ll answer your questions,” raising his eyebrows to see if Sam agrees.

Quickly nodding, Sam says dismissively, “Yeah, yeah, sure, fine,” shooing Cas down the hallway with both his arms. The angel gives a brief nod and pulls the end of his blanket up off the floor, carrying it along with him, rather than letting it trail behind. Sam gives a brief sigh and shakes his head again, following the angel down the hallway. When Cas turns off into the laundry room, Sam says to his back, “I’ll be in the library,” and keeps walking.

Cas retrieves his clothes from the dryer, then reaches back in and grabs the washcloth and hand towel he used to clean Dean up with earlier. Dropping the blanket to the floor, Cas quickly wipes his private areas clean with the dry washcloth, then slides on his underwear, hesitating for a moment before pulling his navy dress pants back on. He throws his trench, suit jacket, dress shirt, and tie over his left arm, walking to the kitchen sink, holding the washcloth and hand towel in his right hand. Quickly washing his body as best he can at the kitchen sink, the angel dries himself off and finishes getting dressed. Once he puts his trench coat back on, he starts feeling more like himself, even if he is barefoot. He pads his way to the library, getting ready to face the music.

~*~*~*~

In the dungeon, Dean’s spent quite a few minutes trying to rip a hole in the leather of his chair’s discarded back, with the tip of his tail. When he finally pops a stitch of the seam, he gives a little triumphant laugh, wriggling the tip of his tail inside and feeling around. _“Come on, come on,”_ he says impatiently, searching for something specific. “Yes!” he laughs, when the tip of his tail curls around a spring lodged in between the padding. Working the somewhat thin metal back and forth quickly several times, he gets it to break, then slides his tail a little higher and does the same thing – ending up with a small bit of metal spring. He pulls his prize out of the chair’s back and pushes it against the stone floor repeatedly, mashing it down to straighten out the loops, as he keeps an eye on the file room door. After a few minutes, he has a mostly straight piece of metal. Holding it in the tip of his tail, he curves his whole tail up and over to his right handcuff, sliding the thin metal rod into the lock. Instantly, a shocking burning sensation, similar to touching the edge of the devil’s trap, flows through the improvised lockpick and into his tail. **_“SHIT!”_  ** he yelps in pain, reflexively throwing the pick away from himself without thinking. As he watches it roll along the floor, quite a few feet away, he groans in frustration, jerking his cuffs angrily, again. _“Great! Just fuckin great!”_ he grumbles to himself, _“Fucking warded cuffs.”_


	48. Chapter 48

As soon as Cas walks into the library, Sam looks up from his laptop and asks, “So why didn’t you just heal yourself?”

Cas gives a tired sigh, not responding until he’s seated across from the younger Winchester. He’d really like to avoid this conversation altogether, but figures he does owe Sam an explanation. Grimacing, he sighs again and regretfully admits, “I… didn’t want to use that much grace, if I didn’t need to. Most of mine is gone… w _ell;_ it’s _not _ mine, which is the problem.”

Sitting up at attention, Sam asks concerned, “I know Metatron stole your grace and said the grace _you_ stole to replace it with is burning out.” Cas’ holds Sam’s gaze steadily, his eyes serious, then looks down, nodding a little sadly. “So, what happens… _when that happens?”_  Sam tries to ask delicately.

And now Cas has to decide whether to lie about his impending demise – yet again – or confess the truth and suffer the consequences. He’s just about to confide in Sam, when a flash of panic shoots through him; his constant fear of making yet another catastrophic mistake. _Once I tell them, I can’t ‘untell’ them,_ he rationalizes, _but I can always come clean about it, later._ “I’ll… become human, again,” Cas utters; the same lie he told Dean before.

“Oh,” Sam responds simply, nodding, his eyes revealing a mix of sadness and relief. “Ok… so… do you know how much longer you got?” he asks awkwardly.

Hearing Sam put it that way causes Cas’ emotions to get the better of him. He accidentally lets his guard down in his desperation. “No, but I won’t… _rest_ until we’ve cured Dean of the Mark. I promised you both and it’s my duty.”

Cas’ pain and sadness is clearly evident in his eyes, causing Sam to quickly remark, “Cas, what is it?”

Fighting back tears of remorse, the angel struggles to reveal, in a strained high-pitched voice, “I… I promised Dean I’d… I’d smite him… if we couldn’t save him.” He takes a few quick, deep breaths, purposely avoiding Sam’s eyes, then confesses in a hushed broken voice, “And now I don’t know… _I don’t know…_ if I’ll have enough grace to do it… if… if it becomes necessary.” Cas crumples in his seat, looking lost as he meets Sam’s gaze with despondent, watery, light blue eyes.

“Well, it’s not going to come to that, Cas; we’re **_going to_** save him,” Sam says confidently; trying to convince himself, as well as the angel. Cas forces a little smile, but then his eyebrows narrow, when Sam jumps to his feet. Looking down at the confused angel, Sam asks excitedly, “Will any other angel’s grace work?”

Cas’ brows furrow more, in apprehension, “Why?”

“Remember when we did the spell to track Gadreel?”

 _“Yes…”_ Cas replies slowly with narrow suspicious eyes, not sure he’s liking where Sam’s going with this.

The man continues, “Angels leave a piece of their grace behind when they leave a vessel, right?”

“Correct.”

“So we get some of your angel friends to enter and exit some people a few times, leaving some of their grace behind each time, like shaving ice!” Sam explains excitedly.

“Ew!” Cas exclaims, his eyes a little disturbed.

 _“Ew?”_  Sam laughs, “This solves your problem, Cas! Then we just extract the grace with the needle, like you did with me and…”

“Sam,” Cas interrupts, motioning for him to sit back down, “we don’t have time for that.” Sam starts to give him a bitchface in response, but the angel continues, “And I won’t ask any humans to… to allow me to use that needle on them. It was bad enough when I did it to you!”

“Wait; just use it on me, again, Cas. I’ll be the vessel,” Sam offers. The angel starts to groan apprehensively, but then abruptly stops, tilting his head to the side and giving Sam a considering look. “You know it’s a good idea,” Sam says.

“There might be a quicker way,” Cas replies.

“Alright; I’m all ears.”

The angel quirks his lips and looks away guiltily, before looking the man in the eye and confessing, “There’s something… I kept from you, before.”

Sam’s brows narrow, while confusion, annoyance, and trepidation flit across his features in quick succession, “What?”

Cas sighs, placing his first two fingers on Sam’ forehead as he closes his eyes. The angel gives a brief nod and opens his eyes, divulging, “Some of Lucifer’s grace still resides in you.”

His eyes growing wide, Sam quickly exclaims, “What?! How? I thought… I thought all the grace inside me was destroyed when you healed me?”

“I believe it’s because he’s an archangel – their grace is stronger than all other angels’,” Cas explains.

“Well... can you use it?” Sam asks.

Fear shows in Cas’ eyes as he stammers, “I… I don’t know. Archangels are far more powerful than any other type of angel… and there are other differences, as well.”

“You took in souls from Purgatory,” Sam challenges, a little pissed Cas didn’t tell him about Lucifer’s grace before, “That seemed to power you up pretty good.”

“Yes and look how **_that_**   turned out!” Cas spits bitterly. “Besides,” he adds quickly, in an informative tone, “those were souls, not grace.”

“You're afraid because it’s him, right?” Sam asks with a hint of a smirk on his lips. When Cas looks back nervously, Sam raises his eyebrows and says, _“’The Devil”_ with a smile. Cas’ eyes quickly dart away, looking at everything _but_   Sam. “Come on, Cas, you need more grace,” Sam persuades, “You know you're no match for Dean like this.”

Cas sighs and looks back, saying in a weary defeated tone, _“I know.”_   Then he cautions with a steady, serious gaze, “This might be even more painful than before, Sam.”

“I don’t care,” Sam declares, “I don’t want _any_   of that prick still inside me, if I don’t have to.”

Cas huffs a laugh, grinning a little. “Ok… where did you put the syringe?”


	49. Chapter 49

It wasn't that Cas was purposely careless in using his stolen grace – it’s just, as an angel, using grace is natural to him. After _millions of years_  of operating in the same way, all the little instances where Cas unconsciously used his grace have added up. And while getting other angels to help, like Sam suggested, _would_   take more time than they have - Cas doesn’t want any of them involved, anyway. Most of his brethren are still operating under long-standing notions about demons and would rather smite Dean than try to redeem him.

As Cas considers these things and the actions he’s about to take, Dean’s voice enters his mind: _“Cas, don’t listen to Sam. I **do** love you… even though… even though I keep hurting you. You know I never meant to, right? You believe me... right, baby?”_

Getting on the table in the infirmary like before, Sam notices Cas’ lack of focus and asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Dean,” Cas says flatly, his eyes meeting Sam’s, “he’s praying to me.”

“Really?” Sam huffs a little laugh, “What’s he saying?” Cas’ body language becomes awkward and his eyes quickly flit away. “What?”

His gaze wavering as he looks back up, Cas replies hesitantly, “Well… he’s saying disparaging things about you, at the moment.” Sam huffs another little laugh, smiling and shaking his head a little. Cas continues, brows furrowed, but a little smile on his lips, “Curiously, he seems to see you as a rival for my affections, now.”

“Yeah, what the Hell was that all about when we were leaving - you’re not mine; you’re his?” Sam's brows narrow over his incredulous eyes, his upper lip rising in an odd half-smile, like he thinks Dean’s insane. “And the way he fricken _growled_   at me when I touched you – he was acting like a dog does when you get between them and their food - _oh.”_

“What?” Cas asks, when Sam’s expression quickly changes.

“Oh no. God, no!” Sam says with dread, his eyes growing wider. When Cas continues staring at him, Sam blurts out, “Food, Cas! Some demons eat babies, right? Are cannibalistic? Lilith did, uh, was. _Ohhhh, no._  Cas, you don’t think… _Dean…?”_

Huffing a relieved breath, Cas gives an amused smile, reassuring, “No, Sam, it was nothing like that. He just lost control… while… _we were…”_

“So it _was_ a sex thing?” Sam blurts out. Cas lowers a brow and Sam says sheepishly, “Well, you were both naked and…” clearing his throat to end the sentence. Cas quickly shrugs his eyebrows and Sam asks, “How could you even _want_ to have sex with him, again, after… all the things he's done to you?”

Cas sighs and purses his lips. Then a little smile works its way onto his face, as he honestly admits, “I… _I still love him, Sam.”_

Sam quirks his mouth to the side, understanding, and sighs, _“I know, Cas;_   I do, too.” The angel's smile grows wider in response and Sam asks, “Did he get mean or angry at you, before he bit you?”

“No, no,” Cas assures, “Quite the contrary, actually,” a grin sneaks its way onto Cas’ face, at that.

“And he didn’t seem to be enjoying that he hurt you – which is a good sign,” Sam mutters to himself, not even looking at Cas. Before Cas can recall how Dean’s soul reached into his body as they kissed, the angel abruptly grasps the edge of the exam table, his thumb stroking the leather sensually, as he groans. “Cas! What is it?!” Sam shouts, sitting up straighter and grabbing the angel’s upper arms in alarm.

A toothy embarrassed grin comes onto the angel’s face as his eyes meet Sam’s, throwing the younger Winchester for a moment – cause while Sam’s seen that look on Dean’s face a million times, he _never_   thought he’d see it on Cas. Breathing a little harder and still gripping the table, Cas closes his eyes and reveals, “He’s stopped saying derogatory things about you.” His grin becomes a little wicked for a moment, as he continues, “And started telling me… things he wants to do to me.” Cas tries to wipe the smile off his face, eyeing Sam and hoping he understands.

 _“Oh!”_   Sam exclaims, a hint of disgust in his voice, as he quickly and awkwardly takes his hands off Cas. The younger brother lowers a brow and asks, “Can’t you block him out?”

Cas closes his eyes again, grimacing a little as he breathes, “No… not anymore.”

Sam looks down at Cas’ hand, watching as the angel's thumb rubs against his own forefinger, repeatedly. When Sam glances back up and sees the grin is back on Cas’ face, he asks, “You don’t want to block him out, do you?” Cas opens his eyes and raises his eyebrows. _“Cas,”_ Sam warns, his tone serious and apprehensive, “those ties you’ve been trying to bind Dean in? You’re getting caught in them yourself.” The angel just nods slightly, doing his best not to make any lewd noises, in response to the words and images Dean’s projecting to him. “Lately, you’ve been more emotional than I've _ever_   seen you,” Sam declares.

 _“I know,”_   Cas huffs out, “It’s because of the grace. Everything... everything is affecting me so much more.”

“Then we need to hurry up and do this,” Sam says.

Standing up straighter and clearing his throat, Cas replies, “Agreed.” The angel takes a few deep breaths, his expression returning almost to normal, with just a hint of a smirk at the corner of his lips. Sam glares at him and the angel clears his throat again, releasing the table and raising the syringe. Cas raises his eyebrows, leaning his head towards Sam, and asks, “Are you ready?” – the smirk working its way back onto his face, as he remembers asking Dean the same thing, earlier.

Sam’s brows narrow for a second, but he scoots back into place on the exam table and sighs, “I guess.” When Cas’ brows lower in concern, Sam reassures him in a more positive tone of voice, “Yeah, I’m ready. Just do it quick, ok?” Cas nods and places his left hand on Sam’s forehead, turning his head to the side. He inserts the needle into Sam’s neck, causing the young man to grimace and groan a little. Cas strokes Sam’s forehead with his thumb and Sam says, “I’m ok; keep going.” The angel slowly pushes the needle in deeper, trying to be as gentle as he can, given the circumstances. When he reaches the right spot and starts pulling back on the plunger to extract Lucifer’s grace, Sam nearly gasps a sigh of relief. Startled by Sam’s odd reaction, Cas stops. “No, no, keep going!” Sam implores with excited eyes, “It actually feels good, this time.” Not liking what that could mean, Cas slowly resumes pulling on the plunger with a growing sense of trepidation. Sam gives a few pleased sighs, his muscles steadily relaxing, as more blue-white grace flows into the syringe. Cas eyes both the man and the grace nervously. _“Don’t you want me inside you, again, Cas?”_ Dean’s voice comes into the angel's mind, again.

 _“Oh no,”_ Cas groans.

“What?” Sam asks, starting to turn his head without thinking.

Cas holds Sam’s head still and grits out, _“Dean.”_

“Just hurry up and finish,” Sam replies.

Cas nods and draws the plunger back much faster, causing Sam to groan in pain. The angel strokes the man’s forehead soothingly; sorry that he’s hurting him. _“Cas, I need to be inside you, baby.”_ Breathing faster, Cas groans a little himself, his fingers running through Sam’s hair.

At first, Sam thought Cas was still just being comforting, but when he realizes his touch has turned a bit sexual, his brows lower as he shouts, “Hey!”

Cas' fingers instantly stop, his eyes getting a little wide when he realizes what he was doing. “Sorry, Sam. He’s… _it’s getting hard to concentrate,”_   the angel admits sheepishly. Luckily, Cas has reached the end of Lucifer’s grace; no more is flowing into the glass vial as he continues drawing back on the plunger. He carefully removes the needle from Sam’s neck and swipes his hand down it, using a little grace to heal the single small but deep puncture. _“Let me fill you, honey.”_ Dean’s voice croons deliriously in his mind. _“Please.”_ Cas bites his lower lip, failing to hold back a moan, as Sam sits up on the table.

“You better drink that, now," Sam advises. Putting a steadying hand on the table, Cas raises the syringe, nervously eyeing the very sparkly, roiling grace inside. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Sam in hesitation. “What?! That was the whole point of this, right?” Sam exclaims, exasperated.

Deftly unscrewing the needle from the syringe with precise fingers, Cas places it back in its box, keeping hold of the vial. “Yes, but,” Cas says, studying the grace, “maybe I… shouldn’t use it. At least not until I really need it.”

When the angel glances back up, Sam declares, “Oh no; uh-uh. You’re drinking that now, Cas. All we need is for you to lose it or something.”

 


	50. Chapter 50

When Cas doesn’t come running back into the dungeon from his seductive prayers, Dean slumps on his seat, pouting in defeat. _“Where is he?”_   the demon wonders, ceasing his prayers to think privately. As he tries to get more comfortable in his binds and the awkward position he's in, Dean feels Cas’ cum inside him as he moves – the sensation leading him into a bizarre train of thought. _“Is that?”_ he wriggles his body a little. _“Yep, that’s what it is, alright,”_ he chuckles to himself. _“Uh… it’s not just gonna stay up there **forever,** is it?”  _ The demon’s green eyes get bigger for a split-second. _“Ok, relax, I might not ever need to use the bathroom again, but I can still, uh, push it out.”_  He makes a face, like the thought grosses him out a little. _“Man, that’s still fuckin weird, though – never needing to piss ever again. I get the whole ‘not eating equals no shitting’ thing, but where does all the booze I drink go? It has to go somewhere, right?”_ Dean’s eyes move back and forth under his furrowed brow, as he tries to figure out how his body works now. _“It probably just gets absorbed into my body, right? Goin into my cells or somethin?”_ He scrunches his eyebrows. _“And… and it comes out… as respiration or something? I don’t know.”_ The demon quirks his lips to the side, speculating. _“So I guess part of my body is made up of alcohol, now.”_   He smirks to himself, _“Well, more alcohol than before.” _

Dean’s eyebrows slowly rise as a thought dawns on him, _“Which means, heh, if I leave that inside of me… part of Cas will become part of me.” _A shuddering wave of arousal works its way from the tip of his horns, down through his body, to the tip of his tail. “ _Fuck! That’s actually pretty fuckin hot!”_ Dean starts breathing faster, feeling blood rushing to his crotch to give him a chubby in record time. He moans, pulling at his chains and writhing, and he rolls his hips as he gets harder. _“What the fuck? Why am I getting **so** turned on by this, so quickly?”  _ The demon’s thoughts are cut short, as desire makes him moan wantonly and start thrusting, his tail swishing rapidly behind him. Closing his eyes, Dean throws his head back, feeling his nipples get hard, as he rides the rolling, pleasurable sensations, _“Fuck it, I don’t care, this feels too good.”_ He starts absent-mindedly sucking on his tongue and tastes Cas’ blood, again. Realizing that’s _another_   part of Cas that will become part of him, he groans and doubles over. Gripping the armrests tight and shuddering, he opens black eyes, thrusting harder and faster. _“Cas, come back and fill me, baby. Please fill me, sweetheart,”_ his mind spews feverishly, not knowing whether the angel’s hearing him or not. Breathing hard, he looks down and notices some drops of Cas’ dried blood on his chest. Nearly contorting his body, the demon bends awkwardly, stretching his tongue out to lick up the drops that are hard to reach. Dean groans and curves his tail around, snaking several coils around his hard cock and jacking himself, as he desperately licks at the blood on his chin. Almost whimpering before he cums, he huffs out a rough, relieved laugh, with his first spurt. After quite a few more (he lost count after six), he’s physically spent, but doesn’t feel _completely_   sated.

Drugged from the endorphins, Dean surveys all the cum on and around him, saying out loud, “I guess some of the liquid comes out as that.” He quickly thinks, _“Is my jizz alcoholic, now?”_ and post-orgasm giddiness makes him snicker at the thought. _“Wonder if I could get that bitch drunk on my cum?”_ Instantly, all amusement leaves Dean’s face, _“What the fuck kind of thought is that?!”_ His brows lower in dread, as his green eyes widen in panic, “ _Oh fuck… I better… I better not be turning into a fucking incubus or something! Cain didn’t act all fuckin weird like this!”_ Breathing faster as his anxiety ramps up, Dean whines a little, wondering, _“What the Hell is happening to me?!”_


	51. Chapter 51

_“You better drink that, now," Sam advises. Putting a steadying hand on the table, Cas raises the syringe, nervously eyeing the very sparkly, roiling grace inside. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Sam in hesitation. “What?! That was the whole point of this, right?” Sam exclaims, exasperated._

_Deftly unscrewing the needle from the syringe with precise fingers, Cas places it back in its box, keeping hold of the vial. “Yes, but,” Cas says, studying the grace, “maybe I… shouldn’t use it. At least not until I really need it.”_

_When the angel glances back up, Sam declares, “Oh no; uh-uh. You’re drinking that now, Cas. All we need is for you to lose it or something.”_

Cas lowers his arms, looking to the floor as he sighs deeply. He knows Sam’s right, but he honestly _doesn’t_ know what an archangel’s grace – especially Lucifer’s – will do to him; it’s unprecedented. Eyeing Sam carefully, Cas asks, “How do you feel, now that Lucifer’s grace is gone?”

Sam raises his eyebrows, then his eyes unfocus and glance around, as he takes an internal evaluation of himself. He exhales, looking back to Cas and admits, _“Better_ – I can tell it’s gone. I feel relieved.”

The angel tilts his head, eyebrows narrowing as he asks, “It was distressing you?”

Sam hops off the table, swinging his arms in front of himself a bit, giving a brief laugh. “Yeah, I guess it was,” he concedes. Cas’ eyebrows go up a bit and Sam quickly adds, “I mean, not a lot… _I don’t think.”_   He looks away, eyes going distant, and his mouth becomes a straight line as he considers. Looking back, Sam says in a reassuring tone, “I mean… it’s noticeable, but it’s not a _huge_ difference.” The angel visibly relaxes at that. “My body feels less tense; I don’t feel wound up so tight, anymore.” One of Cas’ eyebrows starts lowering in confusion and Sam states, “I feel less pissed, overall.”

“Hmm,” the angel responds, furrowing his brow and quirking his lips to the side. _“Muscle tightness and anger are quite negligible effects,”_ he thinks, _“But Sam **is** Lucifer’s true vessel.”  _ Standing up straighter, Cas fixes the man with a serious gaze, announcing, “Sam, if my vessel isn’t strong enough to contain Lucifer’s grace, I’ll… I’ll be destroyed instantly.”

“What?!” Sam nearly shouts; surprised and alarmed, his eyes wide as he grabs Cas around his upper arms.

“What is left of me would be destroyed, along with this vessel, in the resulting explosion,” the angel admits. Sam makes a few inarticulate noises, quickly glancing around, at a loss for words. “But Jimmy’s blood-line is strong and this vessel has served me well,” Cas explains almost matter-of-factly.

“Cas!” Sam says, panic edging into his voice, “What are the chances that would happen?”

“I honestly don’t know, Sam,” Cas confesses with sad eyes.

“Well… then don’t!” Sam exclaims, causing the angel’s brows to lower. “I mean, we’ll find another way!” the man flounders.

Cas’ mouth and eyes become hard, brows narrowing in anger as he snaps, “What other choice do I have, Sam?!”

Quickly thinking, Sam’s expression becomes hopeful, as he declares happily, “Claire! You can use her grace – I mean **_your_** grace!” Cas’ lips part, his eyes showing apprehension, but his brows slowly rising in hope with the revelation. “You used her as a vessel, so shouldn’t some of _your **own** grace_ still, uh… be inside her?” Sam’s excited tone quickly turns awkward, wincing as he fumbles with his words.

Nodding as he looks down and walks a few paces away, Cas turns back and says slowly, _“Yes..._ it wouldn’t be much, but it’s my own.”

As the angel is lost in thought, Sam asks, “Why does it make such a difference?”

Cas looks up and explains, “An angel’s own grace recharges over time, similar to how sleeping replenishes a human’s energy. But, you have to have a certain amount, for it to do that. I… I have so little of my own left, that it can’t catch up.”

“And that’s why you need it from other angels?” Sam asks.

“Yes, but, stolen grace doesn’t replenish itself, either. Once it’s used up; it’s just gone.” Sam nods a little and Cas ruefully acknowledges, “You were worried about Dean becoming a ‘cannibal,’ but that label would more accurately describe me.”

Sam’s eyes get a little wider and he blurts, “You’re _eating_ them?”

Cas can’t maintain eye-contact as he admits, “Well, consuming their essences, but... yes, I have. Twice.”

“Wow,” is all Sam can say.

“I believe Our Father specifically designed grace that way, so we wouldn’t cannibalize each other,” Cas muses, his expression becoming solemn and accepting, as he adds, “I deserve whatever happens to me.”

“But Lucifer is still alive,” Sam says, “And Claire…”

Quickly becoming angry again, Cas shouts, gesturing with his free hand as he paces, “Sam, I will not subject that poor girl to… I already took her father from her! Jimmy is dead because of me! And I promised him I would look after his family…” Cas stops abruptly, looking guilty.

“How’s that goin, Cas?” Sam challenges. When the angel glares back at him with narrow eyes, Sam makes his play, “Have you even _seen_   Claire since using her as a vessel?”

All anger instantly replaced by regret, Cas hangs his head and quietly admits, _“No.”_

Sam bops his eyebrows, pushing his lips out and nodding. “Well, why don’t we check up on her and see how she’s doin?”

Cas stares at Sam in consideration, not moving, as he exhales slowly out his nose. _“Cas, come back and fill me, baby. Please fill me, sweetheart,”_ Dean’s voice and intense sense of longing sweep through the fallen angel, causing Cas’ own desire to flare in response; catching him completely off-guard. Something between a moan and a groan escapes Cas’ lips as he shivers, gripping the vial tightly in one hand, while reaching out weakly to steady himself with the other - though there’s nothing in front of him to hold on to. He quickly strides to the exam table, leaning forward against it on his forearms, as he feels his heart and body react. Breathing deeper, as he feels blood heading towards his crotch, Cas turns his head and says to the concerned Sam, _“There isn’t time for that.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Fools like us, remind me to trust, the ways I feel...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB1wGyEp-ZI)


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Shipper Sam Alert*

_Breathing deeper, as he feels blood heading towards his crotch, Cas turns his head and says to the concerned Sam, “There isn’t time for that.”_

“What’s wrong?” Sam asks, grimacing slightly, cause he has an idea.

Cas hangs his head over the table and confesses apologetically, while looking down, “I’m weakening. These emotions and physical sensations… they’re just too much.” Giving a little self-depreciating laugh, the angel continues, glancing at Sam, “I know it’s ridiculous, but almost all I can think about is Dean. I… I’m trying not to go to him, right now.” Cas’ eyelids slant sadly as he raises his brows, his eyes themselves showing embarrassment mixed with yearning – not just for his beloved, but for Sam to understand and help him. “I’m not used to feeling this way,” the angel admits, “It’s overwhelming.”

At that moment, Sam’s fears are confirmed. His face looks a bit pained, as he moves closer to the struggling angel - while still keeping a respectable distance between them. Sam tilts his head down, looking at Cas with open non-judgmental eyes, and asks empathetically, “You’ve completely fallen for him, haven’t you? All the way; head-over-heels; completely and totally lost in love, right?”

A brief spark of happy recognition shows in the angel's blue eyes; grateful Sam understands - but is quickly replaced by disappointment. “Yes,” Cas admits, huffing a sigh and looking down.

Sam moves closer, starting to put his hand on Cas’ arm as emotional support - when he remembers the angel’s probably got a boner – so he awkwardly closes his hand and lets his arm drop, instead. He sighs and says, “Cas, _this is what I was afraid of.”_

The angel looks up and Sam confesses, “All that stuff I said before – about Dean being a dick and I didn’t want him to break your heart and stuff?” Cas’ eyebrows quickly rise in interest. “I mean, _I meant it,_ but I **_may have_** _exaggerated a little,_ cause I didn’t want you to give your heart to him, while he’s still a fucking demon,” Sam admits.

Cas starts to look relieved, a bit of a smile playing on his lips, “Sam, what are you saying?”

The younger Winchester moves closer and says, “I was just trying to delay the inevitable! I actually _want_  you and Dean to get together; God knows you’ve danced around it long enough… and you’re good for him, too. But if he’s not even himself…” Sam finishes his sentence by raising his eyebrows.

Nodding with understanding, Cas asks with a smile, “You’d like for your brother and I to be together?”

Sam laughs and says a little timidly, “Well… yeah. You two make a good couple,” smiling back. “I just hate that you two finally got together **_now , _**out of all the times it could've happened.”

Cas smiles wider, showing his teeth, and he straightens up, asking, “So you wouldn’t advise against my pursuing a relationship with Dean?”

Pointing in the direction of the dungeon, Sam says emphatically, with a hint of a grin on his lips, “Cas, when we cure his stupid ass, it’s up to you whether you want him or not.” Then his expression and tone become more serious, as he explains, “There’s _always_   risk involved when you love someone, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying.” Cas gives him a very grateful smile and Sam warns, his brow furrowed, “But, Cas, _sometimes people can break your heart without ever meaning to.”_

“What do you mean?”

“Like Jess and Madison…” Sam says. The angel’s face quickly becomes solemn at Jess’ name and he nods. He doesn’t recognize Madison’s name, but he doesn’t interrupt. “Their deaths… they… that wasn’t their fault. And neither was what happened with Amelia. She thought her husband was killed in action.” Sam looks down, sighing with emotion; unable to say more for the moment.

“I understand,” Cas responds solemnly.

Looking up, Sam quickly scrunches his eyebrows and asks, “Do you even know about Madison? Did Dean ever tell you about her?”

“No.”

Sam sighs again and reveals, “She was a werewolf and didn’t even know it.” The angel’s eyebrows go up in surprise and Sam continues, “She asked me to… to kill her, so she wouldn’t hurt anyone else. She said she couldn’t live like that.” Sam hangs his head, looking down. Cas doesn’t want to ask whether Sam killed her or not; he assumes he did, so he just waits for Sam to resume talking. “I **_really_** don’t want you to have to go through that with Dean,” Sam says sincerely, tears in his eyes, as he looks back at Cas, sympathetically.

The angel simply nods and looks down. _“Cas? Cas, please come back. Something’s happening to me and I don’t know… I'm… I’m fuckin scared, ok? Please?”_ The angel looks up, his eyes panicked. “Something’s wrong with Dean,” he says, quickly taking off down the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm apparently obsessed with eyebrows. I'm trying to _show_ emotions, rather than _tell,_ \-- but I feel like I'm overdoing it. Are y'all getting pissed off hearing about the positions of their eyebrows in every-fucking-sentence? Cause I know I sure am, lol.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... am I psychic or _what?_ ::incredulous eyes:: I'll gush about the latest episode (12x19 "The Future") more in my end notes, but how funny is it that I just recently wrote about Sam remembering the grace extraction procedure  & then it's on the show? That just added to my incredible delight over that **AWESOME** episode. :D And I **swear ,** I was gonna have Cas steal the Impala later in this series (I know _he_ didn't on the show, but it was close enough to make me laugh insanely). I _so_ wanted Dean to say, "Did Cas just steal my fuckin car?!" when the brothers were standing in the parking lot all flabbergasted, lmao.

_The angel simply nods and looks down. “Cas? Cas, please come back. Something’s happening to me and I don’t know… I'm… I’m fuckin scared, ok? Please?” The angel looks up, his eyes panicked. “Something’s wrong with Dean,” he says, quickly taking off down the hallway._

Cas is out of the infirmary and striding down the hall, almost before Sam has a chance to turn around. “Cas! Wait! What’s wrong?” the younger Winchester yelps, chasing after the angel.

“I don’t know. Dean said something was happening to him... he’s frightened, Sam,” Cas says, without glancing over his shoulder or slowing down.

Despite his height advantage, Sam’s apprehension causes him to hesitate a bit; not sure if running off to the dungeon half-cocked is the best idea. _“Oh fuck, this could be a trap. This is not good,”_ Sam thinks, picking up speed. As Sam rounds the corner, he sees part of Cas’ trench billow out behind him, as he walks through the open file room doorway. _“Shit!”_   “Cas, wait!” Sam shouts, throwing his hand out.

When Dean looks up and sees Cas _how he should look;_   his Cas… all the demon’s concerns drop away as he’s consumed by a haze of desire.

 _“Cas, baby, please - I need more.”_  


 

 

 “More?" Cas' dark brows narrow in confusion, "More _what?”_

 

_“You.”_

Sam barges into the file room, but stops in his tracks, when he sees just how dirty the dungeon’s gotten since they were last here. Sam puts both his hands up, momentarily recoiling in disgust, as his eyes scan the jizz-covered floor. Cas walks up to Dean, intending to comfort him by putting his hand on the side of his face, but Dean moves his head at the last second, drawing Cas’ middle finger into his mouth and sucking hard, while staring at him with raw want. Surprised by the action – and _entirely_   unprepared for how unbelievably sexual it feels – the angel moans and sort of falls forward a bit – staying on his feet, but moving closer as his knees go weak.

When Cas moaned, Sam looked up to see the angel buckling over a bit, his hand by Dean’s mouth. Thinking Dean’s biting him again, Sam rushes forward and quickly pulls Cas’ arm back, ripping his finger out of the demon’s mouth. Sam frantically grabs Cas’ hand, checking for injuries. _“What the fuck, Sam!”_ Dean yells. Confused that the angel seems to be alright; Sam casts a superficial glance at his brother, before looking back at Cas.

“You’re ok?” the man quickly asks the angel.

Still distracted (and incredibly aroused), Cas’ blue eyes are hazy, as he continues trying to puzzle out how Dean’s sucking on his finger can feel _almost exactly_   like Dean sucking on his dick, without the demon even touching him anywhere below the waist. The angel vaguely becomes aware of Sam’s earnest worried eyes in his peripheral vision and he turns towards him, quietly asking, _“What?”_

“You’re alright?” Sam asks, narrowing his brows in concern.

“Way to be a cockblock!” the demon spits, knitted brows over black eyes.

Trying really hard _not_   to show he’s sporting a semi now, Cas carefully straightens up, pulling his hand away and giving it a cursory glance. “Yes,” he says absent-mindedly, before clearing his throat, “I appear to be… unharmed.”

“What are you _even_ doin in here, anyway?!” Dean grouses at Sam, his tail whipping side-to-side behind him in annoyance.

 _“Well, his eyes are black, but he sounds like himself,”  _Sam thinks while looking at Dean’s face. “Cas said you prayed to him…” the younger brother starts to explain.

Dean’s expression immediately changes to somber recognition and he quickly looks down. _“Oh, yeah, that,”_   he says in a quiet and meek voice.

“Cas said something was happening to you?” Sam leads. Dean looks up at the angel, curving his tail around Cas’ back as he prays, _“Make him leave. I don’t want him to know.”_

“Why?” Cas asks out loud, his brows narrowing and eyes becoming more focused. Dean gives a frustrated little huff and crinkles his brow, continuing to pray, _“Just get rid of him, alright?! It’s fuckin weird and awkward.”_

Cas sighs, but before he can speak, Sam blurts out, _“Wait_ – are you praying to him while we’re all in the same room together?!” Dean glances at his brother, giving a little smirk. “Oh, that is _such bullshit,_ Dean!” Sam declares, making the older Winchester smile wider. _“Please, Cas? Come on,”_   Dean prays, rubbing the angel’s back encouragingly with the tip of his tail, while smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>    
> 
> 
>   
>  OMG, y’all, Dean gave Cas a mixtape… A FUCKING MIXTAPE! And he made sure he kept it, too - when Cas didn’t understand & tried to return it after listening to it. My heart has been dancing like a cheerleader shaking pom-poms ever since I saw that! Everyone of my generation KNOWS: **“mixtape = love.”** I liked the little extra bit they threw in, too - The Colt being under Dean’s pillow, haha.  THATcould be explained away, but NOT A MIXTAPE, Y’ALL! That ain’t even code – it’s just right there! That shit is cannon, now. If it wasn’t before, it is now. I’m so happy; I almost can’t stand it, lmao! <3 MIXTAPE!!!!! <3 (Do not burst my bubble by disagreeing, lol. I desperately need a win right now, too.) 


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [“Reach out, touch faith!”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko7pTz9aDx0) – speaking of my generation, I HAD to post the Nintendo version of this. The boss fight part (where the sprites would start shifting & moving faster & you knew you were boned) pleases me. Different version: [“Someone who can hear your prayers.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fduqNmXbsZg)

_“Cas said something was happening to you?” Sam leads. Dean looks up at the angel, curving his tail around Cas’ back as he prays, “Make him leave. I don’t want him to know.”_

_“Why?” Cas asks out loud, his brows narrowing and eyes becoming more focused. Dean gives a frustrated little huff and crinkles his brow, continuing to pray, “Just get rid of him, alright?! It’s fuckin weird and awkward.”_

_Cas sighs, but before he can speak, Sam blurts out, “Wait – are you praying to him while we’re all in the same room together?!” Dean glances at his brother, giving a little smirk. “Oh, that is such bullshit, Dean!” Sam declares, making the older Winchester smile wider. “Please, Cas? Come on,” Dean prays, rubbing the angel’s back encouragingly with the tip of his tail, while smiling._

Realizing he’s gripping the glass vial awfully tight, Cas slips it into his coat pocket and stammers, “I… I’m… I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Dean.” Cas was already losing his fight against his feelings, before coming back into the dungeon. In his weakened state, the angel knows if Sam leaves them alone, he won’t be able to stop himself from giving in to his desires. But he hasn’t decided whether he’s going to use Lucifer’s grace or not, yet.

Dean huffs in response and Sam asks, “What?”

Cas turns and relays, “He… doesn’t want you to know.”

“If you’re just going to tell him what I say, what’s the point, Cas?!” Dean exclaims, disappointedly.

Glancing at, but ignoring, his brother, Sam’s brows narrow in concern as he asks the angel, _“Why?”_

Briefly glancing at the demon, Cas replies, “I think he’s embarrassed.”

 _“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here!”_  Dean warns lowly.

Exasperated, Sam gestures to the dirty floor, then looks his brother in the eyes and quickly says, _“I think_   we’re past that point, Dean. So just get over yourself and tell us what’s goin on!”

Even though his eyes are black, Dean’s acting almost same as he did when human. He looks away, his eyebrows scrunching up in distress, and makes a little noise; almost a whine. He holds his lower lip with his teeth for a second, then looks back to Sam, admitting in a low voice, “You’re not gonna like it.”

“Obviously,” Sam replies, rolling his eyes.

Dean clears his throat, his face a bit worried when he looks at Cas. He moves a bit, trying to get more comfortable, and says awkwardly, “Uh, can I get a little help, here?” gesturing to his crotch with his head. Cas’ brows lower in confusion, but Sam quickly grabs the blue shirt from the floor and tosses it over Dean’s crotch. “Thank you,” he says sincerely.

“Yeah, no problem,” Sam quickly responds, looking away. Turning back, he says, “So what’s happening to you that you’re scared of?”

“Aw man, you told him that, too!?” Dean whines. The angel just raises his eyebrows and gives a sheepish smile.

“Dean?!” Sam nags, his patience running thin.

“Ok! Fine!” the demon shouts, then exhales slowly, looking down. When he looks back up, he deliberately keeps his gaze only on the angel. “I was… thinking about you,” Dean says quietly, with a little smile. “And, _uh…_ um…” he glances at Sam and exclaims, “Look, I’m just gonna tell him, ok?! I can’t have you hearin this!”

“Fine! Tell him!” Sam retorts, throwing his hands up in exasperation. The younger Winchester sits heavily on ‘Cas’ chair,’ crossing his arms and slouching grumpily, watching the pair.

Black eyes look into blue and Dean prays, _“I could… feel…”_ the demon starts to smile a little shyly, _“…your cum inside me.”_ Both start to breathe heavier and Cas moves closer, near Dean’s left hand. _“And I thought about how… if I left it inside me,”_ the demon licks his lips and bites his lower lip a few times, as he feels himself getting more turned on. Cas’ eyes intensely track his movements and the angel subconsciously licks his own lips. Unable to completely hold back a little moan, Dean starts rolling his hips a little as he continues, _“…you’d… you'd become part of me.”_   Biting his lower lip harder this time, Dean looks pained, his eyebrows curving up, as he tries to control his arousal. He can feel his dick going from a chubby to a semi and he’s trying desperately not to roll his hips any more than he already is. The fabric of the shirt over his crotch is moving against his dick with each of his movements, providing added stimulation he _really doesn’t need._   He doesn’t want to pop a boner in front of his brother and wasn’t he supposed to be doing something important? Dean closes his eyes, trying to remember.

The angel’s in a similar boat, clenching his jaw and breathing hard, as he tries to keep himself under control. He’s been able to keep his hips stationary, but he’s at half-mast himself, and his fingers feel twitchy; hands wanting to grab something; anything, _hard._   The angel feels like all he can do is stare intently at the one he wants, while trying all he can not to touch him.

Sam has interlaced his fingers – except for the first two, which are up in a triangle, resting on top of his lips. His eyebrows are high on his forehead as he watches the two, wondering when or if he should intervene.

Dean opens his eyes to see Cas’ jaw doing that damned gorgeous defiant thing, determined pink lips set over dark scruff that goes from his chin _all the way down his throat…_ and Dean’s brain sort of short-circuits; all thoughts of explaining what scared him before long gone. _“You want me as much as I want you, don’t you, baby?”_ Dean prays while staring deep into Cas’ eyes. The barest hint of a smile comes to the corners of Cas’ lips and he nods twice, almost imperceptibly. Dean’s plump pink lips swirl into a gorgeous little smirk and he prays, _“Get rid of him and take me,”  _his eyebrows curving up a little, in a bit of a plea. Cas’ brows go up, but his eyelids slant in that sad way, his light blue eyes revealing some apprehension. He quickly glances over at Sam, who instantly says, “What?”

Even with completely black eyes, Sam could tell when Dean’s gaze tracked all the way down Cas’ throat – and it set him on high alert. Startled the younger Winchester sort of called him out, Cas feels caught and a bit guilty, subconsciously leaning away from Dean. Sam stands up and moves closer, asking the angel firmly, “Ok, so what did he tell you?”

Really feeling put on the spot, now, Cas quickly looks to the floor, fumbling, “Uh… um…”

“Did he tell you what scared him?” Sam inquires, his tone laden with suspicion.

Cas looks back apologetically and says helplessly, “Not exactly.”

Sensing something's amiss, Sam puts his hand on Cas’ shoulder and starts leading him away; thinking it’s a good idea to get some space between these two, for Cas’ protection. **_“NO!”_**  Dean snarls, abruptly lunging at Sam.

Sam quickly jumps back, eyes wide as he spits reflexively, “What the fuck, Dean?!” Cas’ eyes go wide and he slowly backs away, too.

Bowing his head, while continuing to roughly jerk at his chains, Dean’s obviously in distress when he squeezes his eyes shut and grits out -- somewhere between a growl and a groan, _“Don’t do that! **Don’t…** take him away from me.” _

“Why?” Sam asks, curious.

   
 The demon quickly throws his head back,

 black eyes wide,

 as he yells loudly,

 **_“_ ** **_Cause it makes me want to fucking kill you!”_ **

  
His eyebrows contort with distress and after taking a few rough, deep breaths, he says at a lower volume; almost a confession, _“And I don’t want to kill you.”_


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [“In you I taste God.”](https://youtu.be/9uWwvQKGjLI)

_Bowing his head, while continuing to roughly jerk at his chains, Dean’s obviously in distress when he squeezes his eyes shut and grits out -- somewhere between a growl and a groan, “Don’t do that! **Don’t…** take him away from me.” _

_“Why?” Sam asks, curious._

__

  
_The demon quickly throws his head back,_

_black eyes wide,_

_as he yells loudly,_

_**“** **Cause it makes me want to fucking kill you!”**_

  
_His eyebrows contort with distress and after taking a few rough, deep breaths, he says at a lower volume; almost a confession, “And I don’t want to kill you.”_

“You meant it, didn’t you?” Sam exclaims, “When you said you were trying not to rip my throat out, when I captured you?”

“Yes,” Dean replies simply, still breathing heavy from his outburst; hanging his head as he catches his breath.

Cas casts a concerned, wide-eyed glance at Sam, because this is the first he’s heard of this. The man’s brow lowers with determination and he asks the demon pointedly, “Why did you bite Cas?”

 ** _“What?!”_**   Dean yelps; flustered by the question.

“I told you, Sam, he got excited when we…” Cas starts saying, but Sam looks him in the eyes and the angel hears the man’s voice in his mind, _“No – let **him** answer, Cas.”_   When the angel’s lips curve up a bit, Sam gives a little smirk, his disembodied voice declaring, _“Oh, two can play at this game.”_ Cas smiles back and gives a little nod, looking to the demon.

Eyebrows curved up in distressed confusion, Dean fumbles, _“I… I don’t know, ok?!_  I didn’t think; I just did it!”

“Not good enough,” Sam replies.

Quickly thinking back over the event, Dean’s breathing faster, as he tries to find the reason. _“I… uh…”_   he says with uncertainty – but then his tone becomes calmer, as he realizes and explains, “I… I was trying to find him.”

Sam’s face scrunches up in confusion, “What? Trying to find him?” The younger brother looks to Cas, who has a little serene smile of understanding on his face, which causes Sam’s eyebrows to lower in even more confusion.

Dean tries to explain, “I… we were, heh, you know. And, uh… I was trying to find him.” When Sam still looks confused, Dean clarifies, **_“ The real him_**… not his body or vessel or whatever.”

“He _was_ saying things along those lines, at the time, Sam,” Cas confirms. Dean smiles at his lover, giving a little nod of appreciation for the help, then looks to Sam with wide black eyes – like that should explain everything and the matter is settled.

“I… don’t understand,” Sam says slowly.

The demon gives a little groan of frustration and says, “I was trying to get to the real him! To touch the _real_  him.” Eyebrows going up at the thought, Dean says, “I guess I could’ve just touched his wing, but, uh…” he huffs a little laugh and says the rest to Cas with a sly little smile, “the only thing I could’ve touched him with… _was kinda busy.”_  He winks at the angel with a jet black eye, causing Cas to laugh and grin back; pleasantly embarrassed.

“Ok, I have no idea what you guys are talking about,” the man announces.

Dean throws his head back, staring at the ceiling, as he groans. Then he looks to Sam and says testily, “Geez, ok, I’ll spell it out for ya, alright? Fuck!” Motioning to Cas with his head, Dean raises his eyebrows high and says in a condescending tone, “You know that’s Jimmy’s body, right? And not Cas?” Dean earns himself a royal bitchface for that one, causing him to smile wide enough to show teeth, before he continues, “It wasn’t really like a conscious thought – more like a feeling or desire. I… we, heh, um, our bodies were as close as they could be, but I wanted more. I wanted **_him._**  His spirit or whatever – _Castiel; Angel of the Lord_   – without all this physical shit in the way. I guess I thought I could bite through his vessel to get to him or something.  ** _The real him,_** Sam.” Before his brother can respond, Dean turns to Cas and says in a conciliatory tone, “I know you’re not really a ‘him,’ but it’s just easier to say it that way.” Cas pushes out his lower lip and closes his eyes, giving a little nod of acceptance, causing Dean to smile.

“Yeah… but, you hurt him,” Sam says.

“Not really – I just damaged his vessel,” Dean replies off-handedly. But then he remembers all the blood and Cas’ scared light blue eyes and his own fear and he quickly says, “Oh shit, I did, didn’t I? Fuck, I’m sorry, Cas! I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Cas reassures, nodding a bit and moving a flat lowered palm away from himself, like 'don't worry about it.'

 _“That’s **not** ok, Dean,”_   Sam says sternly, his brows narrowing to see if his brother understands.

 _“I know! Fuck!”_   the older Winchester quickly agrees, glancing at his beloved. “If he had his grace, it’d be ok. But… _he’s weak now…”_   Dean says sadly, his upturned brows revealing his worry. “Oh, fuck, Cas!” Dean yelps in dread, his eyes locking with the one he loves, “When you become human, again – **_OH SHIT!”_ **  Dean almost starts hyperventilating, barely able to get the words out, not wanting to admit the truth even to himself, “I… I… I might fucking kill you, baby! Without even meaning to!” Cas’ eyes get a little wider, knowing he’s no match for Dean in his current state, but he tries to hide his fear. “Oh, this is bad, Sammy! This is _really fuckin bad!”_  Dean almost wails. His younger brother just gives a solemn nod with serious eyes.

Thinking back over the incident, Dean really starts to panic, when he can’t remember if he bit Cas _because_   he was ejaculating… or if he came **_from_**  biting Cas and tasting his blood. _“Oh God, oh God, no, no, no!”_   Dean exclaims, his wide panicked eyes shifting back to green. When he remembers _why_  he called Cas in here in the first place, he does start hyperventilating. He fucking lapped up the angel’s blood from his skin and came uncontrollably from it. Unable to speak, Dean just shakes his head frantically side-to-side; trying to deny and dispel these terrifying thoughts.

Seeing his distress, Cas is on him in an instant, soft hands stroking his shoulders soothingly. “Dean, breathe; it’s alright,” Cas croons.

“No, no, no – it’s **_NOT_**  alright, Cas!” Dean yells.

“What?” Sam quickly asks.

Looking like a distraught little boy, tears swim in Dean’s wide green eyes, as he struggles to say, “I… I think… I think I might be getting off... on hurting him!” Eyebrows twisted in anguish, Dean frantically looks to Cas, as tears streak down his face, his lips parted in silent horror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [“Someone will say, ‘What is lost can never be saved.’”](https://youtu.be/8-r-V0uK4u0)


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [“so old, in my shoes. And what I choose is my choice [Go Team Freewill], what’s a boy supposed to do?”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9MCO3LPwT4) So, let’s see, who did  Cain originally get the Mark from? Oh yeah, that’s right, Lucifer. _Hey,_ is that The First Blade, at the “bitterness of one who’s left alone” part? ;)

_Looking like a distraught little boy, tears swim in Dean’s wide green eyes, as he struggles to say, “I… I think… I think I might be getting off... on hurting him!” Eyebrows twisted in anguish, Dean frantically looks to Cas, as tears streak down his face, his lips parted in silent horror._

Cas’ eyes get a bit wider, lips parting as he straightens up – the action stealthily moving him away from Dean a bit, without making his trepidation too obvious. The angel’s mind replays Dean’s, _no – the demon’s_ – laughter, as he tried to escape its grasp… as well as _other_   distressing events. Hurt, Dean’s eyebrows curve up a little, as he pleads, _“No, no, please_  don’t be afraid of me, Cas!” Hanging his head, Dean squeezes his eyes shut, looking like he’s going to cry even harder. The angel’s expression changes; eyes briefly becoming apologetic. _**“ No,**_  what am I saying?” Dean argues with himself. Quickly glancing at the angel and then his brother, he declares sadly, “You _should_  be afraid of me,” his eyes determined, but lower lip wobbling a bit; holding back a sob. Subconsciously, Cas slips his hand into his pocket, fingers loosely wrapping around the vial of Lucifer’s grace; making sure it’s still there.

Remembering his prior fears, Sam says in a low foreboding voice, _“Dean… the cleansing exorcism…”_

Green eyes quickly filling with hope, Dean exclaims, _“Yeah… **yeah!**_   Let’s do that – _right now!”_

Sam’s seriously concerned expression doesn’t change as he continues, _“No, I mean…_ remember what the demon said on the tape?” Dean’s eyes track back and forth quickly, as he tries to remember. Sam says slowly, his voice full of dread, “About… about how _ eating that guy’s kids felt?”_ _[*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u63uLaoH8RY)_

Dean’s eyes stop in their tracks and he slowly raises his head. With dead eyes, he says in a quiet hopeless voice, “Orgasmic. _He said…”_   he looks back down, crying in a weak and anguished voice, _“Oh God, Sam – he got off on it!”_

Cas lightly puts a hand on Sam’s arm, saying, “Sam, you can’t _honestly think…?”_

The younger Winchester interrupts, saying, “Some demons… _eat people,_ right?” Dean looks up, fear showing in his eyes. Sam wants to comfort him, but decides he needs information more. Looking back to the angel, he says, “Well, I know not **_ALL_**  of them do (he glances back at Dean), but _…_ why are some cannibalistic and not others? Lilith ate babies -- that’s how we found her. _She was a succubus, right?_   And Dean…” he gestures to the demon, but his brother’s worried face causes him to not finish the sentence. “Is… is cannibalism some sort of incubus/succubus thing?” Sam asks.

Both brothers look to the angel and he replies, “Well, _some_   have been known to…” Before he can explain further, their increasingly distressed faces cause Cas to stop and quickly reassure, “But Dean’s _**far too maternal**_  to ever eat a child, _I_ _’m sure of it,”_   the angel says, nodding confidently. Dean just laughs feebly in disbelief - feeling like he’s going completely insane – because this **_cannot_**  be happening to him; it just fucking **can’t.**

“What about me? Or _you!?”_   Sam asks, making Cas’ eyes get wider. “He said he wanted to rip my throat out _with his teeth_   and he took a bite out of you!”

Before Cas can respond, Dean says resignedly, _“Cas… it’s time, man._ You gotta do it – smite me into oblivion.” Sam’s lips part in shock, as he looks back at his brother. _“Please,”_   Dean breathes, his face anguished.

Cas’ eyes get incredibly sad and pained for a moment, then narrow in anger, his brows lowering, as he says in a deep determined voice, **_“No.”_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that's it for the Pumpkins' videos. Sorry for such a glut of them, but I really think "Disarm" fits. I say "sorry," cause I know a lot of people don't like them -- or maybe just Billy Corgan, cause he's a brat. ;P
> 
>  ***Spoiler Alert*** \-- there will **NOT** be any cannibalism in this series. I'm just freaking them out to increase the drama. I didn't want to ruin the surprise, but I lost a few subscribers  & that could be why. I wouldn't want to read something with cannibalism in it, either, tbh. So, now ya know.


	57. Chapter 57

_“What about me? Or you!?” Sam asks, making Cas’ eyes get wider. “He said he wanted to rip my throat out with his teeth  and he took a bite out of you!”_

_Before Cas can respond, Dean says resignedly, “Cas… it’s time, man. You gotta do it – smite me into oblivion.” Sam’s lips part in shock, as he looks back at his brother. “Please,” Dean breathes, his face anguished._

_Cas’ eyes get incredibly sad and pained for a moment, then narrow in anger, his brows lowering, as he says in a deep determined voice, **“No.”**_

“No, Dean, we have a plan!” Sam shouts simultaneously with Cas’ refusal.

Dean stares at Cas angrily for a moment, with just a hint of hurt in his eyes, before he turns on Sam, “Oh, you mean the plan where you guys take on Cain – _by yourselves?!”_   he spits sarcastically. “Oh, no, wait, **_Crowley’s_** going to ‘help,’ too; I forgot.” Sam huffs, his bitchface getting stronger, as Dean challenges, “ _Yeah, there’s no way **that** plan could go sideways, Sammy!”  _ The demon glowers, brows knit in anger.

Cas yells, "Dean, you are not thinking rationally!” Turning to Sam, the angel adds, “And you are overreacting! I _highly doubt_  Dean’s become cannibalistic! An incubus…” Cas’ eyes fall on the demon, considering, “…maybe – but _not_ a cannibal, Sam.”

 _“Wait, what?”_  Dean asks, worry flooding back into his voice, “That’s really happening?!” His green eyes get wider as he stares at Cas in alarm.

The angel sighs and grudgingly admits in a gravelly voice, “I’m... not sure, Dean. But, it is a possibility.”

 _“The fuck?!”_  is all Dean can manage to say before nearly hyperventilating, again.

Cas resumes his station at his beloved’s side, gently stroking his arm and reassuring, “I don’t know for certain. There are other reasons it might seem that way…”

“Like?” Dean looks up, raising his brows hopefully.

The angel sighs as he removes his hand, walking a few paces away, while looking at the floor. “My… lack of grace, for one,” he admits, looking up.

Encouraged, Dean nods a little with unfocused eyes, “Yeah, yeah and Cain isn’t some weird psycho rapist cannibal or whatever.” Dean starts to look back at Cas, but being unable to look him in the eyes after saying the word 'rapist,' his glance veers over to his brother. “I mean, he was _weird_ – but not like that.”

“Dean,” Sam asks, “what were you doing before I found you? When you were hanging out with Crowley?”

“You mean was I banging a lot of chicks?” the demon asks with raised brows. Sam nods awkwardly and Dean replies, “Well, I was having more sex than usual… and doin some stuff I never would normally…” When Sam's face gets concerned, the demon quickly clarifies, “No, nothing bad! Just, like, fivesomes and stuff.” Impressed, Sam raises his brows, pushing out his bottom lip a little. “Yeah, well, Crowley was one of the five, so it wasn’t too great,” Dean admits.

“You had sex with Crowley?!” Sam blurts, causing Cas’ eyebrows to fly up.

 ** _“NO! NO! GOD, NO!”_**  Dean exclaims. “Don’t even _**say**   _that, Sam!” the older Winchester scolds… but he keeps staring at his brother wordlessly.

“What?”

“He got touchy-feely with me, but I shut that shit down _real quick,_  ok?! Nothing happened!” Dean says gruffly, his intense eyes telling his younger brother to let the matter drop.

“What did he do?” Sam asks, despite the warning.

“I’m not talking about this,” Dean declares, “Just…” his tone losing its anger as he looks at his brother, “don’t go anywhere with him, alone, ok?” his brows raised pleadingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have some ridiculously awesome shit planned, lol. Coming soon: Cas really enjoying being dominant, hehe. Dean in the cock cage & either a nice leather muzzle or maybe [this neck corset?](http://www.breathcatchers.com/shop/neck-corsets/62-mouthcovering-neckcorset.html) (I know that might seem cruel, considering what a sweetheart Dean’s being right here. But he is having trouble controlling himself and he does feel terrible he nommed on Cas and hurt him in other ways, too. So, it’s as much for Dean’s protection, as it is Cas’.) There’s also going to be an **awesome** outer space reference, that’s super relieving/life-affirming… as soon as I can get to it. (I can’t wait to reveal that to y’all… but we gotta go through some more hurt, before getting to that blessed comfort, ok?)
> 
>  _Possibly_ farther ahead (I'm still playin with the ideas): Tantric sex, Kundalini awakening, Kabbalah, Thelema  & OTO (I really didn't want to get into Aleister Crowley, but I found some stuff that fits _way too perfectly),_ & more photos/music/videos/links.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... this was certainly an interesting chapter to write, lol! The description of the group sex is purposefully written to **not** be hot (for reasons).

_“He got touchy-feely with me, but I shut that shit down real quick, ok?! Nothing happened!” Dean says gruffly, his intense eyes telling his younger brother to let the matter drop._

_“What did he do?” Sam asks, despite the warning._

_“I’m not talking about this,” Dean declares, “Just…” his tone losing its anger as he looks at his brother, “don’t go anywhere with him, alone, ok?” his brows raised pleadingly._

Grimacing, Sam sighs slowly and glances at Cas, his eyes getting wider when sees the angel looking more pissed off than he has in years. When Dean sees Cas has got his smiting face on, his eyes get wider, as well. Jaw clenched and eyes fuming, the angel’s speech is clipped, “What did he do?”

A little relieved Cas isn’t pissed at _him,_ Dean’s heart is still beating fast – facing a pissed off angel while restrained not being the most calming experience for a demon. “Cas, it’s nothing, baby; it’s fine. He tried some shit, I told him to knock it off, he did, and I left – end of story; nothing I couldn’t handle,” Dean tries to placate.

“What,” Cas says, moving in front of the demon to grasp his chin firmly (but not roughly), so he can’t turn his head away, as he continues the question, “did he do, Dean?”

The way Cas is looking at him, Dean knows the angel’s reading his mind. He doesn’t speak or try to resist, just lets the memory come…

~*~*~*~

He’s balls deep in… one of the triplets; he’s not really sure this one’s name – his eyes trailing up her narrow back to watch her blonde curls bounce with each thrust, as he fucks her doggie-style. She’s gone from giggly to starting to get into it, high-pitched moans coming from her, as her pussy gets tighter. Crowley _was_ playing with the other two, up near the pillows, of the same bed this one is leaning over, but there’s only one of them there, now. _“Where’d the other one go?”_ Dean wonders, turning his head to glance at the motel room’s bathroom. He sees the light on, but doesn’t know why she left the action.

When Dean starts turning back, he sees the girl Crowley was _just_ with walking towards the bathroom, a tied-off condom in her fingertips. The missing one emerges from the bathroom and they giggle at each other as they pass by. _“Oh, he’s alternating them – got it. He’s using condoms? Wow. I probably should’ve…”_ Dean’s thought is cut short, as he turns back to the girl he’s currently _in,_ to find Crowley _much_   closer to him than before. The King of Hell is kneeling on the mattress next to ‘Dean’s girl’ and tweaking her nipples, causing her to moan and squeeze Dean’s dick even tighter in response. Dean finds it _really_   unnerving Crowley’s staring up at _him,_   like some kind of pleased devious pug, as he’s doing it. Luckily, Crowley’s attention is quickly drawn to the girl from the bathroom. “Ah, there she is!” he exclaims, holding his arms out and standing on his knees, to embrace the girl as she joins him on the mattress, directly to Dean’s right.

Before Crowley and ‘bathroom girl’ can recouple, Dean inadvertently gets a glimpse of Crowley’s dick, causing him to turn his head away.   _“_ _Never wanted to see that,”_ he thinks, _“I’m glad he kept most of his clothes on. I don’t know if I could handle seeing him completely naked. I know why he’s fond of that meatsuit, now, though… ok, stop thinking about Crowley’s dick!”_ Dean clears his throat and grips his girl’s hips tighter, thrusting harder and faster. _“How has she not cum, yet, seriously?”_ he thinks, now focused on making that happen as soon as possible. Crowley puts a hand on the back of Dean’s girl to support himself, as he leans back while fucking his girl face-to-face on his knees. The new demon’s lips wobble; holding back a laugh, as he thinks, _“Ok, that’s pretty funny. What a bastard.”_

Crowley’s girl slides her hand along Dean’s back enticingly and he turns towards her, eyebrows raised in interest. Her hand slides around the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss, while The King of Hell continues pumping her. Opening his eyes after the kiss, Dean’s almost face-to-face with Crowley, which startles and pisses him off a bit. _“This sneaking up on me when I’m distracted shit is bullshit,”_ he thinks, brows narrowing. “Ya know, Squirrel…” Crowley croons, eyeing Dean as he caresses the girl’s breast. Suddenly, Dean feels a jolt of pleasure, of a kind he’s never known before. It flows up his tail, up his spine, to come out his mouth as a surprised moan – while also going straight into the girl in front of him; his current thrust harder and deeper than intended, making her moan, as well. “…this could get _a whole lot more interesting,”_   Crowley finishes, raising his eyebrows with a smirk.

 _“Ah, what the fuck are you,”_  Dean starts to say, but moans and thrusts into his girl harder, instead. He glances back to see the end of Crowley’s tail wrapped around the end of his a few times. **_“Cut it out!”_**  Dean warns gruffly, reaching for his tail with his hand.

“Huh?” Dean’s girl asks, trying to glance back over her shoulder.

“Not you,” Dean replies. Before he can untangle their tails manually, Crowley rubs the tip of his down Dean’s, firmly along the ridge in the center of the triangle. **“Oh fuck!”** Dean gasps, shuddering, as he grabs his girl around her waist. His thrusts becoming a little erratic, Dean glares at Crowley and reaches back, trying to shake his tail free with one hand. Crowley just gives a little shrug of his eyebrows and looks away, unwinding his tail and withdrawing it. His attention turns to the third girl, who’s been wondering how to work herself back into the group, watching shyly (even though she’s completely naked) from the bathroom doorway.

“Come ‘ere, love! Always room for one more,” Crowley beckons, extending his hand and a smile.

~*~*~*~

The memory fades and Dean realizes he’s staring into Cas’ light blue eyes… which look a bit sad and confused. “What?” Dean asks.

 _“You liked it,”_   Cas says, eyes narrowed in confusion.

“What?! _No I didn’t!”_   Dean protests.

The angel’s hand abruptly falls from the demon's face, his thinning patience showing through his expression as he says, _“Dean, I could feel what you felt.”_

Eyebrows going up, the demon asks, “Oh, you mean it felt good?” Cas raises his brows, giving a look like 'that's what I just said' and Dean admits, “Well, that’s just cause it was new and,” he breaks eye-contact, “…intense.” Looking back, he tries to explain, “No one had ever touched me like that before.” Dean sees Sam’s eyebrows shoot up in shock, behind Cas, and he hunches down a little, continuing to talk to the angel in a lower, more confidential voice, “People can’t and it… doesn’t feel like that when I touch it myself, for some reason.” Cas' eyes unfocus as he thinks and he starts looking like he’s getting it. Straightening up, Dean declares loudly, “But that doesn’t mean I ‘liked’ it. I didn’t want him to do that to me. I told him to quit it and he did. I didn’t… want that with him.” After a moment, Dean smiles slowly, praying the rest so it stays just between them, _“Not like I do with you.”_ The angel gives a bashful little smile back, eyes loving, as all his previous anger _seemingly_   melts away for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm definitely **NOT** abandoning this fic. There just have been some real world events getting me down that have caused a delay. **I will have a new chapter up ASAP.**
> 
> In the meantime, Dave Gahan's birthday was yesterday (May 9th) & Bono's birthday is today (May 10th). These are 2 of my favorite bands & singers of all time, so enjoy a couple videos. (I need cheering up & in case anyone else does, too, maybe this'll help?)
> 
> ["Heaven" (Freemason's Club Mix) - Depeche Mode](https://youtu.be/UwrFK7cBSLg)
> 
> ["One" - U2 (Anton Corbjin video)](https://youtu.be/ftjEcrrf7r0)


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning -- Rape/Non-Con(sent)/Dub-Con(sent)  
> **  
>  And probably other things, too.

_Cas' eyes unfocus as he thinks and he starts looking like he’s getting it. Straightening up, Dean declares loudly, “But that doesn’t mean I ‘ liked’ it. I didn’t want him to do that to me. I told him to quit it and he did. I didn’t… want that with him.” After a moment, Dean smiles slowly, praying the rest so it stays just between them, “Not like I do with you.” The angel gives a bashful little smile back, eyes loving, as all his previous anger seemingly melts away for a moment._

But then the angel’s face falls, his eyes growing progressive sadder, as he says with hesitation, “But he… he didn’t… stop _right away, Dean.”_

Sam quickly pushes himself in front of Cas, worry evident on his face, as he looks down at his brother and asks in quiet concerned voice, _“Dean?”_

 ** _“No,”_**  Dean says firmly, his attention abruptly drawn to his right hand, when the cuff stops him from pointing at Sam, to stop this train of thought in its tracks. When he looks back and sees the pity in his younger brother’s eyes, he quickly glances away again, saying in a low voice, _“Don’t look at me like that.”_  Sam and Cas exchange sad looks and Dean continues, “That’s… that’s not what happened! I mean,” he looks at Cas, then Sam, and admits angrily, “yeah, ok, so it did; but so what?! It doesn’t matter, alright?! It’s not a big deal.” When Sam looks like he’s about to protest, Dean quickly adds, “I got away from him after that, so it’s _fine,”_  his tone warning his younger brother to not challenge his rationalization.  

Sam sighs slowly, then starts saying with empathetic eyes, “But, Dean…”

As the brothers bicker, Cas’ emotions threaten to come crashing down around him. Subconsciously, he hastily decides to retreat back into his hatred for Crowley. In a firm commanding tone (that he hopes makes up for the few tears in his eyes), Cas holds his hand out and demands of Sam, **“Phone. Now.”** Stopping in mid-sentence, Sam turns and sees the pain in Cas’ eyes, but also a great deal of rage. Nodding, he hands over his phone without a word. The angel snatches it and quickly strides out of the room with purpose.

Dean saw the tears in Cas’ eyes and it broke a part of him. When Sam looks back, he quickly shouts, **“Go after him!”** shaking his chains to emphasize that he can’t.

Fearing that trying to stop Cas from whatever he’s about to do might unleash the angel’s wrath on _him ,_  Sam offers, “I’m sure he’s just going to bitch him out.” As he glances away from Dean’s glare, Sam’s gaze lands on Cas’ shoes. He points and says, “Hey, he’s barefoot, without his wings; I don’t think he’s going anywhere.”

“You **_really_**  think that’s gonna stop him?!” his older brother reproves. When Sam gives a half-hearted shrug, Dean says quickly, cautious worry in his voice, “Well, _go find out!”_

Quirking his lips to the side as he nods a little, Sam strides out of the room, thinking, _“Well, if he doesn’t have enough juice to smite Dean, hopefully he doesn’t have enough… to smite me,”_ his expression growing more worried as he walks through the door.

~*~*~*~

When he left the room, Cas’ intentions where to make Crowley understand, in no uncertain terms, _what_  exactly would happen to him, if he **_ever_**  touched Dean, again. But once he made it to the hallway, the angel’s confusing and conflicting emotions were too much to bear. His thoughts drifted back to what Dean said. _“It only felt good cause it was new and no one had ever touched me like that before. But that doesn’t mean I liked it. I didn’t want him to do that to me.”_ Cas can’t help thinking back over the things Dean had done to him… that felt good and no one had ever done to him before, but that… he didn’t want him to do… at least, _not like that or while he was like that_. Turning back towards the dungeon, Cas narrows his eyes as he asks himself, _“Did I like it?”_ Before he can discern the answer, Dean starts praying to him again, _“Cas, baby, this is so not worth your time! It’s nothing! Don’t worry about it! It’s not an issue!”_ An overwhelming mix of nausea (like the kind that hit him in the shower room before), empty aching grief, impotent helplessness, and rage at Dean and Crowley **and** himself swirl through the angel. _“Is he protecting him?!”_ Cas wonders resentfully. _“It’s not nothing! It does matter!”_ Cas’ heart cries, though whether he’s referring to what Crowley did to Dean or Dean did to him, he doesn’t even know. He just knows he feels like he’s about to crumble from the inside out. Looking down blankly at the phone in his hand, Cas wonders if he should even call Crowley at all. Dean did similar things to him; why should he defend him?

~*~*~*~

It’s at this point Sam enters the hallway. Seeing Cas staring down at his phone, Sam wonders if he’s having trouble finding Crowley’s number. Slowly walking up to the angel, his eyebrows lower in concern, when he notices Cas is stock still; not even looking up to acknowledge his presence. Sam cautiously gets a bit closer, trying to look at the screen to see what the problem is. As he leans forward, Cas silently leans into him, but still doesn’t look up. Confused by the odd behavior, Sam tentatively puts an arm around the angel and asks gently, “Cas?”

When Cas looks up, the first thing Sam notices is his nearly straight, but slightly raised, confused brows. But when he looks down farther and sees tears in the angel’s heartbreakingly sad eyes, he instantly pulls him into a hug, saying in a quiet awkward voice, _“Hey… oh, hey, it’s ok!”_ Cas finally moves his arms, hugging back, and when Sam squeezes him, the angel starts sobbing, gripping him tighter. Sam feels his heart sink: it’s bad enough it sounds like Crowley sexually assaulted his brother (which means all three of them have been, now – how depressing is that?), but after leaving the room seeming so strong, Cas is now falling apart in his arms. Thrown for a bit of a loop, Sam subconsciously leans back on the way he was comforted as a child; rubbing Cas’ back while saying softly, “Hey, it’s ok… it’s ok, Cas; I got you.”

Startled, Cas quickly pushes Sam away, his eyes looking a bit alarmed as he blurts, “What did you say?”

Dropping his arms, Sam fidgets as he replies awkwardly, “Oh, um… that’s just what Dean would always say to me, when I got hurt as a kid.” If Sam thought Cas’ eyes couldn’t look any more pained than they were before, well, he was wrong. But now, even more confusion and desperation are working their way into the angel’s expression, as he remembers Dean saying the same thing to him… during the attacks. ***** Cas’ breathing speeds up, as he recalls other times he’s heard the brothers say that to each other and maybe even to him a few times before, too… he’s not sure. “Cas? Are you alright?” Sam asks, his face very concerned. _“So even when… even at his worst, there’s still some of the real Dean there the whole time?”_ Cas’ mind flits, the thought making his head hurt, as more tears come to his eyes.

“I… I don’t know,” Cas responds off-handedly, as he thinks, _“Things being muddy down here is an understatement.”_ His emotions threatening to get the better of him again, the angel decides to take action. Pocketing Sam’s phone, Cas quickly strides back into dungeon, abruptly stopping in front of Dean and asking curtly, “So, you’re becoming like him, now? Is that it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** = [Chapter 22](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10236248/chapters/23121795)
> 
> ["Lay my hands on Heaven and the Sun and the Moon and the stars,](https://youtu.be/mhTfE97Ilas) [ while the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car.](http://i.imgur.com/iIM0uTl.jpg) [ Nothing quite like the feel of something new."](http://i.imgur.com/SH9A8jO.gifv) _Annnnd_ I'm instantly back in high school with this album. **Warning:** Don't listen to _Pretty Hate Machine_ if you're depressed. "Well I want to lap it up and swim in it, until I drown, my moral standing is lying down."
> 
> Here's something [TOTALLY HILARIOUS](https://youtu.be/MNpkSyryQz4) to make up for the hurt of this chapter.


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [“I must confess that I feel like a monster. It’s hiding in the dark, its teeth are razor-sharp. There’s no escape for me – it wants my soul, it wants my heart.”](https://youtu.be/JO89z8ALKpc)

_His emotions threatening to get the better of him again, the angel decides to take action. Pocketing Sam’s phone, Cas quickly strides back into dungeon, abruptly stopping in front of Dean and asking curtly, “So, you’re becoming like him, now? Is that it?”_

Several different answers and their accompanying emotions flit through Dean’s mind. He sighs and hangs his head. Looking back up, apologetically, he says, “No – I’m worse.” Startled by Dean’s reply, the anger in Cas’ expression melts away. Sam walks in and the brothers glance at each other, before Dean looks back to the angel and says in a sad serious tone, “What I did to you, Cas…” he sighs before continuing, “that was way worse.”

Dean tends to go to extremes. Usually, he either utterly denies all responsibility for something that’s _obviously_  his fault or goes overboard and accepts **_all_**  the guilt – even for things that aren’t under his control. Black brows furrowing in confusion, Cas thinks Dean’s leaning towards the latter, this time. His emotions swirling within him, the angel spits, “No it’s not! We’re friends! How can you say that?”

“That’s _why_  it’s worse, Cas!” Dean exclaims, earning him a confused, but considering look from the angel. “I never trusted that douche! I had no reason to! I knew better! But with you…” his expression becomes contrite as he says, “You trusted me… and I… I violated that trust.” Green eyes brimming full of regret stare back at the angel, waiting for him to speak.

Cas remembers punching the demon in the face, yelling, “I trusted you!” and exhales a shaky breath. ***** _This_  response is certainly different than his previous replies of “That was your first mistake,” and “What?! He liked it!” Cas feels like he’s been punched in the gut, when he realizes he said the exact same thing to Dean, concerning Crowley’s violation of him; _he told him he liked it._  The nausea comes back and Cas glances at Dean remorsefully.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Dean says, seeing the distress on Cas’ face.

A flare of rage shoots through the angel and he narrows his eyes, challenging in a low voice, **_“Then prove it.”_**

Both brothers raise their brows and Dean fumbles, “Yeah, uh, sure. What you got in mind?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** = [Chapter 26](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10236248/chapters/23197947)


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Photo of an adult nature at end of chapter (no nudity).**

_“I’m so sorry, baby,” Dean says, seeing the distress on Cas’ face._

_A flare of rage shoots through the angel and he narrows his eyes, challenging in a low voice, **“Then prove it.”**_

_Both brothers raise their brows and Dean fumbles, “Yeah, uh, sure. What you got in mind?”_

Sam fake coughs, while furtively glancing at Cas, and prays, _“Let me handle this.”_ The angel looks back, but before he can react, Sam starts talking in a logical tone of voice, “You don’t want to end up raping Cas, do you?”

Dean looks horrified and says in disbelief, _“What?!_   **No,** of course not!”

“But you almost **_did!”_**   Sam counters.

Dean's instinct is to protest, but the look on Cas’ face defeats him. _“Yeah,”_   he admits quietly, hanging his head in shame.

Sam exchanges a look with the angel, then continues, “Why?”

“I… didn’t mean to! Just sometimes… sometimes I lose control and… I can’t stop myself… _from doing horrible shit,”_  Dean confesses, his features contorted in anguish.

Cas advances and puts a gentle hand on Dean’s forearm, causing the demon to flinch. The angel strokes soothingly and says, “This will help you learn to control yourself better.”

“What will?” Dean asks, eyebrows raising nervously.

Cas quickly looks to Sam, who says, “Yeah, and it’ll protect Cas in case you can’t.”

 _“ What will?”_  Dean asks again, trepidation crawling into his gut.

Sam sighs and briefly turns away. Cas looks away, as well. The younger Winchester looks back and says, “Remember that weird thing that popped up in my search results for ‘Lucifer’s Cage?’”

Dean looks down, brows furrowing as he thinks. Then his head pops up, green eyes wide, as he asks, “Not the dick thing?!”

“Yeah, that,” Sam says simply.

Breathing faster, Dean quickly looks from Sam to Cas and yelps, “You want to put my junk in jail?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for the delay for such a short chapter! I hit a snag in my plot-line that I’m working to resolve. But I’ll have another chapter up ASAP. Please bear with me. Thank you!
> 
> **WARNING: Photo of an adult nature at the end of this chapter, repeated at beginning of the next chapter (no nudity).**


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait! I intend to make it up to y'all!
> 
>  **WARNING: Photos & descriptions of an adult nature (no nudity) at beginning of chapter.**  
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_Breathing faster, Dean quickly looks from Sam to Cas and yelps, “You want to put my junk in jail?!”_

__

Cas gives Dean an apologetic, pleading look; his eyelids slanting in that sad way of his and his mouth a straight line. He glances to Sam for help. Dean looks at his brother, as well, and blurts, “You’ve _got_   to be kidding me!”

Sam sighs and says sadly, quietly, “No, Dean…  _we’re not.”_

“But, but, couldn’t that like break my dick… if I get a boner?!” Dean cries, his green eyes panicked and fearful.

Sam winces at the thought, then gestures to the angel, “Cas said he could fix you, if… if that happens.”

“WHAT?!” Dean shouts, then continues sarcastically, “Oh, _so that makes it ok, then,_ huh?!” With narrowed brows and intense eyes, Dean scrutinizes the angel as he asks forcefully, “You even got the juice for that? You didn’t want to heal yourself, before!”

Cas gives a little sigh and replies, “I have enough grace to heal you, should it become necessary.”

“Yeah, for now!” Dean interrupts.

Cas briefly narrows his eyes in annoyance, then continues, “But I should be able to remove the device, before danger of injury even becomes an issue.”

“ ** _Should  _** be able to,” Dean emphasizes angrily. “And what if you can’t, huh?! This isn’t your dick on the line, here, Cas!” When the angel inhales, clearly irritated, Dean looks to his brother and asks in disbelief, “You okayed this, Sam?!”

Sam looks down and sighs. Nodding his head a little, he says quietly, “After what you did,” he looks up and continues, “yeah, I did.” When he sees the look of disgusted betrayal on his brother’s face, Sam continues in a louder, more convincing tone-of-voice, _“Hey,_    **you** admitted you’re having trouble controlling yourself!”

Confronted with the truth of that statement, Dean’s expression falls, losing its edge. He slowly glances from one to the other, grimacing with narrowed brows. He asks Cas emphatically, “You’re _**sure**_   you can get it off me in time?”

His features relaxing, the angel nods serenely and reassures with a slight smile, “Yes, Dean. Opening a lock takes very little grace.”

Dean closes his eyes and exhales a long breath through his nose. He purses his lips, then says quickly and decisively, “Ok. Do it,” without opening his eyes.

Sam shoots an excited glance at Cas, then looks back to his brother and says, “Really?!”

Dean takes a deep breath and opens his eyes slowly, replying, _“Yeah,_ before I change my mind,” as the inner corners of his eyebrows curve up a little, in apprehension.

“Okay,” Sam nods.

“Dean,” Cas croons full of emotion, as he strokes the back of his beloved’s head and neck fondly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean tries to dismiss, squirming at Cas' touch and glancing away from his full loving eyes and proud smile.

“I’ll take good care of you, my love,” the angel declares.

Dean wants to make a snarky reply, but Cas' words disarm him. He glances back, eyes a little watery, and asks softly, “Promise?”

His smile growing wider, Cas replies, “Promise.” Dean looks like he’s about to cry, but nods a few times and looks down.

Sam looks at his watch and says, “I don’t think sex shops open this early. I’ll have to check online.” Dean just glances up and nods a little resignedly. “Cas?” Sam asks with raised eyebrows, gesturing towards the door with his head; not wanting to incite Dean’s rage by ‘taking Cas away from him,’ again.

“Yes, I should go with him,” the angel informs his lover.

Dean looks up sadly and curves his tail around Cas’ back; holding him lightly. “You’ll be back, soon, though, right?” he asks hopefully.

Cas smiles and replies, “As soon as I can.” Dean forces a little smile and closes his eyes as he nods a few times. Hanging his head, he strokes Cas’ arm lovingly a few times with his tail, as a sort of goodbye. Cas looks to Sam and raises his brows. They both leave the dungeon, closing the file room door behind them.


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! I'm gonna do my best to get multiple chapters up, tonight -- to make up for the over week long wait for new material. Sam & Cas are gonna do some research/computer stuff. **THEN, there will be superfluff & hot sex between Cas & Dean.** It's 1:30 AM my time, now. Gonna do my best to get as much out to y'all, asap! If it's not up tonight, then it should be by tomorrow! I love you all! <3 <3 <3 Thank you for reading & enjoying my work! :D

_Dean forces a little smile and closes his eyes as he nods a few times. Hanging his head, he strokes Cas’ arm lovingly a few times with his tail, as a sort of goodbye. Cas looks to Sam and raises his brows. They both leave the dungeon, closing the file room door behind them._

As they’re walking down the hall, Cas asks, “So, what’s the plan? I don’t think we should leave Dean alone, right now.”

Glancing back, Sam replies, “Right. Well, first we have to see if there’s a sex shop nearby that even has one of those things you want to get….” Sam stops walking and briefly puts a hand to Cas’ chest to stop him, as well. Looking thoughtful, the younger brother asks sincerely, “You do….” Cas narrows his brows in confusion, prompting Sam to cough awkwardly, then force the words out, “You **_do_**  have enough grace to heal Dean, if… _you know,_ right?”

Blue eyes looking tired, Cas slowly sighs and glances back towards the dungeon. Eyes returning to Sam, he admits quietly, “I do… but if he does become seriously injured and I heal him….” The angel trails off, looking at the floor and grimacing.

“What, Cas?” Sam asks, a bit too loud, causing the angel to quickly glance up, worried Dean might hear them.

“Then I won’t have enough grace to smite him, if…” Cas looks away and gestures with his hand.

“If it comes to that,” Sam finishes his sentence, nodding with understanding. “There’s still Claire,” the man says hopefully.

Cas sighs again and confesses, “I… really don’t want to take anything else from her….” He takes the vial of Lucifer’s grace from his pocket, eyeing it nervously, “But… it’d be much safer than this.” He looks at Sam with a sad, conflicted expression; all eyebrows and worried eyes.

Sam grimaces, putting a sympathetic hand on Cas’ shoulder, saying, “Yeah, and that needle….”

“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary,” Cas says, matter-of-factly.

Excited, Sam grabs Cas by his upper arms and spins the angel to face him, blurting out, “Wait, what?!”

Raising his eyebrows, Cas explains, “I believe… I can just ‘reabsorb’ it, so to speak.”

“Really? How?”

 _“Now, Sam,_ I don’t know for sure. But I believe either touching her or calling it forth from her body **_might_**  possibly work…” Cas replies.

“Well, that’s great!” Sam nearly shouts in relief. “If you do that, will you have enough grace to both heal Dean if you have to and to… well… smite him, if you have to?”

Getting a little aggravated by the younger Winchester’s premature optimism, Cas responds a bit gruffly, “Sam, I honestly don’t know. I didn’t even know we leave part of our grace behind in vessels, until I read it in one of the books here!” Sam looks away, his eyes unfocusing with thought. “Besides,” Cas says dolefully, bringing Sam’s attention back to himself, “without my wings, it’s a nine-hour drive to Illinois. Nine hours we don’t have.”

Sam grimaces and nods, then his head drops to his chest as he says, _“Aw shit,”_   dejectedly.

“What?”

“Crowley,” Sam says meaningfully, fixing Cas with his gaze.

“What?” the angel says, then quickly adds, _“Oh,”_   in the same dejected tone as Sam. Looking back, Sam raises his eyebrows a bit apologetically. **“No,”** Cas says resolutely while shaking his head, “No, I am not… no. I  cannot see him, right now.”

Sam’s expression morphs into sad understanding laced with anger, “I know,” he says, mouth hard, “I can’t either.” He claps a large hand over Cas’ shoulder and they continue walking towards the library in silence.


	64. Chapter 64

As they make their way towards the library, Sam’s thoughts are flying a mile a minute. _Is Cas even **able** to smite Dean, now that he’s a Knight of Hell? He couldn’t kill Alastair, before; I had to. But I had to drink a lot of demon blood to get that strong. Should I… drink from Dean… just in case Cas isn’t strong enough? **No.** No, no, no – don’t go down that road. Cas drinking Dean’s blood would be even worse. Why do we have to keep saving Cas’ ass, though? As an angel, shouldn’t he be stronger than us? _ As nonchalantly as he can, Sam asks, “Cas, you’re a seraph, right?”

Without looking up, Cas grumbles, in a gravelly voice, “Who even knows, anymore.”

No longer feeling the need to avoid Cas’ eyes, Sam turns towards Cas as they enter the library and asks confusedly, _“What?”_

Cas glances at Sam, sighing as he takes his seat at the table. “I used to be a seraph, yes,” the angel explains, “But I was demoted back down to malakh, resurrected as a stronger seraph, gained massive power with the souls of Purgatory, became human, consumed stolen grace….” Cas sighs again, “With the way things are now… like I said, ‘who even knows, anymore.’”

Settling into his own seat, Sam furrows his brow and says, “Hrmm, yeah, I see what you mean.” Opening another tab on his browser, Sam asks, “But what class or rank were you originally?”

“Malakhim,” Cas responds simply.

Sam types the word into a search engine, glancing at the results while asking, “The class you said you were demoted to?”

Getting frustrated, Cas says tersely, “Yes.”

“When were you demoted?” Sam squints in curiosity, while clicking on one of the results.

“Not long after I met you and your brother. _Why?”_   the angel asks, clearly losing his patience.

“Were you a malakh, when I had to save you and Dean from Alastair?” Sam asks pointedly, partial bitchface activated in challenge.

Cas grimaces, his eye-contact faltering, as he admits quietly, “Yes.”

“Is that why you couldn’t kill him?”

“Alastair is… was one of the oldest and most powerful demons in Creation, Sam! It’s even been said he was the second demon ever created.” Cas spits defensively.

“Lilith being the first?” Sam asks for clarification.

“Correct,” Cas says. When he doesn’t continue, Sam raises his eyebrows in question, prompting the angel to speak. “I’m… not sure I could’ve smote him, even if I was a seraph. An archangel could have.”

“Wait… but *I* did,” Sam says, his eyes getting a little wider. Cas just raises his brows, like ‘yeah, and?’ “So… so when I…” Sam has trouble getting the words out, blinking numerous times in disbelief and raising both hands, with fingers splayed, as he tries to wrap his mind around this information. “I’m as strong as an archangel?!” Sam blurts out, eyes even wider.

With a hint of a smirk, Cas replies, “Well, _not now.”_

“Yeah, right,” Sam says distractedly.

“But being an archangel’s true vessel, you do have access to some of their powers –- with the consumption of enough demonic blood, of course,” Cas explains, a bit amused Sam hadn’t realized this before.

“Yeah, no… I mean… I knew when he possessed me that I or he… he could use his powers. But I didn’t know *I* was that strong on my own…” Sam fumbles, staring at Cas with narrow eyes; hoping he understands what he means.

“Not exactly ‘on your own.’ Most of the power comes from the demonic blood… Azazel’s, as well as others.”

“Right,” Sam says quietly, looking away, lost in thought. “But Dean is Michael’s true vessel… so does the same go for him, too?”

“I imagine so,” Cas replies.

“You don’t know?” Sam asks a bit angrily.

“Sam, you and your brother are unique among humans. No, I was not privy to all the details, sorry! It was ‘above my pay grade,’ as you two say,” Cas snaps back, his black brows knitted over exasperated eyes.

Sam purposely speaks in a calm voice, although dread is crawling into his gut. “Look, Cas, what I’m saying is… if Dean and I are stronger than other humans because we’re the true vessels of archangels… then Dean’s probably a super-strong version of a Knight of Hell. Are you sure you can even smite him?” The younger Winchester stares at the angel, his worried eyebrows causing a wi-fi-esque pattern of lines to crease his brow.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a giant asshole -- I'm sorry! I had every intention of getting more chapters up before this, but I was unable to do so. I'm trying not to complain about my personal problems on here (cause I do that in every other venue of my life), but it was due to a health thing. I'll do my best to get as much written and posted, asap. Mea culpa.

_Sam purposely speaks in a calm voice, although dread is crawling into his gut. “Look, Cas, what I’m saying is… if Dean and I are stronger than other humans because we’re the true vessels of archangels… then Dean’s probably a super-strong version of a Knight of Hell. Are you sure you can even smite him?” The younger Winchester stares at the angel, his worried eyebrows causing a wi-fi-esque pattern of lines to crease his brow._

Cas sighs and stares at Sam for a moment, before answering, “I believe I can.”

“You **_believe_**   you can?!” Sam shouts, jumping to his feet and gaping at Cas in disbelief.

The angel slowly gets to his feet, his angry eyes never flinching, as he almost growls, “Yes, though I’d feel more confident _if we actually had The First Blade! WHY did you give it to Crowley, again?!”_

Sam’s stance and expression softens a bit, and he says in almost an apologetic tone, “You know why. To keep it out of Dean’s hands.”

“And out of ours!” Cas retorts, throwing his hands up in frustration and starting to pace a little.

Casting his eyes down, Sam regretfully nods his head a little. Then his eyes land on his laptop screen and he remembers he wanted to show Cas some of the information he found last night. In a conciliatory tone, Sam admits, “Look, I know that was a dumb move.” Cas huffs and tilts his head, glaring at Sam with intense eyes, like ‘ya think?!’ “But I plan to get it back.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Cas asks a tad sarcastically.

“I don’t know, yet. But I will,” the younger Winchester says with absolute confidence. Cas just huffs again and looks away. All this questioning of his powers and what level angel he is and if he can _really_ do the things he’s promised Dean he would are making him feel even more uncertain of himself than before, making him defensive. “But, first things first,” Sam says. Cas glances back with less venom in his eyes and Sam says, “Here, let me show you something,” as he pulls out the chair next to his at the table. Cas sighs and grimaces, but walks over and takes a seat without protest.

Sam sits and says to Cas gently, “Look, I can see now how Dean’s got the drop on you so many times.” Cas looks offended and Sam holds his hands up, placatingly. “What I mean is, he still seems _a lot_ like himself… most of the time.” Cas’ body language and expression relax a good deal at that. _“But,”_  Sam says, clicking back to his previous tab, we **both** have to remember that he’s _actually_ a really powerful and dangerous demon.” Cas grimaces, his eyes revealing he’s considering Sam’s words. “I mean,” the younger brother laughs, “I know it, too, but sometimes he just seems _so much_ like the Dean I’ve grown up with, that I forget for a while.” The angel’s body language relaxes further with that admission. If even Sam, who’s known Dean his entire life, can slip up too, then Cas shouldn’t feel as bad as he does for his errors in judgement. “So, we both need to keep reminding each other that Dean isn’t **_really_** himself right now, ok?” Sam concludes.

“Ok,” the angel says quietly, nodding and feeling less attacked, now that Sam is essentially sharing the blame for their missteps in dealing with… the demon.

Sam’s voice gets a bit shaky, as he says, “I… uh, I wanted to show you this. A reality check, for both of us,” pointing to his computer screen.

Cas reads from the screen and says, “’Paraphilia,’ I’m not familiar with that term… I think it means,” he faces Sam, “’beside love?’ What does that mean?”

Not realizing the direct translation from the Greek is so unclear, Sam fumbles, “Uh, it’s a bad thing. Like a not-normal, bad thing, relating to sex.”

Silently mouthing ‘Oh,’ Cas says, “Ok, so ‘near-love-but-not-quite?’”

“Something like that.”

The angel’s face becomes more grim, the further he reads. Besides the memories from Dean’s assaults pushing their way into his mind, along with the intense emotions they stir up, Cas remembers Dean begging him to send Sam away, for fear he would kill him – the word ‘lethal’ bringing that memory back to mind. The memories distracting him, Cas rereads out loud, “Biastophilia is accepted as potentially lethal…”

“Yeah, that’s the part that really worried me,” Sam interjects, the upside-down triangle of lines creasing his brow reappearing with his worry. “Cas, I **_hate_**  to say this… but do you think?” Sam coughs, finding it hard to get the words out. Cas is looking at him expectantly. “Do you think Dean could get that bad? You know…”

“I didn’t smite him when he attacked me,” Cas says, confusing Sam. “And I don’t think you’d be able to kill him if he attacked you, seeing how we no longer have the only weapon that can kill a Knight of Hell.” The last part is said matter-of-factly, lacking the venom from before.

“Wait, what?” Sam asks, narrowing his brows further.

“I don’t think he’d… attack you _in that way…”_ Cas says delicately, eyes flitting away. “He mentioned being afraid he might….”

“He might what, Cas?”

The angel sighs, but looks back into the man’s eyes as he says, “…rend you limb from limb.”

Sam’s eyes get wider and he swallows, stunned into silence for a moment. Then he stammers, “Um, yeah… ok. I’m glad you told me that. That’s… that’s what I mean about reminding each other that he’s not really himself.” Cas nods back solemnly and Sam recovers from his momentary shock. “But what I’m asking is… do you think… **_the demon_**… could become so evil as to… rape people to death?”

 ** _“WHAT?!”_** Cas yelps, horrified, his eyes going wide. “Where did you get an idea like that?!” he adds, incredulously.

Sam gestures to the laptop and says, “It says it right there!”

Cas sighs with relief and explains, “That’s not what that means, Sam.”

“It’s not?” Sam asks excitedly, hope evident in his voice.

“No. I’m fairly certain that means someone with this… affliction… is likely to be killed, if they try to fulfill their desires,” Cas says thoughtfully. Sam lets out a large sigh of relief, his body language relaxing considerably, as he sinks back into his chair. Looking back at the screen, Cas reads aloud, “’Asphyxiophilia,’” and faces Sam with squinty eyes, asking, “Love of… lack of oxygen?”

“Yeah,” Sam confirms, sitting back up and looking at the screen. “Some people get off on that. Choking other people or being choked,” he explains in a disapproving tone.

“So it has to do with choking, more than oxygen deprivation?” Cas asks.

“Uh, yeah, I guess. Why?” Sam says, pursing his lips a little and clicking on the hyperlink. They both read from the screen:

Having finished reading first, Sam says, “Damn! As powerful as cocaine? No wonder people die from it.”

Cas tilts his head, looking at Sam with raised brows. He points to the screen and asks, “This is considered a paraphilia?”

Sam laughs, “Uh, yeah,” smiling back at the angel… until he sees the look of uncertainty on Cas’ face. “What?” the younger Winchester asks, concerned.

“So a… ‘bad, not-normal,’ sex practice?” Cas asks, eyes not quite focused.

Quickly sitting up, Sam sputters, “Yeah! Why, Cas? Did Dean choke you…?”

“No,” Cas says simply, cutting off Sam’s question and looking down at his hands.

Sam turns his head, eyebrows narrowing, and asks slowly, “Cas…?” The angel glances up quickly, but doesn’t maintain eye-contact; his folded hands seeming more interesting. Shifting forward in his seat, Sam asks, “Cas… did you… did **_you_**  choke Dean?”

Offended, Cas responds, “What?! No!” But the angel looks guilty, as he continues staring at Sam, his head bowed and eyebrows lowered in worry.

“But… you did… _something?”_ Sam fishes.

Flustered, the angel fumbles, “No! Well… I didn’t _do_ anything.” When Sam narrows his brows in confusion, Cas confesses, “I just… reminded Dean we don’t have to breathe….” The angel gives an innocent look, before continuing, “So we could kiss… and… and… do… _other things_ … longer,” Cas stammers, raising his brows, like it’s not a big deal. Sam’s trying to not imagine what the ‘other things’ might be and Cas admits sheepishly, “I… I knew it was more pleasurable, but I didn’t make the lack of oxygen connection.” When Sam’s expression becomes a little disapproving and suspicious, Cas quickly adds in his defense, “Neither of us need to breathe, Sam! There’s no harm in it!” Realizing that’s true, Sam shrugs his eyebrows and pushes out his lower lip a little in consideration. “It’s actually a bit like pranayama,” Cas says off-handedly, more to himself than to Sam, “or tummo.”

“’Tummo?’” Sam asks with confused narrowed eyes, while smiling a bit at the unusual word.

“Breathing exercises practiced by some yogis,” Cas explains.

“Oh,” Sam nods, relieved, “ok, that doesn’t sound too bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a happy tweet, to make up for the delay.  
> 


	66. Chapter 66

Thinking back over some of the things he and Dean have done, in light of Sam being a bit perturbed by the not breathing thing, Cas remembers how Dean’s soul started to reach into his vessel a bit, when they kissed while making love. Luckily, Sam doesn’t see his eyes widen at the memory – since the younger Winchester is staring at his computer screen. “Sam…” Cas says in a hesitating manner, “I think… I’m going… to go check on Dean.” The angel doesn’t want to let Sam know what occurred, since even he is unsure how it’s possible or what it might mean. No need to upset the boy further… or risk losing more control (if he has any left) of the situation with Dean.

“What? Why? Is he praying to you, again?” Sam asks, concerned.

Unable to maintain eye-contact, Cas fumbles awkwardly, “Um, no, but there’s something I ~~need~~ want to discuss with him.”

“Well, can’t it wait, Cas?” Sam asks in amused disbelief. “I need you here to help pick the things you wanted to get from the sex shop.”

“Oh, yes… of course,” Cas says, remembering that’s why he left the dungeon in the first place.

Sam looks at Cas with narrowed eyes, “You feeling alright, Cas?”

“Yes,” the angel replies a little too quickly, straightening up in his chair. “It’s… nothing. It can wait,” he replies.

 _“Okay… good,”_   Sam says slowly, starting to get suspicious and staring at the angel; trying to figure out what’s going on with him. When Cas looks at him expectantly, raising his brows, his clear light blue eyes look so innocent, Sam shakes his suspicions away and turns back to his laptop. _It’s probably something to do with how Dean really feels about him or something like that. Poor guy is having a hard time with his emotions. I won’t push – he’ll tell me when he feels ready,_ Sam thinks to himself. “Ok, first, we have to see if there even **is** a sex shop not far from here,” the man explains, pulling “Lebanon, Kansas” up on Google Maps and clicking on the “nearby” button, then typing in “sex shop.” Cas watches, knowing he needs to add to his technological skills – though he already knows how to use Google Maps.

After being disappointed in the ones nearby – “Spencers, _really? We’re not 12,”_ Sam says with disdain, quickly moving his mouse pointer to hover over the next nearest store – he hits the mother lode. “eXtreme Restraints?” he says, while clicking the link to the website. “Nice!” he exclaims, when he sees “dungeon irons” and “dungeon furniture” are two of the categories. Clicking on “dungeon furniture” and seeing there are a lot of products, even _cages_ _,_ Sam says, “Alright, this place looks good,” clicking back to the map. “Shit, it’s two hours away,” he grimaces, looking at Cas; considering whether he should leave him alone with Dean for a minimum of four hours, probably closer to five.

Sam sighs and the angel asks, “Is that a problem?”

The man rubs his nose distractedly in thought and grudgingly admits, “I… dunno if I want to leave you alone with Dean for that long.”

Cas narrows his eyes, feeling as though Sam is challenging his power and control… but his expression softens as he realizes he has every right to do so. “I would offer to go, but I do not want to leave you alone with Dean, either,” Cas says.

Now it’s Sam’s turn to look a little dismissive and offended. Quickly quirking his lips to the side, he says, “I wish we had someone else to help us. Jody would do it… but… I don’t think I really want her involved in this. If anything happened to her….” Cas nods in understanding as Sam trails off. “Are there any angel friends of yours you can call for help?” Sam asks.

Really considering asking his brethren for help, this time, Cas thinks for a bit and a gentle smile graces his face. “Raziel might help,” but his smile leaves as quickly as it arrived, “but I have no idea where he is. And he’s a hard angel to find… especially if he doesn’t want to be found,” Cas explains with a disappointed look. Sam grimaces, but makes a mental note of the name. Cas hums as he goes back to thinking and an even bigger smile appears on his face, reaching his eyes this time, as he says joyfully, “Tzadkiel would help, I’m almost certain of it!”

“Zadkiel?” Sam says, having a little trouble with the unusual name.

“And Hasdiel!” Cas exclaims with bright eyes, his face lighting up with hope, for the first time in a long time.

“Zadkiel and Hasdiel?” Sam asks, “Who are they?”

“Very compassionate and helpful angels,” Cas says with a smile, “They’ve long been merciful to humans.” Cas huffs a fond laugh, grinning, “Hasdiel loves everyone and everything.”

“Even demons?” Sam asks.

Cas huffs a little laugh, “I’m not sure I’d go as far to say he ‘loves’ them… but he doesn’t hate them. He wouldn’t smite Dean – I’m certain of that.” Sam looks relieved and Cas adds, “If any angels are willing to help us, it would be them.”

“Well they sound great!” Sam exclaims, his features lighting up as well. “Can you call them through angel radio and see?” he asks excitedly. Cas’ expression quickly becomes uncertain and he looks away. “What?” Sam asks.

“I’d rather not broadcast my location. Others might try to interfere,” he says, eyes unfocused with thought.

“Oh, they can zero in on you when you pray?”

“Yes. And Hasdiel,” Cas sighs, rolling his eyes as he remembers why he hasn’t asked any of his brethren for help, “since he loves everyone; he doesn’t have any enemies… so he talks too much,” Cas says bluntly. “It’d be better if I went to Heaven to try to find them. Ask around,” Cas grimaces, realizing that could very well end up biting them in the ass, as well. Plus, he doesn’t want to leave Dean’s side – especially now. “I’m not sure about this, Sam,” the angel sighs, his face worried and sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taking me a few chapters to get to the superfluff & hot sex between Cas & Dean. I'm doing my best to get to it as fast as I can. The next chapter is going to be fun -- Sam & Cas deciding what they want to buy from the sex shop (including lots of photos)! The shop I mention in this chapter (eXtreme Restraints) is a real place -- though it's not in Kansas. Here's the [website,](https://www.extremerestraints.com/home.html) if you're interested. ;)
> 
> Also, I noticed this when rewatching 10x02... the name of the strip club Demon Dean went to is called "Strip Angelz," lmao. Juuuuuust wanted to share that, lol!


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of Sam & Cas perusing an online sex shop.  
>  **WARNING: Photos & descriptions of an adult nature (no nudity).**

_“It’d be better if I went to Heaven to try to find them. Ask around,” Cas grimaces, realizing that could very well end up biting them in the ass, as well. Plus, he doesn’t want to leave Dean’s side – especially now. “I’m not sure about this, Sam,” the angel sighs, his face worried and sad._

Sam sighs as well, saying with a grimace and furrowed brow, “Yeah, I know. We haven’t had much luck with other angels helping us out, have we? Anna, your groupies turning on us, Gadreel…”

“Exactly,” Cas says (letting the ‘groupies’ comment slide), “Though, it turned out he wasn’t as bad as we’d feared, in the end.” Sam looks at him skeptically, still bitter about the whole ‘Zeke’ incident. Cas puts a hand on Sam’s arm and quickly says, “It doesn’t excuse what he did, though.” Sam nods in acceptance.

“Well, look," the younger Winchester declares, putting his hands flat on the table, "we don’t have to figure it out right this second. I do think it’s a good idea to get that cage thing for Dean, though – and to get it on him as soon as possible – before he gets any worse.”

“Agreed,” Cas says flatly.

“Ok, so let’s see if this place even has any and we can figure out the rest, later,” the man says, turning back to his computer. After a few clicks, Sam laughs, “Oh man, this _is_  the place. They have a whole category devoted to ‘chastity devices.’ 64 items? Wow!” Turning towards Cas, he adds, with a strange look on his face, “Who knew these things were so popular?”

After ruling out plastic, rubber, and silicone devices as too flimsy, they both consider the locking leather chastity shorts for a while. The danger of horrible injury seems averted with them. But further inspection shows them to be less than secure. Going through the rest, Sam alternates between laughing at the names, “Gates of Hell, oh man,” and cringing at the more brutal devices involving spikes or urethral sounds. Cas remains unfazed by even the freakiest ones, unnerving Sam a bit. Finally, they find one like the one Sam originally found a photo of:

  
  


After reading the description, Sam lets his head fall to his chest. “What?” the angel asks.

“We have to measure his junk,” Sam replies without looking up.

“So?”

The younger brother looks up and explains, “I _really_  don’t want to do it… but if you try, um, heh, he’s probably going to get… _erect.”_

“Oh.”

“Yeah, _‘oh,’”_  Sam says sarcastically, “And we need measurements from when he’s flaccid, not hard.”

“What if we iced his penis down before taking the measurements?” the angel asks, causing Sam to burst out laughing.

“If you want to piss him off that much, be my guest!” the younger brother replies, still laughing at the mental images of how that would go. Cas’ confused head tilt sets off another round of giggles, before Sam can get a hold of himself. “I’m sorry, Cas, but this is pretty messed up.”

Understanding the situation would be awkward for brothers, though not as much as a natural-born human would, Cas says, “I have to clean him, again, anyway. I will take the measurements we need.”

“Thanks, Cas. If you can’t get an accurate reading, though, you **need** to let me know. We have to make sure this thing fits. I’ll bite the bullet, if I have to,” Sam replies, hoping it won’t come to that. Clicking on another of the photos to enlarge it, Sam studies the device with a thoughtful expression.

“What?” Cas asks.

“I’m just looking to see if the metal is wide enough to put warding sigils on,” Sam replies, turning to Cas, “We want to ward it like the cuffs, right?”

“I believe that would be wise, yes.”

“Ok,” Sam nods, looking back to the image, “I think I can Dremel some on both the cage and ring. Oh – and the lock, too.” Still feeling a bit unsure about this device, Sam notices it has a five-star rating with 114 reviews. “Huh,” he says, clicking on the link to the reviews:

“Oh man!” Sam exclaims, while reading the first review. _“She left the keys at home!”_   he says in a high-pitched, amused voice. After reading a bit more, Sam says, “Huh,” in his normal voice and starts reading aloud from the review, “‘He tried to break it, but that didn’t work. It’s really well made and very restrictive.’”

“‘He was much better behaved the rest of our honeymoon,’” Cas continues reading from where Sam left off.

Sam snort-laughs and exclaims, “I **_bet_** he was!” Cas looks at him and smiles. “Ok, this one sounds good,” Sam says in a more serious tone, copying and pasting some of the device’s info (name, item number, measurements, and price) into a new word-processing document. Looking at Cas, he says, “We also need to get him a muzzle or something, so he won’t bite either of us.” Cas nods sadly – he knows it’s a very good idea, but he’s really going to miss kissing Dean… along with other things the demon can do with his mouth and tongue. “Let’s see what they've got,” Sam says, clicking back to the store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a link to the [cock cage,](https://www.extremerestraints.com/chastity-devices_26/stainless-steel-chastity-cock-cage_2260.html) if you're interested. **NSFW! Naked dicks & balls!**
> 
> **WARNING: Photos & descriptions of an adult nature (no nudity) at beginning of next chapter.**


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: Photos & descriptions of an adult nature (no nudity) at beginning of chapter.**  
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Seeing “Mouth Gags” in the menu, Sam clicks on it – laughing when he sees one of the sub-categories is “Penis Gags.” “Tempting,” he chuckles with a small smirk, as he clicks on the “Ball Gags” sub-category, instead.

When Sam briefly hovered the mouse pointer over the “Penis Gags” photo, bringing Cas’ attention to it, the angel’s mind flashed back to the mind-blowing blowjob Dean had given him. When Dean’s hot, wet, _plush_  tongue swept across the head of his cock, it was the most amazingly pleasurable thing Cas had ever felt in his _very_  long existence. Everything Dean did that followed, however, consistently replaced the previous as the most incredibly enjoyable thing ever: wrapping his plump soft lips around the head of Cas’ cock, sliding all of Cas’ organ into his hot tight mouth _and throat,_ then he started _sucking ,_ tracing his tongue along the underside of the angel’s hard throbbing member. When Dean swallowed all of Cas’ releases down without hesitation… the angel had never felt that type of intensely personal **gratification,** acceptance, and love – all at the same time and wrapped in physical bliss. If he wasn’t completely Dean’s before that moment, that shared intimate contact sealed his fate. Everything Cas had experienced before that paled in comparison.

Lost in his memories and the physical sensations they produce, the angel startles when Sam faces him and asks, “What about a ball gag? Do you think that would work, Cas?” Clearing his throat, as he slowly crosses his legs; trying to conceal his arousal, Cas quickly replies, in a ragged voice, “Yes, that sounds good.”

Narrowing his eyes at Cas, Sam turns back to the computer and says, “I don’t know. _I think_  these are supposed to be good and this one even locks, but I’m afraid it might slip out, defeating the purpose.” The angel just grunts in reply. “How do you lock a buckle?” Sam asks, as he clicks on one of the photos to enlarge it.

“Ohhhhh, I see, the tine, or whatever it’s called, is a loop you put the lock through. Ok, this _might_ work,” the man says. Turning back to the angel, he adds, “But I want to see if they actually have muzzles – that’d be a lot better.” Cas just nods.

Searching the site, Sam finds a whole sub-category of hoods and muzzles. Unfortunately, most of the hoods cover everything except the mouth. And Cas insists he needs to see Dean’s eyes, to determine if he’s staying in control of himself or not. Also unfortunate, many of the muzzles are made of inferior materials or just have shoddy craftsmanship. Cas is grateful Sam can tell at a glance whether it is a quality product or not, since the man has more experience with the manufacturing of human implements than the angel. “Ah, what about this one?” Sam says, clicking on the “Premium Leather Face Harness.”

  


As he reads, Sam remarks, “Prevents sudden oral movements, biting, restricts jaw movement, exceptional fit, outstanding durability, made of leather and metal, molded muzzle for full jaw restriction, locking buckles make sure it stays in place.” At that, he notices the suggestion to add a 4-pack of steel Masterlocks. “Oh, this one locks, too!” Cas is intrigued, wondering how much more beautiful Dean’s green eyes peering over the muzzle would look, rather than the model’s moss green ones. “This one sounds pretty good, Cas,” Sam declares.

“Get it,” the angel replies curtly, distracted and a little confused by his desire flaring back up.

“Ok,” Sam says, copying the pertinent info onto his shopping list. Clicking back to the thumbnail list of hoods and muzzles, Sam’s surprised when Cas pipes up, “Click on that one,” pointing to the screen.

 _“ This one?”_  Sam says in disbelief.

Cas clears his throat, his eyes flitting away with embarrassment, as he says, “Yes.”

 _“O-kay…”_   the younger Winchester says, a little weirded out.

  


While reading the description, the two have very different reactions. Sam does his best to ignore the photos, while Cas is nearly mesmerized by them. As soon as Sam reads, “turn your plaything into your bitch, begging,” it triggers a minor flashback to Lucifer’s Cage. Sam closes his eyes as his breathing speeds up, willing himself to calm down. Cas, however, is getting more aroused the more he reads and doesn’t notice Sam’s distress. He has thought of Dean and Sam as his pets, before. He recalls telling them they were [his favorite pets, until they turned and bit him,](https://youtu.be/vhR67bSw9ZQ) when he thought he was the new God -- [demanding their love, submission, and obedience... on pain of death.](https://youtu.be/R5K1A5EFDSo) The trepidation the memory causes in the angel is at odds with his growing erection. Breathing heavier, from both fear and arousal, Cas pushes the heel of his hand to the base of his cock, trying to regain control of himself. _No, I can’t let myself start thinking like that, again. I can’t let myself give in to the power I have over Dean. They didn’t love me; they were afraid of me. Fear isn’t love,_ the angel furiously tells himself. _**Fear isn’t love** …_ Cas thinks again, remembering the ‘persuasion of Heaven’ and all he’s done over the eons – more out of fear... of being wrong, of being bad, of punishment - than actual loyalty or love. That starts to kill his boner. No, he **_will not_**  treat Dean the way he’s been treated. His beloved deserves _so much better_   than that _…_ and Cas intends to give it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: Photos & descriptions of an adult nature (no nudity) at beginning of NEXT chapter.**


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: Photos & descriptions of an adult nature (no nudity) at beginning of chapter. ALSO trigger warnings for references to rape, PTSD, flashbacks, etc.**  
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_While reading the description, the two have very different reactions. Sam does his best to ignore the photos, while Cas is nearly mesmerized by them. As soon as Sam reads, “turn your plaything into your bitch, begging,” it triggers a minor flashback to Lucifer’s Cage. Sam closes his eyes as his breathing speeds up, willing himself to calm down. Cas, however, is getting more aroused the more he reads and doesn’t notice Sam’s distress._

Opening his eyes once he’s slowed his breathing down, Sam’s still quite emotional from being triggered, but managing to hold himself together. He starts rereading the description for the “Leather Premium Puppy Play Set.” As soon as he sees that the muzzle can be removed with “snap closures,” he tentatively vetoes the set in his mind. Learning that the hood only laces up the back, instead of locking with metal buckles, is another point against it. But reading that the mitts also lace up and the only other thing securing them is _fucking Velcro, of all things,_  is the final nail in the coffin. Seeing the word “fucktoy” in the next sentence triggers Sam, again – Lucifer called him that on more than one occasion. Glancing at the angel, Sam grows even more upset, when he detects sexual arousal in Cas’ expression and body language. Standing up so quickly that his chair makes a loud noise as it scoots away from him, Sam declares, “I need some water,” and quickly leaves the room, barely looking at the angel.  


~*~*~*~

Cas can tell Sam is upset, but he’s not entirely sure why. When he absorbed Sam’s memories in the mental ward, they transferred in a distorted way – perhaps because they were already quite disjointed in Sam’s crumbling mind. Cas hallucinated being menaced by his older brother and experienced Sam’s emotions for himself, instead of receiving direct image or sound ‘recordings’ of what occurred between the two in Lucifer’s Cage. Cas decides to give Sam some time to himself – he did say he was just going for something to drink, after all. Looking back to the computer, Cas clicks on the “Collars” sub-category and begins to browse.

~*~*~*~

Once in the kitchen, Sam puts his hands flat on the cold metal counter, to help counteract the dissociation he’s slipping into. He closes his eyes, breathing faster, as his mind gives voice to his fears. _Here I was worrying about leaving Cas with Dean, when maybe I should actually be worried about leaving Dean with Cas. The way he was looking at that, God! I thought Cas was one of the good ones… maybe the only good one. Are **all** angels fucking dicks?! Dean was right; they’re dicks with wings. What the fuck?! And he **knows!** He fucking knows what Lucifer put me through in the cage! And he’s still getting off thinking about treating Dean the same way?! Dehumanizing him? Having his way with him while he’s trapped? Ok, calm down. Slow your breathing down. Cas isn’t like that. This is PTSD shit. Breathe. Dean’s the one who almost raped Cas, not the other way around. Dean is a fucking demon right now – a Knight of Hell. A badass. He’s gonna be ok. Cas… Cas isn’t even at full-power. And he’s… he’s not like that. He’s trying to help and getting his ass kicked for it. I mean, shit, he brought Dean a blanket cause he didn’t want him to get cold, for Pete’s sake!  _ Sam opens his eyes and smiles, almost laughing at that thought.

Straightening up and looking around for a glass, Sam’s breathing has almost returned to normal. _It’s ok. You were just freaking out. Everything is going to be fine,_ he tells himself, while grabbing a glass. _Ok, maybe not “fine,” but you know… not **that** bad. Don’t catastrophize. Breathe. You got this. _ Going to the sink to fill his glass with water, Sam smiles when he sees the bowl and washcloth Cas left there. Turning off the tap and taking a sip, Sam’s feeling a lot better. _He’s giving him fricken sponge baths even after… yeah, Cas is ok. It’s gonna be ok,_ Sam thinks, taking another sip, before walking back to the library.

~*~*~*~

As he nears the table, Sam sees there’s a different image on the computer screen. Cas clicks on one of the thumbnails to enlarge it, then studies the image with serious eyes, putting a curved finger to his lips in thought.

 _I’m glad he moved on from that other one,_ Sam thinks to himself, as he sits back down at the table. Cas glances at him and asks, “What about this, Sam?”

“Well, it’s definitely better than that other one,” the younger Winchester replies, giving the angel a small awkward smile.  
  
Looking back at the screen, Cas says, “The computer says this is a ‘posture collar.’” Sam scoots his chair closer, looking at the screen as Cas continues. “It’s made of thick, stiff leather and designed to prevent movement of the head and neck.” Cas points to various parts of the image and explains, “This chin portion is positioned to somewhat push the lower jaw up; keeping the mouth closed. Combined with the height of the collar, which pushes into the chest here and the back of the head here, it prevents movement of the head in any direction.”

Impressed with effectiveness of the simple device, Sam pushes out his lower lip a little, then asks, “Do the buckles lock?”

Cas clicks back to the description and replies with a small smile, “Yes.”

“Ok, we’ll get that, too. But I’m still getting the muzzle,” Sam says.

“Of course,” Cas replies, “I was thinking this one could be a reward for good behavior.” In spite of himself, Sam has to smile at that. But he’s still a bit uneasy about the angel’s interest in the ‘Puppy Play Set.’

“Cas,” Sam says, letting out a short sigh, “I have to ask… why did you want me to click on that other one?”

A sheepish look briefly flickers across Cas’ face as his eyes dart away. Quickly looking back, he says in a calm collected tone (that hides his emotions), “I thought a full mask or hood would be better than something that only goes on part of the face. Less chance it could be moved out of place or removed altogether. And being able to remove part of it to access Dean’s mouth…” the angel trails off when he sees the Sam staring back at him with knitted brows. “What?”

Sam quickly schools his features and says, “Nothing. What were you saying? Having access to Dean’s mouth…?”

The tone of Sam’s voice when he asked the last question has the angel wary. “Was appealing,” Cas replies simply.

The younger brother clears his throat, trying not to give away his returning apprehension. “Why? He doesn’t need to eat or drink… or even talk – he can just pray to you to communicate,” Sam says, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, as he studies the angel.

Now it’s Cas’ turn to clear his throat. He looks away, again, and rubs the back of his neck. Looking back, the corners of his mouth are curved up a little in a hint of an embarrassed smile, as he sheepishly confesses, “So… so I can kiss him, if I want to.” Sam smiles wide, closing his eyes and nodding, as he huffs a tiny laugh at Cas’ adorableness – and his own foolishness for suspecting the love-struck angel may have had any sort of nefarious intentions towards his brother.

“Ok,” Sam chuckles, relieved. Cas gives him a wide relieved smile in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg y'all, I went to a Lover's Lane store this week & they had the EXACT same cock cage as in this story! AND it was about $100 cheaper than I've seen in online stores. I couldn't believe it!


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: LOTS of photos & descriptions of an adult nature (no nudity).**  
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_“Ok,” Sam chuckles, relieved. Cas gives him a wide relieved smile in response._

“I also like the idea of the mitts,” Cas says, “If he behaves well enough, I’d like to let him out of the cuffs, but mitts preventing him from using his fingers to grab or manipulate…”

Nodding with a serious face, Sam says, “Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. Definitely better than nothing. And we might even be able to use them with the cuffs on. But those you were looking at were shit.” Cas looks a little offended and Sam laughs, while searching the site. “They closed with string and Velcro,” Sam explains.

“Velcro?” the angel says.

Sam laughs again, “Oh yeah, you don’t… just, trust me, they were cheesy.” Smiling when he finds what he was looking for, Sam gestures to the screen and says, “But _these_  buckle and lock.”  
  
  


“Can we get those, as well?” Cas asks.

“Yep,” Sam replies, copying the information onto his shopping list. “Let’s see what else they have,” the man says, clicking on the “Wrist and Ankle Restraints” sub-category. As the pair browse the thumbnails, Sam’s concern returns to Cas’ safety. “Ya know, Cas,” the younger Winchester says, “if you let Dean out of the chair with the mitts on, he could still choke you or something.”

“I don’t need to breathe, so I don’t see that being of much concern,” the angel replies.

“Yeah, but, he could still grapple with you, well _kinda,_  with his arms and legs,” Sam says. Before the angel can reply, Sam interjects, “What happened to the chair, anyway? Did Dean break it when he bit you or…?”

Smirking a bit, Cas replies, “No… I did that.”

“You did?” Sam asks, lowing a brow.

“Yes, it was getting in the way of us…” Cas raises his brows, giving Sam a meaningful look.

“OH! Ok, got it!” Sam laughs, not wanting to hear the details. “I was afraid Dean did it,  cause I didn’t think about warding the chair… speaking of which,” Sam says while looking towards the ‘war room,’ “I should replace that one with a warded one.”

 _“Or_  we could just ward the one he’s already in,” Cas chirps, eyeing Sam hopefully, with a bit of a smile.

Sam snort-laughs and replies, “Ok,” causing Cas’ grin to grow. “Just don’t wreck the joint any more, ok, Cas?”

“Alright,” the angel responds seriously, looking down and hanging his head a bit, causing Sam to huff a laugh.

Looking back to the screen, Sam’s eyes land on an odd-looking contraption. “What the?” he says under his breath, while clicking on it.  
  


“Huh!” Sam exclaims, while reading the description.

“Hey, this would solve the problem with the mitts! If you use both at the same time…” Sam says while clicking on one of the photos.

Cas squints his eyes, studying the photo. “Yeah, he wouldn’t be able to grab you with his arms or punch,” Sam says while looking at the photo. “He wouldn’t be able to lower his arms and with the mitts on, he couldn’t do anything with his hands.” Cas raises his brows and pushes his bottom lip out in approval. “And even trying to hit you with the side of it, like swinging his arms… he couldn’t do much in this, except kick,” Sam concludes.

“Not if his feet are restrained,” Cas says.

“Yeah, yeah, this is pretty good,” Sam says to himself, nodding. “The bars look a little thin, but with warding sigils, I think it would be ok.

”Add it to the list,” Cas replies.

“Ok,” Sam responds, copying down the information, then clicking back to the “Wrist and Ankle Restraint” list of thumbnails. Scrolling, Sam laughs and says, “This guy looks like Eddie Vedder,”   
 and clicks on the thumbnail.

“Our blacksmith?!” Sam exclaims in shock, while reading the description. “Custom made shackles,” he continues, shaking his head in disbelief at their luck. Copying the information down, he says, “Ok, that’s on the list,” and goes back to the thumbnails.

“Click on that one,” Cas says, pointing to the screen. 

“We’ve still got the collar we used on Crowley and the cuffs are working ok, right?” Sam asks.

“Yes, but see if they have ankle shackles – the handcuffs barely fit around Dean’s ankles. And I could use them with the mitts and arm restraints,” Cas explains.

“Oh yeah, right,” Sam replies, clicking on the photo of a buff black dude in chains.

  


“Alright,” Sam says, seeing they do indeed have ankle shackles, “another custom order for their _blacksmith_. I still can’t get over that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, obligatory [Pearl Jam video,](https://youtu.be/MS91knuzoOA) since Sam said that guy looks like Vedder. I love the "Jeremy" song & video SO MUCH! And the face Eddie makes in this, always makes me think of that line from "Evenflow," "He can't help when he's happy he looks insane!" LOL! _You know the look I'm talking about._ ;)
> 
> Also, are the photos positioned ok in this chapter? I'm continuing my adventures in HTML formatting.


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING: Photos & descriptions of an adult nature (no nudity) at beginning of the chapter.  
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_“Alright,” Sam says, seeing they do indeed have ankle shackles, “another custom order for their blacksmith. I still can’t get over that.”_

Sam noticed that the last two items they looked would highlight the “Dungeon Irons” sub-category, after he’d click on the thumbnail to see the full page. “I saw ‘Dungeon Furniture’ on here, somewhere, too,” he says, looking at the other categories in the list. “Maybe it’s under ‘Sex Furniture?’” he says, raising his brows as he glances at Cas. The angel shrugs and looks back to the screen. “Bingo!” Sam declares, seeing it listed as a sub-category. “Aw, perfect!” he says, clicking on the thumbnail for ‘The Bondage Chair.’  
  


Cas reads the description with a disapproving look on his face – wanting to just ward the chair he’s already ‘customized’ for him and Dean. Sam winces when he reads references to “toilet training,” saying, “I’m **_so glad_**  we don’t have to worry about that. That would be gross.” Remembering the dirty state of the dungeon and Dean himself, Sam amends with a pained grimace, _“Well, even **grosser.”**_ Cas tilts his head and gives the man his confused squinty look, causing Sam to shake his head. Turning back to the screen, Sam reads aloud, “‘Designed for the most unruly prisoners;’ well, that sounds good. ‘Built from the same heavy steel rectangular bars as our _cages,_ which are built to withstand heavy use.’” Feeling his anxiety return, Sam tries for nonchalant, as he asks, “You… you don’t,” he clears his throat, eyes flitting away for a moment, “you don’t want to put Dean _in a cage… do you?”_

Cas tilts his head, looking up for a moment as he considers. Sam realizes he’s almost holding his breath, waiting for the angel to answer. Looking back, Cas smiles with kind loving eyes and replies, “I don’t think that will be necessary, Sam.”

Exhaling audibly, the younger brother nods, a small smile flickering on his face. “Good,” he says simply, pushing back against the memories from Lucifer’s Cage threatening to flood his mind, again. He coughs awkwardly and says in a business-like tone, “Ok, I’m adding this to the list,” as he copies down the pertinent information. Cas tilts his head, brows narrowed as he studies the screen. “The fact it has an adjustable height collar attached is awesome,” Sam starts trying to sell Cas on the chair, “and I can ward every part of it.” When Cas quirks his mouth to the side a little, Sam adds, “The back is open so you can… _you know._ And, um, the seat is in three removable sections…” the younger Winchester trails off, now having to push away unwanted images of his brother and Cas having sex. His mind flashes back to thinking about the chair Dean’s already in – and how he noticed what appeared to be a dildo on the floor near it, causing him to not focus too much on the dungeon floor, after that. Not really wanting to ask, but desperately latching onto anything, to move away from intrusive images of Dean and the angel getting busy, Sam keeps his eyes on the screen as he asks, “Um… uh… did I, uh, notice a,” he coughs awkwardly, “a… dildo on the floor of the dungeon?” Keeping his eyes on the screen, Sam just listens for Cas’ reply.

“Yes.”

Still not looking at Cas, Sam asks awkwardly, “So, um… is it made out of silicone or…”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, different types of toys require different types of lube…” Sam explains, still not meeting Cas’ inquisitive gaze.

“OH!” the angel exclaims excitedly, causing Sam to finally look at him. “We need more lube.”

Sam clicks on the “Lubes & Creams” category and laughs to himself, _“Oh man,”_  when he sees there’s a sub-category called “Anal Lubricants.” Clicking on that, the younger brother’s awkward embarrassment pushes on through into humor, as he sees the “Lubricant Launcher 3-Pack” and just starts laughing uncontrollably.  
  


Cas looks at him in confusion, but a little smile plays on the angel’s lips from the man’s contagious mirth. “Oh man, lube launchers!” Sam barely wheezes out. “ASS RELAX!” he nearly shouts, pointing at the screen and falling into another fit of hysterical laughter, as he slaps the table. Wiping a tear from his eye, Sam giggles to himself, “I am **_so_**  getting Dean some ‘Ass Relax’ lube,” and cracks up, again. It’s a pleasantly open and joyful noise, causing Cas’ grin to grow. The tension broken, Sam turns to the angel and says in-between giggles, “Ok, so… what type of lube do you want, Cas?” Laughing again, Sam says to himself, “I’ll take ‘Questions I Never Thought I’d Ask’ for 200, Alex,” causing the angel’s brows to lower at the unfamiliar reference. Sam shakes his head dismissively and raises his brows, waiting for an answer.

“Well, Dean had some of this in his night stand, along with the dildo,” Cas replies, pointing to the Astroglide.

Sam’s lips wobble and he smiles wide, trying desperately not to laugh, again, as he clicks on the thumbnail. “Ok, we need some Astroglide,” he tries to say matter-of-factly, but snort-laughs, anyway. Coughing to try to regain his composure, Sam reads the screen, looking to see if it’s water, silicone, or oil-based lube. “Was it the purple bottle?” he asks.

“Yes, that one.”

“Ok, I’ll get the biggest one,” Sam replies, smirking. “I’m getting him some ‘Ass Relax,’ too – just because,” he chuckles. “The purple bottle is water-based, so that, um, thing is probably silicone,” Sam says.

“Why does it matter?” the angel asks.

Going into ‘teacher mode’ allows Sam to finally get rid of his giggles. “You can’t use silicone-based lubes with silicone toys – it ruins the toy. Jess told me that, by the way,” he explains. Cas nods and Sam continues, “And I think water-based ones work better with condoms….” Trailing off, as he looks up while trying to remember, Sam misses Cas’ confused expression. “Well, it’s easier to clean up, anyway,” Sam concludes, looking back.

The angel coughs awkwardly, his expression embarrassed, as he asks quietly, “And condoms are?”

Sam’s eyes get wider and he replies emphatically, “What humans use to prevent disease and pregnancy,” staring Cas down.

“Oh, well, we have no need for them, then,” Cas remarks matter-of-factly, easing Sam’s worry. “Angels and demons don’t get diseases and,” he smirks, chuckling in a deep voice, “it’s not like I’m going to get Dean pregnant.”

“Yeah,” Sam laughs, “right.” Turning back to the screen, he looks at the different types of Astroglide.  


“Hey, this one is a gel,” Sam says enthusiastically.

“So?”

“It’ll stay put better and not run off down his leg or… _ugh,”_   Sam closes his eyes, stopping that train of thought in its tracks. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he asks Cas without looking at him, “When you clean Dean up, do you think you could, um, tidy up the dungeon a bit, too?”

 _“Oh,”_  Cas says quietly, looking down.

 _“Yeah,_ it’s getting pretty nasty in there, Cas,” Sam says, looking at the angel.

“Yes, of course.”

“Thanks,” Sam says sincerely.

“Could, um…” the angel starts uncertainly, looking at Sam, who nods for him to continue. “Could you get us some of the ‘lube launchers,’ too?” Cas asks, raising his brows in question.

The younger Winchester huffs a laugh and turns back to the computer, saying, “Sure, why not.” After copying the info for the large bottle of water-based Astroglide and the water-based Astroglide gel, Sam clicks on the “Ass Relax” lube, but can’t find out whether it’s water, silicone, or oil-based from the description. “Awwww man,” he says disappointedly, “no ‘Ass Relax’ for Dean.” He copies the info down for the ‘lube launchers,’ trying very hard not to image Cas using them on his brother – which fails. He quickly scrolls through the rest of the lube section and laughs when he finds a water-based cream called “Anal Eze,” which is written in huge letters on the bottle. “Ok, and getting this…” he says to himself, as he copies down the info. His brother might be a demon right now, but he’s still his brother and the chance to mess with him like this is too irresistible.

Cas misinterprets Sam’s quest for an embarrassingly-named anal lube. Noticing that both “Ass Relax” and “Anal Eze” contain numbing ingredients, the angel says sincerely, “That’s very thoughtful of you, Sam.”

The younger brother bursts out in laughter and says sarcastically, “Yeah, it is. Make sure you tell him that one is from me, ok?” Cas lowers his brows in confusion as he nods slowly. Sam smirks and continues scrolling.

 _“Heeeey,_ look at _this!” _ Sam says in an interested tone of voice, while clicking on another thumbnail.  
  


Ignoring the “watersports” mention – and Sam doesn’t even want to know what “sploshing” is – he pushes out his lower lip in approval, nodding. “This should keep the dungeon cleaner,” he thinks out loud.

“Will it fit in the Devil’s Trap?” Cas asks, doing his best to not imagine the two women in the sample scenario and get aroused, again.

“The biggest part is a little over six-and-a-half feet,” Sam says. “I think the Devil’s Trap is nine feet – but measure that, too, just to make sure.” Cas nods. “Ok, anything else you want to look at?”

The angel looks at the screen while saying, “Do they have any… there, click on the ‘Floggers & Whips’ category.” Sam just stares as Cas for a moment, blinking, then turns back and clicks on it.

Looking back, Sam asks with concern, “Why are you looking at these?”

“I need something to discipline him with, when he misbehaves,” Cas explains matter-of-factly.

 _“Okay…”_ Sam says awkwardly.

Cas gets a little aggravated and says sassily, “I left my angel blade in the car, but if you’d rather I use that, instead…”

“No, no,” Sam cuts him off, gesturing with his hand, “I get it. I just don’t like it,” he admits.

“I don’t either, but you know it needs to be done,” Cas replies.

“Yeah,” Sam reluctantly agrees.

After Sam vetoes canes, crops, and whips – Cas finds a flogger he likes, right away.  
  


“This one will work,” Cas says, “Add it to the list, please.” Sam purses his lips, not so sure about this, but copies the information down, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this chapter. :) I also found the [Astroglide website](http://www.astroglide.com/lube-ed/) decently informative.
> 
> Also, and this is really random, um, does anyone else see a *slight* resemblance between Robert Palmer & Misha/Cas, at some points in [this](https://youtu.be/DlPHmYtqSdA) video? Or is it just me?


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don’t follow Astroglide’s Twitter account, you should. They’re _HUGE_ Destiel shippers  & tweet reactions during the episodes, usually using animated gifs. They tweet about Destiel A LOT, lol! Mark Sheppard follows them, too, which amuses me.

_After Sam vetoes canes, crops, and whips – Cas finds a flogger he likes, right away. “This one will work,” Cas says, “Add it to the list, please.” Sam purses his lips, not so sure about this, but copies the information down, anyway._

Done browsing the website, Sam prints out the list of items they want to buy and a separate paper for Cas, with the measurements of the devices on it. At the printer, Sam hands Cas the list of measurements and gestures with his hand, saying, “Come on, I’ll get you a ruler and stuff.” The two walk to the kitchen, where Sam opens one of the drawers and fishes out a ruler and tape measure. While he’s doing that, Cas goes to the sink, absent-mindedly picking up the washcloth. When Sam opens another drawer closer to Cas, he glances up to see the angel staring at the washcloth thoughtfully.

Cas turns, lowering his brows, as he says with a bit of concern, “You know, he hasn’t prayed to me since we left the dungeon.”

“Well,” Sam says, finding the roll of twine and scissors he was looking for. Closing the drawer, he continues, “Fill up the bowl and I’ll help you bring this stuff in there.” Cas nods and starts filling the bowl with water, tossing the washcloth and bar of soap into it. He throws the hand towel over his forearm, turns the tap off, and picks up the full bowl with both hands. He turns back to Sam, who’s holding the twine, scissors, tape measure, and ruler. The younger Winchester turns and they make their way to the file room.

“What’s the string and scissors for?” the angel asks, while they’re walking down the hall.

Sam glances back and says, “To measure circumference. Wrap a piece of string around, _ahem,_ whatever – then stretch it out and hold it up to the ruler to measure.” Glancing back, again, the younger brother sees the angel nodding. After a little difficulty opening the file room door with all the stuff in his hands, Sam turns the knob and makes his way inside. Dean is sitting, well, kneeling, on his chair – er, hassock with armrests – his head bowed. When Sam walks into the dungeon proper, Dean silently glances at him, green eyes sad, before looking back to the floor. Placing the items on the table outside the trap, Sam turns and asks a little concerned, “Dean? Are you ok?”

The older Winchester looks up and says in a tired voice, _“Yeah_ … just thinkin, ya know?”

“About what?” Sam asks, as Cas places the bowl of water on ‘his’ armless chair.

When Dean sees the bowl of water, he looks even more defeated. He looks back to Sam and says, “A lot of stuff… _I don’t want to talk about.”_  Looking to the angel, Dean says sincerely, “Cas, I really don’t think I can take you washing me, again, man.”

“What? Why?” the angel responds with lowered confused brows, as he shifts the little towel between his hands.

“It’s just… it’s just too much,” Dean tries to explain, glancing to Sam for help. The younger brother unconsciously gives a little nod of understanding, pushing out his lower lip a little. Tilting his head, Dean pleads, “Can you uncuff me so I can do it myself?”

The younger man’s brow lowers, his mouth becoming a straight line, as he considers. Then he purses his lips and shakes his head a little, saying, “I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” To Sam’s surprise, his brother doesn’t protest; just nods a little sadly and looks down, again. Sam shoots Cas an incredulous glance.

“Well, I’ve been in this stress-position for a while now and my thighs are really starting to ache,” Dean says, drawing Sam’s eyes back to himself. “At least put my legs back the way they were before, huh?”

Nodding a little, but quirking his lips to the side, Sam acquiesces, “Ok, but no tricks.”

“Scouts honor,” Dean replies.

A hint of a smile appears on Sam’s lips as he retorts, _“You were never a scout!”_  Dean huffs a tiny laugh and shrugs one shoulder, the corner of his mouth ticking up a bit from the playful tone of his brother’s voice. As he’s taking the handcuff keys out of his pocket, Sam looks to Cas and says, “Hold his leg while I uncuff it.”

Cas nods, putting the towel down. Dean rolls his eyes and groans, “I’m **_not_**  gonna do anything!” Sam moves towards the back of the ‘chair,’ while Cas gets in front of it. The angel grips Dean’s right thigh from the inside, high enough to cause a little, _“Whoa,”_ to escape his lips. The two look into each other’s eyes and Dean smiles a little, as his green eyes grow hazy. Cas gives a little half-smile in return, gripping Dean’s right calf with his left hand.

“You got him?” Sam asks.

“Yes,” the angel replies, looking at Sam – though he wants to look back into the demon’s eyes, instead.

“Ok,” Sam replies, holding Dean’s ankle down as he unlocks the cuff.


	73. Chapter 73

_“You got him?” Sam asks._

_“Yes,” the angel replies, looking at Sam – though he wants to look back into the demon’s eyes, instead._

_“Ok,” Sam replies, holding Dean’s ankle down as he unlocks the cuff._

Continuing to hold Dean’s ankle, after sliding the cuff off of it, Sam raises his brows and nods at Cas; seeing if he’s ready. Cas nods back and Sam lets go, setting to work on unlocking the matching cuff of that set, that’s secured around the arm rest support. Dean sees a window of opportunity. He could quickly whip his tail around and caress Cas’ wing, startling the angel into letting go of his leg. But then what? His other leg and both arms are still restrained. Giving a tiny sigh, Dean lets the angel maneuver his leg from the kneeling to sitting position, not moving a muscle of it himself. Sam kneels with the freed set of handcuffs, quickly securing one around Dean’s ankle and the other around the leg of the chair. The demon gives a little grimace as he hears it click closed.

Sam walks to the other side of the ‘chair’ and holds Dean’s left ankle down. Cas’ eyes briefly drift down to Dean’s lips, as he moves to grab the demon’s left thigh. When the angel’s fingers accidentally brush against his balls, Dean chuckles and smiles into Cas’ face. “Sorry,” the angel says quietly.

“Don’t be sorry,” the demon grins, echoing Cas’ words from before. The angel catches the reference and gives Dean a sly little smirk, a twinkle of amusement in his light blue eyes.

“Cas?” Sam asks, holding still with the key in the lock. The angel grips the demon’s left calf with his right hand and gives the younger Winchester a little nod. Sam removes the cuff from Dean’s ankle and releases his leg, repeating the same process as before. Once the demon is secure, Sam huffs a sigh of relief.

“I told ya I wasn’t gonna do anything,” Dean grouses, looking at his brother.

“Yeah, well, demons lie,” Sam replies.

Dean actually looks a little hurt and says quietly, _“Not all the time,”_   before looking back down to the floor. Sam’s brows go up as a little pang of hurt hits his heart; regretting he wounded his brother with his words. He looks thoughtful for a moment, then quirks his mouth to the side and looks at his watch.

“Ok, Cas,” Sam says, drawing the angel’s attention back to himself. Cas stroked the side of Dean’s face when he looked down, trying to soothe his beloved. Sam sees the angel’s hand leaving Dean’s cheek as he looks up from his watch, causing him to briefly pause before continuing, “uh, we have a couple of hours before that store opens. I want to call and talk to them, before...” it dawns on Sam that letting the demon know their plans might not be a good idea. “Uh, you got the list?”

“Yes,” the angel replies, taking the paper with the measurements out of one of his trench’s inner pockets. Feeling the weight in his outer pocket sway his coat, Cas retrieves Sam’s phone and hands it back to him. “I still have this, too.”

“Thanks,” Sam nods in acceptance, then asks Cas with slightly narrowed eyes, “You still got the other thing you took from me, too, right?” Cas catches on to what Sam’s asking and pats his other outside pocket, feeling the vial of Lucifer’s grace.

“Yes,” he nods with knowing eyes.

“Good,” Sam says, relieved. “Oh! You need a pencil or something.” Glancing down at the floor as he gets ready to quickly walk out of the dungeon, Sam sees a blob of dried jizz  ** _immediately_**  in front of his foot; he almost stepped on it. _“Ick!”_  he says, stumbling out of the way, while making a disgusted face. “And a scrub brush!” he adds. Carefully watching his step, Sam awkwardly ‘hopscotches’ his way out of the dungeon with his hands out, leaving the file room door open. When Dean realizes his brother was too busy hyper focusing on the floor directly in front of his feet to notice the break in the Devil’s trap, the corner of his mouth ticks up almost imperceptibly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my Devil's trap is just painted on the ground, but the dungeon is basically the same as in the show, except for that. 
> 
> I think the trap might be 9' in diameter. Also notice the shackles attached to the wall on either side of the cabinet. There are more, higher up, on the back wall, as well. I'm envisioning the scuffed break in the trap's painted line as being over to the far right of Dean (if you're facing him) -- away from the table & Cas' chair or anything else. Also notice there's a decent amount of room at the front of the dungeon, before the trap (where the table is).


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My reasoning for why Sam hasn't noticed the break in the Devil's Trap is he's too grossed/weirded out by the dungeon floor & things on it, like Dean's anal dildo! My reasoning for why Cas hasn't noticed is he's either hyper-focused on Dean or too emotionally upset/lost in his own head. Makes sense, right?

_Carefully watching his step, Sam awkwardly ‘hopscotches’ his way out of the dungeon with his hands out, leaving the file room door open. When Dean realizes his brother was too busy hyper focusing on the floor directly in front of himself to notice the break in the Devil’s trap, the corner of his mouth ticks up almost imperceptibly._

A few moments after Sam leaves, Cas turns to Dean and says in a low serious voice, “Dean, there’s something I need to speak with you about.”

Dean’s eyebrows go up as his green eyes get a little wider, “Yeah, same here.”

Cas narrows his brows and asks, “Why didn’t you just pray to me?”

“Because I didn’t want you freaking out in front of Sam,” the demon reveals, his brows furrowing a little over worried eyes.

“Dean, what is it?” the angel asks, concerned.

The demon quickly glances to the open file room door, then back to Cas and says, “Sam’s gonna be back soon. Wait until we’re alone.”

“We are alone,” the angel deadpans.

Dean sighs and rolls his eyes, then hisses in an aggravated whisper, _“Yeah, but not for long! So just chill, alright?”_

Cas nods, then walks over to retrieve his socks and dress shoes.

~*~*~*~

Quickly striding down the hall, Sam snatches a pencil from the library, on his way to getting a bucket and scrub brush from one of the closets. He doesn’t want to leave those two alone for long. Going to the kitchen, he fills the bucket with soapy water and tosses the scrub brush in, then snags two rolls of paper towels on his way out. All the while, the younger Winchester’s trying to figure out _exactly_  why he’s worried about leaving Dean with Cas. _Is it just because of the PTSD and flashbacks?_ he asks himself, _or am I picking up on something going on with Cas **now?**_

Given their history, there’s always _some_   wariness involved when it comes to situations of trust. Cas has worked with Crowley behind their backs before. When the angel thought he was ‘the new God,’ Sam and Dean **both** tried to kill him… _and failed._   He broke the wall in Sam’s mind, which would have ended up destroying the man. But then… he tried to fix what he’d done and helped Sam, suffering for it by going insane himself. But Cas has been controlled by Leviathans and almost _killed_ _Dean_   when controlled by Naomi. While he did bring Sam back from Lucifer’s Cage, he left his soul behind and either _didn’t know it_   or _didn’t do a damn thing about it,_ until _Dean  _ prayed to him; he wouldn’t even answer Sam’s prayers. And he lied about Sam's missing soul, too! Sam stops walking, putting the bucket down with a sigh. Leaning against the hallway, he pinches the bridge of his nose and rubs his closed eyelids; trying to stave off the migraine he feels coming on. _Food; I need some food. And coffee… lots of coffee,_ he thinks, resting his head against the cool wall; consciously calming himself down. _Ok, I’ll go give them this stuff, then eat breakfast. I should be able to think better after I’ve eaten._ Sam sighs again, pushing himself up off the wall, then picks the bucket back up and makes his way back to the dungeon.

~*~*~*~

Walking through the file room door, Sam sees Cas sitting on his chair, putting his shoes back on – the bowl of water next to him on the floor. Sam walks into the trap and puts the bucket next to the bowl of water, then puts the pencil and paper towels on the table. Cas stands and Sam turns to him, saying, “Ok, I need those measurements before I call the store in a of couple hours.” Looking to the bucket, Sam continues, “You can clean the dungeon any time, but,” he looks to Dean and winces, “you probably want to wash Dean before you, um… _measure him.”_   Dean looks down at his dirty body and the cum-stained navy button-down shirt covering his crotch, then glances at Sam. Both brothers look away awkwardly.

“Understood,” the angel replies, unperturbed.

Hopscotching his way through the dungeon, again, Sam says, “Ok, I’m just gonna go have some breakfast, then.” He stops and turns when he reaches the file room, “But, Cas, remember what I said about getting an accurate reading,” Sam says. Cas nods solemnly and Sam adds, “Come get me if you need to.”

“Wait, what?” Dean asks with confused brows.

Sam won’t hold his gaze, so Cas explains, “I have to measure your penis for the chastity device.” Dean’s eyes get a bit wider, but he doesn’t say anything. Cas gestures to the younger Winchester and says, “But Sam is worried I won’t be able to accurately measure your flaccid member, because,” the angel says the rest slower and a bit awkwardly, “because it… might not… remain flaccid.”

Cas raises his brows and Dean huffs a little laugh. But his mirth is quickly replaced with near panic, as the demon asks, with wide green eyes, “Wait, ‘come get me if you need to?’ What’s that supposed to mean? Sam?”

“Sam said he would take the measurements, if I am unsuccessful,” the angel explains.

“Oh Hell no!” Dean _almost_  laughs, looking at his brother in disbelief.

“Hey, it’s not like I want to!” Sam retorts, throwing his hands out, “Just think about really unsexy, disgusting things while Cas is… _busy_ and it won’t come to that.”

With determined, yet unfocused eyes, Dean nods while looking down and says, _“Yeah, yeah, ok.”_

“Like a naked sunburnt Bobby peeling or,” Sam starts saying with a little smirk.

“I don’t need examples, Sam!” Dean yells, glaring back at his younger brother.

Sam puts his hands up with a smile, then turns to Cas and says, “I’ll see you later,” before leaving the room.


	75. Chapter 75

Sam left the file room door open when he left, so Cas goes to close it. Before he does, however, he stealthily leans out and peeks down the hall, making sure Sam is indeed gone. The gesture causes Dean to chuckle. Closing the door, Cas’ brows narrow slightly in confusion from the demon’s laughter. “What?” the angel asks.

Dean chuckles again and smiles, “Nothin, just – can’t you _hear_  that Sam’s gone without looking? Ya know, with yer ‘super angelic hearing’ and all?”

Cas shrugs his eyebrows like Dean has a point and replies, “I just wanted to make sure, since you requested privacy.”

Dean nods, still smiling a little, and replies, “Yeah, no, I’m not saying anythin. It’s just – it’s a very human thing to do.” Dean gives a little shrug and admits in a quieter voice, _“It was cute; you’re cute,”_  grinning and looking away with embarrassment.

A slow pleased smile works its way onto Cas’ face. He tilts his head down, then looks up at Dean; light blue eyes glancing through his black lashes. _“Thank you,”_   he says, quietly and sincerely.

That causes the older Winchester to smile wide enough for crinkles to appear alongside his emerald eyes. “Don’t mention it,” Dean replies off-handedly, winking at Cas and smiling like a fool.

~*~*~*~

After making himself an egg-white omelet, Sam brings his plate, coffee, and a bottle of Aspirin to his table in the library. He takes a few bites, looking at his computer screen. Seeing the tab he opened before for ‘Malakhim’ -- the class of angel Cas said he was created as -- Sam quickly shoots a furtive glance over the top of his laptop. Seeing he’s still alone, he clicks on the tab and reads.

“Huh,” Sam says to himself, when he sees the term is from the Hebrew. _I guess that makes sense,_ he thinks, popping two Aspirin and taking a large swig of coffee, now that he has a little food in his stomach. _‘Angel of the Lord,’ yeah, that’s what Dean said Cas introduced himself as,_ Sam thinks as he reads the table of contents. _‘Healing from impurity’… huh,_ the younger Winchester thinks, quirking his lips to the side, _Cas can heal physical impurities and injuries, but he hasn’t had much luck with spiritual ones. _ Grimacing a bit, Sam reads on, _‘Prayer’ - yep, ‘warriors’ - check, ‘messengers’ - yep, ‘teachers’ - yeah. Ok, tell me something I don’t know,_  he thinks, scrolling down further.

Sam’s eyes get wider, his brows lowering, as he reads the table of contents for section 3.7. _‘Angels with demonic qualities’?_  Putting the side of his index finger to his lips, Sam absent-mindedly holds his fork out to the side; eating forgotten as he reads further.  _‘_ _Adversaries’?! …that’s one of the names for Lucifer; ‘The Adversary.’_ Breathing faster, Sam tells himself,  _Ok, calm the fuck down. That was Lucifer, not Cas! _ When he reads ‘Destructive angels,’ though, he thinks: _Oh, like when Cas & Uriel were gonna destroy that town to prevent Samhain from being summoned._  Sam huffs, jabbing his omelet forcefully, as he internally snarks: _Another bad-ass demon *** I*** had to exorcise, even though there were two fricken angels in town! _ Grimacing, he shovels some more egg into his mouth, chewing angrily.

~*~*~*~

“So, what did you want to talk about,” Cas inquires with raised brows, letting Dean go first.

“Oh!” Dean replies, the pleased expression slipping right off his face. With worried green eyes – that keep flitting away, he confesses, “I, uh… I just wanted to, um, double-check something with you.” The angel nods and Dean winces a little, raising his brows nervously as he asks, “Um… _how_ … uh… are cambions made, again?”

Instantly looking very concerned, bordering on panicked, Cas’ black brows narrow over intense eyes, as he asks, **_“Why?!”_**

Turning his head away, the demon looks at the floor and quickly stammers, _“Be… because I didn’t use condoms… when I… with the triplets… and…”_

Breathing a large sigh of relief that make his shoulders go up and down, the angel circles around the chair, tilting Dean’s head up to face him, and reassures, “Cambions aren’t created by physical intercourse, Dean.”

Dean lets his head fall (but it doesn’t, because Cas has a hand under his chin) as he huffs out a sigh of relief. _“OhThankGod!”_ he breathes, turning grateful eyes to the angel. Cas strokes Dean’s jaw with his thumb, smiling down at him, before giving a little chuckle. “What?” Dean asks with a little relieved laugh.

Cas smiles broadly and says with loving eyes, “For a demon, you sure do talk about Our Father a lot.” When Dean starts to smile, Cas grins, fondly running the palm of his hand up the demon’s cheek – which causes them both to smile wider.

Comforted by the affection, Dean nuzzles his face into the angel’s hand, then looks at him with dreamy green eyes and croons, _“I love you, Cas.”_

Eyelashes fluttering a bit, Cas smiles down at his beloved -- then leans down, gently kissing the demon's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t explicitly stated this, but I’ve been including music videos to kinda set the theme or mood of the chapter or character(s). The show is big on music, so I thought I’d do my own version of that – not sure if that was clear before or not. Usually the lyrics are relevant, though the visual imagery may be, too.
> 
> The song setting the mood for Cas (for a little while) is “[Addicted to Love](https://youtu.be/XcATvu5f9vE)” by Robert Palmer, lol. “You see the signs, but you can’t read; running at a different speed. Your heart beats in double-time; another kiss and you’ll be mine! A one-track mind; you can’t be saved! Oblivion is all you crave!”


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Cas not knowing the word "condom" might be OOC or non-canon. I looked up the history of condoms & I was surprised the word was actually used around 1900. Seein how Cas was on Earth around that time (to take care of the nephilim Lily Sunder was supposed to have birthed), I think it's somewhat likely canon!Cas would know the word. But I just think it'd be funny if he didn't. And, besides, that Lily Sunder episode (where Cas had a female vessel) is set after my story, so it's not in the canon of my series or whatever.

_Comforted by the affection, Dean nuzzles his face into the angel’s hand, then looks at him with dreamy green eyes and croons, “I love you, Cas.”_

_Eyelashes fluttering a bit, Cas smiles down at his beloved -- then leans down, gently kissing the demon's lips._

Dean gives a pleased hum as Cas’ lips slowly slide against his own. Unbeknownst to either, during their tender kiss, the grace of Cas’ wing glows a bit brighter, the sparkles moving faster.

When Cas stands up, Dean smiles at his angel with loving green eyes – but then a thought makes him furrow his brows and say, _“Wait_ … Crowley uses condoms… why would he do that?”

Exasperated, Cas throws his hands out and exclaims, _“‘That word,_ again! What **_are_**  ‘condoms?!’”

Dean looks shocked as he instantly says, “You **_can’t_**   be serious?” Cas gives him a seriously annoyed face, causing Dean to nearly shout in frustration, “You know…  **condoms!** Those little… balloon-like things you put on your dick, so you don’t get chicks pregnant!”

Cas’ brows lower and he replies, “‘Balloon-like?’” Tilting his head to the side, he says, “I’m aware men have used devices akin to a sheath for a sword…”

“Yes, _exactly;_   _a dick sheath!”_  Dean blurts out, huffing a tiny laugh when he realizes what he’s said.

“Oh, I’ve never heard them called that. I’ve heard them referred to as male contraceptives or prophylactics,” the angel explains.

Dean raises his eyebrows and jokes, “Wow, way to be old school, Cas.” The angel shrugs and Dean asks again, “But why would Crowley…”

Aggravated – and a bit jealous – Cas snips, “I don’t think we need to worry about Crowley’s sexual habits, Dean.”

Quirking his lips to the side, Dean replies, “I hope you’re right, Cas,” and stares at the angel, not quite convinced. Before Cas can respond, Dean confesses, “You know he offered to share his rule of Hell with me?”

Surprised, Cas quickly tilts his head and narrows his brows. “Really?” he asks quietly.

The demon huffs a little self-depreciating laugh and quirks his lips to the side. “Yeah, but, I think the offer was to be king to his queen, if you catch my drift,” he replies.

“Oh,” the angel says quietly. With high eyebrows and a leading tone of voice, Cas inquires, “So… you declined his offer?”

Dean smirks ashamedly and admits, “I… I did consider it; I’ll be honest with ya.” Cas clenches his jaw and looks away, eyes angry and intense. “But then he pulled that shit when we were with the triplets and… and he talked me into... killing someone he had a crossroads deal with.” When Cas looks back, there’s less anger and more curiosity in his eyes. “That… that guy I told you about,” Dean explains, looking down guiltily. When he looks back up, there’s some sympathy in the angel’s blue eyes. “No, Cas, don’t feel bad for me. It might not have been who Crowley told me to hit, but…” the demon sighs deeply, “I still… I still killed a guy. He wasn’t a monster or a witch. I mean, yeah, he made a demon deal and then Crowley was pissed cause he couldn’t claim his soul….” Seeing a small smile appear on the angel’s face, Dean stops talking. Narrowing his brows, he asks, _“What?”_

Cas huffs a little laugh and smiles wider, placing his hand on the side of the demon’s face. “Don’t you see, Dean?” he says, “You kept that man’s soul out of Hell by killing him. By breaking his deal, you set him free.”

Brows furrowing in confusion, Dean says, _“Yeah, but,_   I still fucking murdered him, Cas! That’s… that **_can’t_** be a good thing, right?”

“What would have happened to him if you hadn’t killed him?” the angel asks sincerely.

“Some other demon would’ve ganked his wife and… _yeah,_   then he’d,” Dean sighs, “then his soul would’ve spent eternity in Hell... like mine was supposed to.” Confused green eyes look up and search the angel’s for answers.

Rubbing his thumb along Dean's cheekbone, Cas croons, his light blue eyes full of adoration, “Still saving people, even as a Knight of Hell.” Dean’s eyebrows go up in surprise and he looks down, his eyes unfocusing in thought. Cas gently tilts the demon's chin up, kissing him, again.

When the angel pulls away, Dean’s lips are gently parted, his expression even more confused, as he asks, _“What was that for?”_

“Dean Winchester,” Castiel declares as he straightens up, “you are often far better than you give yourself credit for.”


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song & graphic](https://youtu.be/ddxlamwQ6SU) to set the mood for this chapter. "Dei Monitu" means "God's warning" in Latin.

_All the while, the younger Winchester’s trying to figure out exactly why he’s worried about leaving Dean with Cas. Is it just because of the PTSD and flashbacks?  he asks himself, or am I picking up on something going on with Cas  **now?** _

While finishing breakfast, Sam continues browsing the article on “Malakhim.”

_Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,_ the man thinks, draining the last of his coffee. _I understand angels aren’t supposed to get too familiar with us – Cas already got in trouble for that – but at least they married the humans they were hooking up with. It’s not like they were just having casual sex everywhere… like Dean._ Sam huffs a little laugh at the thought of stereotypically-looking angels (wings, halos, white robes, harps – the whole nine) trolling bars for one-night stands, like his brother has done nearly his whole life. Then he remembers some of the skeevier places they’ve taken Cas and how uncomfortable the angel looked while there. _Hell, we’re the ones corrupting Cas, not the other way around._ With a sigh, Sam takes his dishes back to the kitchen and pours himself another cup of coffee.

Migraine lessening, Sam leans against the counter, thinking clearer, as he takes a sip. _Ya know, I should be more worried about Cas than Dean._ He sighs deeply, as he admits to himself, _that BDSM website triggered me a lot more than I realized. Cas isn’t Lucifer… he’s nothing like Lucifer! The poor guy has had our backs so many times and saved our asses… **he’s fucking died for us** **– more than once!** _ Sam sighs again and scrubs his hand over his face, looking to the floor, then in the direction of the dungeon. _He betrayed his family… he betrayed **God!** …for us.  _ Sam just stares blankly, as the reality of that really sinks in. _He could’ve molotoved me and Lucifer, instead of Adam and Michael… but he didn’t. He should have, but he didn’t… because it was me. If anything, he cares too much about us. _ Closing his eyes, Sam takes another deep breath and hangs his head. _I need to make sure Cas will be ok; **he’s** the one I should be watching out for. _  Looking back in the direction of the dungeon, again, Sam wonders, _Should I even leave him here to go get the stuff? I’m… I’m not sure he’s strong enough to… fight off Dean, if he has to._  Quirking his lips to the side, Sam considers, _I could send him to pick up the order._  Grimacing, the man imagines how that might go, _No… he might – scratch that, he probably will – say something really fricken weird that’ll tip off the people at the store. If they get suspicious and call the cops…_ Sam closes his eyes and hangs his head, envisioning his brother ripping apart multiple police officers, who are trying to ‘save him’ from his captors. Sighing again, Sam shakes his head; going back to tentatively planning to be the one who’s going to be making the trip. Taking another sip of coffee as he looks back towards the dungeon, Sam thinks, _I’ll see how this goes, before deciding for sure._

Slowly making his way to the dungeon, Sam stops when he sees the file room door is closed. Not wanting to get an eyeful of Cas measuring his brother’s dick, Sam cradles his coffee cup in both hands and asks cautiously through the door, “Hey, uh, Cas? How are things goin in there?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for such a short chapter! I'll post more ASAP!


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning for discussion of rape/non-con(sensual)**

_Sighing again, Sam shakes his head; going back to tentatively planning to be the one who’s going to be making the trip. Taking another sip of coffee as he looks back towards the dungeon, Sam thinks, I’ll see how this goes, before deciding for sure._

_Slowly making his way to the dungeon, Sam stops when he sees the file room door is closed. Not wanting to get an eyeful of Cas measuring his brother’s dick, Sam cradles his coffee cup in both hands and asks cautiously through the door, “Hey, uh, Cas? How are things goin in there?”_

When Cas hears Sam, his eyebrows go up a little and he quickly makes his way to the door. Dean tries to gently loop his tail around Cas’ ankle; not wanting him to leave while he’s upset and confused. He’s not feeling ‘snarly,’ just sad and clingy. He moves too slow and the tip of his tail just skims over Cas’ ankle, as the angel walks towards the door. Feeling the touch, Cas looks back at Dean with sympathetic eyes and a little reassuring smile.

Cas stands close to the door and opens it just enough so his face shows – as if the door had a sliding chain latch, like many apartments do. Blue eyes glance up and Cas says in his familiar gravelly voice, “Hello, Sam.”

The younger Winchester gives a little smile and responds, “Hey, Cas. So, how’s the measuring going?”

Without moving, Cas’ eyes try to look back towards Dean. Looking a little uncomfortable, the angel replies, “Oh, well, we haven’t started, yet.”

Eyebrows furrowing a little, Sam asks, “Oh, you’re still washing him?”

Glancing down for a moment, Cas looks back up and admits, “Um, no, I… haven’t started bathing him, yet, either.”

Sam’s eyebrows rise and he holds his hands out to the side in a ‘what gives?’ gesture. “So, what are you doin in there?”

Cas grimaces, lowering his brows as he sighs in aggravation. Walking into the hallway, Dean’s fear and longing are so strong, they swirl through the angel’s core. Cas glances back, giving Dean another reassuring look and raising his index finger; indicating he won’t be gone long. The inner edges of the demon’s eyebrows curl up a bit, his green eyes nearly pleading, but he gives the angel a little nod, before hanging his head and staring blankly at the floor.

Closing the door behind him, Cas turns and huffs at Sam, “Talking.”

“Talking? About what?” the younger Winchester asks.

Cas’ eyes narrow for a moment, then he sighs and says with distain, _“Crowley.”_

“Crowley?” Sam blurts out before thinking. “Oh! _Oh… I’m sorry, Cas,”_ the younger brother’s voice becomes gentle with understanding. The angel nods back firmly, with sad conviction. Thrown for a bit of a loop, Sam isn’t sure what to say. He’s glad Dean’s talking to someone about it, but he’s a bit hurt it’s not him. But he knows it’s easier for him to talk to Cas about things like this. Quirking his lips to the side, Sam decides to ask what he’s been wanting to know ever since Dean revealed something non-consensual happened between him and the King of Hell. Placing a hand on Cas’ upper arm, Sam asks gently, “Cas… _what happened?”_

Grimacing and quickly glancing to the file room door, Cas slowly replies, “I’m… I’m not sure I should tell you, Sam.” When the younger brother’s eyes become a bit sadder, the angel stammers, weakly gesturing at the closed door, “He… he didn’t even want me to know.” Looking down briefly, Cas’ eyes are contrite as he looks back up and says ruefully, “I _forced_  him to show me.” Sam’s brows wrinkle a bit; unsure what to say. “That was… a violation, as well,” Cas sighs remorsefully. Sam gives a little nod and looks to the floor.

Cas looks down, as well, wondering whether he should betray his beloved even more. He wanted to say, “You’ll have to ask him that, Sam,” but he knows the odds of Dean telling his brother about his time with Crowley are slim. He may _eventually,_   but… do they even have an “eventually?” Sam’s empathetic words and caring concern, after Dean attacked him, helped Cas feel much better. Perhaps the younger brother could say or do something that would offer similar comfort to Dean? The angel wants and intends to comfort his beloved as much as he can, but he’s still working through his own issues… and the fact Dean’s played a key role in most of those issues… makes things even more difficult for the angel. Perhaps Sam could handle this part better?

Looking back up, Cas nearly whispers, “Crowley… fondled Dean, while they were having group sex.” Sam’s eyebrows go up a bit, but he says nothing; his eyes willing Cas to continue. “Dean didn’t know what was happening at first,” the angel says. One of the man’s eyebrows lowers a little in confusion and Cas grimaces as he explains, “He, um, he was caressing Dean’s tail with his own.” Now both Sam’s eyebrows narrow in confusion, causing Cas to explain, “Tails are erogenous zones for demons.”

Sam stands up straight with that revelation, putting a finger to his lips, as he wonders if Ruby ever used her tail on him during sex. He remembers some odd sensations around his… coughing awkwardly as he halts the memory, Sam asks a bit nervously, “Um, can they… uh, use them on humans?”

Eyes quickly darting away, Cas says, “Yes, if they have enough control over them.” Sam tilts his head to the side, giving Cas a questioning look. “They appear to be linked to the demon’s emotions and subconscious. It takes practice and concentration to consciously control them and to interact with matter.” When Sam looks even more confused, Cas spits in frustration, “They’re extensions of the demon’s soul, Sam – they’re energy; not matter.”

“Oh! Like ghosts or astral forms affecting matter,” Sam exclaims, remembering when he and Dean learned how to interact with the physical world (during their shared out-of-body experience), [from that ghost kid, Cole.](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=Cole_Griffith)

“Yes,” the angel replies tersely, feeling nervous as he thinks back to when he let Dean’s tail enter his body. He doesn’t want Sam to find out about that. Apprehensively, he keeps an eye on Sam’s reactions as he says, “Dean had no control over his tail, when Crowley did that to him. He said he was in denial about being a demon and I think he was… trying to pretend to himself that he didn’t even have one.”

“That sounds like Dean,” the younger brother huffs in mild amusement.

“Yes, he wouldn’t even move it on its own, but grab it with his hand,” the angel reveals, causing Sam to smile a little.

The man’s face swiftly changes to concern and he asks quickly and quietly, “Wait, you said they were erogenous zones?” Cas nods. “So,” Sam sighs and has trouble saying, “what Crowley did… is that like… like he rubbed their… hard-ons together?”

When Cas replies, “It’s even more intimate than that, since it was soul-on-soul contact,” Sam’s breathing increases even more as he gets pissed.

“That fucking bastard!” Sam nearly shouts, causing Cas to shush him; gesturing with both his hands. The angel nervously glances back at the file room door. Quieter, but with anger still evident in his voice, Sam asks tersely, “So, Crowley soul-raped him?”

Cas’ eyelids tilt in that sad way of his and some of the light goes out of his eyes. He looks down sadly and folds his hands, as he quietly answers, “I guess you could say that.”

Glancing back up, Cas sees Sam clenching his jaw, which forces it forward a little, making him look more formidable than usual. His nostrils are flared and his eyes incensed. Slowly shaking his head side-to-side the tiniest bit, Sam swears in a determined voice, “I’m gonna make that fucker pay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, y'all. I keep trying to get to the sexy & comforting bits as quick as I can, but this story keeps wrestling with me. I have it plotted out & keep trying to lead it along those lines, but it keeps forcing me to swerve off-course. I'll get to it as soon as I possibly can (I'm really Jonesing for it, too!). Hopefully it'll be soon (as in a couple of chapters - but I've kept saying that, argh!)


	79. Chapter 79

_“That fucking bastard!” Sam nearly shouts, causing Cas to shush him; gesturing with both his hands. The angel nervously glances back at the file room door. Quieter, but with anger still evident in his voice, Sam asks tersely, “So, Crowley soul-raped him?”_

_Cas’ eyelids tilt in that sad way of his and some of the light goes out of his eyes. He looks down sadly and folds his hands, as he quietly answers, “I guess you could say that.”_

_Glancing back up, Cas sees Sam clenching his jaw, which forces it forward a little, making him look more formidable than usual. His nostrils are flared and his eyes incensed. Slowly shaking his head side-to-side the tiniest bit, Sam swears in a determined voice, “I’m gonna make that fucker pay.”_

Cas eyes become determined as he nods at Sam. “As will I,” he says. “But… as much as it pains me to admit – Crowley knows too much and, therefore, is too useful to destroy.”

Sam gives the angel a rueful look; pursing his lips and nodding almost imperceptibly. He knows Cas is right, but he hates it; he **_hates_**  Crowley with a passion. Sighing, Sam’s shoulders go down a little. “Yeah… for now,” he says, causing the corner of the angel’s mouth to tick up into a little half-smile. Realizing Crowley may call him, any minute, to set up their meeting to perform the tracking spell, Sam gets back to business. “Ok, I… have a lot to do,” the younger Winchester sighs, his mind and emotions swirling even faster, with the renewed sense of urgency. Sam turns sympathetic eyes to the angel and says, “Cas, I know now’s not the best time for this, but we really do need those measurements.” The angel nods and looks down sadly. “I think it’d be better if you do it. Given how Dean feels about you… maybe…” the man trails off, trying to find the right words.

“Maybe what, Sam?” Cas asks.

“Maybe it won’t feel as invasive or… I’m hoping it won’t bother Dean as much if it’s you,” Sam fumbles. Cas’ brows narrow a bit with confusion, but his eyes reveal he might be getting the gist of what Sam’s trying to say. “I mean,” the younger brother continues, “you might even be able to… make it kinda comforting to him or something? You know what I mean?”

Light blue eyes serene, Cas nods and says, “Loving. Healing.”

“Yeah,” Sam replies. “But, uh, not too _‘loving,’_  though,” he adds with a tiny grin, confusing the angel. “Remember, he has to be,” Sam coughs awkwardly, “um, _soft…_ when you measure him.”

“Of course,” Cas smiles with understanding.

“Ok, good,” Sam concludes, glancing at his watch. “I gotta get back to work. Good luck, Cas,” the man says, giving a fond pat to the angel’s arm, before walking off down the hallway.

 _Loving, healing, comforting,_ Cas thinks, smiling wider, _I can do that._

~*~*~*~

_Rubbing his thumb along Dean's cheekbone, Cas croons, his light blue eyes full of adoration, “Still saving people, even as a Knight of Hell.” Dean’s eyebrows go up in surprise and he looks down, his eyes unfocusing in thought. Cas gently tilts the demon's chin up, kissing him, again._

_When the angel pulls away, Dean’s lips are gently parted, his expression even more confused, as he asks, “What was that for?”_

_“Dean Winchester,” Castiel declares as he straightens up, “you are often far better than you give yourself credit for.”_

After Cas left, his words echoed in Dean’s mind, making him even more confused and upset. ‘ _Still saving people’… ‘far better than you give yourself credit for’… ‘By breaking his deal, you set him free’_  Dean thinks. _But I was all set to murder that woman… and I killed[Lester](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=Lester_Morris) just for being a douchebag in general and pissing me off… and cause… I was gonna kill someone, no matter what, because of this fucking mark.  _ Dean glances down angrily at the raised red scar on his arm. _I… I didn’t intend to save him or even fuck Crowley over – it just turned out that way._  Dean closes his eyes and sighs, as he hangs his head. Unconsciously looping his tail around his ankle, he slowly slides it back and forth soothingly, as he thinks dejectedly: _Cas’ love for me… is blinding him to what I really am, now. I’m not… I’m not ‘good,’ anymore… if I ever was._  Feeling tears prick his closed eyes, the demon’s determined not to let them fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack! I'm sorry for such a short little chapter. I just wanted to get something out to you, after the few days without an update.


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **MUCH** more fluff, in the next chapter! I'm so sorry this other stuff keeps delaying it, ARGH!!!! The characters are hijacking the story, lol.

_Dean closes his eyes and sighs, as he hangs his head. Unconsciously looping his tail around his ankle, he slowly slides it back and forth soothingly, as he thinks dejectedly: Cas’ love for me… is blinding him to what I really am, now. I’m not… I’m not ‘good,’ anymore… if I ever was.  Feeling tears prick his closed eyes, the demon’s determined not to let them fall._

_~*~*~*~_

_Loving, healing, comforting, Cas thinks, smiling wider, I can do that._

Closing the file room door behind him, Cas walks into the dungeon to see Dean’s agitated, but doing his best to keep himself together. Noticing he’s looped his tail around his ankle – which Cas has learned is a self-soothing measure – the angel’s heart sinks a little more. He was already upset, admitting to himself and Sam that his forceful reading of Dean’s mind was yet another violation Dean’s gone through – this time, at the hands of someone he loves and trusts. Cas knows all too well what that feels like. Recounting Crowley’s exploitation and seeing Sam’s reaction to it, has left Cas’ heart aching for his beloved. The angel would do anything he can to make the one he loves feel better. When Dean looks up, his green eyes watery, Cas’ eyelids slant in their sad way and his lips part to speak – but the demon beats him to it.

“Are you saying ‘the ends justify the means,’ Cas?” Dean asks in a controlled, though slightly shaky, voice – revealing his desperation for meaning and understanding.

Slowly walking closer til he’s by Dean’s side, Cas sighs and says, “Not exactly.”

His words seem to relieve Dean a bit; his tail loosens around his ankle and the tight muscles in his shoulders start to relax. “Then what?” he asks quietly.

Kneeling next to Dean’s chair, Cas puts his palm of his hand on the demon’s upper back, lightly rubbing his skin, as he explains, “Was the action of killing Lester a good deed? No, of course not.” Dean looks much more relieved, the tension fleeing his body at Cas’ words and touch. “But it was definitely better than murdering his wife, because that would have damned his soul to Hell.” Dean nods, but still looks a little confused. Cas stands and walks round the back of the chair, placing his other hand on Dean’s shoulder blade and repeating the gentle massage. The angel turns his head and asks, “Why did you spare his wife? Why did you kill him and not her?”

Looking away from the angel’s gorgeous light blue eyes, Dean narrows his brow and stares at the floor; considering. “He pulled up in his car, right in front of the house, just as I was going in to gank her.”

“So?”

“So?! It was a dumbass move! Dude was gonna get himself caught and blamed for her murder! If he’s willing to sell his soul, then he should at least get to enjoy the rest of his life – before goin to Hell for all eternity, right?” Dean spits like it’s obvious, staring at Cas with somewhat angry, though questioning eyes.

Standing up to stroll a few steps away, Cas turns back and asks, “So, you felt sorry for him?”

Dean huffs a little laugh and looks away for a second. “Ya know, Crowley asked me if I felt sorry for her.”

“Did you?”

 _“Ehnn,”_  the demon makes a non-committal noise, “I don’t know. Maybe a little, I guess.”

“Did you feel sorry for Lester?” the angel repeats his earlier question.

Quirking his lips to the side, Dean replies, “I **_did_** – at first. But the guy was a douche, Cas. He cheated on his wife before she ever cheated on him, when he just should’ve been grateful to have her.” A little smile plays on the angel’s lips, which widens when Dean adds, in a faux-confidential tone, “ _She was way out of his league.”_

“So, you did feel sorry for her, then?”

Dean’s brows narrow for a second and he admits, “Yeah, I guess so.” His eyebrows go up a little, as he realizes it himself. “He was being a hypocritical bastard,” the demon continues, “and then, _then_ he tried to defend himself with that ‘I can’t help it cause I’m a man’ bullshit. _Typical.”_ When Dean sees Cas’ amused grin, he adds, “Hey man, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander… or… something, _I don’t know.”_ Cas huffs a little laugh and Dean concludes, “But, whatever. Ok, so he was a dick. But he didn’t _actually_ deserve to die. Just lose his wife and his stuff and get his ass kicked or something.”

“So why did you kill him?” Cas asks sincerely.

Dean’s face falls and his green eyes become sadly serious, as he admits, “He… he started ordering me around and… and I just lost it.”

“So it was in the heat of the moment?” the angel asks.

“Not really, Cas. See, that’s the thing that’s really bothering me. I _was_  pissed, but I did it calmly. Coldly. Like it wasn’t a big deal. Like it didn’t matter at all and he didn’t mean… anything.” Dean’s expression gets a bit worried, “His life didn’t mean jack to me then, cause he was just a human.” The demon’s brows narrow in sadness and confusion and he looks at the floor for a second. Looking back, he admits, “I mean, I care **_now._**   But at the time, I didn’t give a shit. Well… **_no_** … that’s not true. I liked it; _I enjoyed it._  It was satisfying to turn the tables and give him what he had comin to him.”

“So, you were angry, because you felt like he was a bad person?”

 _“Kinda?_ I guess?” Dean considers, then grimaces, “But… it was mostly cause I hadn’t killed in a while. That’s why Crowley suggested I kill for him, in the first place.” Cas nods in understanding, knowing how that part of the Mark of Cain and First Blade work. “I mean, I was trying hard **_not_**  to kill anyone, but that just made me _way_  more violent…” Dean trails off, a look of realization on his face.

“What?” Cas asks.

Blinking quickly, Dean blurts excitedly, “That’s probably why I’ve been… gettin violent with you, Cas! I mean, I knew it was from the Mark, _obviously,_   but I didn’t realize just how long it’s been since I’ve killed someone! I haven’t ganked anybody since Lester,” Dean says, eyes hopeful.

“So…?” Cas asks slowly, growing uncomfortable with the mention of Dean’s attacks and the direction the demon’s train of thought seems to be headed.

“So, bring me some bad guys; people who _actually_  deserve to die, and I’ll take ‘em out for ya!” he explains. Cas’ lips part in momentary shock, but before he can figure out what to say, Dean continues, “Or Sam could hack into the FBI’s database and I can hunt down America’s most wanted, like a bounty hunter. _Or like[Ghost Rider](https://youtu.be/6AvSKuNpfr0), Cas!”_  he smiles wildly at the angel, twinkling eyes and toothy grin showing his glee. Cas tilts his head to the side as he searches the knowledge of pop culture Metatron gave him. “Sam thinks that movie’s stupid – but screw him; he’s stupid!” The angel gives a little grin, as he locates the information and acquaints himself with the character and his story. “ _It’s awesome!”_ Dean says emphatically, “It’s got Nic Cage in it; come on!”

Dean’s child-like enthusiasm and more familiar demeanor is a bit relieving. Cas grins wider, as he says, “Ghost Rider, yes.” He steps closer and puts a hand to the side of the demon’s face, running the tips of his fingers through his hair. “I’m glad you haven’t lost your beautiful eyes to your transformation.”

Dean flicks eyes black and tilts his head. Raising his eyebrows, he replies with a smirk, _“Uh, Cas?”_

The angel's resolve is crumbling and he slowly runs his fingers along Dean’s cheekbone, confessing in almost a whisper, _“I find your demonic eyes beautiful, as well, Dean.”_  The demon’s lips softly part and his body goes lax, as he breathes deeper. Cas trails his long fingers gently down Dean’s face, continuing quietly, “As well as your lips, my love…” brushing his thumb across Dean’s plump lower lip. Cas can tell Dean’s just as spellbound as he, slowly blinking his obsidian eyes, as he leans towards the angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ["If you want to save your soul from hell; from riding on our range. Then cowboy change your ways today or with us you will ride. Trying to catch the devil's herd, across these endless skies."](https://youtu.be/WPDWJalJcZU)
> 
> In the movies, the spirit possessing Ghost Rider [is actually an angel.](http://marvel-movies.wikia.com/wiki/Zarathos) :O


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone’s interested, here’s a vid of the [history of all the Ghost Riders from the comics.](https://youtu.be/VcdSnd8NnkM)
> 
> And here’s footage of the version of [Ghost Rider that drives a sweet, black, vintage car, on Agents of Shield.](https://youtu.be/SeotYtIYSlo) I don’t watch that show, but the visuals help to imagine how Baby might look as Dean’s demonic ride. ;)

_The angel's resolve is crumbling and he slowly runs his fingers along Dean’s cheekbone, confessing in almost a whisper, “I find your demonic eyes beautiful, as well, Dean.” The demon’s lips softly part and his body goes lax, as he breathes deeper. Cas trails his long fingers gently down Dean’s face, continuing quietly, “As well as your lips, my love…” brushing his thumb across Dean’s plump lower lip. Cas can tell Dean’s just as spellbound as he, slowly blinking his obsidian eyes, as he leans towards the angel._

Staring into Cas’ forgiving light blue eyes, Dean slowly licks his lips; getting ready to speak, but also trying to stop his bottom one from trembling a bit. The inner corner of his left eyebrow curls up a bit. He blinks and a single tear runs down his cheek, from one of his black eyes. In almost a whisper, he breathes, _“I… I don’t have to hide… with you… do I, Cas?”_

A wide serene smile spreads across Cas’ face, his eyes loving, as he gives a tiny shake of his head. Dean exhales as the relief washes over him, his shoulders lowering as his muscles relax. Before he closes his eyes and gives a little nod, the angel can see the gratitude in his demonic eyes. More tears streak down Dean’s face from his closed lids and he shakes his head back and forth a little, too choked up to speak.

Cas leans closer and gently places his hands on either side of Dean’s head; his thumbs in front of Dean’s ears and fingers cupping the back of his skull. When Dean tilts his head up to look at Cas, his eyes are green, again. Cas’ lower lip moves up a little, as he smiles fondly at his beloved. _“How?”_   Dean rasps, then coughs; finding it hard to speak. _“How can you still love me… like, like this, Cas?”_  

The angel huffs a tiny laugh and replies in his deep gravelly voice, “I’ll always love you, Dean.”

That breaks the demon and his head falls towards his chest. He shakes it side-to-side, tears streaking down his face in silence. Cas tilts Dean’s head back up to look at him. Lines crease the angel’s brow in horizontal rows, but his expression is friendly – and perhaps even a touch amused. “Now, now,” Cas tuts in that ‘motherly’ tone of his, “none of that.” When Dean’s brows lower and wrinkle a little in adorable confusion, Cas huffs a little laugh, a fond grin gracing his face, as he wipes away Dean’s tears with his thumbs. The gratefulness shining from Dean’s green eyes is even more beautiful than before.

~*~*~*~

After getting himself another cup of coffee, Sam goes back to his table in the library, sitting with a sigh. _That’s _  what was underneath his worry over leaving Dean alone with Cas, rather than the other way around, he thinks. He’d momentarily pushed his feelings down about what Crowley did to his brother, since he didn’t know the specifics. And those feelings and uncertainty merged with his feelings from his PTSD being triggered and… just mixed everything up. _Crowley,_ Sam thinks, _what the Hell am I going to do about him?_ It was such a lapse of judgement giving the First Blade to him. Now they’re even _more_  at the demon’s mercy. _How could I have been so stupid?!_ Sam berates himself. Grimacing, he thinks, _I understand Dean not wanting me to go anywhere with Crowley alone, but someone has to stay here with him, too._   Sighing, Sam subconsciously runs his fingers through his hair, as he wonders again, _What the Hell am I going to do?_  He takes his cell out of his pocket and scrolls to Jody’s name, then thinks better of it; gently tossing his phone on the table, where it slides a few inches away. The younger Winchester puts his head down on the table and takes a few deep breaths, trying to not get overwhelmed by the added responsibility Dean and Cas both being compromised has foisted upon him. It’s not that he’s never been in charge or made plans before, but everything is just _a bit too much,_  right at the moment.

~*~*~*~

Cas leans forward and kisses Dean gently and chastely, the feeling of his bottom lip nestled softly between Dean’s comforting to him. Wait, _he’s_  the one who’s supposed to be doing the comforting, he thinks. Withdrawing with a smile, the angel pulls his chair over, then goes to get the bowl of water. As he’s bending down to pick it up off the floor, Dean pleads, “Oh, no… please, Cas… don’t.”

The angel quickly stands, turning with the bowl in both his hands, and gives Dean a confused look; one dark eyebrow arched more than the other. “Why not?” he asks.

“It’s just too much, Cas. I don’t deserve it,” Dean explains.

The angel grimaces at that, not believing it to be true, but he can feel just how much distress just the _thought_  of Cas washing him again is causing Dean. Sighing as he walks over and places the bowl on his chair, Cas turns back and asks, “Do you want to do it yourself?”

Dean’s eyebrows shoot up and he fumbles in surprise, “Uh, y-yeah.”

“Ok,” Cas replies, in a humorously low and matter-of-fact tone. As he turns his back on Dean, walking over to retrieve the little hand towel, all four of the cuffs fall open.

The demon’s eyebrows lower and twist in confusion, his green eyes moving back and forth once, wondering if this is some sort of a trap or something. He eyes the back of Cas’ trench-coated form with a lowered suspicious brow, as he rubs his left wrist. _Why is Cas trusting me this much?_  he wonders, as the angel makes his way back to him, handing him the little towel unceremoniously. “Uh, thanks,” Dean replies, still a little perplexed. He places the towel on his thigh absent-mindedly, as he realizes – with the Devil’s trap broken and the cuffs off – now he can just zap right on out of the dungeon. Dean’s eyebrows slowly rise, as he slowly turns his head and looks at the angel beside him in awe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the way Cas was looking at Dean, when he tutted, “Now, now, none of that.” :D


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a song & article to set the mood for the start of this chapter: [Datura](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Datura_stramonium) – “[Yerba del Diablo](https://youtu.be/ADCmzcPNI04)” remix. The various plant names (Devil’s snare, hell's bells, devil’s trumpet, devil’s weed, locoweed, devil’s cucumber), along with its occult and spiritual uses, and the effects of the drug(s), have some tangential associations that add flavor to the text, no? Mainly, though, [the names of areas repeated](https://genius.com/Datura-yerba-del-diablo-lyrics) in the song, along with “Diablo” in the title, make me think of all the bad places Crowley could zap Sam to, when they do the tracking spell. Remember when Crowley said he had [a warehouse full of Kraken essence in Belize](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=9.11_First_Born_\(transcript\))?
> 
> **Disclaimer: THIS cannot be stressed enough: “However, the tropane alkaloids responsible for both the medicinal and hallucinogenic properties are fatally toxic in only slightly higher amounts than the medicinal dosage, and careless use often results in hospitalizations and deaths.” Do NOT fuck around with shit that can kill ya, y’all. **

_ That’s _ _what was underneath his worry over leaving Dean alone with Cas, rather than the other way around, he thinks. He’d momentarily pushed his feelings down about what Crowley did to his brother, since he didn’t know the specifics. And those feelings and uncertainty merged with his feelings from his PTSD being triggered and… just mixed everything up. Crowley, Sam thinks, what the Hell am I going to do about him?_

What Sam hasn’t realized, just yet, is he’s also picking up on Cas’ lying to him about his grace situation; how the angel will not become human again, once his stolen grace runs out – but _die,_  instead. Cas not telling him he still had some of Lucifer’s grace within himself, when he extracted Gadreel’s – along with Dean communicating with Cas in secret, by praying, are also fomenting the feelings of worry and distrust in Sam’s gut. Thoughts and observations in Sam’s subconscious are trying to bubble their way up into his consciousness, but haven’t quite made it there, yet. As they percolate, Sam’s at a loss for what to do, so he half-heartedly scrolls further down the “Malakhim” page on his laptop, stopping to read this:

When Sam reads, “They are analogized to atoms, wavelengths or channels that help God in his creation,” he remembers when Cas said he’d spent the past year as a “multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent.”[ *****](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=Castiel#Characteristics) The rest of the section, however, further emphasizes to the younger brother that Cas is still an angel and quite different from them. But then, Sam remembers, Dean’s a demon now; not human either. He’d **_just_** warned Cas to _always_  keep that in mind, and yet here he’s slipped into thinking of Dean as his brother, again. _But he just seems so much like himself, lately,_ Sam thinks defensively.

Shaking his head back and forth a little, Sam starts coming out of his funk. He grabs his phone and shoots Jody a friendly ‘just-checking-in’ sort of text, not telling her what he’s dealing with, but just asking how she is and what she’s up to. He’s still not sure if he wants to bring her in on this, but he’s considering it much more, now. _She’s a sheriff, for goodness sake; it’s not like she’s some wallflower not used to danger. It’d be sexist for me to not ask for her help, just because she’s a woman, right? Because I want to protect her? Keep her safe?_  Sam sighs, _Ok, it’s not just cause she’s a woman, it’s cause she’s a… friend… and these aren’t human criminals she’d be dealing with, but demons. And the demons are Dean and Crowley. If Dean kills her or…_ getting choked up, Sam can’t finish that train of thought. _I don’t want to subject her to seeing Crowley, again, either. He almost killed her, once!_  Sam breathes harder, a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. _Ok, maybe not bring her in on this, but just having another human to talk to and bounce ideas off of will probably help. Yeah, she can just advise me. That’s how I’ll keep her safe._

Pleased with his decision, Sam’s thoughts turn back to protecting Cas from ~~his br~~ from the demon in the dungeon. The younger Winchester looks at his computer screen and scrolls a little more. When he comes upon a “Jewish Angelic Hierarchy” section and sees the Seraphim listed 5th out of 10 and Malakhim 6th of 10, his brows narrow. “What the Hell,” Sam wonders aloud. “This article seemed to be getting everything right… I thought seraphs were really high up on the food chain.” Scrolling further, Sam sees there are multiple angelic hierarchies in the article, with Malakhim and Seraphim appearing at seemingly random places in the different lists. Frustrated, Sam quickly scrolls to the end of the article and sees a link in the ‘See also’ section that says, “Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn § Order of angels.” Clicking on that takes him to this:

_“Hayot Ha Kodesh”? Never heard of that,_ Sam thinks as he reads. _Damn, ok, Metatron is at the top of this list, **that fucker.** But he’s not an archangel. _The anger at seeing the name of the **_total dick angel_**   who murdered his brother, causes Sam to grit his teeth and breathe harder. Seeing the name “Raziel,” however, causes his eyebrows to go up in surprise. “Huh! That’s the first angel Cas thought of, when I asked if any of his friends might help us,” he says out loud. Clicking on Raziel’s name, Sam reads:

“Fucking Kabbalah,” Sam grouses, throwing his hand toward the monitor in frustration, _“yet again.”_  The younger Winchester knows _a bit_   about Kabbalah, but it is _so_ complex and convoluted, with so many different intricate theoretical and philosophical systems… that Sam feels exhausted just thinking about it. “Bobby would know about that,” he says off-handedly. Sighing, Sam says wistfully, _“Man… I wish Bobby were here.”_  After taking a moment to miss his knowledgeable and beloved father figure, Sam’s eyes go back to the screen. “Ok, whatever,” he says dismissively, not wanting to let his emotions delay his work, again. The younger brother goes back to reading, “‘Keeper of Secrets’ and the ‘Angel of Mysteries,’ oh yeah, Cas said he’s a hard angel to find.” Sighing again, Sam reprimands himself, “Why am I even looking at this?! It’s not like I’m gonna take a chance on another angel helping us, again! Cause that always goes **_so_** _ well!”_  Grimacing, Sam clicks back to the Golden Dawn Angelic Hierarchy tab, talking to himself as he reads.  


“Tzaphkiel and Tzadkiel, one of those was another angel Cas mentioned. Anyway… ‘Glowing ones, Amber ones’… don’t all the angels glow?” Sam narrows his brows as he considers, then sees that the Seraphim are fifth on this list, as well, with the Malakhim in sixth place. “Are seraphs really that far down the list?” Sam wonders out loud, then anxiously casts a glance in the direction of the dungeon, not wanting Cas to hear – he’s always pretty damn touchy about his angelic rank. _But that would explain why Cas gets his ass handed to him a lot and why we’ve had to save his ass so many times… _Sam thinks, raising his brows. Eyes going back to the screen, Sam sees Raphael is listed as the leader of the ‘Malakim.’ _Damn,_ Sam thinks, _so Cas killed the leader of his original class of angels? Wow. Wait – is that how he got promoted?! No, no, that’s when he went crazy with the power of all the souls of Purgatory. He must’ve gotten promoted after Raphael or Lucifer killed him. Probably after Lucifer… oh man._ Sam shudders a bit, remembering how Lucifer exploded Cas with a snap of his own fingers. Looking down at his hand; at the very fingers that ended Cas’ existence once, Sam has trouble swallowing. _“Man,”_   he says, absent-mindedly rubbing his hand; trying to not let [the memories](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=Castiel#5.22_Swan_Song) overwhelm him. Lucifer made him kill Bobby, too. Sam has to gulp around the lump in his throat, at that thought.

“Okay!” the man says a bit too loudly, awkwardly putting _that hand_   back on his laptop, “What else?” Seeing that Michael is listed as the leader of the eighth class of angels in this hierarchy and Gabriel as the leader of the _fricken Cherubs , _Sam can’t help the little laugh of disbelief that escapes his lips as he says, “Ok, this list is obviously bullshit!” He also seems to remember Cas saying Cherubs were “angels of the third class” or something like that – when that naked one hugged them all – and they’re listed as second-to-last, here. Closing that tab out, Sam does a new search for “seraph,” getting this definition, above his list of search results:  


“Yeah!” Sam says excitedly, “I thought they were at the top of the list… well, besides the archangels.” Relieved that Cas might still have a good bit of power left – and be able to hold his own against ~~Dean~~ the demon, at least until Sam gets back – he says to himself, “Ok, I gotta check out the Christian angelic hierarchies.” Clicking on the first result he sees with the word “Christian” in it, Sam starts reading. When he gets to the words, “an etymology for the _Seraphim_ as ‘those who kindle or make hot,’” Sam smirks. Chuckling to himself, he quips, “Well, Cas _does_  make Dean all hot and bothered,” and chuckles some more at his own joke.

  
When he gets to the part, “their elevative and energetic assimilation of those below,” Sam regains his composure; growing serious as he realizes the truth of those words; Cas did raise them both up… from Hell… and to a higher mission. Feeling somewhat ashamed and chastened, Sam sighs and continues reading – his faith in Castiel growing stronger with each word. The next section is Thomas Aquinas’ take on what he just read:

Aside from his little half-smirk at the words, “most penetrating action,” Aquinas’ words are comforting; making Sam feel better about leaving Cas alone with D… the demon, while he goes to pick up the stuff. “Yeah,” Sam gives himself a pep talk, “‘inextinguishable light’… how many times has Cas been killed and come back?” Laughing with relief, Sam continues, “I mean, God brought him back after Lucifer smote the crap outta him! Cas is gonna be fine. I don’t need to worry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Window in the Skies](https://youtu.be/wo-NskE3M2A) – “Soul in its strip-tease! Hate brought to its knees. The sky over our head, we can reach it from our bed... if you let me in your heart and out of my head. Oh can’t you see what love has done?! Oh can’t you see what love has done!? What it’s doing to me?”


	83. Chapter 83

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I only stopped there so I can get something up tonight for sure. I might be able to get another chapter up before dawn, heh, but I wanted to make sure y'all had something to read, in case I can't. I love you all! Thank you for continuing to read & for all the love & kudos & comments & encouragement! <3 <3 <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘Dean’s video,’ for this chapter, is Metallica’s “[Until It Sleeps](https://youtu.be/Yw-k25HFGhk).” (I can’t believe I went this far without using any Metallica!) “I don’t want it, want it, want it, want it, want it no more! So tear me open, but beware; there’s things inside without a care. And the dirt still stains me, so wash me, ‘til I’m clean! I’ll tear me open; make you gone. No longer will you hurt anyone! And the hate still shapes me, so hold me, until it sleeps.” (FYI, some of the imagery in this video is relevant, too.)

_“Ok,” Cas replies, in a humorously low and matter-of-fact tone. As he turns his back on Dean, walking over to retrieve the little hand towel, all four of the cuffs fall open._

_The demon’s eyebrows lower and twist in confusion, his green eyes moving back and forth once, wondering if this is some sort of a trap or something. He eyes the back of Cas’ trench-coated form with a lowered suspicious brow, as he rubs his left wrist. Why is Cas trusting me this much? he wonders, as the angel makes his way back to him, handing him the little towel unceremoniously. “Uh, thanks,” Dean replies, still a little perplexed. He places the towel on his thigh absent-mindedly, as he realizes – with the Devil’s trap broken and the cuffs off – now he can just zap right on out of the dungeon. Dean’s eyebrows slowly rise, as he slowly turns his head and looks at the angel beside him in awe._

Blinking a few times in disbelief, Dean mindlessly tries to wipe his junk off with the blue button-down shirt, while still staring at the one he loves. Finding most of the jizz has dried and is difficult to impossible to just _wipe_  off, he aimlessly tosses the shirt on the floor, grabbing the hand towel, as he slowly rises to his feet. _“Cas?”_   he asks uncertainly. The angel turns around and raises his brows, waiting for Dean to say more. The demon’s brows narrow and he quickly glances around the dungeon, then, with still lowered brows, he asks in a confused voice, “Why… _why did you_ … Why are you trusting me _this_   much?!” He tilts his head, waiting for a reply.

Cas huffs a little laugh, as his face breaks into a smile. He walks towards Dean, which causes the demon to back up a few steps, apprehensively. For a split second, a hurt look flashes across Cas’ face, but he schools his expression into resignation, his eyes a touch sad. “I have faith in you, Dean,” he says simply, folding his hands in front of himself.

Dean looks a bit shocked and quickly backs up a few more steps, glancing around, as he stammers loudly, “Yeah, well, you,  ** _you shouldn’t!”_**  Holding the little towel in both his hands, he leans down a bit; leveling a look into Cas’ eyes; to see if he understands.

To Dean’s horror, Cas advances on him again (with a fond lopsided smile), and he can’t back up any more without letting Cas know the Devil’s trap is broken. Once he was uncuffed, Dean realized he didn’t want to be anywhere else – at that moment – except with Cas. Besides, with the warding on the Bunker’s exits (even the ventilation system), he can’t zap **out** of the Bunker – just anywhere _inside_   of it. Dean’s doing his best to ‘be good,’ but he wants to keep the broken Devil’s trap info to himself. It’s a throwback to his lifelong training – always have an exit strategy, knowledge is power, etc. Just like when his brother and Cas were re-positioning him in his seat – he saw an opportunity for _possible_   escape, but it’s just a part of who he is; a skill drilled into him by his father and the life he’s lead. Doesn’t mean he’s going to _use_   the opportunities, but he always sees them. And if these two think they’re going to try to capture Cain on their own, well, they’ve got another thing coming. Dean needs to keep the broken Devil’s trap knowledge to himself, if he’s going to go and save their asses, when they try to hunt Cain. _Like Hell they’re going without him._

“Cas, _please!”_   Dean pleads, as his heels stop at the edge of the trap. Dropping the towel, he puts both his hands up to sort of ward the angel away, but Cas slowly takes them in his own; caressing them. The gentle touch starts calming the demon… and turning him on, though he’s been _trying (rather unsuccessfully)_   to not let that happen.

The angel can feel the drop in Dean’s tension and near panic at his touch, so he’s encouraged. Lightly tracing a finger down his beloved’s cheek, Cas says quietly, _“I will help you regain control of yourself, Dean.”_

 _“Aw, Cas,”_   Dean says softly, as he starts to melt into his angel’s touch.

Cas slides his fingers through the side of Dean’s hair soothingly, as he croons, “Even as a Knight, you’ve been taking some of the ‘less evil’ options available to you.” Dean wants to ask what Cas means, but being loved on so softly and gently is making it hard to think, so he just moves his eyebrows in question, as his thumb traces lazy circles on Cas’ hand. “Many demons would’ve been delighted Lester came home. Not that they would kill him, because of the repercussions of breaking a contract, but they would _want_ to. They'd use the opportunity to cause even more pain.” Recognition shows in Dean’s green eyes and Cas continues, “Nearly all demons want to cause as much pain, suffering, and abuse as possible, Dean. _You know this.”_

Coming out of his reverie a bit, Dean nods a little, while saying, “Yeah, right – like make him watch. Torture her before killing her. Make him suffer for his deal….”

“Exactly,” Cas replies, gently stroking the side of Dean’s face, feeling a little stubble under his fingers as he does so.

Dean slowly turns his head a bit more to look at Cas, again. He looks so innocent, that boyish face with raised questioning brows, as he asks quietly, with an uncertain voice, _“So… so maybe… I’m not quite so bad?” _

“Not quite so bad,” Cas agrees with a small smile, gently cupping Dean’s cheek.

Relief and hope (along with lingering fear and sadness) shows in Dean’s watery green eyes. _“Oh, Cas,”_   he sighs, taking the angel in his arms. He nuzzles his nose against Cas’ stubbly cheek, arms circling tighter around the trench coat. The angel can feel intense longing emanating from Dean’s soul… it’s overflowing and engulfing them. Dean slides his fingers thru the back of Cas’ hair, moving them lovingly and rhythmically; in almost a massage, as he breathes desperately into the angel’s ear, “Make me good, again, Cas. _ Like you. Make me good, again… **please.”**_

A part of Cas’ heart feels like it breaks at that; like something glass forcefully cracked in his chest. He’s too emotionally moved to speak, so he just nods into Dean’ eyes and makes a promise to his beloved with a slow kiss. It starts fairly chaste, but gradually becomes more sensual. Soft, plump, warm lips sliding against each other, while hands roam. The brush of Dean’s tongue against his lower lip, asking for permission to come in, which Cas grants. Plush tongues greeting and caressing each other, heads turning; going deeper, tongue tips swiping the slick wet undersides, then coiling around each other and sucking, pulling each other in deeper.

Dean breaks the kiss, swallowing. With hazy lust-filled eyes, he pants, “I’d rather be your captive, Cas, than his king.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn’t resist: “I can’t help fallin' in love. I fall [deeper and deeper](https://youtu.be/sJV29ZQIUhs), the further I go. Kisses sent from Heaven above, they get sweeter and sweeter the more that I know.” "Someone said that romance was dead and I believed it instead of remembering what my mama told me ("Angels are watching over you"), let my father mold me, then you try to hold me, you remind me of what they said."


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the last chapter a little more than usual, but no biggies – I just mentioned Dean dropped the towel by the edge of the trap & changed the wording of what the other demons’ motivations towards Lester would be, so it made more sense. On a personal note, the medical thing I’ve been dreading (& that has been setting my PTSD off big time) is over with & it went amazingly and incredibly well, whew! Thank God! I’m grateful & feel truly blessed. Anyways, back to our boys…
> 
> “You get me [closer](https://vimeo.com/3554226) to God!” (Hey, look, a pangolin.)

_Soft, plump, warm lips sliding against each other, while hands roam. The brush of Dean’s tongue against his lower lip, asking for permission to come in, which Cas grants. Plush tongues greeting and caressing each other, heads turning; going deeper, tongue tips swiping the slick wet undersides, then coiling around each other and sucking, pulling each other in deeper._

_Dean breaks the kiss, swallowing. With hazy lust-filled eyes, he pants, “I’d rather be your captive, Cas, than his king.”_

The angel groans deep and gravelly in approval. Briefly closing his eyes, he tries to fight off the surge of arousal from Dean’s words, but can’t. He quickly grabs Dean’s ass with both his hands; roughly pulling the demon’s body flush to his own. Dean moans, green eyes sliding shut, as his tail wraps around one of Cas’ arms, coiling its way on up. His arms squeeze the angel tighter, as Cas’ strong hands firmly knead his cheeks. The demon starts grinding and feels Cas’ stubble on his neck for a split-second before the angel’s wide wet hot mouth latches on and begins sucking hard.

Moaning loudly, Dean thrusts his hips in surprised lust – then whimpers, squirming to try and get out of the angel’s grasp. “Wait, wait!” Dean pants breathlessly, pushing Cas’ shoulders, as he quickly loosens his tail. The angel’s lips don’t immediately release his neck, which Dean finds _all kinds of hot,_  but he reluctantly pulls away, with continued protest.

With reddened lips and half-lidded eyes, Cas grounds out, his voice even deeper than usual, “What’s wrong?”

The thought: ‘ _Hell, there’s a lot of things wrong,’ _ flashes through Dean’s mind, but he blurts out the first to come to mind. “ ~~We’re~~ _I’m_  supposed to be washing up,” he fumbles. When Cas doesn’t seem convinced that’s a good enough reason to stop; the expression in his hooded lust-blown eyes not changing, Dean adds, “I gotta measure myself, too, right?” Recognition shows in the angel’s eyes and he stands a bit straighter, taking a half-step back; chastened. “Cause I’ll get hard if you do it and _I’m_ … lemme do that, first, okay?” Dean asks, his brows raised in question.

Rubbing his chin, then lips, distractedly, Cas glances around the dungeon a bit awkwardly. He walks a few steps away, then turns back, clasping his hands. Coughing, he says quietly, “Yes, _of course…._ _My apologies… I… got carried away.”_   He gives a little sheepish smile, looking to the floor in embarrassment… before his light blue eyes slowly tick back up to meet amused green ones.

The demon’s wearing something between a grin and smirk, the little wrinkles around his eyes further revealing his amusement. “‘S ok, just… _you know,”_   Dean says quietly, vaguely gesturing to his crotch. Cas huffs a laugh, giving a slow toothy grin. “Yeah! _So!”_  Dean claps his hands and says in an awkward and too loud business-like tone, “I’m gonna do that… while you… stay over there for a while.” Cas’ grin turns into a little knowing smirk and he gives a brief nod, walking over to the table on the other side of the room.

Dean breathes a little sigh of relief, quickly stooping to snag the towel from the floor, and walks over to the bowl of water. What he didn’t tell Cas – one of the many things that’s ‘wrong’ – is his regular lust and bloodlust feel more entwined than before. He can feel sexual desire without feeling violent and be pissed without being turned on, but they seem to be overlapping or triggering each other more, now. _Is it because I’m ‘free?’_  Dean wonders apprehensively. He realizes it seems to be connected to dominance. Even when Dean was human, he did want to fuck Cas, along with being fucked _by_  him… but that desire came in a _far_  second-place. Since his death and transformation, Dean’s desire to fuck Cas, be rough with him, conquer and dominate him… hurt him, even… has been increasing. _It must be a demon thing, right?_   Dean wonders, remembering how much he relished torturing and ripping apart the screaming souls on the rack. Shuddering, Dean shakes off the memories, but the desire to just **take** Cas by force – hard, rough, and raw – is still there. And just like in Hell, he’s both aroused and deeply agonized and ashamed by his horrid desire. _But it’s still there._ And Cas giving him more freedom than the angel even realizes, along with being drawn to him like a moth to a flame, **_isn’t_**  helping Dean stay in control of himself. God help him, he feels like he's being torn in half; pulled in two opposing directions/inclinations at once.  _I gotta hurry up and do this, so Sam can go get that shit and lock me down… before I hurt Cas, again,_  Dean thinks, wincing at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “I’m pretending see to be strong and free. From my dependency; [it’s warping me.](https://youtu.be/xmyuJZH3RAc) So much love so rare to dare. Afraid of ever being there. Take me home I need repair. Take me please to anywhere! Descend – all the way, all the way, every day. Warped and scared of being there.” Oh, God, Dave Navarro is so sexy in this. And the kiss between him & Anthony at the end is sweet. :)


	85. Chapter 85

_God help him, he feels like he's being torn in half; pulled in two opposing directions/inclinations at once. I gotta hurry up and do this, so Sam can go get that shit and lock me down… before I hurt Cas, again, Dean thinks, wincing at the thought._

He glances over at the angel, who’s studying the sheet of measurements while toying with a pencil; looking studious… _and hot._   Dean grabs the washcloth from inside the bowl, making a little noise of displeasure when he feels the water’s grown cold. Cas looks up, releasing the pink pencil eraser from his lips and asks, “What’s wrong?”

Dean _needs_  space from Cas at the moment, so he quickly replies, _“Nothin,”_  hoping the angel will accept that answer. Of course, _he doesn’t._

Walking back into the trap to stand next to Dean, he looks at the bowl, then the washcloth. Nervous, Dean says off-handedly, “The water’s cold; no big deal.”

Cas touches the side of the bowl and a little bit of gold light is visible by his fingertips. Knowing what the angel is doing, Dean’s hands fall to his sides heavily in annoyed disbelief. “Try it, now,” the angel grins. Dean huffs in aggravation and sticks his finger into the bowl, feeling that the water _is indeed_   warm, now.

“Damn it, Cas!” he exclaims in frustration. The angel’s brows narrow in confusion bordering on anger, so Dean explains, “Stop using your grace for stupid shit!” Hearing the worry in his beloved’s voice, Cas’ emotions veer away from being pissed at ingratitude, to understanding.

 _“That barely took any,”_   he says quietly.  
“Yeah, _well,”_   Dean replies, some relief evident in his still aggravated voice, “Only use it for emergencies from now on, _ok?”_   He tries to glare at Cas, to let him know he means business, but he’s nearly overcome by desire when his eyes land on the angel’s parted lips, strong stubbled jaw and throat… and by the time Dean’s gaze makes its way down to Cas’ tie - which he’s _dying_   to yank the angel closer by - he realizes he’s almost panting. 

 _“Holy shit, Cas,”_  the demon breathes in awe, _“You need to get the fuck over there… **right now.”  **_Dean groans the end of his sentence and the angel quickly backs off; returning to the table. Eyes closed and clearly in distress, Dean huffs a few breaths, before opening them again. Nodding weakly, he shoots a reassuring emerald glance over to the angel, exhaling, _“Better.”_ The angel gives him a tentative nervous smile in reply.

Grateful he took the washcloth out of the bowl before Cas heated it up, Dean takes the cold rag to his crotch, hoping it’ll cool his libido. Cas realizes he’s staring and decides to give Dean some privacy, grabbing the tape measure to check the diameter of the Devil’s trap. Unfortunately, cold water doesn’t clean as well as warm. Dean dips the washcloth into the bowl, as Cas kneels at the edge of the trap, pushing the metal blade of the tape measure forward, inch by inch. Dean does _not_  realize he’s staring at the vulnerable angel _…_ until his growing chubby alerts him he's gone from stroking his cock to wash it _…_ to masturbating with the washcloth.  _“_ _Shit!”_    he swears under his breath, quickly turning away from the tempting sight.


	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Watch this[Destiel video](https://youtu.be/3mv2-0idS3g) – seriously.** It recounts their _whole relationship_ from Dean’s original resurrection through Season 10. (I love the part where Cas walks into the lake  & the end of the vid, where Dean arrives as The Pizza Man!) ;D

_Dean dips the washcloth into the bowl, as Cas kneels at the edge of the trap, pushing the metal blade of the tape measure forward, inch by inch. Dean does not realize he’s staring at the vulnerable angel… until his growing chubby alerts him he's gone from stroking his cock to wash it… to masturbating with the washcloth. “Shit!” he swears under his breath, quickly turning away from the tempting sight._

Luckily, the angel either doesn’t hear him or realizes to not ask what’s wrong, again. Dean lets go of his cock, letting the air cool it, as he hears the mildly jarring sound of the tape measure blade chaotically whipping back into its case. Breathing a bit easier, Dean rubs the rag over the dirty leather seat of his ‘chair,’ deciding to not touch his body for a while. Furniture clean, he re-soaps the cloth and quickly wipes down the rest of his body, making sure not to spend too long on any one part and inadvertently turn himself on again. Drying off, he puts the little towel next to the bowl and looks to the angel, who’s back at the table, writing. “You got a cloth tape measure over there?” he asks.

“No, but Sam said you could use this string…” Cas holds up a length of twine, “to measure circumference.”

Dean nods, “Alright, give me that and the ruler,” he says, walking to the edge of the trap and extending a hand, careful to not let it go past the line. Cas looks thoughtful for a moment, then - stealing a glance at the demon’s (now) flaccid member - he complies. “Ok, so… length and circumference, huh?” Dean asks, turning to take a seat on his hassock with arms.

Holding the paper with both hands, Cas says without looking up, “Length, base and tip diameter, and diameter for the base of your penis and scrotum, together.”

“Diameter?” Dean asks.

Eyes peering over the top of the paper, “Yes.”

Dean notices the angel take another quick peek at his junk, before his gorgeous blue eyes return to the paper. The demon smirks and fights off the urge to playfully ask, “Like what you see?” Amused, Dean says, “Ok, I’ll give you circumference and you can convert it.” Cas nods, still facing Dean, but keeping his eyes glued to the paper – trying to not let his interest show. _Heh, he’s cute,_ Dean thinks, seeing a few little disheveled tufts of black hair poking up over the top of the paper that Cas has _awfully close to his face;_  shielding his view of Dean’s naked body.

Getting back to business, Dean coughs and spreads his bow legs even wider on the leather seat. _Ok, I gotta do this without getting turned on. What did Sam say to think of? Right – a naked, peeling, sunburnt Bobby._  Dean’s lips twist up in disgust; the mental image doing the trick. He lays the string over one of his knees, taking the tip of his soft cock in one hand and the ruler in the other. _Don’t look at Cas, don’t **think** of Cas, just get through this, _Dean thinks, while gently pulling his cock out straight. Peering at the ruler, he’s surprised by the measurement. _Two-point-five inches? That’s it?! Come on, that can’t be right! I know I’m a ‘grow-er, not a show-er,’ but still!_  Narrowing his brows, he thinks sarcastically, _Now I know why guys don’t do this soft._  Pursing his lips, he’s frustrated to notice, as he re-measures, that he just barely is 2.5” flaccid. _Fuck, that’s embarrassing; I don’t even wanna tell Cas._  He glances up at the angel, who’s peering down at him over the top of the paper, pencil poised, like he’s ready to write. Grimacing, Dean admits in a flat voice, “Length: two-point-five inches.” Cas puts his hand flat behind the paper and tries to write the measurement down, but that doesn’t work. He returns to the table, leaning over it to write down the answer. “Put seven inches, in parenthesis, after that,” he hears Dean say, causing the angel to smirk back.

“Erect length?” Cas asks, raising a brow.

“Damn right, baby,” Dean smiles proudly.

Cas huffs a little laugh and turns back to the paper, writing something down. “I’ll have to see if that’s an accurate measurement, later,” he smirks, not looking at the demon.

Dean chuckles. _“Promise?”_ he asks suggestively, earning him a narrow-eyed stare from the angel. When he bops his eyebrows, Cas tries to stifle his grin and looks back down to the paper.

“Base circumference?” Cas says as matter-of-factly as he can manage.

“Right,” Dean huffs and wraps the string around the base of his dick. Pinching where the end of the string meets the rest of itself, he unwraps the string and lays it on top of the ruler. _“Almost four-point-seven-five inches,”_  he says, stretching out the string.

“That would be…” Cas starts to say.

Dean looks up, mentally calculating, and beats Cas to the answer, saying, “About one-point-five inches in diameter.” Cas raises his brows, a little impressed, and Dean says, “Hey, I can do [math](https://www.ck12.org/geometry/Diameter-or-Radius-of-a-Circle-Given-Circumference/lesson/Diameter-or-Radius-of-a-Circle-Given-Circumference-MSM7/).” Cas gives a little smile in return. “Next?”

“Tip circumference,” Cas smirks.

“‘Head,’ Cas,” Dean informs, “it’s called ‘the head,’” as he takes his in his fingertips. Dean’s circumcised, so he doesn’t have to push any foreskin back.

 _“Head,”_  Cas says quietly, as Dean’s touching the most sensitive part of his body.

The demon looks up and sees Cas staring at him; his eyes dark with lust. It sends heat down Dean’s lower half, making him breathe deeper. Quickly looking down, he warns in a deep voice, **_“Cas,_** _quit lookin at me like that.”_  Breathing harder, he gently swipes the pad of his thumb over the head of his cock. Chancing a quick peek up, Dean sees the angel nod weakly – absent-mindedly licking his lips as he slowly drags his eyes away. _“Oh,”_  Dean exhales a whisper, rocking his hips a little. Eyelids slowly slipping shut, he feels blood rushing south; the head of his dick plumping a little in his hand. Just as he’s going to start stroking, Cas clears his throat, and Dean remembers he’s not supposed to get hard, yet. Green eyes flying open, he drops his cock like he’s been shocked. Brusquely slapping his thighs, he makes sure not to look at Cas, as he sighs and stands up.

“Dean, what are you doing?” he hears Cas say, a touch of worry in his deep voice. The demon squats down, face level with the bowl of water sitting on Cas’ chair, as he tries to regain his composure. His tail flicks every so often behind him and he rubs his palms roughly and firmly down his thighs, muscles still sore from the stress position he was cuffed into, earlier. Squatting is making him want to roll his hips, so he kneels, squeezing water from the washcloth with both hands, just to keep them busy. His ass has felt weird ever since he lapped Cas’ blood from his body and came uncontrollably from it. Remembering _[that unexplained weirdness](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10236248/chapters/23760117)_  sobers Dean a bit and he consciously slows his breathing down, still squishing the rag between his fingers as he thinks. _“Dean?”_  Cas asks quietly; concerned.

The demon looks up, his green eyes showing some alarm, when he realizes Cas is walking towards him. “Just stay there, Cas,” he says warily, halting the angel in his tracks.

“Why?” Cas asks, his dark brows narrowed.

“I gotta calm down,” Dean says. Cas’ brows go up a bit, but he gives a little nod, backing up a few paces. When Dean sees him back off, he relaxes; slipping to sit bare-assed on the cold stone floor. _Weird,_ Dean thinks, _it’s not the ass muscles. _ Stretching his legs out in front of him, under Cas’ chair, he tries to determine what’s going on with his body. While restrained, he thought it was just muscle fatigue, like in his thighs – but once Cas started kneading his ass cheeks, he wasn’t so sure. The feeling got stronger as he was starting to get hard. Besides heat and tightness near his asshole, he also has a sense of fullness or heaviness. Curving his tail around, he swipes the washcloth along it, absent-mindedly, as he ponders. Cas chuckles and the demon looks up, seeing the angel with his hand over his smiling mouth. _“What?”_  Dean asks, a little annoyed.

“You don’t have to wash your tail, Dean,” Cas explains, still smiling fondly, “It’s energy, not matter – it can’t get dirty.”

Distracted by his thoughts and feelings, Dean replies off-handedly, _“Yeah, well, whatever,”_   slipping the tip of his tail into the water and then lifting it up, letting the water run down over it, then repeating the action. “It makes me feel better,” Dean admits, unfocused eyes trained on the floor.

 _Even as a demon, he’s adorable. How does he do it?_  the angel wonders, still grinning.

The cold of the stone floor has cooled Dean down and he whips his tail out to the side quickly; ridding it of any stray drops. _Still not sure how that works, but whatever,_  his mind wanders, as he stands up to sit back down on his hassock. “Ok,” he says decisively, looking to the angel, “Let’s get the last of these measurements over with, huh?” Cas nods once and goes back to the table. “Ok,” Dean nods, then sighs, picking the string back up, “Head circumference.”


	87. Ack!

Hey everyone! My computer broke, doh! I have my files for my writing saved, but I can't access them, at the moment. But I'll buy what I need to continue & be back, ASAP! I thought I should let you all know. I WILL BE BACK!!!!


	88. Chapter 88

_“Ok,” Dean nods, then sighs, picking the string back up, “Head circumference.”_

Dean can tell he hasn't gone completely flaccid, but he wants to get this over with as soon as possible. He wraps the string around the widest part of the head of his cock, then lays it on the ruler like before, saying, "About three-point-seven-five inches."

Green eyes glancing up at nothing, Dean tries to mentally convert the measurement, but Cas beats him to it this time, saying, "That is approximately one-point-two inches," while writing the measurement down.

Dean purses his lips and takes Cas' word for it. "Ok, what else?"

Cas shakes the paper with both hands, so it'll stiffen up, as he walks to the edge of the trap with it in his hands. He levels a serious look at Dean over it and replies, "Diameter of the scrotum and penis base, together."

"Gee, make it sound _so sexy,_ Cas," Dean smirks, earning him a confused little scrunched-up-eyebrow look from the angel. Dean grins, chuckling to himself lightly, as he slides his fingers underneath his balls. Cas' eyes follow his action and Dean gets flashbacks of when Cas made him masturbate in front of him. A whisper of a moan escapes Dean's lips and he looks into Cas' eyes, then quickly to the floor. Hand frozen in place, Dean says flatly, "Cas, don't watch me, ok?" without looking up.

"Why?"

Still staring at the floor, Dean feels his blood heading south, again -- both internally and through the pads of his fingers around his junk. "Cause it's turning me on, ok?!" comes his quick annoyed confession.

 _"Oh,"_   is all Cas says, but there's something in the deep tone he says it in that's enough to draw the demon's eyes back to himself.

When Dean sees the desire in the angel's half-lidded eyes, he closes his own, hanging his head and swallowing thickly to steady himself. _"Cas, please,"_   the demon says quietly, "I'm barely holding it together, here, man." The angel nods, but Dean doesn't see it. He only starts to relax when he hears the tap of Cas' dress shoes on the dungeon's stone floor, as the angel walks slowly back towards the table. Taking deep breaths, Dean tries to empty his mind and focus on the task at hand. He opens his eyes and puts the end of the string on top of his dick, awkwardly holding it in place with the thumb and forefinger of the hand he's also cupping his balls with, then threads it under and around his balls with his other hand. It's a bit tricky to manage and Dean's trying his best not to touch himself any more than absolutely necessary. Grabbing where the string meets itself, Dean unwinds it and lays it on the ruler. "It's about seven-point-two-five inches," the demon says, glancing over at the angel. Cas' brows furrow, as he's writing it down. "What?" Dean asks.

"That's about two-point-three inches in diameter, give or take," the angel replies, still frowning at the paper. He glances over at Dean and says, "This device has three different-sized rings to secure it, but the largest is two inches in diameter."

For a split second, a smile starts to break out on Dean's face and he thinks about saying, _"Oh darn, too bad; we can't use it,"_   in a joking way... but he quickly remembers why he agreed to this in the first place. _"Shit,"_   he says under his breath, his expression becoming concerned.

"Precisely," the angel agrees, quickly striding into the trap.

Dean's eyebrows rise, his green eyes growing wider in alarm, as Cas walks right towards him. "What, what are you doing?!" he stammers nervously.

The angel kneels next to his chair and gently takes the ruler and string from the shocked and confused demon. "I'm going to measure you myself."


	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY for making you all wait this long for more! I AM continuing this story, now. I am so very sorry for the long wait!

_Dean's eyebrows rise, his green eyes growing wider in alarm, as Cas walks right towards him. "What, what are you doing?!" he stammers nervously._

_The angel kneels next to his chair and gently takes the ruler and string from the shocked and confused demon. "I'm going to measure you myself."_

“No, Cas, I don’t think that’s a good idea!” Dean blurts out, gripping the armrests of his hassock tight. Though he knows he should move away from the angel, he feels physically bound to where he is; as if the cuffs were still on. He’s unable to leave the kneeling Cas’ side and his cock starts to fill in anticipation. Cas looks up at him with just a touch of surprise on his face, while Dean stares down at him, breathing deeply and holding the armrests so tight he’s nearly trembling. His eyes have gone black, again and he looks less like his human self in expression. “Hurry,” is all he says in a deep whisper. Cas’ eyes widen a bit and he quickly wraps the twine around Dean’s testicles and rapidly growing member. Since he’s rushing, he doesn’t have time to be gentle and God help him, Dean loves the roughness with which Cas is handling him, causing his breath to stutter.

Cas cinches the string up fairly tight and asks, “Does that hurt?”

“No, feels good,” Dean responds, his voice several octaves lower than before, with more gruffness to it.

Cas is trying almost as desperately as Dean to stay on task, but watching his beloved’s penis rise up to greet him is making things even harder. He licks his lips, mouth suddenly dry, and tries to regain his composure enough to speak, but the little action drives Dean wild. He starts forcefully rocking his hips and says to Cas in an almost maniacal voice, “Suck it, Cas! Suck it!”

A little taken aback, Cas pauses, staring at the head of Dean’s dick and has to fight off the urge to obey. If Cas’ mind wasn’t so clouded with lust, he would question whether desire alone is influencing him. Seeing that Cas has to hold himself back amps up Dean’s desire. The tight heavy feeling around his asshole gives way and it’s as if a dam bursts. Muscles relax and cum gushes out of his asshole, making the leather seat slippery. That combined with his thrusting and the surprise of what just happened causes Dean to slip off the chair… right up against Cas on the floor.

Dean touches the cum on his ass-cheek and doesn’t understand. The shock, confusion, and momentary panic causes his desire to pause, as his mind desperately tries to understand what’s happening to him. Cas grabs Dean’s ass and when he too feels the cum, he breathes out, “Oh, Dean, you’re so wet.”

That makes Dean’s panic skyrocket. He tries to jump to his feet, all the while sputtering denials, “No, no, that, that’s from you… from before! _It has to be!”_

Cas slides his hand around Dean’s ass-check, caressing his ass, then the tip of his middle finger touches the edge of Dean’s hole. Dean’s ass contracts and more cum gushes out. Dean moans and stops trying to get away. Cas slides his finger halfway into Dean’s ass and croons, “No, Dean, I don’t think so.” Dean continues moaning and grabs onto Cas’ shoulders, rocking his hips. It feels so good, he almost can’t concentrate on what the angel is saying, “I think you are turning into an incubus, Dean. You…" The angel's voice drops an octave with desire, _"You’re wet for me. Enticing me.”_


	90. Chapter 90

_Dean continues moaning and grabs onto Cas’ shoulders, rocking his hips. It feels so good, he almost can’t concentrate on what the angel is saying, “I think you are turning into an incubus, Dean. You…" The angel's voice drops an octave with desire, "You’re wet for me. Enticing me.”_

Cas finally catches the scent starting to permeate the room: a sticky-sweet, musky scent; like honey laden with resin. The cum from Dean’s ass starts to drip down Cas’ finger and Cas starts to feel drunk or drugged. He’s trying to clear the fog from his mind, but it’s as thick as that irresistible scent hanging in the air. When Cas’ finger starts to tingle with the tell-tale sign of magic, he realizes Dean is releasing demonic pheromones into the air along with his cum, both of which are much stronger than any human would produce. _“Dean,”_ the angel grounds out, _“we have to… fight it.”_

“No,” Dean shakes his head while advancing on Cas, closing the gap between them. “No,” he says simply, before pulling Cas into a searing kiss.

It’s all too much for the angel; Dean’s scent, taste, touch, they’re inside each other and Cas’ futile thoughts of resistance fall by the wayside. Dean pushes him onto his back, the trench coat flaring out along Cas’ sides like open welcoming wings. Straddling Cas’ legs, Dean grabs his wrists and pins his hands to the floor, above the angel’s head. Cas tries not to grin, but fails – eyes and teeth showing enthusiastic approval – and Dean is reminded of the dark sexy grin Cas had as the Leviathans took him over. Strangely, it doesn’t deter him, but spurs him on. As a human, that look terrified him, but as a demon, it’s all kinds of hot.

Cas weakly tosses the twine from the fingers of one of his pinned hands, deciding he can alter the molecular structure of the cock cage, stretching it to fit, without compromising the structural integrity of the metal enough for Dean to break it, later. If Cas was able to think clearly, that’s nearly how he’d word it to himself in his mind, but as it is, Dean must have rubbed off on him in more ways than one, cause he mentally tells himself, “Fuck it; I’ll fix it when we get it.”

Speaking of rubbing off, Dean leans over and captures Cas’ lips in another passionate kiss, pushing against his wrists, as he ruts against Cas’ clothed crotch. During the kiss, they briefly interlace their fingers, but then Dean abruptly grasps the back of Cas’ head to deepen the kiss. His other hand snakes between them to undo Cas’ pants. “Need to ride you, baby… please!” Dean pants, almost sounding in pain. Cas just nods breathlessly, rising up a bit to chase Dean’s mouth, as the incubus makes quick work of his fly and pulls the angel’s rock hard cock from its cloth prison.

Dean sinks down on Cas’ cock effortlessly; his new demonic cum slicking the way. Cas lets out a long broken groan of approval, before saying in an awed voice, “Dean, you feel like April did,” – his gorgeous light blue eyes wide in amazement. At the mention of that bitch’s name, Dean starts riding Cas hard, to make him forever forget about her _. “Ohhhhhhhh, but better, Dean! So much better!”_ The incubus’ lips rise up into a proud smirk, as he smiles down at his overwhelmed lover.


	91. Chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Song for "this beat, this heat..."](https://youtu.be/ADCmzcPNI04)

_Dean sinks down on Cas’ cock effortlessly; his new demonic cum slicking the way. Cas lets out a long broken groan of approval, before saying in an awed voice, “Dean, you feel like April did,” – his gorgeous light blue eyes wide in amazement. At the mention of that bitch’s name, Dean starts riding Cas hard, to make him forever forget about her. “Ohhhhhhhh, but better, Dean! So much better!” The incubus’ lips rise up into a proud smirk, as he smiles down at his overwhelmed lover._

“I can’t believe you let her have you!” the demon almost yells.

Cas’ eyes fly open in alarm and narrow with passion turned to anger. “She fed me and took me in when **_you_** wouldn’t!” The angel stops thrusting and agitatedly sits up, trying to push Dean off of him. He’s ready to read him the riot act, now.

The demon is still riding him – albeit slower – and puts his hands placatingly on Cas’ shoulders. “I know, I know; I’m sorry! It’s just…” Dean drops his head a bit and stares at Cas with shy green eyes.

Curious, the angel stills and asks, “It’s just what, Dean?”

The incubus gets an embarrassed little half-smirk on his face before he quietly admits, “I… _it’s just…_ I kinda wanted to be your first, is all.” A bashful little smile to cap it off does Cas in.

“I wanted you to be my first, too, Dean,” Castiel confesses in a deep lust-filled voice, staring at Dean with wide, lost-looking eyes. Once again, the demon can actually see Cas’ pupils expand with desire, _must be cause his eyes a such a light blue,_ he thinks offhandedly, before the angel is on him.

Cas flips them both to where he is on top and their frantic pace from earlier is resumed, though this time, it’s driven by Cas. “Oh, yes, Cas!” Dean sighs, “Fuck, yes! Fuck me, baby!”

That spurs the angel on and he starts thrusting even harder. Dean swings his tail to loosely hook around Cas’ neck and presents the tip near his mouth. “Suck it, Cas. Please! Like you did before!” he moans in pleasure. Cas’ lips part and he takes Dean inside himself, even more than before. The incubus is gently fucking his tail into the angel’s mouth in the same time as Cas’ thrusts into him. Pretty soon, the universe boils down to only them pulsating together, into each other. All that exists is this beat, this heat, this bold wild melding pleasure that blots out everything else in Creation.

In one thrust, the hairs of Cas’ scrotum drag deliciously over the sweaty skin of his hairy leg, sending tingles shooting up his spine and he spills into his lover. Dean whips his tail out of Cas’ mouth and rises up to meet him in a deep wet kiss, causing him to climax as well. They both release while joined together from head to toe; arms, legs, and tail wrapped around each other, squeezing hard.


	92. Chapter 92

_Dean whips his tail out of Cas’ mouth and rises up to meet him in a deep wet kiss, causing him to climax as well. They both release while joined together from head to toe; arms, legs, and tail wrapped around each other, squeezing hard._

When their lips part, Dean huffs out, “I was wrong; measuring me wasn’t a bad idea… it was a great idea.” The demon smirks, causing Cas to flash an endearing gummy grin. “Speaking of,” Dean says, unwrapping his arms, legs, and tail from Cas, “you’ll probably have better luck getting that last measurement, now, if you’re quick.” He winks at the angel, causing Cas to huff out a little laugh.

“We should probably get cleaned up, too,” the angel suggests, separating from Dean. When he pulls out, a good stream of his cum leaks out of the incubus’ ass.

“Ugh, yeah,” Dean says, glancing around. His green eyes stop on something past Castiel, “Hand me that towel, huh?” he says, snapping his fingers and pointing. Cas grabs the little hand towel and quickly wipes himself off, then hands it unceremoniously to Dean, who tries to do the same, but has more to clean. “Uh, Cas… you think I could take a shower? A sponge-bath isn’t gonna cut it.” The angel looks back from retrieving the twine, to see Dean gesturing at the continued leakage from his behind, his lips screwed up in a bit of disgust. Cas briefly puts a finger to his lip, wondering if there’s a way he could sneak Dean into the shower room without Sam finding out. “It’ll have to be after Sam leaves, but, please? I really need to wash up,” the demon asks with raised eyebrows and pleading eyes. Cas slowly nods his assent. Dean brightens and says, “Thanks, baby! You’re the best!” and gives Cas a quick peck on the cheek, causing the angel to smile a bit bashfully from the praise and pet name.

Cas gets up and puts himself away. As he’s zipping up, he notices his pants are wet in many places. He strides over to the little table and grabs some paper towels. Wetting them in the bowl, he starts cleaning off his pants. “Hey, throw me a roll of those!” Dean calls from the floor, unable to move much without making an even bigger mess. Castiel can’t help it, seeing the demonic Dean on the floor of the dungeon, full of his seed and unable to move without spilling more of it, strikes him funny. He starts chuckling as he gets the whole roll.

“What’s so funny?” Dean asks, a bit of annoyance in his voice.

“You,” Cas replies simply and deeply.

“What?!” Dean yelps, a bit aggravated as he snatches the towels from the angel.

“Quite the predicament you’ve got yourself in there, Dean,” Castiel chuckles, squatting down next to him, fully clothed.

“Fuck you,” Dean replies, but there _is_ a hint of a smile on his plump lips. He knows if he wasn’t the one in this situation, he’d find it a bit funny, too. Plus, Cas is the one that put him in this position, so, yeah, fuck him; the smug fucker.

After Dean deals with most of his situation, he puts the hand towel between his cheeks to keep any more from coming out. “Not a word!” Dean warns, pointing at the angel, who just chuckles, again, twirling the twine between his fingers. “Ok, let’s get this over with,” the demon says, sitting flat on his ass on the floor. Cas’ eyebrows go up a bit, but he quickly gets to work. The embarrassment of his situation has kept the incubus from immediately getting hard, again. Cas wraps the string around Dean’s balls and penis base, then slowly starts pulling it tighter. The friction sends some of Dean’s blood south.

“How is that?” Cas asks.

“Not bad… I can feel it, but it doesn’t hurt,” Dean surmises.

“It occurs to me that I should measure you flaccid and erect, to make sure the device will fit,” Cas explains.

“Ok.”

Holding the string in place with his right hand, Cas starts stroking Dean’s dick with his left. The demon jerks back a bit, not expecting to be pleasured again so soon. Maybe he is still a little oversensitive, too. “This alright?” Cas asks with widened eyes.

“Yeah,” Dean nods. “I thought, I didn’t know you were going to do it.” Cas looks concerned, but Dean reiterates, “It’s ok; it’s good,” causing Cas to smile and continue. The incubus gets rock hard again in record time. His dick twitches every now and then with his pulse, which causes him to feel the tightness of the string.

Cas is concerned with how red Dean’s dick is getting and asks, “Are you ok; should I let it go?”

“It’s ok, Cas. Tight, it bites into me a bit, but it’s bearable,” Dean explains.

“But what about for long term wear?” Cas asks. When Dean pauses before answering, Cas loosens the string just a tad. “Is that better?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s much better,” Dean breathes in relief. After a beat of recovery, he asks, “What’s the measurement?” Before Cas removes the string, he tugs on it roughly, pulling straight down the shaft, to make sure Dean wouldn’t be able to yank the cock cage off.

“Whoa there cowboy!” Dean shouts, squirming and grabbing Cas’ hands. The rough action turns Dean on even more and he gets harder, which compresses his dick and makes the string become a little less snug. Cas repeats the action and then undoes the string when he’s satisfied it’s tight enough and before Dean gets pissed. The angel has misinterpreted Dean’s growing lust as anger, though, considering his growing demonic nature, perhaps he’s not too far off the mark.

The incubus soothingly caresses his cock where the string was, while Cas unwinds the twine against the ruler. “Six inches in circumference, exactly,” Cas says, glancing up. “That’s one-point… _this device is acceptable,”_   the angel cuts himself off when he realizes it’s under two inches in diameter, so there is a cock ring that will fit Dean’s dick. “You looked like you were having trouble measuring yourself. I believe this measurement is accurate,” Cas continues clinically; back to the task at hand.


	93. Chapter 93

_The incubus soothingly caresses his cock where the string was, while Cas unwinds the twine against the ruler. “Six inches in circumference, exactly,” Cas says, glancing up. “That’s one-point… this device is acceptable,” the angel cuts himself off when he realizes it’s under two inches in diameter, so there is a cock ring that will fit Dean’s dick. “You looked like you were having trouble measuring yourself. I believe this measurement is accurate,” Cas continues clinically; back to the task at hand._

“Then how about you get back over here?” the demon smirks, still slowly stroking his rock hard dick.

Cas pauses before answering, “I… thought you wanted me to get rid of Sam, so you could take a shower?”

“Later,” the incubus replies, “I want to get dirty, again, first.” Black eyes stare intensely at Cas as Dean strokes faster and breathes harder. “You can’t just leave me hanging here like this, Cas; come on!” he commands, starting to rock his hips. The demon’s display is hypnotizing. Cas drops the ruler and twine and makes his way over to Dean, causing the demon to smile. “Wait,” the incubus says, as he stands up and removes the hand towel from between his cheeks. He wipes down the leather seat and sits on what’s left of the chair. “That’s better. Now, suck it, Cas,” he says, undulating before the angel. Cas swallows thickly, looking at Dean’s dick. The demon’s eyebrows start to narrow; annoyed his lover didn’t comply immediately. Then he tries, “I’ll make it good for you, too, baby; don’t worry,” as he waves his tail sinuously behind him.

The memory that that’s the same thing the demon said to him when he pleasured him against his will on that chair earlier is blotted out by the heavy, musky, yet sweet scent of Dean’s demonic pheromones. Cas moves closer, his mouth dry and asks, “What do you want me to do?”

Dean tilts his head in confusion, then sees the dazed look in the angel’s eyes and smiles. “Suck it, Cas. Suck my dick,” he replies.

As if hypnotized, Cas slowly licks his lips, then kneels on the floor in front of the incubus. He stares up at Dean’s face longingly, then puts a hand on the demon’s hip and the other around the base of the dick directly in front of his face. Without a word, he goes down on the demon and gets to work. “Oh yeah, Cas,” Dean whispers, putting a hand gently on the back of the angel’s head. As Cas starts sucking harder, Dean’s fingers massage the angel’s scalp, swirling through the black hair lovingly. “That’s it, baby; just like that,” Dean sighs contentedly. After a moment, the incubus says, “Undo your pants, Cas,” causing light blue eyes to glance up in question. The innocent look combined with the angel’s lips obscenely stretched around his cock almost make Dean cum. He shudders a bit and quickly says in a deep voice, “Lemme make you feel good, too.” Recognition shows in the angel’s eyes and he undoes his pants’ button and zipper, sliding his pants and underwear down his hips a little. Dean’s tail slides around the curve of Cas’ ass, between his cheeks, and up his ass.

The angel gasps and the sensation of air being sucked in around his cock almost pushes Dean over the edge again. He concentrates on slowly and methodically fucking Cas with his tail, while the angel resumes sucking. Cas starts moaning with his mouth full of cock and the reverb up through his dick brings Dean to the brink, again. At this point, he’s effectively being edged, though Cas isn’t doing it on purpose. But the frustration, annoyance, and intertwined bloodlust with lust causes the demon to push the angel to the floor in front of him, his tail sliding out during the fall. Cas stares up, confused and angry, but before he can get a word out, the incubus is on him. The demon flips him over so he’s on his knees and starts rutting against the angel's bare ass. Strong hard fingers interlace with Cas'; Dean’s hands on top of his, holding him in place.


	94. Chapter 94

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but I'm setting up something good. ;D

_At this point, he’s effectively being edged, though Cas isn’t doing it on purpose. But the frustration, annoyance, and intertwined bloodlust with lust causes the demon to push the angel to the floor in front of him, his tail sliding out during the fall. Cas stares up, confused and angry, but before he can get a word out, the incubus is on him. The demon flips him over so he’s on his knees and starts rutting against the angel's bare ass. Strong hard fingers interlace with Cas'; Dean’s hands on top of his, holding him in place._

Normally, Cas would be pissed at these turn of events, but when the demon set upon him, what’s left of his wing became trapped between his back and Dean’s chest. As the incubus ruts, his body rubs against Cas’ wing over and over again, driving the angel wild with pleasure and desire. He tilts his ass up and back, so it’s easier for Dean’s dick to slide along the cleft between his ass cheeks and Cas’ cock goes from being semi hard to rock hard and throbbing in a matter of seconds. It works its way out of his pushed down underwear, to bob with each of the demon’s thrusts. Since Cas is still wearing his trench, Dean is thrusting through the slit up the back, and the fabric of the coat above combined with Cas’ exposed body below quickly gets to him – it’s almost as if he’s inside of Cas already. The angel is unable to form words and his inarticulate moaning is matched by the demon's. After several more thrusts, the incubus cums all over Cas’ ass and keeps rutting through it. Some of the demon’s cum is pushed up inside of Cas’ hole with the action, causing Cas to groan in enjoyment. He uses a little grace to open himself wider, wanting Dean inside of him, but the demon is already spent and going into his short softened state.

Not wanting to leave his lover hanging, the incubus backs off and flips the sides of Cas’ trench over, to better access the angel’s ass. In doing so, he stops touching Cas’ wing, allowing the angel to think about things other than being fucked senseless by the being he loves. When Dean flips the sides of the trench coat up, the vial of Lucifer’s grace that’s in the corner of one of the pockets clinks against the hard stone floor. Luckily, Dean’s too focused on other matters to notice and it stays inside Cas’ coat. The angel, however, hears it and it starts to bring him back to himself. “Dean, what are you doing?” Cas asks, squirming a bit as he turns to look at his lover.

“Don’t worry, Cas; I got you. I’m gonna stick my tongue so far up your ass, you’ll be speaking in tongues,” the demon smirks. Dean snakes his tail around and coils it around Cas’ cock for good measure. Before Cas can respond, the incubus dives in, eating Cas’ ass with gusto. As he does so, his tail starts jacking the angel’s cock at the same time. Cas throws his face to the cold stone floor, hands pushing hard against it; bracing himself. The demon was right as the angel starts babbling in Enochian, the words “yes” and “please” recognizable to Dean. There are more words, bubbling up like a fountain, that Dean doesn’t recognize, one of which being “more.” The incubus quickly gets the angel to cum in long plentiful ropes, a few hitting Cas’ shirt, but the rest coating the floor beneath him. As the demon lets Cas go, he brings his tail to his lips and licks off the cum that has dripped onto the end. He closes his eyes and hums in contentment at the taste of the angel.


	95. Chapter 95

_The demon was right as the angel starts babbling in Enochian, the words “yes” and “please” recognizable to Dean. There are more words, bubbling up like a fountain, that Dean doesn’t recognize, one of which being “more.” The incubus quickly gets the angel to cum in long plentiful ropes, a few hitting Cas’ shirt, but the rest coating the floor beneath him. As the demon lets Cas go, he brings his tail to his lips and licks off the cum that has dripped onto the end. He closes his eyes and hums in contentment at the taste of the angel._

Neither the angel nor the demon can get enough of the other. Dean starts sucking on the end of his tail, humming louder as the taste of Cas gets him hard, again. Cas is a little surprised he enjoyed Dean performing anilingus on him as much as he did. The competing urges to just let Dean take him now versus being responsible and doing what he told Sam he would do, so the younger brother can leave, have left the angel paralyzed with indecision. Fortunately, Dean decides for him. The incubus swipes some of the angel’s cum off the floor with his finger and sticks it in his mouth, savoring the taste. He slides towards the front of Cas and says, “Now it’s time for me to clean you up.”

“You don’t have to, Dean, I’m perfectly capable of…” the angel starts, but the demon cuts him off.

“I _want to,_ Cas,” Dean beseeches, helping Cas right himself on the floor.

“Oh,” is all the angel says for a moment, when he sees the lustful look in Dean’s black eyes. Sitting awkwardly on his bare ass on the cold stone floor, his trench coat splayed out around him, Cas isn’t sure what to expect. Dean slithers around, sliding in Cas’ cum on the floor and positions himself in front of the angel. He leans forward and starts to sensually lick the cum from Cas’ softening dick. _“ **OH!”**_   Cas exclaims deeply when he understands _just_   how Dean wants to clean him up – he has no objection to this at all.

When the incubus starts lapping at his balls, Cas’ softening cock starts to fill out. He leans back a little, hoping Dean will lick his behind, again, but the demon has something else in mind. First he licks stripes from Cas’ taint to his balls, then he moves up to suckle Cas’ balls in his mouth, one at a time. The angel is helpless; so paralyzed with pleasure that he’s almost crying. His cock is standing straight, hoping Dean’s wonderfully soft plump lips and plush tongue will return. Dean purposely skips the angel’s very interested cock in favor of licking up the little drops of semen that made it to Cas’ stomach. He starts undoing the buttons of Cas’ dress shirt as he slinks his way on up the angel’s body.

Cas is breathing heavy as he resumes eye-contact with the demon. “Everything ok there, buddy?” Dean asks.

“Yes,” Cas says breathlessly.

“Ok,” Dean says before he starts removing Cas’ shirt. The angel’s nipples are hard and Dean tweaks one, causing Cas to shudder. “Like that, huh?” the incubus asks, rubbing circles around the other with his thumb, teasingly. Cas just nods, leaning in for a kiss.

The moment their lips touch, Cas can taste himself – the tang from his ass and the salty and slightly bitter taste of his cum. For a second, it strikes him as so wrong, so very forbidden, which amps up his lust. Tasting both Dean and himself at the same time quickly comes to feel so very very _right._ Dean’s demonic pheromones are working overtime and the mixing of scents and tastes overpowers all of Cas’ higher brain functions. All he knows is he wants Dean in any way, shape, or form he can have him.


	96. Chapter 96

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Angel (Dominatrix / I Feel You Remix)** \- “[The angel of love was upon me and, Lord, I felt so small. The legs beneath me weaken, I began to crawl. Confused and contented, I slithered around.](https://youtu.be/Ov187ReYykM)" (Notice the absinthe bottle and wormwood in the video? Orgy-loving future Cas did drugs…[including absinthe](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=5.04_The_End_\(transcript\)#ON_THE_MOVE_2).)

_The moment their lips touch, Cas can taste himself – the tang from his ass and the salty and slightly bitter taste of his cum. For a second, it strikes him as so wrong, so very forbidden, which amps up his lust. Tasting both Dean and himself at the same time quickly comes to feel so very very right. Dean’s demonic pheromones are working overtime and the mixing of scents and tastes overpowers all of Cas’ higher brain functions. All he knows is he wants Dean in any way, shape, or form he can have him._

During their kiss, the trench coat and Cas’ dress shirt slip down his back to the floor behind him. He pushes the incubus forward until Dean is on his back – against the cold _wet_   floor. Dean was afraid Cas would balk at kissing him after he ate out his ass. Instead, the angel appeared spurred on by the taboo nature of the act. The squelching noises and feeling of Cas’ cum between his back and the floor has the same effect for Dean. He had a feeling Cas could be freaky, but this is more than he could’ve dreamed of. As the angel lays on top of him, their dicks slot together and it drives the demon wild. It appears the feeling is mutual; Cas picks up his pace, rutting against Dean while kissing him so deep that the demon has to use that no-breathing trick Cas taught him. Dean is starting to get overwhelmed, but he doesn’t want to cum, yet. Their couplings have been lasting such a short while, lately, that he wants to make this one last. He has to switch up the pace.

“Wait, Cas, wait!” Dean pants.

“What is it?” the angel asks.

“I’m too close; let’s change positions,” he explains.

“Ok,” Cas says, as he backs up and off the demon. He takes a moment to remove his socks and shoes, then completely rids himself of his underwear and pants. He gathers up his clothes and sets them on the outside of the trap.

Just the sight of Cas undressing for him is pushing Dean farther along. He can feel his ass cheeks part a bit all on their own, along with a hot rushing sensation to the area. He reaches a hand back and when he says, “I’m wet… again,” just admitting it to himself is a huge turn on. His dick gets harder and his ass clenches, then oozes some more cum with the release, slicking him up for his lover. The incubus practically shudders and whispers intensely, _“Cas, I need you, now!”_

The angel looks like he doesn’t know what to do, holding his hands out to the sides awkwardly. Dean spins around on his ass til he’s in front of Cas, facing away from him. He wants to feel Cas’ strong arms around him and the warmth of his body around his back. Cas quickly gets with the program, breathing hard as the pheromones continue to work on him. He holds Dean from behind and they quickly maneuver to join. The moment Cas slides his dick into Dean’s waiting asshole, the incubus sighs with contented relief. _“Yessssssss, that’s it, Cas._ Now fuck me like you mean it!” Dean winks a green eye over his shoulder and the angel’s eyes flash blue with grace for a second. “Oh shit!” is all Dean gets out before the angel is practically pounding him into the floor with superhuman strength.

“Fuck, yes, Cas, go!” Dean encourages, nearly laughing to himself. In fact, he can feel tears trying to work their way to the corners of his eyes. The angel is really giving it to him, even grunting from the exertion, which is bringing Dean close to the brink, again. He doesn’t want to cum yet, either, so he tries something some girls have done to him in the past. He spins around as quick as he can, turning to face Cas, while keeping his dick inside him. He succeeds in keeping them together, but his foot gets caught up on Cas’ shoulder, preventing a perfect execution of the move. Cas is still very impressed and he only misses a beat out of his rhythm from surprise before he dives in and snuggles up close to Dean’s neck and ear while pounding. “Oh yes,” Dean sighs quietly. The angel looks at him with impossibly blue eyes and their lips join in a delicate kiss.

The contrast between the gentle lovingness of their kiss and the nearly porn star antics of their lower bodies gets to Dean. He’s loving all this far too much. Soon **_he_** starts speaking in tongues, with his legs and arms and tail wrapped around the angel. “I’m yours, Cas, yours. Now and forever,” he says in perfect Enochian. It shocks Cas so much that he halts his rhythm, but the damage is already done. He cums hard into Dean’s ass with startled glowing blue eyes.

“Dean,” Cas says deeply, still shaking from the aftershocks, “you’re one of us, again. If we’re careful, we could be together forever.”

“Yes, Cas, yes!” Dean cries, cumming between them with a heat that surprises him. “I want that, too. You, me, forever.” Dean’s clear green eyes are sincere as he stares into the angel’s; which flare brighter at the words. As Dean’s ass clenches Cas’ cock, their mouths meet in a searing kiss.

 


	97. Chapter 97

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ["Let her talk about the things you can't explain. To touch is to heal; to hurt is to steal. If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel -- on your knees, boy!" "One day you'll look back and you'll see where you were held, how by this love, while you could stand it, you could move on this moment, follow this feeling! It's alright, it's alright, alright; she moves in mysterious ways."](https://youtu.be/TxcDTUMLQJI)

_Soon **he**  starts speaking in tongues, with his legs and arms and tail wrapped around the angel. “I’m yours, Cas, yours. Now and forever,” he says in perfect Enochian. It shocks Cas so much that he halts his rhythm, but the damage is already done. He cums hard into Dean’s ass with startled glowing blue eyes._

_“Dean,” Cas says deeply, still shaking from the aftershocks, “you’re one of us, again. If we’re careful, we could be together forever.”_

_“Yes, Cas, yes!” Dean cries, cumming between them with a heat that surprises him. “I want that, too. You, me, forever.” Dean’s clear green eyes are sincere as he stares into the angel’s; which flare brighter at the words. As Dean’s ass clenches Cas’ cock, their mouths meet in a searing kiss._

Cas’ wing whips out, whacking Dean in the foot with its “rose thorn” projections. _“Ouch, shit!”_   Dean shouts, yanking his foot away, but he stops when he sees just how bright Cas’ grace is glowing and how fast the sparkles are swirling within it. _“Cas…”_ he whispers in awe and the grace flares brighter. The angel, on the other hand, isn’t interested in an interruption just now. Dean took his legs off of Cas’ shoulders to see his wing better, but Cas is still floating on the high that Dean wants to be with him forever, too. When Dean lowers his legs to Cas’ waist, the angel grabs his thighs and pulls him flush to his body, driving his only slightly softening cock straight into the incubus’ prostate. Dean isn’t sure if he sees stars or just the afterimages of the sparkles in Cas’ wing, but it brings him back to the physical. The incubus pulls Cas even closer to himself with his legs and breathes, “Stay inside me, Cas. Let’s stay together as one for a little while longer.”

Neither of them see it, but Cas’ grace burns even brighter as he sighs, “Oh yes!” before kissing Dean deeply. Cas goes deeper and deeper into Dean and there’s no breathing for either of them. While the demon is loving it, he still doesn’t feel joined enough to Cas to be satisfied. The incubus snakes his tail up Cas’ ass, so they’re joined in yet another way. But even this isn’t enough. Dean is desperately yearning for Castiel – _the real Castiel_.  Subconsciously, he reaches out for his grace and starts slowly smoking into him during their kiss. Being a demon, Dean doesn’t need permission to enter Cas’ vessel.

When Cas realizes what Dean’s doing, his first inadvertent thought is he could’ve done this with April, too. Being partially inside of Cas’ meat suit, Dean has access to the thoughts in his brain and jerks back and opens his eyes, breaking the kiss. And that’s when he sees it.

Somehow, he sees both Cas and himself in separate images. Both of them have black eyes and demon smoke by their mouths. In a panic, Dean instinctually draws his soul back into himself and sees the smoke going into his own mouth until it’s out of Cas’ – then he just sees Cas, who blinks and thankfully has his gorgeous blue eyes, again. Dean was dumbfounded by his simultaneous dual vision and held still watching. But when the image of himself disappears and he can see normally, again, he roughly pushes himself back from Cas with his hands on the angel’s shoulders and pants in confused fear, **“Cas? What?!”** He glances around quickly and absent-mindedly, before his eyes go back to the angel, who’s now wearing a confused and concerned look.

“Dean, what’s wrong? Why did you stop?” the angel asks.

“What? Stop what? What the fuck _was_ that, Cas?!” the frightened demon asks.

Cas’ brow furrows in confusion, “What do you mean?” he asks, sitting up straighter, though his body is still joined with Dean’s.

“What the fuck just happened, Cas? I saw you with black eyes and I saw myself at the same time and…” Dean trails off when he sees the look of amusement on Cas’ face. “What’s so fucking funny?”

“Didn’t you know you were entering my vessel?” Cas asks.

“What?” Dean blurts, dumbfounded.

Castiel nearly laughs, which Dean doesn’t appreciate. He takes his hands and tail from the angel, crossing his arms in front of his chest. He leaves Cas’ dick inside himself, though. With the withdrawl of his tail, Cas realizes just how upset Dean is and becomes appropriately serious. “You were smoking into me through our kiss. You didn’t know?”

 _ **“No, I didn’t know!”**_   Dean almost yells in exasperation. “I had no idea what was going on. I was going to yell at you for thinking that… _wait.”_   At the realization he was reading Cas’ thoughts, Dean becomes calmer with curiosity. He thinks back to their kiss and does remember longing to reach out and touch the real Cas. He must’ve started smoking into him about then. Dean’s brow narrows and asks, “But why were **_your_**   eyes black?”

“Because you were looking through them,” Cas replies.

Dean’s brows go up when he understands, impressed he did all that without really even trying. “So that’s why I could see both myself and you? Cause I was looking through both of our eyes at the same time?”

“Yes,” Cas answers simply.

 _“Huh.”_   After a moment of being lost in thought, Dean’s whole demeanor changes. He looks at Cas with loving, yet sad and scared eyes. _“I thought…”_   he has to take a breath to calm himself before going on and Cas can feel the tension rise in the demon’s body. “I thought for a second that your eyes had been burned out. It looked like it,” Dean says with a pained look, breathing a bit hard.

Cas pulls Dean close to himself in a lingering hug and rubs his back soothingly as he croons, “No, no, my love, it’s alright; I’m fine.”

The gentleness breaks the demon down a little and he has to fight back a sob. “If anything ever happened to you, again, Cas, I wouldn’t survive it.” He hugs the angel tightly, then moves so he can look him in the eye, “Especially if it was because of me.”


	98. Chapter 98

_The gentleness breaks the demon down a little and he has to fight back a sob. “If anything ever happened to you, again, Cas, I wouldn’t survive it.” He hugs the angel tightly, then moves so he can look him in the eye, “Especially if it was because of me.”_

Cas suddenly lets go of Dean and moves, indicating he wants Dean to get up. “What are you doing?” the demon asks at the angel’s abrupt movements.

“I have to go,” Cas announces.

“What? No!” the incubus protests. “Why?”

Despite his protests, Dean gets up, uncoupling himself from the angel. He grabs the paper towels to prevent as much of a mess as before.

“I have a nine-hour drive to make,” Cas confesses cryptically.

“Cas, what the fuck are you talking about?” the demon asks, as he wipes his body with the paper towels.

“I know where some of my grace is and I need to get it,” the angel reveals.

“Great!” Dean says excitedly, “Let’s go!”

“Dean,” Cas intones, “I am not taking you with me. You are not well enough to be let out of the bunker, yet.”

“The bunker, huh? Well, what about this fucking room? Can I take a shower before you leave, if you chaperone me?” the incubus asks. Cas quickly places two fingers in the middle of Dean’s forehead, instantly cleaning him up with his grace, before the demon even knows what hit him. “Cas! What the fuck?! What did I tell you about only using your grace for emergencies?”

“Now I _have to_   go,” Cas smirks.

“Damn it, Cas!” the demon bellows.

“I’m sorry, my love, but it’s for the best. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Cas cajoles.

Dean’s demeanor changes and he drops to his knees in front of the naked angel. “Please don’t go, Cas,” he pleads, lightly licking the angel’s flagging cock. “I’ll make it worth your while to stay,” the incubus purrs before licking more intensely.

“Dean! No, I… I have to go…” the angel tries to protest, despite the pleasure he’s feeling.

“Do you have to go right this minute?” the incubus inquires, gazing up with beautiful emerald eyes through golden lashes.

“No… I guess not…” the angel falters.

“Good,” the demon responds, taking the angel’s plumping cock fully into his mouth and sucking steadily until he brings him to hardness.


	99. Chapter 99

_Dean’s demeanor changes and he drops to his knees in front of the naked angel. “Please don’t go, Cas,” he pleads, lightly licking the angel’s flagging cock. “I’ll make it worth your while to stay,” the incubus purrs before licking more intensely._

_“Dean! No, I… I have to go…” the angel tries to protest, despite the pleasure he’s feeling._

_“Do you have to go right this minute?” the incubus inquires, gazing up with beautiful emerald eyes through golden lashes._

_“No… I guess not…” the angel falters._

_“Good,” the demon responds, taking the angel’s plumping cock fully into his mouth and sucking steadily until he brings him to hardness._

Once the head of Cas’ cock breaches his foreskin, Dean starts rolling his tongue as he sucks. This hidden talent nearly drives Cas out of his mind. He grabs the demon’s head, causing Dean to pray, “Yes, move my head. Command me, Cas,” breaking down the angel’s usual composure. He wraps his hands around Dean’s horns, rubbing them hard with his thumbs, causing the incubus to hum in pleasure and approval. The added vibration completely deteriorates what’s left of the angel’s self-control and he starts fucking Dean’s face – _hard._ He looks down with glowing blue eyes and sees Dean’s nose smashing up against his body, disappearing underneath his black pubes, over and over again. It gives the angel perverted pleasure to see that perfect face pulverized into his pubic region. They’ve worked up such a hard and fast rhythm that Cas’ balls swing forward and whack Dean underneath the chin with each stroke. The demon wraps his left arm around Cas’ middle, holding on so he won’t slip off on the backstroke. But, it seems Dean’s a bit distracted as well, because he couldn’t slip off with how tight Cas is gripping his horns – the angel’s knuckles are turning white.

Once Dean relinquished control to Cas, the incubus started jacking himself at the same time, but when Cas picked up the pace, Dean quickly found he needed that hand for leverage to keep himself up on his knees. Instead, he snaked his tail into his own hole and started fucking himself up the ass while Cas fucks his face. Now, the lack of stimulation to his dick is really starting to get to him. He whips his wet tail out of his ass and coils it around his cock, jacking in time with Cas’ forceful strokes. Glancing up at the angel, who Dean thinks looks more like a god at this point, he winks and closes his jaws just a bit, adding some light teeth scraping into the equation. It doesn’t take Cas long to hold Dean’s face to his crotch and cum forcefully down his throat for what seems like an inordinate amount of time. The angel throws his head back and groans loudly with his release, a small smile curling the edges of Dean’s lips as he milks him dry. The pride of tipping Cas over the edge so easily, while being held in place by hands as strong as stone causes Dean to cum as well. His tail flings back and tickles his asshole as he spurts onto Cas’ legs and thighs.

Both beings spent, Cas finds his legs are wobbly after his release and he quickly lets go of Dean’s horns, yelping, _“Dean!”_   as he falls a bit backwards, bending at the waist and breaking his fall with one hand. He looks like a break-dancer executing a move, until he collapses into a messy heap on the floor.

Soon Dean’s perfect face comes into Cas’ view, beautiful and laughing. “Are you ok?” he chuckles.

“More than ok,” Cas grumbles out contentedly from the floor. Dean continues to laugh and offers the angel a hand up. “No, I think I should stay here for awhile,” comes the ancient being’s reply, causing more giggles from the demon.

“I understand. That was… that was… wow,” Dean commiserates.

“Intense,” the angel replies, still laying flat on his back with cum-covered legs.

Dean pops up next to the angel, again, and laughs, “I couldn’t believe it when you started fucking my face!” The angel looks mildly horrified and embarrassed for a second, then laughs.

“I thought you wanted me to?” his gravelly voice asks sincerely, with a touch of concern within.

“Yeah, but I thought you were gonna…” Dean breaks off into throaty laughter, then tries again, “I didn’t think you were gonna go all out!”

“I might have gotten a bit carried away,” Cas says, just barely containing his laughter. He looks beautiful like this: relaxed, happy, sated, and amused. His eyes are twinkling as he grins like the Cheshire Cat.

“Ya think?!” Dean laughs, then rubs a hand down his face in disbelief, still chuckling. “Your balls were hitting my chin; _whap whap whap!”_  They both collapse into a fit of giggles. Coming down, Dean flips onto his back and slides over to snuggle next to Cas on the cold stone floor. Semi-consciously, his tail loops around Cas’ ankle and squeezes, like a little hug.


	100. Chapter 100

_“I might have gotten a bit carried away,” Cas says, just barely containing his laughter. He looks beautiful like this: relaxed, happy, sated, and amused. His eyes are twinkling as he grins like the Cheshire Cat._

_“Ya think?!” Dean laughs, then rubs a hand down his face in disbelief, still chuckling. “Your balls were hitting my chin; whap whap whap!” They both collapse into a fit of giggles. Coming down, Dean flips onto his back and slides over to snuggle next to Cas on the cold stone floor. Semi-consciously, his tail loops around Cas’ ankle and squeezes, like a little hug._

“I think I’m going to have to take a little nap,” Dean says sleepily, eyes closed as he snuggles closer to Cas. “Wait,” he pops up instantly when he thinks of something, “How do you feel?”

Cas’ eyes move around as he assesses his current state of fatigue and he smiles, “Well. I’m not as tired as earlier.”

Dean sits up fully and Cas can tell he’s trying to work something out by the look in his emerald eyes. “When your grace got brighter before, it energized you, too. Why did it do that?”

“Do what?” Cas asks as he sits up and grabs some paper towels to clean off his cum-coated legs. “Get brighter, as you said?”

“Yeah,” Dean says while glancing around Cas’ back, “and it’s even brighter this time! Look, Cas!”

The angel awkwardly cranes his neck around to get a glimpse of his broken wing and he sucks in a breath when he sees it is quite noticeably brighter than the last time he looked. The ‘sparkles’ as Dean calls them are moving much faster, as well. _“Dean,”_   Cas says in confused awe, as he looks at his beloved.

“What is it, Cas?” the incubus says with a concerned look.

“I’m not sure how this could happen. Perhaps there is some kind of energy transference happening between us,” the angel reveals. His eyes go distant as he thinks over the events of the past few days.

Dean laughs, “Yeah, we’re banging now.” Then the demon gets serious, “Wait, do you think that could actually be helping you, Cas?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think just the physical act itself would affect my grace this much. I’m not sure if it’s because you’re an incubus now or what is truly happening,” the angel replies, truly mystified.

Getting down to business, Dean says, “Well, the first time it got brighter was when I touched your wings and got you off. When you got the ‘angel boner,” remember?”

Cas gives a fond, gummy grin, “How could I forget?” The angel appear pleasantly scandalized, remembering their antics from earlier.

Dean huffs a little laugh, but then he resumes his serious demeanor as he asks, “Does my giving you grace-related orgasms re-energize your grace? But I wasn’t touching your wings this time…”

“…so what caused it to get brighter?” Cas finishes Dean’s thought. They look at each other briefly, then Cas looks like he wants to say something, but is embarrassed.

“You want me to touch your wings again, don’t you?” Dean drawls with amused eyes.

“It would let us know if we’re right,” the angel rationalizes with a goofy little grin.

Instantly, Dean is turned on. There’s just something so intimate and sacred about touching Cas’ wings. “Are you sure? You kinda go crazy when I do this?” he asks even as he’s maneuvering into place behind Cas.

“Yes,” Cas breathes in a yearning, dreamy voice. His eyes are closed and his whole face looks serene.

“Ok,” Dean says, but doesn’t immediately move to touch them. He looks at them, first, studying the grace and it’s movement. As he readies himself to gently skim his fingers over the main bone, he feels privileged to be allowed to touch Cas in this way. Not just to touch an angel’s actual wings, but to please Cas so intimately and deeply. The level of trust Cas must have for him to expose himself in this way… Dean doesn’t even finish his thought before Cas’ wings brighten up and the sparkles swirl faster in front of his eyes. “Cas!” Dean says excitedly, “Look!”

Cas turns his head and looks at his wing, noticing the grace has indeed been made stronger. He scrunches his brow and looks at the demon, “But you didn’t even touch me, yet,” he says.

“I know; I don’t get it, either,” Dean replies. “I was just thinking about how… heh,” he trails off in bashfulness.

Cas scoots around so he’s facing Dean. “What were you thinking about?”

Dean nearly closes his eyes and moves his head down a bit, embarrassed. “I, uh, heheh. I just was thinking about what an honor it is you let me do this to you, heh, and… uh, it got brighter.”

Cas asking quietly, with a little beautiful smile, “You feel honored to touch me?”

“Your wings,” Dean mumbles, then corrects, “Well, yeah, I do. All of you.” He’s actually turned a light shade of red from the tips of his ears down to his chest from embarrassment.

 _“Dean,”_ Cas intones lovingly and moves to hug the demon. Dean slides his head onto Cas’ shoulder and hugs him gently, then a little tighter, smiling all the while.


	101. Chapter 101

_Dean nearly closes his eyes and moves his head down a bit, embarrassed. “I, uh, heheh. I just was thinking about what an honor it is you let me do this to you, heh, and… uh, it got brighter.”_

_Cas asks quietly, with a little beautiful smile, “You feel honored to touch me?”_

_“Your wings,” Dean mumbles, then corrects, “Well, yeah, I do. All of you.” He’s actually turned a light shade of red from the tips of his ears down to his chest from embarrassment._

_“Dean,”_ _Cas intones lovingly and moves to hug the demon. Dean slides his head onto Cas’ shoulder and hugs him gently, then a little tighter, smiling all the while._

When Dean opens his eyes before withdrawing from the hug, he’s practically face to face with Cas’ grace. He looks at the sparkles swirling amid the brighter glow and his heart feels lighter. _Maybe everything will be okay?_ he thinks. _Maybe **I** can heal Cas and stop him from becoming human?  _ “Cas?” Dean asks, causing the angel to release him from the hug so they can look at each other. “Do you think _I_   could heal you enough so you wouldn’t have to go looking for more of your grace?”

“I’m not sure. It would definitely save us some time and trouble, but I’m still unclear how you are affecting my grace. You said you felt honored to touch me and it got brighter without you even touching it. What were you feeling the first time it got brighter?”

The demon puts a bent finger to his lower lip, brow furrowing, as he tries to remember. The end of his tail flicks back and forth slowly like the pendulum of a clock as he thinks. “I remember being awed looking at your grace. I didn’t feel worthy to touch it, yet you really wanted me to,” Dean says.

“Awe! That might be it, Dean!” Cas interjects excitedly, eyes wide.

“What? Really? Why?” the confused demon asks.

“All spiritual beings draw power from the belief of other beings,” Cas explains.

“Okay, so my being awestruck by your grace powered you up?” the incubus asks with a lowered brow.

“I believe so. I’m just surprised it had that much of an affect on me,” the angel answers, still considering. He glances over at the demon and sees him somewhat smirking. “What?”

“Could it be because of our ‘profound bond’?” Dean grins.

Cas stills, considering Dean’s words, then asks, “You mean because I love you so much?”

The words take the incubus aback for a moment, but then he smiles a bit bashfully and adds, “And because I love you, too?”

Cas quickly turns to look at his wing and sees that it does indeed brighten a bit from their loving exchange. “Dean, it’s working! Tell me you love me, again!”

“What, really?!” the stunned demon yelps, quickly moving to see Cas’ wing for himself. “Well I’ll be damned,” he exclaims when he sees it is a bit brighter than before.

“Unfortunately, yes,” Cas snarks, causing Dean to huff a little laugh.

“I love you, Cas,” Dean says awkwardly to the wing, which doesn’t change. “What the Hell?” comes the demon’s disappointed reply.

“I think you have to mean it, Dean,” Cas admonishes.

“I **_do_**   mean it!” the demon protests.

“I mean, I think you have to _feel_   it; not just say the words,” the angel explains.

“Oh, okay,” the demon replies. He readies himself, staring intently at Cas’ wing, then his face softens. He looks at Cas’ face, then takes the angel in his arms, again and says, while staring into the angel’s gorgeous blue eyes, “Cas, I love you so fucking much, sometimes it scares me,” then seals his words with a loving kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to continue this in my next work, "You Look Like an Angel," right where I left off here. 101 Chapters is getting a bit long, don't y'all think? Don't worry, I'm not done, yet! ;D
> 
> The continuation of Grippped is here: [You Look Like an Angel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709626/chapters/36513285).


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